His eyes snap open when he feels someone joggling his arm. Damon quickly straightens his posture, excusing himself for startling the way he did. "Sir? Your wife is awake if you want to see her?" one of the nurses he saw taking care of Elena addresses him. He nods shortly, but his heart skips a beat. "Thank you."
How can he face her?
He knows she must be as devastated as he is and that he's supposed to be by her side be her supportive husband but... he just can't. Every time he thinks about her he loses it. He's fucking losing it because he remembers how vehemently he begged her to stay home, not to risk her or their daughter's life. And now she's... The nurse gives him a sympathetic look and he can't stand it. He doesn't want to lash out at her so he skirts around the woman and darts into the stairwell.
He finds a bench outside and sits down, finding himself staring into the hospital park. It's peaceful. It certainly isn't a reflection of how he feels inside, everything is a mess. His heart and head are a chaotic maelstrom. Rationally he knows she did nothing wrong but he can't think that way now, he can't seem to make sense of it. He doesn't want to fail her but he doesn't want to go up there and say something he knows that he'll regret later either.
And so he stays there for more than an hour trying to figure out what he can say. He's never felt so numb. He didn't ask for this. Maybe their pregnancy just wasn't meant to be... Just like their marriage...
When he finally finds the courage to go to her, she's sleeping. He stays with her, pets her hand but when she starts to stir, he hurries out of the room.
Waking up with a start, Damon's eyes fly open. He stares at the pebbled ceiling watching the play of light from the thunderstorm outside. He sits up and drops his face into his hands. Of course he'd relive this old dream. It's the same one that plagued him for weeks after she came home from the hospital. He still had trouble looking at her without imagining what could have been. Maybe they just wasn't meant to be?
The little bits and pieces from the past keep coming back to Damon for the rest of the weekend. He is even forced to struggle with his emotions more than once. Not only that but he had to push "ignore" on a couple of Vanessa's calls because he was simply in no shape to talk to her. Most of the memories are from the weeks following the accident. Damn Ric for asking if he blamed her?
When Elena was finally discharged and came home from the hospital, the chasm only widened, they simply didn't talk about her or anything else. She wanted to, he knows she did but he always found an excuse that he was busy or he'd leave saying he had a meeting. Usually he'd end up dead drunk at some bar but when he found himself giving a fleeting thought to going home with a strange woman, he sobered up quickly. As bad as things were between him and Elena, cheating would have made it a million times worse. He may be a lot of things but he could never have done that to her, it would have been unforgiveable.
Despite him sobering up, things didn't get better at home. Elena was extra jumpy and hesitant. Anything and everything he said resulted in a flood of tears leaking from her eyes. Finally their ability to communicate all but evaporated. He couldn't watch her cry anymore so he would avoid her, writing late into the night, falling asleep on the couch in his den, often not joining her in their bed. In hindsight, he's not at all proud of how he acted during those weeks and months leading up to Elena's departure, her escape... Escape.
Still it doesn't mean that what she did was right. Maybe if they had talked, if he had told her how much he really did care? We hurt the ones we love the most.
"It's water under the bridge now," he says aloud to no one.
He talks to Vanessa on Saturday but she's with her sister and parents for the weekend. Their conversation is entirely unsatisfying so he cuts the call short. He tries to write and do some research on his laptop but his spirit isn't in it. Eventually, feeling irritated, edgy and restless, he finally gives up. Hell, he needs a stiff drink so he throws on a pair of jeans and tee shirt and goes downstairs to the hotel cocktail bar where he spends his evening with an endless glass of bourbon.
When the alarm clock starts blaring on Monday morning he's incredibly grateful that the weekend is finally over. He jumps out of bed and gets dressed, grateful to have something to do. He's giving another lecture followed by a Q & A. As much as he hates some of their inane questions, it's better than wallowing in this room being bombarded by unpleasant memories.
He walks in front of the mirror to take a last look before he leaves, he's pleased that he can finally focus on things that matter in his life now. Before he walks out of his suite, he calls home to wish Vanessa good luck for the day. When he gets downstairs, he goes into the cafeteria to have some breakfast and a pot of stiff coffee. He finishes with plenty of time to get to the Cal State University campus.
The day goes well, exceeding his expectations. Somehow he knew it would but it still didn't quite measure up to the one he had last Thursday. It was a good day nevertheless. He reaches down to take a swallow of water, announcing one last question before he puts the bottle to his mouth. When someone yells out, his head snaps to the person asking.
"Have you ever been married Dr. Salvatore?"
"Sorry, Mr...?"
"Atticus Shane, Celebrity magazine."
Damon slowly chuckles along with some people in the audience. He doesn't want to answer so he tries to stall the annoying reporter.
"I'm flattered, Mr. Shane that I'm now considered a celebrity..., but I really don't think your question has anything to do with the material we discussed here today. Last one!" He turns away from the reporter and after answering one last question, he hurries off the stage to try to make a getaway before Shane catches up to him. All of his senses are on alert and well aware of the nosy scribbler's presence.
Not surprisingly when Damon leaves the building, Atticus is waiting nearby.
"What do you want?" Damon doesn't bother with a polite tone, the guy has no business trying to pry into his personal life.
"I'm sorry Mr. Salvatore, I was just hoping to ask you a favor."
Damon looks at him skeptically.
"I would like you to pass on my apologies to Miss Gilbert, you know, for the other day. I didn't mean to intrude your evening or trespass on her property. I happened to be in her neighborhood and I couldn't let the opportunity pass. My boss is a son of a..."
"Ehm.. Quite frankly, Mr. Shane, I find that hard to believe. Surely you got a few points for being in her neighborhood in the first place. I rather doubt your magazine offices are located in that area of Malibu."
"Well, um, I may have rented a place in her neighbor... But the point is, I'd be very grateful if you would be so kind as to pass on my sincerest apologies. She's a nice lady unlike Mr. St. John but of course I can't blame him either. Will you, professor? Please? When you're such good friends..."
"And you still keep fishing... ?" Damon points out, raising an eyebrow at him. You know better Damon. He pauses for a few moments. "Alright Mr. Shane, I'll tell her that you're sorry but if you ever bother her again, I will take very much pleasure in kicking your sorry ass into next week. As you aptly put it, she's a nice lady and doesn't deserve this crap. Are we clear?"
Shane nods his acceptance, Damon returns the gesture and leaves him behind. As soon as he reaches his car, he crawls in and drops his forehead against the steering wheel. What could have possessed him to stick up for Elena?
"Are you sure you're going to be alright, El?" Enzo looks doubtful but Elena certainly doesn't need him to babysit her 24/7, even the most functional of relationships need a break every once in awhile. And when it's also about working together, the last thing she wants is to suffocate him by her constant presence.
"It's just two days Enzo, I'm certain I can handle it," she rolls her eyes, although she knows he won't buy the act. She will miss him and the sense of safety he provides. However, she's not some fragile flower though that's going to wilt and dry up.
"Ok, I know you won't change your mind here, but you should wait with the soul-searching until I get back. Your professor has waited this long, he can wait a little longer."
"You're incorrigible."
"You love it..." he winks, "but seriously, if you need some company while I'm gone, call Kol. He'll be more than happy to follow you around like a lost little puppy."
Elena laughs and smacks Enzo's bottom. "Now you're just being mean. And jealous!"
Enzo sticks his tongue out at her and dodges the pillow she throws at him. "Oh, and Elena, if that slimy journalist so much as sticks his nose where it doesn't belong, just call the police."
Despite the reassurances, Elena knows it won't be easy with all the memories coming back, but she feels much better after the weekend they spent with her mother. Miranda has always had a sixth sense, knowing what her daughter was going through without Elena needing to say a word. She tried to convince them to stay a few more days but because she had some previously scheduled interviews planned for the middle of the week, they just couldn't stay.
Instead Enzo promised her that they would come back soon. They said their goodbyes on Monday morning and she was already calling Enzo before they walked in the door of their home. Elena smiles, she's so lucky to have her mom.
She stands by the floor to ceiling window watching him drive away. Just before he's out of her field of vision, he flashes his lights and waves. Sighing mentally, Elena straightens the curtain and takes a deep breath. I can't put it off any longer.
She reaches for her phone and pushes his icon, identified simply as "Professor" and sits back comfortably, waiting for him to pick up the call.
The ring tone rouses Damon from a light slumber, the TV really doesn't provide anything stimulating for a decent, well educated man like himself. He stretches and then sits up so he can pick it up. His first mistake is not checking the caller ID. The cheerful voice on the other end of the line is the last one he wants to hear right now.
"Hey Damon?"
"Enzo," returns Damon unenthusiastically. He rolls his eyes and sits up a big straighter.
"Look.. I just wanted to have a word with you. I have to be away for a few days. Unfortunately I can't postpone my business. As such, it's entirely possible that Elena will be crazy enough to try to arrange another meeting with you. The reason I called is that you need to know that just because I won't be around doesn't mean that I won't hunt you down and make your life miserable, meaning, I will hurt you... if you upset her. You got that?"
He grimaces, "Hmmm? It seems that someone, namely you, is feeling a little insecure?" Damon pauses waiting for Enzo to retort but he says nothing. He drops his forehead into his hand in frustration before adding, "Don't fret, Enzo. I'm not going to make any moves on your girl... it's not my style... not anymore."
Does he sound bitter? Damn it Damon, pull yourself together.
"You know professor, one of these days I'm going to sit you down and explain in terms that even you can understand, all the ways that you're an idiot. But right now, I have to end our little chat, I have a plane to catch. Bye Damon," he sing songs before hanging up.
Somehow he miraculously stops himself from cursing out loud. He throws the phone on the couch then gets up to make himself a stiff drink. After taking a long pull he refills it, makes himself comfortable and tries to close his eyes but the specter of Enzo keeps disturbing the peace he seeks in his dreams.
Enzo has one of Elena's bags slung over his shoulder, her larger suitcase is on the floor next to him. They size up each other. The normally chatty Enzo looks like a stormy night and doesn't say a word. Elena comes down with another bag that Enzo silently takes from her hand and turns to the door.
"You're going to do it aren't you? You're really going to leave with him?"
"Please don't make this harder than it already is." She looks at him with those big sad doe eyes of hers. They still hold so much power over him.
"If you walk out of that door..." Damon threatens, gesturing at it with a slight turn of his head.
"I'm sorry Damon, I can't stay with you for another minute. I'm dying here. And you're not happy either. I know you want to deny it but deep down, you know it's for the best too."
Damon tries to stop her one more time but Enzo, who in the meantime had put Elena's luggage into his car, steps in his way.
"You've been waiting for this, haven't you? Don't try to deny it. I'm no fool, Enzo. You're like a scurvy little spider spinning your little web. You lie in wait for the fly to get caught. And when the moment presented itself, you pounced. Suddenly you're the knight in shining armor swooping in to rescue her from her nutty professor."
"You, professor, lost the right to say anything. She's no longer your concern." Enzo slams the front door, closing off the only connection between Elena and himself.
Having just barely drifted off from the effects of his bourbon, Damon slowly awakens to yet another phone call. Unbelievable! He grabs it, luckily he takes a look at who's calling him.
"Elena," he acknowledges, "you're home?"
Taken aback by his frosty greeting, Elena feels her heart pounding in her throat. She's no coward though, she will go through with what needs to be done.
"Yeah, I thought I'd let you know. We arrived this afternoon and I was wondering if you perhaps wanted to..."
"Sure, it is high time to... never mind. I just woke up. What time would you like me to come?"
"I thought maybe tomorrow..."
"I have a lesson in the morning but I'm free in the afternoon."
"Okay? I'll be waiting..."
"How is your mother?" Damon finds himself asking.
"She's good, thank you. She keeps herself busy, leading a special program for kids with special needs, still teaching her beloved drawing courses. She woke up about two years ago and found a new home at Hawaii. Can't believe it's been already two years since the nightmare ended..."
Nightmare... how perfectly apropos. He could say the same about the state of their marriage. Although the biting comment is sitting on the tip of his tongue, Damon chokes it back. He doesn't want to upset her over the phone so he swallows his hurt and expresses how glad he is that Miranda is doing well. He's prepared to end the call when Elena speaks up again.
"How are your lectures going?"
They end up talking for another hour.
Laying on her belly with her arms over her head, Elena shifts to try to sleep a little longer. She yawns and rolls onto her back, opening her eyes to look at the ceiling above her. She stretches her limbs, surprised at how refreshed she feels. If she had any nightmares, she doesn't remember them. It's early but when she hears a cupboard close, she knows Angela must be getting her supplies from the pantry. She's a wonderful older woman that they met when she and Enzo donated clothes and toys to a women's shelter.
Elena spent nearly the whole afternoon visiting with her while Enzo played with the children. She'll never get that picture out of her mind, her man sitting on the floor, letting the little ones crawl all over him. Although he doesn't know it, she has a few pictures saved away just in case. The thought puts a smile on her face.
With Elena and Enzo's help, they found Angela and her daughter an apartment that they could afford with the paycheck Elena gives her. She comes in three times a week to not only clean but she always, always makes them a delicious breakfast. Elena feels her belly rumble at the thought. After stretching once more, she gets out of bed and goes into the bathroom to shower and get dressed.
She throws her hair into a messy bun then trots down the stairs to get a cup of coffee. Elena goes straight to the cupboard to get herself a mug. When the older woman looks over her shoulder, Elena smiles. "Good morning, Angela."
"Morning, Miss Elena. I haven't seen Mr. Enzo yet? Is he gone?"
"Yes, he's away for a few days. Thank you," she adds excitedly as Angela slides a full plate in front of her. Elena's eyes widen and her mouth waters when she sees her egg white omelet. It's filled with ham, peppers, onions, tomatoes and bits of cheese. Also on the plate is fresh cantaloupe. Elena digs in, licking her lips and closing her eyes as the flavors explode on her taste buds. She swallows it down and notices how Angela is watching her like a hawk to make sure she eats enough. Elena smiles mentally. She won't disappoint her, she's terribly hungry after she left out dinner last night. Luckily, Elena has a speedy metabolism and has never had a hard time keeping her figure. Quite honestly, she'd rather give up her career than stop eating her favorite things.
"Delicious!" she grins at Angela, who looks pleased.
When she gets up to put her dishes in the sink, she notices the time. It's only 8am, the clock is moving so slowly. Elena tries to decide how to distract herself till Damon gets here in the afternoon. She could lounge around the swimming pool and sip a margarita but somehow she knows that drinking will be counterproductive plus she'd have too much time to think about the conversation that's awaiting her when he arrives. She could take Enzo's advice and call Kol but then she'd have her hands full should he and Damon cross paths again. She could stop at the Mikaelsons' or call a friend. None of those things sound right though. She's doing this to come to terms with her past, seeking distractions won't help anything.
Checking the clock one more time, she starts walking to her room. "Angela? I'll be back in a few hours."
Fearing she'll draw more attention to herself if she shows up wearing a wide hat and sunglasses, Elena instead puts her hair in a tight bun. She finds a pair of light toned glasses that she wore for a role once and slips them on. She looks in the mirror, her makeup is very natural, the final touch being a pinky nude lipstick. Her goal is to appear intellectual and so she chooses a skirt with a jacket and short heels.
Once she has her look together, she drives to the auditorium where Damon is scheduled to give his lecture. Elena sneaks into the room, losing herself among the last of the guests that are piling in.
She was worried that there wouldn't be any tickets left but luckily she manages to snag one. Her seat is about three quarters of the way back from the stage. She feels safe that no one will recognize an A list actress at such a place, she's wearing the skin of a snobby, erudite professor. It's not hard for her to slip into a role like this. She's married to one after all.
The lighting changes precisely on time, Professor Salvatore arrives on scene and Elena can already feel he power of his presence. A few guests start whispering but the moment Damon walks on stage and takes the microphone, the audience is his.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Thank you all for taking the time out of your day to come to my presentation."
Damon pauses when applause silences him. When it dies down, he starts his lecture.
"Inferno is the first part of Dante Alighieri's 14th-century epic poem Divine Comedy. It is followed by Purgatorio and Paradiso. As you know the Inferno tells the journey of Dante through Hell, guided by the ancient Roman poet Virgil. In the poem, Hell is depicted as nine concentric circles of torment located within the Earth; it is the "realm... of those who have rejected spiritual values by yielding to bestial appetites or violence, or by perverting their human intellect to fraud or malice against their fellowmen." As an allegory, the Divine Comedy represents the journey of the soul toward God, with the Inferno describing the recognition and rejection of sin."
Damon stops to take a drink of water and then continues his presentation.
Elena finds herself sucked into his theme, he knows how to keep his audience attentive, she's certain that this amazing ability accounts for at least half of his success. There's a short pause before eleven o'clock but most guests stay in their places eager for more. He knows how to mesmerize and she can't help but believe that most of them are afraid they'll miss even a small portion of his show if they leave for a bathroom break or a soda or something to snack on.
Elena pulls out a scratchpad, pretends to write notes and ignores those surrounding her in case anyone would want to chat. She still keeps stealing glances at people who came to listen to Damon speak. Right before the break is over she sinks deeper into the chair as she notices two well known figures close to the stage. How could she forget that Elijah wanted to go to one of these? But Kol joining him? That's a shock to her system.
The last thing she wants is to attract their attention. Given the fact that they are both doing the same, keeping a low profile, it won't be much of a problem for her. During the Q and A session she's holds her breath a few times, because there are questions coming from people who are sitting close to her. If he'd happen to notice her by accident... Fortunately for her he never lays eyes on her but she doubts that he would recognize her anyway.
By the end of the event Elena feels irrationally proud and excited for Damon, this is what he worked for, this is what he loves doing. She even considers picking him up, now that he's done here... and then her mind takes her to another lecture, another moment when she felt enchanted by her scholarly professor.
Elena claps her hands enthusiastically, so proud of his success. It's his first solo lecture, many representatives from different universities present and she knows more will follow. The good professors are already booking dates for future lectures at other universities all across the USA. He may get the grant that he's talked about endlessly, the Paris one which would allow him to study the Louvre's treasures for an extended period of time. She feels so proud of him and his accomplishments, this is his dreams coming true.
She gets up as the rest of the people start leaving the room, some coming to the stage to shake Damon's hand or have a few words with the young talented scholar so she waits till the crowd thins out and until he finishes chatting with just several of his colleagues. She likes watching him in his environment. He's different, like... more himself? This is actually not a reassuring thought. Is he himself more when he's not with her?
He notices her presence and comes over, surprise written all over his face.
"Elena, what are you doing here?"
"How can you even ask?" she replies, her eyes sparkling. "It was amazing Damon, I am so proud, it was a phenomenal success!"
Damon gives her a faint smile. "Thank you, it was good... I thought you weren't supposed to be back until tomorrow?"
Elena's beaming smile dims a little. "I wanted to surprise you, of course I wouldn't miss your first solo lecture. If it's inconvenient..."
"No, no, of course not... Tell you what. You must be tired and you need to take care of yourself," his eyes glance to her still flat stomach. "Take a taxi home and get some rest, I'll be there as soon as I'm able to get out of here? There's a short reception but I won't be later than six and then, my love, we can have a quiet evening just the two of us?"
Elena nods and shivers when she feels his fingers tips gently squeeze her arm. He's already turning back to the professors and other scientists that are standing nearby to have a word with him.
No, he wouldn't be pleased if she just showed up. There won't be any introductions between the people in his world and hers.
So in the same manner she came, she quietly slips out of the room without looking back.
Don't hate Damon. Men deal with grief differently, people deal with grief differently. I know it appears so but the baby wasn't the only source of their troubles, you get a hint of that at the end of the chapter. And Damon's thoughts are correct, 'We do hurt the ones we love the most'.
Eva and I want to thank you all so very much, we're awed and grateful for your reviews, follows and favorites. You surprise us and inspire us to keep writing stories.
Thank you Eva. You're the best.
Chapter title: 'Old Wounds' by Belmont.
I did post the first chapter of, "The Children's Blizzard." It's based on a snow storm that hit the great plains, pre statehood South Dakota and Nebraska in 1888.
Many dear friends have stories in progress. Mariah April May has two: 'The Devil's Obsession' and 'Marry Me Instead'. Florencia7 has authored many fantastic DE stories. JustiniaKorax: 'The Things She Felt While He Was Gone'. Salvatoreboys4ever: 'Captive of Her Beauty'. TheLittle MissVixen: 'Before The Devil Knows You're Dead'. Short on words: 'A Wonderful Lie'. VitsAsh: 'Stumbling Upon'. Deepwater1978 is back and brilliant as ever with 'Lady Boss'. Mandzipop is writing her own versions of S4 & 5. StarlightSo and Amazing Aisha are among so many others who are helping to keep Damon and Elena alive and prospering through their stories.
I hope you all have a fantastic day and a wonderful weekend.