One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.- Kurt Vonnegut

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An extremely pissed off young woman stormed into 'The Whispering Spirit' on a mission. Nymphadora Tonks had just come from a horrible date. It only took five minutes for the guy to ask her to turn into someone else. She had stormed out after shoving a lit candle into his crotch.

This was a usual in her dating life and frankly she was sick of it. Sometimes, being a metamorphmagus was a real bitch. It almost seemed impossible for her to find a true relationship with all these guys wanting a fucking sex toy. She continued fuming as she made her way to the bar, not noticing that she had caught the eye of one of the patrons.

"Give me your strongest Horace." demanded Tonks as she dropped onto a stool. Horace, knowing what was wrong with her from previous experience, didn't comment on her behavior.

"Put it on my tab Horace...anything she wants." stated a young man of about eighteen or nineteen with black eyes that held immense pain, but also a glimmer of hope. Seeing the barkeep nod in agreement, he turned and walked over to his booth without so much as a backwards glance.

"Who the hell was that?"

"Hm? Oh...that's Jaxom. One of my regulars."

"Isn't he a little young to be drinking?" inquired the young women, slipping into auror mode.

"Yeah, but he's not drinking."

"Then why's he here?"

"What can I say...kid loves vanilla ice cream."

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Jaxom sat in his booth, savoring the taste of Horace's specially made ice cream and pondering the latest arrival. That pink-haired girl was definitely an intriguing person. Too bad she was obviously coming from a bad experience. His train of thought was derailed as he felt someone approaching him with a purpose. As soon as she was close he gave a casual "Evening'".

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Sitting down across from him, an irate Tonks sent the most annoyed and suspicious glare she could muster. She became even more aggravated as he just continued to sit there, casually eating his ice cream and smiling at her. They sat there in in a quasi-tense (tense for her) silence as she waited for him to speak first.

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Jaxom kept spooning ice cream into his mouth. He knew that she was trying to force him to speak first, but after traveling the world, facing from everything giants to crumple-horn snorkacks, she didn't cut it. Now those snorkacks were real bitches. Many thought that they didn't exist. If only. Admittedly, snorkacks were docile and pleasant creatures, what with their sheep-like appearance and cute little blue horns, but accidentally walk up on one nesting...oh boy. Jaxom gave an imperceptible shudder as he remembered the angry mother morphing into an eight-foot tall, werewolf man-bat combo with a horn longer and sharper than his sword. That was a hell of a fight.

"So what's your deal?" questioned the woman across the table,bringing Jax from his memories of that intense battle.

"That depends on what you have to barter with." he replied with a straight face. "I don't work cheap, y'know."

"Cut the shit!" she hissed, "Why did you pay for me?"

"Oh...that!" laughed Jaxom, only to see her progressively pissed off expression. "Look, don't think I was trying to buy you off or anything. Not my style. I saw that you were pissed over something and needed a drink. I figured it'd help if you didn't have to pay to drown your sorrow."

"Bullshit! Guys don't pay for anything unless they want something in return."

"I know...and its a damn shame that common courtesy is so close to extinction. Listen, if I was after a good rut, I would not be using the cliched 'I bought you drinks so now you owe me' move. If I was trying to get with you wouldn't even know until we were in the middle of the horizontal lambada.

She remained cautious, but figured that this was a chance to take out some aggression on the opposite sex. This plan was derailed, however, as soon as he next spoke.

"However, I've learned that an interested ear along with the free drink tends to heal the hurt."

"..."

"What I mean is, I'm all ears if you need to rant about something."

Jaxom kept a slightly amused expression as he locked his gaze on her confused face. After about three minutes of tense/casual silence, he finally took pity on her.

"May I make a guess?" he waited until he got her hesitant nod. "I'm gonna start broad with relationship troubles. Seeing as how that is easy, I'm gonna narrow it down with a couple facts as I see them. First...you're a metamorphmagus and this ain't your natural form, right?"

"How do you know that?!" she angrily demanded.

"Well, the triple m was easy..." Jaxom casually gestured to the top of her head. "unless they've invented mood wigs, which would be pretty damn cool. The color of your hair has been changing at random intervals since you walked in."

"Okay, but how would you know if this was my natural form or not?" she asked, slightly calmer.

"That was a bit more subtle. I was able to discern that by way of your movements. By which I mean that, in this form, your natural sense of balance is off kilter. I'm assuming that this is the appearance you usually take, yes?" nod "Well...that leads me to assume that you tend to suffer from not-so-rare bouts of clumsiness."

"Yeah, but I haven't even stumbled since I've been here." rebutted Tonks, having completely forgotten her anger toward this strange man.

"And that would have been enough to deceive any normal person. I, however, have been taught to spot the subtleties as the composition of some one's stride. When you walk in this form, I can tell that you subconsciously plan out every step. As opposed to someone in their natural form where every step is instinctual. Now...the fact that you don't even realize that you plan each step leads me to believe that you have been using this artificial form for at least two or three years."

Tonks sat stunned as Jaxom continued his lecture.

"Back to the problems now. The way I see it, this is either an argument with a boyfriend or dating troubles. The fact that you seem to have a fair amount of experience with whatever is wrong and, remembering your earlier vehement declaration about men, the boyfriend option is pretty much negated."

"And why is that?"

"Because...the number of occurrences that this problem obviously possesses would tear apart any relationship. Now, taking into consideration your abilities and your reluctance to show your true self, along with the sad truth that most males are shallow little fucks interested in one or two things, I would hazard to guess that you are generally seen as an incredibly intricate sex toy."

"Yes..." mumbled the young auror, rather dejectedly.

Gently placing one hand over hers in the middle of the table, Jaxom continued. "I'll go on to say that you were on a first date with another guy tonight. I say first because, when you walked in, you were more angry than sad. He probably started out nice and sensitive, but as the activity, be it dinner or dancing or whatever went on, he asked if you could change into something else."

Tonks was surprised to realized that she hadn't removed her hands from underneath his. She felt a sense of compassion and belonging flowing through her that she hadn't felt in long while, outside of her parents and her old Hogwarts head of house.

"Would you like to go out sometime?" asked Jaxom.

"W-what?"

"I said...would you like to go out with me sometime. One good way to surpass a bad experience, is to overshadow it with a good one."

"I thought that you didn't expect anything for paying." she accused.

"And I still don't. I was asking for one date. In fact...you could count this as a date as you wish."

"How so?"

"Well, we're in a bar just talking, so..."

"Sounds like it's already a date." she stated matter-of-factly.

"No. Right now, I'm just a caring and rather dashing stranger providing an ear. It will be a date if, and only if, you say so."

"What if I don't say so?"

"Then I continue on in my present role. I sit here until you have no more wish to speak. Then I leave."

"And if I do say so?"

"Then it gets more personal. We talk about ourselves, I escort you home, we say goodnight, and we decide if we want to continue to date. Its as simple as that. So...what do you say?"

"I think that a date might be...nice." said a reluctant Tonks.

With a smile, Jaxom withdrew his hands from hers. She felt the distinct loss of worth from his calloused hands until he stuck one back out.

"In that case...My name is Jaxom Trantic. And you are?"

"Nymphadora Tonks, but call me Tonks. I hate my first name." she said, grasping his outstretched hand.

"Fair enough. It really is a beautiful name, though."

The two sat for hours, just talking about random topics. They discussed everything from the weather to animagi. Jaxom told her of his two animagus forms, a grizzly bear and a Siberian tiger, and how having the instincts and natures of two predators could be tough to control. Tonks found a sense of serenity while conversing with Jaxom and loosened up a great deal. She told of her childhood and her parents along with some of her first experiences with her abilities. Then, the conversation turned to Jaxom's past.

"Well...my father died when I was around two. Me and mom moved to a little country town outside of London for two years before the wizarding war reached us." He trailed off for a moment in an attempt to keep his composure.

"You don't have to go on if you can't." stated Tonks, placing her hands over his on the table.

"I gotta if I want to move on. Anyway...a horde of death enters attacked our town. I was always smart for my age, so I knew we were in serous trouble. My mom drug me throughout the village until we were cornered by two in an alley. They hit us with the torture curse. I had to force myself to her side through my own pain. I can still hear her screams and feel as her heart exploded from the over exertion."

"You were able to move under the cruciatus?!"

"huh...yeah."

"Most adults can't do more than writhe while under the lightest curse, and you were able to crawl to your mother's side as a child. You must have been a surprise for the death eaters."

"That's nothin'..." Jaxom replied in a monotone. "They increased the strength until I felt my eardrums rupture from my mom's screams. My power exploded. I killed one of them with barely a thought, then followed the other to the rest of the group. The leader was, as I later found out, a man by the name of L. Malfoy. I can't wait to get my hands on that bastard."

"So...what happened to the other DE's?"

"Well, after I'd reached them, I decimated the other man from the alley. That coward, Malfoy ordered my death then apparated out. They did their AK thing, which was stopped by my magic. The shield that I'd thrown up, completely on instinct, absorbed the spells' energy until it reached a critical level and exploded out. Not long after, members of a secret organization retrieved me from the crater that was my town. They trained me for the next decade or so. Since I left them, I've made my own way by primarily taking bounties."

Tonks just stared at this man, whose story could rival Harry Potter's. They remained silent for a few more minutes until she looked at her watch.

"Shit! I've got to get home. I really want to do this again. I'll owl you later, 'kay"

Jaxom smiled and reached in to one of the steel rings attached to his gloves. His fingers disappeared inside the ring as he dug for something.

"I've actually got something better. These rings are focuses for dimensional sub pockets where I can store just about anything. Ain't magic grand?"

He pulled out what looked like a muggle cell-phone and tossed it to her.

"Here. Just say my name into the speaker and I'll answer."

And with that, the pair separated with a firm handshake and a chaste kiss on the cheek.

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Jaxom and Tonks, or Dora as he had taken to calling her to her initial chagrin, had been dating for a good four weeks and both were thoroughly enjoying it. Currently, the couple was curled up on Tonks' couch with arms wrapped around each other when she voiced a question that had been sitting on her mind since their third date.

"Hey Jax..."

"Hmmm?"

"How come you haven't tried to sleep with me yet?"

Jaxom, forever the unusual, merely faced her with a quirked eyebrow.

"Awfully blunt, eh Dora?"

"Well, I couldn't think of another way to ask and its been driving me around the bend."

"You that eager to bed me, Dora?" Jaxom asked with a bemused smile.

"Its not that. Its just...its not what I'm used to. Four weeks and not even an attempt. Why?"

"Cause I love you too much to risk it." Jaxom replied, always keeping his ebony gaze on her violet eyes.

"Well sure, but..." she stopped. "Wait...what?"

"I said I love you too much to risk it."

"Y-you love me?"

"Yep, I sumph!" Jaxom didn't get any farther for the pair of lips locked with his. The two engaged in a passionate embrace that traveled from the couch to her bed...

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Two sweaty figures rested on top of a well-used bed in post union breathlessness. Jaxom wrapped his arms around Tonks' heaving shoulders and pulled her tight against him. They resided in silence for a few minutes until it was broken by Jax.

"Hey, Dora?"

"Hmmm...yeah, Jax?"

"I was wondering if I could see you as..."

'SMACK'

"You Bastard!"