A/N: Pheeeewww. Here we go!
~Three Years Later~
Home late yet again, Bella was, as always, grateful to see Edward's car in her driveway. Not that there'd ever been a doubt. He was there every spare second he had, and almost always jumped at the chance to spend extra time with Melody.
There was no official agreement between the two of them. In many ways, when it came to parenting their daughter, Edward and Bella functioned just like any married couple. They just didn't live in the same house. They talked on a daily basis, touched base with each other about all things Melody, their schedules, and their other needs. These days, Edward was her best friend and a great partner.
He'd come a long way these last three years. She supposed they both had, but watching him evolve into the sweet, confident man he was today had been a genuine pleasure. He was still so young, and she often wondered who he'd be if they hadn't met. Still somewhat carefree?
Then again, look where carefree had gotten him the first time. He seemed happy. He didn't resent her or their baby—something she'd feared would happen. He'd worked hard to support himself and was well on his way to achieving an actual career. It was one he'd fallen into unexpectedly, but it seemed to suit him.
Life was pretty good. There were ups and downs, of course, but overall, Bella had few complaints.
As soon as she entered the house, Bella heard the lovely sound of a guitar and, even better, the voice that accompanied it. "Hide behind a rainbow's wall. Slipping and a-sliding. All along the waterfall. With you, my brown-eyed girl. You, my brown-eyed girl."
It was no surprise at all when his deep, rich voice was joined by a much higher, sweeter, slightly off-key voice for the chorus of, "Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah." Bella got to the top of the stairs and peered in. Sure enough, Edward was standing, facing their brown-eyed, little girl as she sat on the bed, legs bouncing as they sang together. They wore matching smiles of total adoration.
Bella rested her head on the door jamb, content to watch. They were beautiful; both of them bonkers for each other. Melody was her daddy's girl, and that was fine with Bella. She loved her precocious, musical toddler. She couldn't help but chuckle as Melody climbed to her feet on top of her bed, shimmying a little and performing the last part of the song with gusto.
As the song drew to an end, Bella clapped. "Bravo."
Melody gasped, her head snapping to the doorway in surprise. Her eyes lit up, and she bounced on her butt on the bed before sliding onto the floor. She dashed at Bella, arms raised. "Mommy!"
Bella leaned down, scooping her up and kissing her cheek. "Melly, Melly, Melly." She transferred the toddler to one hip and put her free hand to the other, looking sternly between her daughter and Edward. "I suppose this is what you call putting the baby to bed?"
"It's a bedtime song, Mommy. Duh."
"Duh," Bella mimicked, and kissed her daughter's forehead gently. "It sounds more like a bedtime concert. You want to be a rockstar, baby girl?"
"No. I tol' you. I wanna be like Daddy and feed the bears."
Edward reached out and ruffled Melody's hair. "Fear the bears. Daddy fears the bears. Particularly, I fear the bears will feed on me."
"And yet, he has no problem with mountain lions." Bella rolled her eyes.
"That was one time, and it was a great picture," Edward said, grinning impishly. "It wasn't like I came across her on purpose. She strolled into the ranger station, and I just happened to be there."
"Mommy, lions are big kitties. You have to pet them."
"No," Edward and Bella said together. Edward shook his head. "We definitely don't pet lions, little love." Melody was the kind of child that would run right toward a mountain lion should she ever come across one. And, in the Pacific Northwest, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility, especially given that Edward worked at Olympic National Park.
"But, why—" Melody started.
"Shh." Putting his guitar down, Edward reached for her, and their little girl pitched forward into his arms. Bella gave her up easily. She smiled, watching him switch her around so she was cradled in his arms as if she were a tiny baby again. He sat on the bed and rocked her, beginning to croon softly. "Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes. And save these questions for another day."
Bella's heart warmed again. She'd been the one to introduce him to Billy Joel—a singer her father had introduced her to. Charlie used to sing it to her when she begged.
"Again," Melody mumbled when Edward finished. Her eyelids were already drooping. Bella pulled back the blankets and laid down on her side as Edward lay Melody in her bed. She helped him tuck her in as he began the song over, and rubbed her daughter's back in slow circles.
Like Melody, Bella found herself lost in the beautiful, soft sound of his voice. She closed her eyes and, before she knew it, she was drifting.
She woke disoriented, and…. Airborne? Bella started and reflexively lifted her arms, tightening them around Edward's neck.
"I have you," he said, his voice a gentle rumble near her ear.
"You're going to hurt yourself." Despite her words, she relaxed in his arms, eyes closing again.
He snorted. "Somehow, I'll manage."
Her room was right next to Melody's, so it wasn't a long trip. He laid her down on her bed, a smile playing at his lips. As her eyes locked with his, her heartbeat stuttered.
"I'm not really tired," Bella blurted, wondering why she was suddenly self-conscious. It didn't help when she couldn't suppress the yawn that came directly on the heels of her statement.
He smirked, but then his smile gentled. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Four long nights in a row."
"I could do a solid two weeks on a couple of hours a night back in the day." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared up at the ceiling.
Edward sat down on the edge of her bed. "You hate your job. That's why it's more exhausting."
She narrowed her eyes at him, and he raised his hands. "Just my perception. During the summer, when my job is at the busiest, I was working all the time at all hours. But I had so much energy."
She quirked her eyebrow. "Because you're like seven."
He rolled his eyes but grinned at her. "I had energy because I love what I do. I'm happy." His eyes lost some of their light, and he looked down, picking absently at the comforter. He shook his head. "I'm just saying. I understand what you lost. I'm one or two steps above the bottom rung of where I want to be, but the ladder is pretty clear to me. I know I can get there." He grimaced. "It's like you were knocked off your ladder."
"Not off." Bella sighed and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. "It's not like it's impossible to get where I want to be." She shook her head. "It was never a guarantee. Life happens, and it's not like I'm unsuccessful. Production isn't the side of the business I wanted to be on, but it's lucrative enough. I make a good living. I provide for my baby and myself. I don't worry about whether or not I can pay my bills. It's more than a lot of people have."
"But not personally fulfilling."
"Not so much," she admitted. Then, she smiled wickedly. "But, I'm not as decrepit as I look. I can find a new ladder to climb. I have a lot of life left to live."
His eyes sparked and his grin took on that devilish quality, tinged with something dark and exciting. He leaned down, and his voice was low when he spoke. "You look decrepit?" His eyes brushed up and down her body with all the effect of a physical caress, and Bella found her breath stuck in her throat. His eyes met hers again. "Aren't you journalist types supposed to be good with words? I'm pretty sure decrepit doesn't mean what you think it means."
She swallowed thickly, and when she spoke, her voice was scratchier than she wanted. "Are you trying to say you have a better vocabulary than I do?"
"I'm merely suggesting a momentary lapse in your word choice. It's possible you meant the antithesis of decrepit or one of its antonyms."
"Antithesis," she repeated, amused.
He flashed a boyish grin. "Don't pretend you're not impressed by my firm grasp of vocabulary. It's okay to show it."
"Uh huh. You see me swooning?"
"If only I did," he said with a dramatic sigh, and then winked at her. "I did get you into bed."
"I wouldn't be too proud of getting a semi-conscious woman into bed, creeper."
"I'd say that depends on what I intended to do with the semi-conscious woman once I got her into bed."
Her body interpreted the words as deliciously filthy. She was awake now. Aware. Too aware of his nearness and that look on his face. He was attracted to her, and she wasn't going to pretend the thought didn't please her. She was only human, and she still remembered the things he could do with his talented hands.
And maybe that would explain why she said what she said next. "So what would you do to a semi-conscious woman in bed?"
He cocked his head, his eyes searching hers. He turned so he was on his knees on the bed, towering over her. "I would…" He put his hand on her knee. "Take off your shoes. So you would be comfortable."
They were caught in a stare, an odd, heated energy roiling between them. Bella felt her cheeks flush. A jolt went through her arms, and it took effort not to rise up, inviting him to meet her lips. He would. She knew he would. That they were attracted to each other had led them here, to Washington with their beautiful daughter.
Melody.
Hell.
Bella rolled to her side, away from Edward, and sat up. She ran a hand through her hair, looking around for a hair-tie. Her face was far too hot. "I need my shoes. It's too early to sleep. I have… you know. Things to do."
"Right."
When she chanced a glance at him, he had a strange look on his face. Bella paced a few steps away, trying to remember what the heck she had to do. The house was clean—she employed a maid service a few times a month. The bills were paid. The story she'd been working on was done. She furrowed her brow. There was no way she was caught up. She had to be missing something.
"Have you eaten?" Edward asked.
Bella put a hand to her stomach realizing suddenly she was incredibly hungry. "Ah. There it is. Food. I forgot food."
"Yeah. You're good at that." He stepped ahead of her and gestured with his head. "Come on. There's some dinner left over from what I fed the little. It's been a long week. I'll make you a plate, and we'll catch up."
"You don't have to—"
"I know." He gestured again. "Come on."
Bella let out a long breath, relaxing. This was familiar territory—talking about their week.
Some minutes later, Bella raised her head, inhaling the scent of homemade chicken noodle soup and a roast beef sandwich. She didn't bother to stifle her moan. "Damn. You're way too good at this."
"Feeding myself and my girls?" He shrugged, settling kitty-cornered to her at the table. "Seemed like a good pastime. Plus, it comes in useful when I'm camping. My meals look and taste better than anyone else's."
Bella pursed her lips, tilting a spoonful of soup into her mouth. "Yeah. I bet the bears think so too."
He cocked his head, fixing her with a look. "Are you going to start again?"
"No." Bella closed her eyes, savoring the sandwich for a handful of seconds. "Do you still want to take Mel out there?"
"Not on a trip like this one, no. But you knew that. I love being out there on the trails. I want to share that with my daughter. You don't think I know what's safe for a three year old?"
For a long minute, she didn't speak as she sipped her delicious soup. She hadn't meant to start a fight, and of course she knew Edward would never be purposefully reckless with Melody. She wiped her mouth and gave him a rueful look. "I had the same upbringing as you did with my dad. He's always loved the National Parks." It was how Edward had found his calling. Charlie had taken him on several camping trips—fishing and hiking deep in Olympic National Park—and Edward had fallen in love with the idea of being a park ranger. That was the path he was on, low on the rungs now, as he'd mentioned.
"From the time I was Mel's age, he taught me a healthy respect for nature. The wild is wild. It's unpredictable and anyone in it is unprotected." She eyed him. "There's no such thing as completely safe."
He grimaced, and she went on before he could speak. This had been brewing inside her for a long time now. "And don't get me wrong. I love that you've found something you're passionate about. It's just that it scares me. My dad likes a nice, long hike to a secluded lake where he can fish in peace. You? You're more of a thrill seeker. I've known guys like you. I've done stories on guys like you. You end up chasing bigger, tougher hikes. Climbing higher mountains. Getting closer to waterfalls. Every time you go out, you take a risk. Because you can't control the animals or when this rock face is going to crumple or when the weather is going to turn heinous. People have wandered off the trail—even the short, simple ones—and are never seen again. It happens."
"It does, but more often than not, it doesn't. You could also get struck by lightning just walking down the street. Or hit by a car."
"I know." She rolled her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I know this is coming out suddenly. I'm proud of you for how far you've come and the things you want to do with your life. And I know there are much more dangerous jobs than being a park ranger, but I can't help hearing all the statistics. Right now, most of your back country exploring is recreational. When you do make ranger, it's going to be part of your job, too. You're just increasing the chance something unexpected is going to happen every day."
Bella huffed and wiped a hand over her eyes. "I know that sounds paranoid and ridiculous." She reached across the table and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. "I don't know. I just think about it a lot."
He smiled. "Charlie also told me you have probably every single book on deaths in the national parks, extreme rescues, and stories of people who have disappeared without a trace. And that's not to mention the books written by rangers about close calls with bears and cliffs."
She ducked her head. "Information is a good thing to have." She looked up at him from under her eyelashes. "I can't help but feel protective of you."
"I'm going to be fine. And when I can take Mel, she's going to be fine." He quirked an eyebrow. "And if you'd just agree to go with me, you'd see. Some things are worth a little risk." He held up his hands. "Just a little risk. I promise I'm not going to turn into one of those rock climbers who scales the face of El Capitan in Yosemite with nothing but their hands."
She shuddered. "Gah! Two guys, experienced guys, died doing that last year."
"And I just promised I wouldn't do it."
She grimaced. "I saw it once, you know. When I was little. In Yosemite, actually. It's so quiet out there, but all of a sudden there was a helicopter." She swallowed hard. "When it came back down, there was a body in a bag hanging from it."
Edward took both her hands in his. He didn't say anything, but just looked at her steadily. She huffed out a breath.
It was amazing how important he was to her. Once upon a time, she'd told him she would be fine raising their daughter alone. She had no doubts she would have been, but now?
"Okay," Bella said, taking her hands from his. She picked up her sandwich. She took a bite and chewed slowly. "So," she began with an air of nonchalance. "Is Lauren going with you on this trip?"
She wanted to bite her tongue off the minute she said it. What was wrong with her tonight?
A glance at Edward showed that his face had gone carefully blank. She looked quickly away.
"Yes," he said slowly. "And Tyler. And Mike. Tanya. Irina."
Bella hummed. "So are things back on with you?"
Edward made a disgruntled noise. "They were never on with her. We fooled around that one time at a party."
"Why not? I didn't see the appeal when I met her one time, but…" She shrugged.
"Neither did I. That's why it was never a thing. We were hanging out after a long week, feeling good. That's all it was. You know that."
"Don't get defensive. You don't need to defend yourself to me."
He pressed his mouth into a thin line but didn't say anything.
"Look, it's fine. You know it's fine," Bella said, trying to make her tone lighter than she felt. She had to dig herself out of what she'd started. "Not Lauren. I'm just saying, it's a nice thing to share with a like-minded someone. It would be a good thing."
That definitely made everything worse. The air around them changed to something tumultuous, and Bella cursed herself inwardly, knowing damn well she'd started it. Her mind had been racing a mile a minute all evening. Something about the image he'd presented when she walked in—seeing him there amidst all Melody's miniature things, guitar in hand, singing and gazing adoringly at their daughter. And then that moment in her bed. And he'd made her dinner.
She was tired, and her wires were getting crossed. That was all.
"I'm going on the trip with five like-minded people," Edward said, his tone careful. He waited a beat. "But, like I said, I'd like to share the experience with you."
"Hiking Olympic in the winter is an act of pure insanity," she said, teasing him now. "Anyway, hanging out with friends is great, but that wasn't what I was talking about. There should be more Laurens for you. I don't think you hear it enough, but these are your young, carefree years.
"I did the young and carefree thing, remember?"
"You can be young and carefree without breaking the law. I'm just saying, if there's some reason you're holding back—"
"Bella." He rubbed his hands over his face, putting his elbows on the table. "Why are we talking about this?" He pinned her with his gaze. "Would it make you more comfortable if I was seeing someone?"
"This isn't about me."
"It isn't? I'm not the one who brought it up. I never am. Every time, it's you who asks me. Out of nowhere."
"I don't…" Bella rubbed the back of her neck. "Look, I told you. I feel protective of you and not just about your safety. I'm just aware that you got the fast forward button held down on your life. I don't want you to miss anything."
He laughed. "Like what? Meaningless relationships?" He looked away for a moment and then looked back. When he spoke again, his voice was soft, but his eyes were intense. "I don't want them. I want you. Is that what you want to hear?"
Bella bit the inside of her cheek hard. She wasn't an idiot. She saw the way Edward looked at her sometimes, and she knew it was confusing. They were partners, and they were good together in a lot of ways. It would be as easy as breathing to slip into something with him. They'd been dancing around this conversation for years. He didn't push, but when they had little moments like earlier, it was almost always her who pulled away.
When she didn't answer, he sighed. "I get that we have this age difference. You make me feel like I'm a little kid sometimes."
"I don't think you're a little kid."
"Ha." He rolled his shoulders. "You do and you don't. You refer to our ages all the time, like you think about it all the time."
She grimaced. She did think about it. A lot.
"And the way you talk… Sometimes I think I'm an immature brat for wanting the things I want. Naive, even, because to me, it's simple. We like each other. We're attracted to each other. I don't get why we need more than that to try for something more. You make it so much more complicated. And it is. You're right. We both had a lot of other things to figure out and deal with for a while there. It made sense that it was more complicated than I wanted to think it was, but I also think so what? Life isn't going to stop being complicated, right?"
"Edward." She rubbed her temple. "You haven't even had a chance to play the field. By the time I was your age—"
"My twenties and your twenties don't have to look the same. My twenties aren'tthe same as yours were. They never can be. I have a kid, for fuck's sake. I go out with women, and it's a good time. Don't get me wrong. They're a lot of fun. But you try getting a woman my age to understand that I don't want to party all night. I don't want to do some of the stupid things they want to do. They take risks I can't believe. I have Melody to get home to. Try explaining that to those women. That I'd rather be here, in your house, with you and Mel. And that I admire you. I adore you. I say too many good things about you. They get suspicious."
"But don't you get how that sounds? This is exactly what I don't want for you. Maybe I make things too complicated, but this kind of stuff matters. The reason you get into something matters in the long run. You want me, you want more, because you think it's the only option you have. That's not fair. Not to either of us."
His face pinched but then he laughed again. "See? That makes sense, and I feel like a teenager who just can't think things through."
"I don't want you to feel like that. I just want—"
"What's best for me. I know. Because I'm too young to figure that out for myself." He didn't sound bitter, and when he looked at her, his expression was calm. "I'm not going to say I don't enjoy a blow job or a fuck when someone offers it. I'm not against casual experiences. But I've never gone out looking for it on purpose. That's not how I'm built. Even with Victoria...the whole reason she was able to make me do the things I did was because I was serious about her. I likeserious.
"I don't think I'm going to 'grow up' to resent not messing around more. I could be wrong, but I also don't think it's a guarantee that I'm wrong. Nothing is a guarantee." He surged forward, grabbing her hands and leaning across the table. "Bella, I don't think the way I feel about you has anything to do with you being the only woman in my world who understands where I'm at. I knowyou now. You told me once you didn't jump into a relationship with a man you've just met, but that's not us. Not anymore.
"You're the strongest woman I've ever met. All this time, I've figured if you wanted me, you would say so, because you have no problem going after what you want. But you didn't, so I haven't said anything." He squeezed her hands tightly. "But if you do want me, then fuck everything else." There was that sexy grin that sent shivers down her spine. "Worst case scenario? I think we've been through a lot worse than each other."
Her lips twitched, but her heart was pounding a mile a minute. Why. The hell. Had she started this conversation? What had gotten into her? Speaking of feeling like a little schoolgirl. She wanted to scream yes, yes, yes.
She did want him. It was confusing and felt wrong somehow, but what the heart wanted…
"It's…it's...bad timing." She put her hands on her knees, rubbing. "This thing we got going works. Melody is so happy. We're good together the way we are.
"You think I'm strong, and that I get what I want, but I'm all over the place right now. A relationship has always been secondary to me. Not the most important thing to want. Right now, I don't know what I want first. I don't know how to deal with my lack of ambition. I've never hated my job, and you were right. That's exhausting." She looked at him, knowing her eyes were pleading. "I need this good, happy part of my life to be steady. If we change our dynamic, it could all fall apart. Right now, I need what we have."
He stared at her for a long time, looking like he wanted to argue. In the end, though, he nodded slowly. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah, I get it." He winked at her. "See how much I've grown up? Respecting you and all that."
She laughed and reached over to ruffle his hair. "You're a prince." Her smile gentled. She felt such tenderness for this man. "You're a good man, Edward."
"I know." He stood up. "Now, I know it's still early, but you really do look tired. Will you let me put you to bed?"
Playing along, she stood up too. "On one condition."
"What's that?"
"I want a lullaby."
He cackled. "Sure. Let's see." His eyes twinkled as he took her hand. "I know. An oldy but goody from my childhood."
She quirked an eyebrow.
"Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shinin'. Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying. She's so beautiful and I tell her every day."
Bella groaned. "From your childhood," she muttered. It was a Bruno Mars song—one that came out in 2010 as she recalled.
"When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change 'cause you're amazing, just the way you are," he crooned, and Bella smiled.
A/N: Weeeellllll. How we doing out there?
Don't be too hard on Bella, my dears. I know what most of us would do if Edward was waltzing around our house, singing to our kiddos (and ourselves) and making THOSE EYES. But, ya know, where's the fun in that story? Hehe