CHAPTER 11 MRS. NORRIS
Back to the importance of Ron talking like a monkey, Mrs. Norris had been a witness to this for years. Mrs. Norris was a main coon cat but otherwise she was a Animagus who took the form of Professors McGonigle and Trelawney and other important professors as well as celebrities of the stage but not the screen. She should have been famous for her treatise, "Industrial Society and its Future" but it was later coopted by a muggle for his own selfish purposes. Mrs. Norris never forgot this slight and has waited patiently to exact her revenge! More on this later.
Mrs. Norris knew his secret, so Ron tried to bribe her with dolphin-safe canned tuna. He did not understand that Mrs. Norris liked chickens but not tunas, beefs or sheeps and doesn't particularly concern herself with dolphin safety. She was also upset by Ron's grunting. Cats like to be spoken to in a high voice, which they find soothing, especially when spoken to about topics that are relevant. But Ron's voice was grating and generally unpleasant. As a rule, he did not speak about relevant things.
Mrs. Norris then appeared to Ron in a dream in the form of a large male cat, possibly a hyena, and said the following: "Ron. I am aware of your secret and I plans to expose you unless you sends 400,000 American mony to my offshore bank account. Be redy to do it now. Do not test me with anyding as I very powerful and a member of a foreign faction. I has claws including a dew claw, which is as gut as an opposable thumb. Do not mess with me. I am well versed in the business of evading anti money laundering laws, and hence am easily able to evade them. Do not try to grow a brain. Do not call the police. If you even talk to a stray dog, there will be retaliatory measures. Sincerely, Big Tom Cat."
Ron made gurgling noises and fainted. History shows that an ambulance came, sirens blazing, and Ron was revived by an emergency team.
Luckily, Lunar Lovegood was a licensed vocational nurse originally from east Boston in the United States (a "foreign country") and was able to care for Ron until he could stand on his own.
The experience with Ron made Mrs. Norris very upset. She believed that Ron and his friends were very spoiled and would do good to live in a more primitive society where they had to fend for themselves. She lectured them: "You has never put you physical powers to any practical uses. You is worse than primitive man who has used his body daily for practical purposes while you Weaseleys (note: she refers to all humans- muggle or otherwise- as Weaselys) has never has any practical use of your physical bodies beyond walking from you car to you house. Reform is insufficient. Revolution is necessary." Mrs. Norris went into the forest permanently, disgusted by humans, and plotted against them.
The school was alarmed at the apparent attack on Ron by an unknown assailant. Harry began to interview suspects and the clues led to an Irish pub called Molly's.