Sorry I broke my promise last chapter. I was surprisingly busy that entire time. I'll try to be more consistent. Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.

Travis Touchdown. You know him, you play his games, you l̶o̶v̶e̶ tolerate him. At least if you're a third-party character you do. Everyone else cannot stand him. He may show some respect and/or humanity from time to time, but deep down, he's still a crude, punkish, immature, and cruel assassin at heart. That can't be changed. Nobody wants to be like him either. That is, until now. It all started with a knock on his door. "Alright, I'm coming! Who the hell could it possibly be, anyway?" That question was soon answered when he opened his door and saw none other than… "Bowser Jr? The hell are YOU doing here?"

"I need someone to act like a better dad to me." Travis was shocked when he heard those words. Never before had he thought anyone would think of him as a father figure. In fact, he was SO shocked, he said, "Sorry, you got the wrong guy." and shut the door. This was soon followed by Bowser Jr. knocking on the door again. "There's no stopping me."

Travis wasn't the only person to have a visitor. Captain Falcon woke up, opened the door to his room, and saw Dark Pit standing there. "What the hell are you doing here? You're not Samus. Get out." He went to close the door, but Dark Pit stopped him. "I need help with a relationship."

"There is no way in hell you have a crush. You're edgy as SHIT!"

"So is she."

"Fine. Take me to her, I'll tell you how to get her." He followed Dark Pit down the hall, with Marth and Roy having overheard. "Why does anyone forget that I'm married?"

"You're married?" came Roy's reply. All it took was a quick tipper F-Smash to shut him up.

Villager was hanging out in the foyer for no reason other than plot convenience when he heard a knock on the door. He went to answer it and saw Isabelle standing there. "Hi, Mr. Mayor! I got a letter from that Master Hand guy you keep writing me about! He wants me in Smash!" Master Hand came into the foyer at that moment. "Holy shit, your voice is so loud and squeaky that I could hear you from my office. Villager, show her around, I do not know how you deal with this bitch." Villager and Isabelle chuckled at this. "PLEASE STOP!" And that's how Villager almost lost his eardrums.

Bowser Jr. and Travis were playing catch when Ninten showed up in the courtyard. "What… exactly is going on here?"

"Bowser Jr. wants ME of all people to be like a father to him. This was the only thing I could think of."

"Not bad for someone like you. Mine and Ness's dad only saved our progress for us. We rarely ever saw them, and when we did, they didn't talk to us. Bowser Jr. is lucky." That's when Travis got an idea. "Call your dad, and get him to help me the hell out." Ninten left and grabbed an iPhone XR. "Seriously? You have that sad excuse for a phone?"

"It'll do its job. he called up his father, who said what he always says. "No, dad, I don't want to save, I want to ask you a favor. My friend needs some advice. Can you come over?" He hung up.

"What did he say?"

"He's on his way here."

Dark Pit and Captian Falcon walked into the arcade. Inside it was Rosalina, Palutena, Lucina, Mii Gunner, and Dark Samus. "Huh. Weird. None of the single girls could be considered edgy." came Captain Falcon's response to this matter.

"All of them are single."

"The three Samuses in this mansion are clearly into-wait a minute. You better not be having a crush on Dark Samus."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not."

"Well if you are, you're gonna get a FALCON PU-ow. Cramp." Captain Falcon held his wrist in pain. "I will kill you, you son of a bitch," he said under his breath as he backed out of the room. Only to hit his shoulder on the doorway. "OW! SHIT!"

"This is the Cafe. All the third parties clones and semi-clones hang out here." Villager was giving Isabelle a tour of the mansion. "Shulk comes down here too, but technically, he's not Nintendo."

"Yes he is," said Waluigi as he walked by.

"Who's that purple string bean?" asked Isabelle. That got Waluigi's attention. Nobody calls him a string bean and gets away with it. Except for Wario. And Master Hand. And Kirby. Not even Waluigi can resist that cute puffball. Isabelle was a different story though, as Waluigi didn't grow up with her games. He swiftly grabbed her by the shirt, quite strong for someone with a lanky build like that. "Call me a string bean wah-n more time, bitch. I dare you." Only for Master Hand and Crazy Hand to be walking by at that exact moment. "Isabelle, I have a job for y-HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL, WALUIGI?!" a quick finger gun following what Master Hand had said followed, hitting Waluigi. "No attacking newcomers outside of fights."

Shigesato Itoi walked through the doors of Smash Mansion, while Villager was finishing up the tour. Isabelle noticed him, and asked, "Who the hell is that?" The only time anyone had ever heard her cuss. "私は私の息子を見るためにここにいる、" He said.

"MARTH! GET IN HERE!" Marth entered. "Okay. Good. You're here. Translate this guy." Itoi repeated himself. "He says he's here to see his son."

"Ask him what his name is."

"彼の名前は？"

"彼の名前はNintenです。"

"Okay, okay, I don't even need to know the translation to know the answer is Ninten. He's in the courtyard," interrupted Villager.

"彼は中庭にいる、" Marth repeated. Itoi walked in the direction of the courtyard. "You're welcome," said Marth, before leaving.

Bowser Jr., Travis, and Ninten were waiting in the courtyard for what seemed like forever. Finally, Shigesato Itoi showed up. Ninten turned to Travis. "Do you know who this man is?"

"An Asian."

"I speak English, you dipshit!" shouted Itoi.

"Geez, no need to be rude! I just need some tips on how to be a good father."

"To who?" Travis looked, and sure enough, Bowser Jr was nowhere in sight. That's when Bowser came in. "I'll be taking my son back."

"Tell your dad I said hi," said Itoi

"I will."

"Shit," remarked Travis. "There goes my one shot at being loved."

"Don't worry Travis," said Ninten. "You're still cool."

"What are you talking about?" asked Iwata. "He's just a stupid American."

Captain Falcon woke up in the infirmary. He felt a bandage on his head and saw Dr. Mario, the three Samuses, and Dark Pit all looking over him. "Guess I got beat up pretty bad in that fight, huh?"

"No, you were so shocked when you found out about my crush on Dark Samus that you fell unconscious and hit your head on impact," replied Dark Pit.

"I seriously wish I had a projectile."

"Whelp, you don't. See ya!" With that, the three Samuses and Dark Pit left. Just another day in the mansion for you.

Leave your suggestions in the reviews! Thanks for reading! Also yes, the Japanese lines did go through a translator. They mean exactly what they were saying it meant.