So I'm back in the States. I was in Mexico with my fiance's family, which was its own adventure... I miss it; I wanna go back. Now that I'm done pouting... This started with a weird off-hand comment about how they should just ship Roman off to Smackdown to be with Cena in order to leave Seth and Dean together on RAW...Then I wrote this thing tonight, and it turned out slightly more morbid and dark than what I was expecting...yup. If you can't tell, I'm very disappointed in the whole Roman situation.

Siberia or Something

"So you want me to stand right in front of this crate?"

"Yup, right in front of that beautiful maple crate," Intern Eve said in a chipper voice.

"Huh," Roman mused. "Where did you even get this thing? You could fit an entire person in here… Why do you even need this?"

"Oh, just a little spring cleaning! You know the saying, out with the old!"

"But it's July…" Roman said.

"Ah, close enough. I like to round down. Now just one second, I'm just getting that thing I wanted to show you," Intern Eve said as she raised the kendo stick she stole from Dean over her head. She carefully positioned it right over Roman's head and brought it crashing down on the Samoan's cranium.

Roman crumpled like a sack of potatoes right next to the crate.

Intern Eve groaned. "You stupid man! Why didn't you land in the crate like I wanted you to!?" She pulled on Roman's arm and sighed. "You weigh a ton…"

"Intern Eve?" Seth called into the plush office that Intern Eve had stolen from some poor employee.

"Hey lady!" Dean shouted. There was nothing but a huge crate in the middle of the office and a broken kendo stick on the floor.

Intern Eve popped up from where she was crouching behind the large crate. "What? Why are you shouting? I'm a very busy woman, and I have all these things to do," Intern Eve said, exasperatedly.

Dean and Seth stared at the woman: Seth with eyes widened in alarm and Dean with eyes narrowed in suspicion. Seth then cautiously asked, "Why do you have that?"

"Have what?" Intern Eve blinked, innocently at the two wrestlers. "The crate? No important reason!"

"No," Dean drawled. "I think Seth's talking about the big gun you're holding."

Intern Eve glanced down at the weapon in her hands. "Ohhh, you're talking about my tranquilizer rifle!"

Seth exchanged a glance with Dean. "Yes, I'm talking about the rifle! Why the heck do you have a tranquilizer rifle?"

"Oh Sethie, no real reason," Intern Eve said with a grin, and Seth cringed at the nickname. She then said, "It's just a prop for when I propose a new pay-per-view concept. Big Game Hunter. It'll be great! The creepy hunter guy from Jumanji will be lurking around the whole event while the matches go on, and he'll randomly chose someone to stalk! I think we'll top our numbers with this one!"

"Huh," Seth said. "That's definitely an interesting idea…"

"That's a horrible idea, Eve," Dean said in a blunt tone. "You can do better than that. That idea makes the Sundae Slam seem brilliant."

Intern Eve's head bobbled in agreement. "That was a brilliant idea." Her voice carried a wistful tone.

"Sorry to bug you, Intern Eve," Seth said, interrupting her little session of reminiscing. "We were just looking for Roman, and we were wondering if you've seen him?"

"Nope, I haven't seen him for a very-" Intern Eve was interrupted by a sudden and loud thump from the crate.

Three pairs of eyes swiveled to the crate, and Intern Eve kicked the side with one of her steel-toed boots. "A very long time!"

"What's in the crate?" Dean demanded.

Intern Eve sighed, dramatically. "Okay, you got me... I lost some semi-dangerous animals in the arena. They could potentially present a large problem, and perhaps maul some of the crew members or sports entertainers if I don't find them... That's the real reason why I have the rifle."

"What the hell did you lose?" Seth asked, hesitantly while Dean glanced around them in a way that said he was concerned a wild Braun Strowman would appear at any given moment.

"Nothing too bad...Just some crocodiles."

"Why do you-" Seth began to ask but he was interrupted by Dean.

"Do you really want to know, dude?"

Seth considered before he shook his head. "See you later, Intern Eve. If you see Roman, tell him we're looking for him."

"Toodles," Dean muttered in a sarcastic tone as they left the office, closing the door behind them.

Intern Eve sighed, and she kicked the crate. "You hear that, Reigns? Your brothers are looking for you. I guess it's a good thing I gagged you and hogtied you..." She set down the gun and put her two hands under her head as she tilted it to the side in the classic GTS motion. She carefully stuck the barrel of the tranquilizer gun in the slightly ajar top of the crate and pulled the trigger. "Time for you to go nighty night, Reigns…"

Then with a comically large mallet, she hammered in some nails to secure the lid down. "You'll be fine, buddy. I packed animal crackers, a blanket, and some water bottles for you. Just think of this as an exchange trip, only I'm not getting anyone in return, and you're never going to come back…"

She carefully stuck labels on the sides of the crate with the captions of Live Cargo and Fragile. Then she placed a label with a Siberian address on top of the lid. She sighed. "You know, this wouldn't have come to this if you hadn't disappointed me, Reigns. I put my confidence in you, and you got yourself suspended…"

Intern Eve studied the crate with a critical eye. "I know McMahon told me to ship you home. I think he meant that in a figurative way, but oh well, maybe I misinterpreted his instructions… You are Russian, right? Samoan, Siberian...They're the same place really." She was interrupted from her one-sided conversation by a knock on the door. "Come in!"

A couple of beefy men entered the office. "Is that the crate you needed shipped?" One asked.

"Yup! And it's time sensitive. The sooner, the better. Don't open the crate for any reason. Thanks boys! Be good for them, RoRo!"

And with those parting words, Roman Reigns was shipped to Siberia to begin his 30 day suspension.

Yup, just some strong feelings about the suspension... What are your thoughts?