Barba had never had a problem working under pressure. He could think clearly as his case was being torn apart in court. He could process new questions when a witness threw him a curveball. But right now he couldn't think. Because it was Sonny.

It was Sonny.

And something had happened to him.

Barba paced back and forth. His head was pounding, his thoughts were spiraling, but he couldn't focus.

"So, are you gonna tell me what this is all about?"

Barba stopped walking and turned to look at Munch and Rollins who were talking together. Rollins met his eyes, "he's helping us, he needs to know what's going on."

Barba sighed and gave a small nod before returning to his pacing. He walked and turned, walked and turned, walked and turned. He thought of Sonny in his office, of his warm lips, and Rafael wondered if that would be the last time he got to feel Sonny against him.

The sharp ringing of Rollins' cell phone broke through the fuzz in Barba's head. He stared at her, not daring to breath, as Amanda spoke quietly. When she hung up Barba rushed toward her, "was that Liv? Did she say anything about Sonny?"

Amanda glanced at Barba for a moment before turning to look at Munch, "hey, John, could you get us something to drink?"

Munch nodded. He walked to the kitchen and left Amanda and Rafael alone in the living room.

"Amanda..."

"Liv is on her way," Amanda said, "she'll be here soon."

"What about Sonny?" Barba pressed, his voice urgent.

Rollins looked down and the floor for a moment before meeting Barba's eyes. She took a breath, "he's in surgery."

"Oh my god," Barba brought his hand to his mouth and turned, trying to understand, trying to comprehend. Then he turned back to Amanda, "what happened?"

"He was shot," she said quietly, "twice in the chest."

Barba pulled in a sharp breath, "but he's going to be okay, right? He has to be okay."

"I don't know, Barba, I'm sorry."

Rafael could feel tears prick at his eyes, he turned away from Amanda. He tried to breathe, but each breath became more and more difficult. Because everything was spiraling out of control, everything was falling apart. And Sonny couldn't die. He couldn't.

"If he hadn't been on my security detail, if he hadn't been," his voice choked.

"This isn't your fault, Counselor."

"I need to go," Barba turned, his eyes red, "I need to go." He made a move toward the front door and Rollins stopped him.

"You can't go, I know you want to, but you can't."

"Get out of my way," Barba pushed past her.

"They're looking for you Barba, you can't leave this house."

"I don't– I don't care, I need to see him."

"Rafael," Amanda spoke softly as she placed a hand on his arm, "I know how much you care about him, but if Sonny were here, he would not let you leave this house for anything. When he wakes up from surgery, when he does, he'll kill me if I let anything happen to you."

Barba stopped resisting and backed up against the wall, letting his head fall.

"I'm sorry," Rollins said.

There was a sharp knock at the door and Rollins held a finger to her mouth to quiet Barba as she walked to the door with a hand on her gun. When she saw it was Benson, she opened the door and let her in.

Barba looked up and froze when he saw the blood. The blood on her hands and her shirt. Sonny's blood. Sonny's blood. It covered her clothes and was still smeared across her arm.

His throat constricted and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe because that was Sonny's blood on her. That was Sonny's blood. And he had been shot. He had been shot twice in the chest and he might not be okay.

How could this have happened, how could Sonny not be okay.

"Raf."

He looked up and met Liv's eyes. He couldn't stop the tears from falling. He tried to breathe, taking a hitched breath as more tears fell. He tried to cover his face and then felt arms around him. Rafael's breaths were short and rapid and he tried to control them, as he tried to control his emotions.

"I'm sorry," he managed out in shaky words.

"It's okay, Raf," Liv said, her words firm, "it's not your fault."

Barba pulled out of her grasp and wiped his eyes, "how'd he look?"

Liv pursed her lips, "the doctors are doing their best," she said finally.

Munch walked out of the kitchen and joined them in the hall, a single glass of water in his hand. He handed it to Barba. "Hey, Liv."

"God, it's good to see you," Benson pulled him into a quick hug.

"I'm here for whatever you need," he said, "consider me reinstated for the night."

"Thank you," she said, "come on," she gestured at everyone, "let's get out of the hall."

When the four of them were back in the living room, Benson watched as Barba returned to pacing back and forth.

"We've got state police staking out Barba's apartment, we're hoping whoever shot Carisi will show up there. Fin's at the hospital and Cabot is at Rikers. We're doing everything we can," she looked at Barba, holding his gaze for a moment before he turned.

"I know," he whispered.