Disclaimer: I (sadly) don't own anything!
I got home late after taking a drive after I saw Carlisle.
Damon was eating dinner with my father and I gave them both a kiss on the cheek. They were talking about a Mariner's game and I smiled at how well they got along. I was glad that dating Damon didn't hurt their relationship, it was so different; better. Dad never liked Edward and I think he's happy I'm not with him still, despite all his attempts at getting back with me.
I remember when we told dad that Damon and I were dating. He had asked so many questions, most of which I had no answer too. Damon of course had all the answers because dad shook his hand after the talk and told him to treat me right. I was never more embarrassed when he asked if we were having sex and Damon said we were. I wanted to hit him, and I did when we were alone, but I was happy that Damon didn't want to keep secrets with Charlie.
I was still so embarrassed that I went to my room and left Damon to talk alone with Charlie. I didn't hear any fighting and there were no gunshots, so I assumed everything was alright. When Damon came down he was smirking and teasing me. I guess dad thanked him for his honesty and said if I ended up pregnant, he was shooting him. And I'd be grounded for the rest of my life, which didn't concern us...at the time.
He had told dad that he didn't believe I would ever get pregnant if I was with him because vampires couldn't have kids. If they did, there would be a ton of half breeds in the world. Dad asked him if he ever wanted kids, but I stopped listening at that point because, at the time, I wasn't sure I wanted kids. I was enjoying my time with Damon and going to school, and just hanging with my friends.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Damon asked as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. He kissed my neck and I knew he was hungry, the blood I could handle. It surprised the both of us when I told him he could only feed from me and surprised me even more when I enjoyed it. I guess now he'd have to deal with blood bags because there was no way I'd allow him to feed from other people.
I wondered if he could taste a difference in my blood. I know he has commented that my blood was a littler sweeter these days. He also said after he drank, he often felt dizzy and nauseous which we couldn't figure out why…until now. I guess he was getting my morning sickness which was why I wasn't getting it.
"Just thinking about stuff. I've got homework and I'm tired and I'm glad it's Friday." I began washing the dishes, not hungry right now. I needed to collect my thoughts and figure out how I was going to tell him we were going to have a baby in a couple months.
"I know there's more to those thoughts. Stephan said you left the house angry and you weren't picking up your phone all afternoon." He was acting so sweet; the tears came on their own.
"Once I tell you, it'll be over...and I'm not ready for it to be over." I whispered as I finished the dishes. He carefully turned me around and wiped away the tears. He cradled my face in his hands and when I saw the concerned look on his face, more tears game.
"There is nothing you can tell me that'll drive me away." He kissed me sweetly and dad cleared his thought. He hated when we kissed in front of him. But I didn't care because this kiss could be our last, I knew it would end, and soon so would he.
He took me by the hand and we went downstairs. I was careful to not let dad see my tears because then he would start asking a million questions, and he was the last person I wanted to talk to about this. He would most likely blame Damon for the tears and I needed him to understand, Damon was not Edward. And the reason for my tears was not because he hurt me but because I was going to hurt him and then lose him. But it wasn't about that, dad wasn't too good at comforting and would probably make things worse. I loved him for trying at times but even I knew this would be too much for the both of us.
He grabbed my bag for me, so I didn't have to carry anything down to the apartment. Once he dropped my bag off on the couch in the living room, he attacked me with kisses.
One hand was in my hair, holding me tightly to him while our tongues danced, and the other hand was wrapped around my waist and I felt how hard he was. My hands tangled in his hair and held on tight. I needed this, I needed him to love me one last time before it was over. I don't think I would ever forget about him or forget about way he made me feel. And I would make sure our child always knew how much I loved him or her.
My back somehow found the bed, but he didn't try to push for more. He kissed me long and sweet and I had missed this so much. I was a little upset when he didn't try to rip off my clothes even though I had his shirt already unbuttoned and opened for my hands to explore. I guess he was honoring our rule that we never had sex under Charlie's roof. None of us wanted to dishonor him by doing something he disapproved of. Charlie wanted us to be married first and although I didn't think Damon wanted that, I know he promised he would make me an honest woman of me one day.
"Now...please talk to me!" He breathed when he pulled away. He didn't climb from me, so I dug my head into his neck, trying to catch my breath. He did a good job oat distracting me for a minute, the kiss was so sweet, but in a few seconds, I would be crushed.
I laid his hand slowly on my stomach and felt him stiffen. Everything was quiet, and I thought it was a good sign that he was still laying with me, but I was so wrong. I expected many different scenarios, but I never dreamed of the one that happened. He quickly flew across the room and began pacing. I slowly sat up and pulled out the sonogram that I had and laid them on the bed; he didn't touch them but merely stared at them.
"The baby is growing a little faster than normal, so Carlisle wants to keep a close eye on me." I whispered but I don't think he really cared because he didn't even look at me as he walked out the house.
#*#*
I spent the weekend ignoring everyone, I didn't know what to say to any of them. Dad tried to talk to me and no matter what I said, I think he knew something was wrong. I couldn't bring myself to tell him about Damon...or the baby.
On Sunday, I found myself at the cemetery, sitting in front of my aunt's grave.
"Hey, I know I haven't come to see you in a while, but I guess...I guess I couldn't bring myself to it. I miss you so much, you were always like a mother to me and it's hard to see you now." The wind bristled, and I knew she was listening. "I have so much to tell you and I have so much to ask, I wish I could talk to you. You always knew what to say to cheer me up, to make me feel like I belong...because right now I feel so lost." I wiped at the tears that formed in my eyes.
"I found so much happiness here and all because of 1 stupid mistake, I will pay for it. I will lose everything I worked to gain. Dad will most likely be so mad at me even though I know he will stay by my side. I think even mom would move here just to be closer to her grandbaby, she always said she couldn't wait until I got married and had kid of my own. I'm sure Elena and the girls will be excited to have a baby around. The guys I'm sure will be over protective and extra sensitive around me. And I just lost the most important thing I thought I'd ever have; Damon. I think you would like him..."
I continued talking to her for hours. It felt nice to just sit out here and bare my soul. I know she couldn't talk back and answer my questions, but I knew she was here with me, lending me a hand. I told her everything and at certain times, when I didn't know if I could continue, the wind would blow. I knew she was somehow comforting me, telling me it was all ok. I'm sure my uncle was going crazy over all this information, but I knew he loved me no matter what.
"So now I'm pregnant with...I don't even know...and I lost him. I was better off going back to live with Renee, maybe that's what I should do now to save everyone the heartbreak of what is going to happen. They shouldn't have to pick sides, they should just see Damon and I happy. But I'm so tired of running and hiding, I just want to be loved, is that so hard? Why can't I just find someone who loves me for every flaw, every misstep, every bump in the road? Will I ever be happy or just destined for failure in the romance department?" I wiped away more tears and the wind picked up, making my hair twirl all around me. I felt as though my aunt was giving me a hug and honestly it helped so much, but it didn't stop the tears.
It didn't stop the pain.
It didn't stop the rejection.
"Don't cry..." I looked up to the soft voice and was surprised to find Edward standing there, a pained expression on his face.
He picked me up and sat me on his lap and it made me cry harder. He was so cold, and he was not the one I wanted comforting me right now. I know he heard everything I said by the way his wouldn't meet mine. I knew he heard everything because he wasn't trying to do anything but stop the tears and make me feel better.
"I'm...so...sorry" I mumbled between sobs.
Sorry for hurting him. Sorry for running away. Sorry for not ever believing him.
"Don't you ever apologize for being human. For wanting love and trust...and happiness. Yes, it hurts that I can't be that for you, I see that now, but I will not be hurt when all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. I love you Bella, I think I always will, but I'm not the one for you and I see that now." He slowly rubbed my belly and smiled which made me smile. "I will do everything in my power to protect you and this child. You will always have a friend in me Bella and I can name a couple women who will adore this child."
"What am I going to do? I can't tell Charlie..." Edward hugged me and the waterworks stopped before they could start again.
"You'll move out, say you think it's time to be a real college student and you'll move in with us. The house we bought has a guest house and I'm sure Esme will love to remodel it for you. We can add a second bedroom for the baby and..." I hugged him this time. "What...What was that for?"
"Because your still here." I said before yawning. "NO matter what we have been through, your still here. We have both made some mistakes at one point or another, but I'm willing to stay if you are."
"Bella I will always stay. You may not be the future Edward Cullen, but you are a Cullen. We take care of our own and I will always be here for you and your baby. Damon is stupid to have left. But I know he will be back because who can stay away from you long? First me, then Jake, soon Damon. You may feel hurt now and even maybe betrayed…but he will be back, and he will love you twice as bad. Don't give up." I hugged him again and we both laughed before he helped me up and we went our desperate ways. None of us noticing the lone black crow perched on a high branch watching us.