To the guest that wondered whether I'm done with university for the year, yes I am and so now I'm hoping I can be more consistent.
Also I'm sorry my British ways came into this story, whenever anyone has a serious problem down here the running joke is to drink a cup of tea.
"Have you ever fallen out of love?" Rick asked over the whistle of the kettle.
Both he and Michonne had rolled out of bed from around their lovers and tip-toed to the kitchen, yogurt cravings at the forefront of her mind, but her at the forefront of his.
Not in a mischievous way… but just that he needed to talk to her, to clear her mind.
"Drake hours huh?" Rick looked confused. "You know, the early hours of the morning where you're deep in your feelings." Michonne explained before opening the seal of her blueberry yogurt.
He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, the curls becoming almost unmanageable as he hadn't had time to go to the barber in the last two weeks.
"But anyway," Michonne continued, "I haven't ever fallen out of love, I haven't had many chances at that." She shrugged, raising an eyebrow.
"I think…" Rick sighed, the kettle almost done. He wanted to bring about his disastrous confession whilst the whistle of the kettle concealed it from the outside world, so the shame wouldn't escape through the vents or the gap at the bottom of the door. "I don't think I love Lori anymore."
Michonne's face only partially contorted at the confession, but it was soon overcome with pity for both Lori and Rick.
She was well aware of how Lori would feel, the nauseous ache that rose with you when your eyes opened all the way until lunch time, when you could only eat a chip or two. The stuttering over songs that are too emotional and remind you of things you wish you could forget. Or staying up late at night, just to torture yourself until the dawn and watch it rise. Watch the soft pink, and how it hurt and reminded you of the warmth you felt on the back of your eyelids when you basked in the ambience of the sun with him.
Knowing Rick made it easier for her to pity with the person who was about to break another's heart. She knew that whatever the reason was, wasn't filled with malice, because who would confess over the whistle of a kettle so early in the morning with such a hushed voice.
The shame leaked from him like a running family secret that everyone knew about, but just wouldn't talk about.
"Are you sure?" Maybe it was the feeling of university, the freedom that came with it, the constant reminder from Shane's bedroom that you could be deep in whoever you wanted to be if you played our cards right. And that was especially true for Rick, with his blue eyes and curly hair. The way his body was lean and strong, the bulk of his arms attractive along with his smile.
Sometimes, if Michonne admitted it, it was hard not to flirt with him.
"It doesn't feel like it did before." He began to pour the water on top of a peppermint tea bag.
"How did that feel?" She was intrigued, finishing her yogurt and leaving it on the side to lean on her hands and face him.
Negan rarely spoke about his feelings. He only ever did so when prompted, and it often left her wondering whether they were compatible. Whether the burning sensation she had in her heart that let her love him so blindly was mirrored in his.
"Lighter… purer." His face fell. "And I just feel bad, because I'm going to have to hurt her."
"You're right, you can't string her along… but you still smiled around her. Maybe, leave some more time, you know? Because once you end it, you can't get her back, not one hundred percent." Giving him her smoothest smile, Michonne tapped the back of his hand and yawned. "Can we speak about this in the morning over breakfast?"
"Where's breakfast happening?"
"Well I'll wake you up for eight am and we'll make it for them."
"Negan, leave me alone. I have a surprise for you!" Michonne squealed in his arms as he tickled her. They had kissed and made up, the urge to climb on top of him dimmed in comparison to last night. It seemed as though he had forgotten it in the land of sleep, so she would once again have to put it to rest.
But his smile was enough to keep her for the moment.
"You're lying!" He grasped her sides with his fingers, receiving a loud squeal from her that was quickly interrupted by the sound of knocking on her door. "See what you've done babe! Woken up someone in the place!"
Both Rick and Lori stood at the door, a curved sloppy smile on his face that once again reminded her of how attractive he was, whilst the straight lipped expression that Lori wore made her tired.
"Hey…" Rick was different, slower this time. She could tell when he wanted to make a joke, his eyes would squint as he began to laugh at how he imagined the joke would be received. He was stopping himself from doing that right now. "It's like five past eight, so I thought I'd come get you to start breakfast. We-" He placed his arm around Lori's hip like the smart boy he was, "are starving!"
Michonne played along just fine. "Sugar! Sorry, someone just got carried away!" Shaking her head she stepped out towards them and reminded Negan that he could join them in the kitchen whenever he wanted to.
The ordeal had been an awkward one, where Lori sat there, her eyes flicking from her phone to them as they moved around each other. Making little jokes that she could only catch the tail end of.
"So Michonne, what are you studying? Rick hasn't mentioned much about you."
Michonne didn't bother looking over her shoulder, because the beams that left Rick's eyes to meet Lori were enough.
"Politics… and if he had mentioned me, he would only say terrible things about me." She joked. "You got yourself a mean boyfriend." Rick purposefully banged the skillet to get a rise out of her, trying to conceal the joy he got from it. "What about you Lori?"
"I'm studying psychology…" She dragged it out as if there was more she wanted to say, but decided against it. Michonne didn't get her vibe, didn't like the way the whites of her eyes showed too much in an eye roll whenever she thought Michonne was looking.
"Huh, that's cool."
The conversation grew stale as Rick remained awkwardly dumb scrambling the eggs.
"How long have you been with Negan – that's his name right?"
"Yes. Eight months-ish, you and Rick?"
"A long time, isn't that right Ricky?" The tone in Lori's voice was sarcastic, ringing like the tune of a child's television programme. It made Michonne's teeth grind.
And it wasn't because of jealousy or anything – Michonne couldn't fathom yet what she had to be particularly jealous about – but just that someone disliking her, without knowing her, enough to somewhat taunt her really crawled under her skin.
"Yes, Michonne knows that… and I hate when you call me Ricky." His voice lowered, "It's embarrassing."
"Well sorry honey," she pouted, folding her arms. "Do you have nicknames for Negan? You know how these boys can be, hate it but they'll miss it when youre gone." The statement was said with a slight bite, that made Rick stop scraping the pan.
The smirk that landed on Michonne's lips was a response the awkward atmosphere that had settled around them, like fog in a swamp.
"Hey Mich," Negan entered right on time, rubbing his eyes and proudly shirtless, evidently showing he had carried on going to the gym whilst at university. She could almost hear Lori's mouth watering at the sight of it.
Captivating him in a kiss that he happily responded to, Michonne made her mark before telling him to sit down at the table with Lori.
"Grimes and I are finishing up breakfast."
Once they started to dig in, Negan grabbed Rick around the neck with his bulging arm, laughing with egg remnants still in his mouth (Michonne wincing as he did so). "Dude, best breakfast I've eaten in ages! Husband material this is!"
Rick smiled like he didn't know what to do, mouthing 'help me' to Michonne. "Negan, you're gonna choke him." Swatting at him arm playfully, she reached over for the butter and smiled. "Grimes can't handle that."
"How comes he gets a nickname and I don't?"
Michonne rolled her eyes. "Because the last time I tried to give you one, you said it sucked."
That wasn't exactly it.
It was more the fact that she had tried to, and he had been receptive to it. Kept talking about permanent things and how sometimes they didn't matter, or how they hurt later in the future when things when to shit. But then he laughed it off and said he liked his full name, so using anything else would be disrespectful to it.
Of course she didn't try again.
Watching now, at the scene of Negan and Rick getting along made her ponder. Made her eyes wander across the table to Lori, who was quietly sitting and flicking her eyes from her plate to Rick to Michonne, with a brash type of warning behind each one.
How come the boys could get along? The smiling, the talking, the forced sports and weather conversation that men often have also managed to show up.
But Lori, she had entered guns a-blaze.
Was it the nickname that did it?
Or the ease of a new girl in Rick's life?
Being his girlfriend, she had to be aware of how his blue eyes and curls could drag a siren from their cold depths. But Michonne, she wasn't a lonely siren, her eyes were firmly planted on someone else and he sat here good looking also, strong, who's lips only found hers.
But she thought about it then.
Thought about whether she could ever cross that line with Rick – imagining that Negan was out of the picture, because Michonne was anything but a cheater.
How would kissing him be different? Negan always went in full force, hands holding the side of her face or neck, his tongue present, the air always being knocked from her lungs. But Rick… Rick seemed to be the type that kissed tentatively, who would run his lips along yours before kissing you innocently without tongue and then changing. Taking his hands to grab your sides as he pushed you against a wall and made your breath hitch in the back of your throat.
The warmth that set in the base of her stomach made her halt.
As well as the look she received from Lori across the table.
As if she knew just what she was thinking.
And when the rest of the flat rolled out of bed into the smell of the kitchen, Lori's face spread into a smile for every one of them – confirming majority of Michonne's suspicions.
"You haven't told me much about uni you know?" Michonne wrapped her legs around Negan as they lay in bed, lazy on the Sunday afternoon. He would have to go soon, and she didn't know how she would handle sleeping in a bed alone again.
"What's there to tell? I party, I gym, I go to class… I think about seeing you." He was sickly sweet, the feeling of his tongue as he kissed her suggestive. He knew the time was ticking and she knew with the way his hands roamed just what he wanted.
"Girls?"
"What girls?" Negan paused, sighing on her neck.
"None have tried?"
She irritated herself with the questions, but he hadn't exactly given her a stable base before going to uni. His nonchalant ways often creeped up on her in the quiet moments, whether they were together or not. She wandered whether this was something she needed to work on herself, or whether he was partially to blame and if another boy would make her feel… so unsure.
"If they did, I wouldn't tell you."
"And why not? I'd tell you!" Michonne pushed him away, Negan balling his fists up in blue balled frustration.
"Because I'd handle it and you'd act like this anyway."
Which was true. Somewhat.
She hated the lack of trust she had with him.
And it would only appear when her mind turned, noisily like clogs.
"What have I ever done to not make me trust you?"
She played with the honesty on her tongue. "Well… you haven't exactly-"
"Any physical actions?"
"No but-"
"Any text messages?"
"No but-"
"My case is closed. Now kiss me like we both know you're going to miss me when I'm gone."
And he kissed her like he was hungry.
And she responded like a hand puppet, passively with a half-assed heart and wondering if he would miss her when he was gone.
"Do you think that Michonne girl is pretty?" Lori asked, Rick's chest heaved because he knew it was coming but he didn't think she would be brave enough to say it.
"Yes…" He sighed, countering back with the wanted reply. "But not as pretty as you."
Lori beamed up at him from his chest, squeezing around him. "Of course not, I thought her nose was… weird."
"Why are you so shallow sometimes?" Rick questioned, pushing her off from him so he could sit. "Gosh, she's a nice girl Lori, and she's a good friend of mine… the only female friend I've had for a while. So back off!" He realised how he sounded, the look on his face must have been so mean. And he felt bad looking at her, the shock on her face, the tears in her eyes.
Every time she cried it was his weakness.
He knew she'd be able to spin whatever her way, no matter what it was.
He sighed. "Lori, listen, you know it and I know it. I haven't had many female friends… and that's because we've been joined at the hip for so long… and that's not a bad thing…" Rick paused to comprehend his words. There were two ways this could go; leaving her or changing things. And he didn't have enough time to ip-dip-doo between the both options, but he wanted to have something like Negan and Michonne had. The fun he saw. The way she encompassed him in kisses whenever she could, and how it seemed mutual from the outside looking in.
He didn't want to be alone.
He could make this work.
He could make them fall in love again by looking over the bad and focusing on the good.
Like he had when he was younger.
"We're at uni and I'm going to make friends. And so are you. And I'm okay with that." Rick smiled as her lips remained tight. "Do you get what I'm trying to say?" Lori shook her head adamantly. "I want this to be more… like it used to be. I've been missing thangs about us and I want us to work."
I think.
And he kept wondering whether or not it was the truth as they kissed messily, the threat of a rhythmless roll finding him once again.