A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, reread the whole story so you can remember everything (haha). I'm in this process of change and growth and that's why I've been away. Thanks for being on this journey with me.

"And Glenn, I wish you could meet him, but he's visiting family." Maggie's eyes grew dreamy as she let out a breath and Michonne could feel the envy crawling into her heart. But it wasn't bitter. It just had a similar wanting, to feel that way when she thought about Negan.

In the few days since she had last seen Negan, and begged for the release of an orgasm, which never came unless he came, Michonne had given into the urge to confess to someone.
The guilt had run through her entire body and pooled in the pit of her consciousness, where it sprung into every conversation. Every hint of a word would loop its way to relate to her unruly behaviour, or how Rick's biceps flexed when he lay on top her and the blue of his eyes made her wet and incoherent.

The weekend with Negan had left her hungry to the point where her mind would wonder as she revised, and her hands craved to be wrapped around Rick and to feel the warmth of his relief.
It was hard to be around him, to watch his rest his palm on any surface that wasn't her thighs or to drum the table like he would her centre piece.

They would find each other in little ways, leaving for class together at the same time even if meant having to take a detour in a library if one was a little earlier than the other. Their pinkies would touch on the way down the stairs, but you wouldn't know unless you really watched them and felt the aura of the lust between them.

He would wait for her after class and think about her while he did so, his mind creating scenarios of kissing her against doors and near corners where they couldn't get caught. Where his hands would roam under her shirt, and Michonne's breath would send jolts of energy down his spine.
And Rick often wondered whether she wore things just for him – new lace underwear had found it's way to their sessions – or for Negan too, and thoughts of Negan would find their place when he was deep inside her and demanded her to say his name.

She was a siren when she sung his name so close to an orgasm, the pitch so sweet when he captured her mouth to muffle her moans he would taste cotton candy and cum too soon.
But when they lay together after and turn to fall asleep, he'd think of how to end things with Lori. Lori would find the truth, her steel eyes analytical. As much as he wanted to say she didn't know him, that was a lie. Her lips remained pursed whenever Michonne was around, her tone would be minimal, and Rick knew she was watching, waiting for her evidence.

But no one deserves to find that evidence.

And Rick didn't want to be that guy.

Michonne sat thinking about the past few months, how it had unfolded, and how much of a confusing storm she felt in her chest. Her eyes burned.

And she wanted Rick to comfort her. But didn't want to be the bad guy.

Even though she was.

"Michonne, what's wrong?" Maggie's worried eyes and soft face made the tears fall, until Michonne resembled a hiccupping mess.

"I've really fucked up."

Shane answered the door flustered with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Hey-" His pitch changed when he saw it was Rick at the door. "Dude, I'm getting prepared." The cocky wink of his was quickly replaced with anxiety when he glanced at his watch and let Rick inside. "I ain't got long, like ten mins max."

Rick stood awkwardly against his desk, looking at the wall as Shane scurried around him to the bathroom.
"Dude, so I have something-"
"I'm breaking up with Lori." Rick interjected, still focused on the wall and still making his thoughts verbal. "And I've been sleeping with Michonne."
In a flash Shane had his head peering out from the bathroom, a look of disbelief on his face presented itself before a shit eating grin did. "Oh boy!"
"You're loud Shane."
"And you're fucking Michonne!"
"Shane!" Rick sighed despite a smile wanting to form on his face.
"Well since we're being honest, I'm getting ready to slam Sasha." Rick scoffed and went to sit on Shane's chair – the bed didn't seem like the best option after the sudden confession. "Yeah, I know. And only her, it's crazy. After thinking I'd want to sling my dick around with other girls, they just don't hit it like she does."

"Shane, my man, you have changed."
"Good pussy is the cause."
"You think if she heard that she'd be happy?"
"She kisses this mouth, so yeah. Anyway, you're a dog and what's screwing Michonne like?"

As Rick sat on the chair and looked at his hands, he felt a sense of peace. Admittedly, he knew that telling Shane would be like this and it helped, it made the process less daunting when the first person you told didn't judge you – or really couldn't judge you due to their moral ground being about the same.
He didn't want to get down to the nit and grit of the situation, he just wanted to feel like he had an anchor placed somewhere and so when his decision met the world, it wouldn't be shocking to everyone he knew.

The impending doom of telling Lori still stuck itself in his throat, her tears, her way of being, the drama that constantly followed her like a plague would release itself in his room if he sat her down gently and spoke too softly. Would the truth pass his lips or would he keep it in his cheeks to make the process easier, despite how selfish that may be.

It felt like this would be the step he had to take to be able to immerse himself in her, like he had been wanting to for so long. The need to tiptoe around each other would be done, he'd be able to kiss her in the hallway, or when he saw her on campus they'd be able to speak without their hearts racing like they'd be found out just by how their voices softened around each other.

"I'm not answering that Shane, but it does feel good to confess."
"It won't feel good when you have to tell Lori." The scowl that sat on Rick's face must have disturbed the lightness in the air and made Shane chuckle. "Sorry man, it's the truth. You're going to have to sit her down, not here though, because she'll put two and two together. I nearly put two and two together one time, your cheeks get way too red and you have no game."

It was true, every time Michonne left he'd look in the mirror and find his cheeks mimicking tomatoes and his fingers would still trace over the place she slept in his bed. He had gotten used to when she turned in the night and her locs would dance over his face.
"I didn't think you'd have the balls to do it. I didn't think you'd get your balls in her to be honest. It's a miracle!" Shane came out only in a pair of boxers, gleaming and proud. "You good though?"
Rick sighed and got up to leave, "Yeah, thanks Shane. Have a good… session."
"One day, I'm going to make you call it what it is."

Michonne had finished crying and was sitting on Maggie's bed sipping on some peppermint tea, as Maggie ran over the scenario in her head. There had been so many questions that whenever Michonne regained composure, she would just lose it again.

"But you love him, this Rick?" Michonne would nod and tears would form and she'd be a mess when she thought about Negan, and how he had been the first to touch her in the way she let Rick do now.
Her mind kept getting stuck in the past or the present, because as far as everyone else were concerned her and Negan were still a couple. Between them they were still a couple.

But Michonne liked how Maggie didn't look at her differently, how her eyes were more inquisitive than judgemental, but her words didn't totally let her escape from the guilt.
"I know it's wrong Maggie," Michonne stated after she sipped at the hot tea. "But Negan, there is a love, but it's becoming more of a friendship love. Like I want to see him do the best he can and succeed. And maybe… there's a girl he fits better with, that communicates with him better than I do."

Maggie nodded slowly, "And you've tried to spice up your sex life with Negan?"
"Tried? I've begged in ways and maybe I'm not clear enough, but maybe it's no use." She placed her drink down on the dresser nearby and reshuffled herself. "The way you talk about Glenn is the way I feel about Rick, like I can fully comprehend love now."
"Michonne I get that you're becoming a lawyer but leave bigger words we don't have to use for your class please."

She loved Maggie for her ability to break through tense air, whenever there was an emotional moment, you could bet on Maggie to make it less so. "It's not fair to do this to Negan, even if the way he loves you isn't enough. You need to go see him and finish it off with him there, okay?"
The sigh that left her body had been stored up for far too long and drew her shoulders towards the centre of the earth. Michonne knew all this and hearing it from someone else's mouth just increased the urgency of it all.

Exams were soon and this situation needed to be put to rest, so her mind could focus and she could – albeit selfishly – find herself wrapped around Rick with no guilt affecting her train of thought.

"I told Shane," was the first thing Rick had said when Michonne found her way into the kitchen around 1am. They had danced around each other once more during the day, listening to when the others door would open and close, despite knowing that eventually at this time they would find each other again.

It seemed that the confessions they gave their friends had cut something in them and left them raw. It was no longer between them anymore; their sins were out for the world to see.
"I told Maggie." She confessed as she sat down at the table, her usual yogurt pot in hand, but her eyes danced differently as they rested on Rick's face. They both knew something had changed and could almost pinpoint it on the idea of hope and a guiltless love blossoming between the two of them.

"He thinks I should break up with her but not here, she may put 'two and two together' were his direct words."
"Maggie thinks the same," Michonne sighed, the racing of her heart making her breathless and tired.
She hated how he made her feel, like she was going crazy and unable to put her body together.
This conversation was difficult, it was definite and hurtful and raw.
So they both sealed their lips and looked at each other, urging the other to say something that'd help make the direction of what they were a little easier. Make the path a little clearer.
But neither could.
Their minds eventually wore onto more immediate things, like how each other's lips looked in the light, or how the bags that had formed under their eyes from the worry and shame made them look tired. And tiredness made them think of sleep, and how easy it came once they finished, their bodies still wrapped around each other and absorbing the warmth that came from their cores.

Its true that they would have acted on it, their hands slowly creeping over the table to meet, like lovers escaping in the night to a meeting point – had it not been for the swinging of the kitchen door and the sound of Sasha and Shane laughing.
"Hey guys," Sasha commented, unaware of the tension running in the air, pulling up a seat next to Michonne and resting on her shoulder.
"You smell like alcohol Sash, where have you been?" Michonne teased, her eyes not leaving Rick's, like an apology for the interruption of what could have been.
She giggled and rested her head on Michonne's shoulder, a tinge of irritation finding Rick's stomach as he imagined himself doing that to her bare skin. "Shane took me out to a nice bar and kissed me like I was his, but I told him NO!" she slammed her hand on the table, "I'm my OWN!" The white of her teeth showed in a laugh, whereas Shane just shook his head.

"We get it Sasha," Shane rolled his eyes, "She's been repeating that the whole way home."
"But you know I like you, and I make you feel things." Sasha mumbled into Michonne's shoulder, her eyes lulling to the sound of the night.
"Your girlfriend's falling asleep." Rick stated, the excitement in his stomach bubbling up at the prospect of having Michonne to himself once more.
"She doesn't want to be that yet," Shane said, lifting her up from Michonne and carrying her in his arms with a little obligatory protest from Sasha.
"Because you are too good looking and your track record."

Shane sauntered out, shaking his head, leaving the kitchen free. But Michonne was different now, less focused, more aware of the feelings within her that hid themselves behind cells that lay dormant in areas, not ready to be awoken.
And the feeling of love poured itself into her arteries and flowed with her blood to every organ and bathed her in a feeling of uncertainty.
Because wasn't that love?
A familiar uncertainty. Where the person could break your heart in ways you've never imagined and leave you breathless and chaotic. But you just trust them not to.

"You're beautiful Michonne." Rick stated, watching the rise and fall of her chest as thought, the soft glaze of her eyes endearing. "Let's do this. Together. We'll get over the shame, the anger, the awkwardness. I just want to have you." His voice broke, finally, as he stood up to walk over to her, the redness brimming his eyes. "I hate falling asleep alone now. I hate the stupid motion of brushing our hands, you know? Do you know? Everything hurts, and you sit there, beautiful, and it hurts."

Her mouth opened as her hand grabbed his. "Okay Rick." She mumbled. "Let's find a way."

And he kissed her like she was the last breathe he could take before going underwater.