So this doesn't really fit in perfectly in a certain point of time, but that's fine. :) Captain wanted a serious, kinda angsty take on a battle between Finn and Dean for the right to be Seth's tag partner. And I was like, totally, I'll hook you up! So here's crack... For some reason, I couldn't get the serious version to work. Oh well, I hope she likes this anyways. She helped proof, and I'm pretty sure she thought I was nuts the whole while.
Mechanically speaking, all the bold sections are in the very now present and the regular text is earlier that day.
Disclaimer: WWE owns the wrestlers, duh. I just own Carla and Intern Eve.
"So, I just had the weirdest first day of work ever," said Carla, the newest P.A. in the WWE.
"Yeah? The WWE is wackier than we thought?" Her sister asked.
"You have no idea," she said with a thousand-yard stare. "Apparently P.A.'s are virtually invisible backstage; it's the weirdest thing. Like even Intern Eve, who by the way, I'm paid to follow around and assist, would forget I was right next to her! So I spent most of my day completely ignored like I was a ghost! Like behind the scenes, there I was following Intern Eve around when,"
"Why, there you are! It's my favorite Universal Champion!" Intern Eve exclaimed. She sprang out from a stack of crates that she had been hiding behind for the last 45 minutes with the knowledge that a certain someone would pass by.
Seth refrained from rolling his eyes. "I'm the Intercontinental Champion, not the Universal."
Intern Eve looked surprised. "Since when? Wait, who's the Universal Champ?"
"...Lesnar"
"Who?"
How did Intern Eve get away with working at WWE and not knowing who the current champ was? Seth gave her a disbelieving look. "Brock Lesnar? Big dude, pink face? Suplex City? ...Ring any bells?"
"Oh my God… Don't I feel terrible! I thought that was an escaped silverback gorilla from a local zoo. They're critically endangered, I'll have you know. Diminishing habitats and Ebola are among some of the threats... I hope I don't get fined by the zoologists who came to tranq him. But I suppose that's only if they figure out he's not a valuable alpha male," Intern Eve mused.
Seth gaped. "You what?" He thought for a moment and said, "Never mind. What did you need?"
Intern Eve grinned. "I just wanted you to carry this box for me. It's so heavy, and I need someone strong to help me!"
Seth stared at her. "Why are you laying it on so thick? All you have to do is say 'please'. And wait, aren't you like insanely strong?"
Intern Eve scowled. "Just pick up the damn box, or I'll sic the zoologists on you...please."
Actually rolling his eyes this time, Seth grabbed the box. "Jeez, this is heavy. Where to?"
"Oh, over here in the dark corner behind those crates."
"So why are you holding a baseball bat?"
"What baseball bat?" Intern Eve shifted the object in question out of Seth's line of vision.
"The one behind your back."
"Ohh, this baseball bat? I was practicing destroying things with it, so when I see Elias again, I can efficiently eliminate his stupid guitar until it's a collection of toothpicks."
Seth debated whether or not to inquire about the insane Intern's vendetta against the hipster musician, but if he were to be honest, he didn't want to implicate himself. "Okay then… Eve, this weighs a ton. What do you have in this box? A bunch of rocks?"
"Why, yes!"
"You're actually serious. Why?"
"It's a rock collection!"
"You collect rocks?"
"No! I said it's a rock collection, not my rock collection."
"Then whose is it?" Seth asked, exasperatedly.
"IT'S MINE!" Braun Strowman (Ahem, I mean, BBBBRRRRAAAAUUUUUNNN) yelled as he grabbed the box out of Seth's hands. Then the Monster among Men smacked Seth, sending the Architect into a pile of wooden crates.
Carla shrieked and hid behind Intern Eve, who seemed to remember she was there for a split second. "Shoo. Outta my way, minion."
Intern Eve skipped over and smacked Seth on the back of the head with the baseball bat for good measure. "Yup, he's not waking up anytime soon." She eyed up Braun, curiously. "Would you mind moving him for me?"
The Monster among Men was carefully sorting through his rock collection, making sure all his precious finds were accounted for. When he was satisfied everything was there, he stared at Intern Eve. "Why?"
"I wanted him to pass out closer to that." She pointed to the corner.
Braun eyed the corner and raised an eyebrow. "What the hell for?"
Intern Eve shrugged. "The greater good, really. I'm sick of NXT getting all the critical attention and NJPW getting 7 out of 5-star matches, so I am going to manufacture the greatest main event of all time with some of the realest stakes and drama. Will they get their friend? Or will he live in a shark cage for the rest of eternity in the corporate headquarters? Find out tonight on RAW only on USA! Check your local cable provider for times."
Braun considered the situation. He had nothing against Rollins. The guy was nice enough, and they even tagged together before, but then again, Intern Eve was one of those people who was better as an ally than a foe. He stepped forward and grabbed Rollins' arm. He dragged the Architect to the corner and stuffed him into the shark cage. He grabbed his rock collection and stalked towards the locker room.
He growled, "I don't want anything else to do with whatever you're doing."
Intern Eve shrugged as she chained the door shut. "Just don't let him out, and we won't have any problems." She didn't need anything else from the big man. She carefully covered the shark cage with a big blanket and left the room, whistling and practically skipping. She slinked into catering where she saw five zoologists cornering Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman.
Nope, that's not who she was looking for. Besides, that wasn't her problem. At all. Or at least, they wouldn't trace it back to her.
She casually flounced out and headed to the locker room. She needed to find out where a demon lurked.
"So wasn't that very illegal?" Carla asked as she followed Intern Eve.
"So, not only am I positive she can't go around and assault WWE Superstars...especially without permission, but I don't think she can actually imprison anyone in the corporate headquarters basement, but I digress.
"Next, I was tasked with giving the Lunatic Fringe an invitation to a match. He walked right past me. So I stuck around to see his reaction before I went to check on Seth Rollins."
Dean went to find his bag, and was surprised and faintly horrified to see a leopard print envelope sitting on top of it. He suspiciously picked it up between two fingers and held it away from his body as though he was afraid it would explode.
To be fair, it was from Intern Eve, so anything was possible.
He carefully peeled off the big black heart sticker, unsealing it, and he pulled out the typed piece of paper out.
Dear Dean,
I have found the competition to be Seth Rollins' tag team partner frankly disturbing. It's time to find out who Seth's real partner is. Your match tonight is canceled in favor of a main event, blood brawl between you and Finn Balor and whoever else I may decide to throw in there as well. Oh wait, the best part is Seth will be placed in a shark cage over the ring. It will be the most successful, most viewed, highest rated, 20 billion star match in recorded history. If it isn't and you and Finn fail to garner the accolades I so deserve, I will announce a Second Ever Sundae Slam between you and Finn...and probably Seth.
Don't disappoint me,
Intern Eve
Okay...It seemed like it was time to find Seth and jump ship before Seth got shoved into a shark cage. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Seth's number.
"Hello!" Intern Eve greeted in a chipper voice.
Dean frowned and hung up. It looked like he had the main event that night.
Intern Eve scowled. It was so rude to hang up on someone.
"I'm not going to lie. I felt bad for the man. He clearly had a concussion or something. He didn't even see me sitting on a metal chair next to the shark cage. I brought him a first aid kit because he would have the world's' worst headache when he came to. He freaked out, dude. The scene went as follows:"
Seth opened his eyes and blearily squinted at the ceiling from his awkwardly curled up position on the floor. The ceiling was way lower than he remembered...and metallic...and barred.
Wait, barred? He sat up quickly and regretted it as his head throbbed in protest. He groaned and gingerly rubbed the back of his head, feeling an alarmingly big lump.
What the heck happened? And why was he in a shark cage? This had to be the sickest prank ever pulled on him.
With a twinge of disappointment, he noticed that there were chains wrapped around the door, locking him in.
"Okay, keep calm. This isn't a problem. I'll just call for help," Seth muttered as he reached into his jean pocket, only to find that his phone was missing. Wow, this was just unfair.
That was fine. No problem. He was Seth freaking Rollins, the Architect. He could figure out a way out of this. He pondered how to escape.
Then very slowly, he stood up, gripping the bars in order to maintain his balance. He took a deep breath and began to violently shake the door, rattling the chains and screaming on the top of his lungs.
"HEEEELLLLLP! HEEEELLLLLLLLP! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLP!"
"Hey, shut up! Or you'll get these hands."
Seth stopped screaming and winced, grabbing at his pounding head. He squinted at the figure walking towards him. "Strowman?"
"What are you making all that noise for? I'm trying to do some research out here on jasper and chert. You're making it hard to concentrate," Strowman said, matter of factly.
"So…" Seth stared at the big man. He wasn't sure if it were the inevitable concussion from his head wound, but it sounded like Strowman was a geologist. "Wait, what?"
Strowman sighed. "Chert and jasper: microcrystalline forms of quartz."
Seth stopped himself from retorting with a sarcastic comment. He wanted to keep Braun on good terms if he were to escape this. "Right, my bad. Do you mind letting me out of here?"
Strowman considered. "Can't."
Seth frowned. "Braun, you're probably the hands-down strongest guy in the WWE. You can easily rip the door right off."
Strowman nodded in agreement and unconsciously flexed his arms a bit. "I am."
"So you can totally let me out right now."
"I can't."
Seth let out a huff of breath. "Why not?"
"Sorry, but I made a promise to a little lady. I can't let you out."
"A little lady?" Seth groaned. "Intern Eve? You can't be serious."
Strowman frowned. He actually felt kind of bad for the man. "Here, take this. It will make you feel better." He held out a small red rock. "It's jasper."
Seth accepted it, still confused. "Thanks?" He leaned against the back of the cage and sank down to the floor. "So do you know why I'm in here?"
Strowman shrugged. "Intern Eve is unhinged and has big plans for you. And don't bother yelling for help. No one knows you're down here. And you'll just make your head worse." Strowman sat on a crate and began reading his book once again.
"Great. Just great," Seth mumbled as he just noticed a first aid kit sitting next to the shark cage with some aspirin inside. At least some things were looking up.
"But seriously, the match itself. Hot garbage. Everything that you can imagine going wrong went wrong! But nooo, Intern Eve seemed to think it was a 20 billion star match. And don't get me started on her ring announcing. I could've done a better job."
"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to your main event!" Intern Eve shouted into the microphone. "In one corner weighing 225 pounds from Las Vegas is Dean Ambrose!" She announced his name with clipped vowel sounds and unenthusiasm.
Dean's music began playing.
"Hey! Enough of that!" Dean's music abruptly stopped.
Dean jogged out to the ring without music.
"And his opponent, weighing 190 pounds from somewhere in Ireland, Finn Balor! Don't interrupt me with music!"
Finn looked confused as he walked down the ramp to no music.
Intern Eve then held up the mic and said, "And their opponent, weighing 245 pounds from Chicago, Illinois, Jason Jordan. NO MUSIC."
Jason Jordan came out in a neck brace and pajama pants, walking down the ramp. He looked like Intern Eve abducted him from his home.
"And their opponent, weighing 250 pounds from Saint Louis, Missouri, Roaring Randall the Rooster!" She paused. "You can play his music."
An odd song made up entirely of chickens' clucking and roosters' crowing began playing as Randy Orton - I mean, Roaring Randall the Rooster - came strutting out in his feather-covered suit with Charlie the Chick at his side, holding her gummy worms.
"And weighing… You know what? Who cares what they weigh and where they're from? Next is Roman Reigns! And Jimmy Jacobs! And Kane!"
The three men - rather, the two men and one demon- came down the ramp and entered the ring.
"And let me introduce you to the prize, SETH ROLLINS! The spotlight turned on and swiveled up to the shark cage hanging over the ring with an annoyed Seth Rollins inside.
"LET ME OUT OF HERE!"
The bell rang.
"To say the match was chaotic is an understatement. I guess somewhere down the line it became a battle royal? Which is weird since they never announced it officially."
The crowd ooo'd and awww'd as various superstars were chucked around the ring. Well, everyone besides Jason Jordan who respectfully pointed out that he was still not medically cleared and quickly escaped to the back with a brisk walk.
Roaring Randall the Rooster performed an RKCrow onto Jimmy Jacobs, who by all accounts shouldn't have even been there since he had been released by the company over a year ago as a writer… Not even he was certain how Intern Eve got him cleared to participate in the match. Roaring Randall the Rooster pinned the ex-writer, and he was eliminated.
Just as Finn demolished Kane with a Coup de Grâce and swiftly pinned the Devil's Favorite Demon, a column of fire shot out of the ring, shooting right past Seth's cage and providing the cover Kane needed to escape into a puff of smoke.
Roaring Randall the Rooster chucked Finn Balor into the ring post, and the feathered man began his victory crow; however, it proved to be too soon.
Roman and Dean exchanged but one look before they began mauling the wrestling poultry. Raining fists and elbows collided with Roaring Randall the Rooster.
Meanwhile, Finn seemed to jolt back into consciousness and he climbed up onto the ring post. Was he setting up another Coup de Grâce?
Dean hit Roaring Randall the Rooster with a Dirty Deeds, and Roman pinned him for an elimination.
Finn casually leaped over from the ring post to the shark cage, clinging to the bottom before he slowly began pulling himself onto the side of the cage, seemingly unbothered by how the cage swung back and forth under his weight.
"Okay, let me just add that I have no idea how Balor made that jump. It was superhuman. Maybe that's the demon side showing? And I have no idea how Seth didn't throw up either. Like the dude clearly had a concussion after that psychopath smacked him with a baseball bat, and that shark cage was swinging around like a wind chime during a tornado."
"Are you going to let me out? Can you pick locks?" Seth was asking Finn in a hopeful voice.
Finn examined the chains for a moment before dropping them and shrugging. "It's okay, buddy. I'll just take out your buddies and rescue you. Why don't you think of a tag team name while you wait up here, yeah?"
"Wait up here?" Seth asked. "What are you doing?"
Finn was climbing up to the top of the shark cage. "Finding a better vantage point. What are they doing down there?"
"Uhh, it looks like they're just talking." Seth peered over the edge.
"What side are they on?"
"They're towards the entrance ramp. You're not dumb enough to jump from here. That fall might actually kill a man. What are you planning?" Seth suspiciously looked up at Finn. However, Finn was gone. A black and red face peered down with a sinister grin. There was only the Demon.
Meanwhile Roman and Dean were essentially having the big confrontation that had been building up for years.
"You know, Roman, you haven't been the most dependable friend I've ever had," Dean explained very politely.
Roman frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well, there have been times in the past where I was being double teamed and absolutely destroyed, but you rarely made the save. I mean take my issues with the Miz or Sheamus and Cesaro. It took Seth there to intervene when we weren't even friends at that point."
Roman nodded. "I get absorbed into my issues a lot of the time."
"You do. Sometimes your pursuit of championship gold blinds you from noticing the people you care about needing your help."
"You're right."
"Also, you need to know that Seth and I aren't sidekicks. We're realized individuals."
Roman pulled Dean into a hug. "I'm sorry, brother. I'll be more considerate in the future."
Fans in the crowd alternated between grumbling at the lack of a blood feud and awwing at the brotherly fluff.
But the moment was ruined when Roman abruptly shoved Dean towards the edge of the ring. Dean turned to look at Roman in betrayal, only to see the Demon soaring down from the heavens in a Coup de Grâce and landing onto Roman's sternum in a truly spectacular blow.
The crowd began a "Holy Shit" chant.
"So I was convinced Roman was dead. Like that should have shattered his rib cage. I mean, who can survive something like that?"
Roman groaned and pulled off his vest, tossing it out of the ring. When it hit the concrete, it made a metallic clanging sound.
One of the fans in the second row jumped out of his seat. "I knew it! I knew it! Roman uses illegal bulletproof body armor! That's why he beat Rusev at Hell in a Cell!"
The fan next to him sighed. "Mike, that was two years ago. Drop it, dude."
"NO! I HAVE EVIDENCE! I WILL EXPOSE HIM!"
Some men in black WWE T-shirts with sunglasses came by and dragged that fan to the back with no explanation.
"Yeah...I don't really know what they did with that fan. I guess there's a bit of a conspiracy/cover-up thing going on? From what I can tell, it seems like fans aren't supposed to know that Roman's vest is heavy duty armor. And more concerningly, Intern Eve apparently replaces the steel lining with tin foil when she gets mad at him. But that's just a rumor the other P.A.s discuss over coffee. Now that I think about it, they also spread the one about the cover-up, men in black stuff. Maybe I should cut back on coffee breaks…"
Roman smirked. "You know it takes more than that to bring me down."
The Demon stood up, tongue wagging mockingly.
Dean began rummaging beneath the ring, hoping to find something vaguely useful.
Seth sighed. This damsel in distress business was getting old very quickly.
Inside the ring, Roman and the Demon were duking it out. Dean watched carefully as he finally decided on a kendo stick. The Demon climbed onto the ring post, but Roman shoved the Demon off, and the creature rolled out of the ring and ended in a crouch.
Roman slid out of the ring, and the three started brawling.
"It was right about here when the shark cage lowered a good seven or so feet. I can confirm that it wasn't planned."
Seth was trying to figure out if the pulley system was beginning to break or if this was supposed to happen. He didn't think this wasn't planned. They would've tipped him off beforehand. Right? And he could still see the guys fighting, so the match wasn't over.
"BBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUNNN!" The Monster among Men began stalking down the ramp.
At this point, Seth was beginning to entertain the notion that his past sins were to blame for his current predicament. He wondered if it was time to find God.
Braun made a beeline to the ring. At this point, the shark cage was low enough that Strowman could reach up and grab the bottom, but he seemed to ignore it in favor of entering the ropes to look at the brawl happening in front of the announce tables, just staring like a predator planning his next meal.
So, ideally Roman or Dean win, Seth mused. Finn wasn't too terrible an option; the Demon was another story: too unpredictable, too concerning. But Strowman… Strowman was another story. Strowman couldn't win. Seth pulled the piece of jasper out of his pocket from earlier, and he chucked it at Strowman.
However, Strowman turned and the rock sailed past him, hitting…
Hitting a fuming Intern Eve who was marching up to the ring to do only God knows. The woman was hit square in the forehead and was out cold. Just collapsed right there ringside.
Ohhhh shit, Seth's eyes said it all. He was a dead man.
Strowman shot a smile at Seth, apparently thinking Seth had his back and had stopped Intern Eve from kicking the Monster out of the match.
Reaching up, Strowman grabbed the shark cage and pulled, somehow ripping it from the cords suspending it. Then Strowman simply carried the cage to the edge of the ring and dropped it outside the ring. It bounced a few times, and Seth was thrown around in it. He exited the ring and picked the cage up and just walked backstage.
After a couple of minutes, the brawling Superstars noticed Rollins was gone….as was the cage.
"What the hell happened here?" Roman asked. "Is that Intern Eve laying on the floor?"
Without a word, Dean ducked under the ring. When Roman asked him later that night what he was doing, he would give a lame excuse of reorganizing the kendo sticks. If he were to give a serious answer, he would say he wanted no part in whatever Intern Eve would do when she awoke, so it would be much better to hide under the ring.
Intern Eve slowly sat up; her eyes were dazed. However, she narrowed her gaze on Roman and Finn. "That's it! You're headlining the Second-Ever Sundae Slam!" She stood up, wobbly on her stiletto heels and began trudging to the back, all the while muttering under her breathe about incompetent Superstars and ufos.
"So I'm pretty much positive at this point that Intern Eve is nuts. She seriously thought that Seth had been abducted by aliens. I told her that I saw Strowman walk off with the whole shark cage, but she just stared at me and asked how I got past security because fans weren't allowed back here. Then I reminded her that I worked for her. She just said, 'huh' and walked away. Yeah…"
The ref didn't know what to do about the match. Technically, no one really won, but he wasn't about to tell that to Strowman. He liked having all his limbs attached, thank you very much.
Just when he was about to duck under the ring and hide, too, a young woman came up with a microphone.
Carla nudged him and muttered, "Stand next to me and give me some credibility if you don't mind."
The ref shrugged. He was probably going to be fired that day, so what was there to lose?
"Okay, let me preface this by saying that I have no clue why I did this. I swear it seemed like the most logical thing at the time...Don't worry I realize I don't have any actual authority, and I'm totally going to be fired when I go into work tomorrow. The fans just seemed so disappointed, and my logic was at least they would get like two segments next RAW from this."
Carla took a deep breath and said, "Ladies and gentlemen! With that shenanigan-filled ending, it has been decided that Seth Rollins will have the rotating partners of Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Finn...well- The Demon, and Braun Strowman. The newly named partners are tasked with organizing a custody schedule, which is basically a Fatal Fourway to be held quarterly to decide who Seth will tag with for those three months. The rotating partners must be civil in between matches; otherwise, they run the risk of being removed out of the rotation…permanently. The WWE will also introduce a new title belt to coincide with this honor to distinguish the tag partner."
Carla seemed to realize what she announced was a little kooky and said, "And if you'd excuse me, I need to make sure The Monster among Men refrains from eating the Intercontinental Champion because that would probably result in a lawsuit. Thank you and good night." Carla handed the microphone to the ref and slide out of the ring to head backstage.
The three Superstars were staring at the P.A. with bafflement.
"Is that the real replacement for Kurt-" Roman started asking Finn before he paused. Did the Demon talk?
The Demon ignored him and stared at Carla from his place, crouching on the floor. He slowly began crawling around the ring, stalking her.
Roman wondered if he should stop him because that was pretty creepy.
Dean appeared under the apron. "Have you ever seen that chick before? I haven't. Did we get another anonymous GM or whatever? Did the higher ups replace Intern Eve as temporary GM with her? Does she even work here? Or do you think she's a rogue fan? Huh...probably a rogue fan. There's no way she could be a writer or a caterer or a P.A. or something. I mean, we would've seen her around before now... "
Roman put an arm around Dean's shoulders and directed him to the back.
"Like I am positive she doesn't work here. But between you and me, hopefully, they make that a real title. But then again, would that only inflate Seth's ego more?" Dean rambled.
The two walked past the gorilla, which held a horde of backstage personal who were absolutely freaking out at all the new developments that were just announced.
"Like he'd think he's hot shit if tagging with him grants you a title. And can the world even handle him if his ego grows? We're going to have to really consider if it's ecologically sound." Dean's hands were gesturing wildly as he emphasized his point.
They walked past about two dozen zookeepers who were wheeling out a shark cage with an unconscious Brock Lesnar in it. The man had a huge tranquilizer dart stuck into the side of his neck. Paul Heyman was arguing with the zookeeper that held a clipboard. He had a safari hat on, so he probably was in charge.
"But then again, I do like tagging with the dude. We're pretty compatible wrestling-wise. It's nice You know? Though, I wouldn't say no to a title shot," Dean mused.
Roman nodded, absent-mindedly. "I get that. Tagging is familiar. It's nice, 'specially with you chuckleheads."
"Exactly!"
"Hey! You! Ambrose and Reigns, tell these men that Brock is not a Silverback Gorilla!" Paul Heyman begged. The safari hat zookeeper looked at them, suspiciously.
The two members of the rotating partners of Seth Rollins glanced at each other with cocked eyebrows.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean said. "Didn't you steal that gorilla from Africa years ago with the idea of forcing him into professional wrestling to make millions? It's both cruel and unusual."
"What!" Heyman practically squealed.
Roman nodded. "That's what I remember hearing."
The zookeeper glared at Heyman. "That's animal abuse."
"Good luck with the criminal charges," Dean said to Heyman with a grin.
"Why you fu-" Heyman was cut off by the zookeeper yanking on his arm to pull him after Brock.
"Hey Ro," Dean asked.
"Yeah?"
"Did that strike you as weird?"
Roman thought for a moment. "Not really."
"Huh. Me neither. I think we should be worried about that. Nothing seems weird anymore. I think it's a product of Intern Eve's Reign of Terror."
Meanwhile, on the other side of the horde of zookeepers, Carla was trying to reason with Strowman while the Demon crouched behind her. "Braun, you cannot keep him."
"I won him. Fair and square."
"You know what? I'm not even going to argue with you when you're acting like this. You're acting like a petulant child. You can't just keep him as a trophy. You know the ruling. Let the boy go."
"The boy?" Seth repeated, incredulously.
"I'm not sharing."
Carla sighed. Time to change courses. "Haven't you already won the tag titles?"
Braun raised an eyebrow. "Yeah"
"Wouldn't it hurt Nicholas's feelings if you replaced him?"
"I couldn't just replace the guy." Braun frowned.
Carla pointed out, "He's too young to realize that."
"I didn't think about that."
"And you've already won the tag titles already, so you've been there and done that. Wouldn't you say you have better things to be doing than covering old territory? Shouldn't you focus on your singles career? I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you haven't really won a title yet, not including the Greatest Royal Rumble."
Braun frowned. "Why do you care? You don't even work here."
Carla sighed. "I do work here."
"I've never seen you before," Braun snarled.
"Me neither," Seth mumbled.
"That doesn't matter," Carla said. "What matter is-"
"She's the new replacement for Kurt Angle now that he's on vacation," Dean said as he and Roman finally noticed the shark cage with their teammate and the arguing Braun and Carla.
Carla gave Dean a baffled look.
"You're the general manager?" Braun asked as he loomed over the P.A. "I thought Intern Eve was in the middle of her Reign of Terror over this place."
"What? Do you want to work for Intern Eve?" Dean asked.
"...No," Braun admitted.
Carla thought for a moment, wondering how she could use this weird misunderstanding. "So you wanna let Rollins out now?"
Braun crossed his arms. "I won. Fair and square."
"You weren't even in the match!" Roman pointed out.
Carla sighed. "You know if you take him anywhere, that would be abduction, right?"
Braun scrunched up his forehead in perplexment. "What?"
"I'll call the police, and you will be arrested."
"No one will find us," Braun said.
Seth said, "Dude, I'm not going quietly."
"I'll knock you out."
Carla sighed. "That would be assault and abduction."
Braun looked at Carla like she was nuts. "So?"
"It's illegal. You can't attack people outside the ring. I know you've been given free reign of the place for a while now, but I won't allow you to run amuck around here. I don't want to have problems with you this early on. Braun, I want to have a productive and healthy working relationship."
Braun grumbled. "Fine. Consider this good faith. Contrary to public belief, I don't like not having a good working relationship with management." With that statement, Braun ripped the chains off the shark cage, and Seth practically sprang out.
Carla sighed. "Thanks for cooperating. Someone will let you know when partner negotiations begin."
She startled when she noticed the Demon just lurking behind her. And she began speed walking off towards the private employee parking. "I'm so fired. I'm soooo fired. Oh dear lord, I'm so-"
Halfway to the parking lot, she heard a "Hey, wait!"
Carla glanced behind her to see Seth Rollins heading towards her. "Oh no…"
"Hey, uhhh what was your name again? I didn't catch it."
"Carla," she muttered.
"Cool, nice to meet you. So...why did you do all that? You didn't have to stick your neck out for me."
"Well, Intern Eve was going to keep you in Headquarters basement for the rest of your life. I just thought that wouldn't be good…"
Seth opened and closed his mouth and thought for a second. "That's messed up. I meant I'm surprised you confronted Strowman. Most authority figures don't bother trying to actually negotiate with him. They normally cave in."
Carla shrugged. "I guess I'm not like most authority figures."
Nia Jax shot her a dirty look as she walked past. "That was almost copyright infringement...:"
"Besides, I'll probably be fired by morning, so what does it matter? This way, I go out with a bang while you...don't."
"Yeah, I didn't want to go out with a bang this time. Thanks though, I appreciate it."
Carla gave him a weak smile and made a beeline to her car.
"So let's be real. There's no way I still have a job, right? Like I'm fired times infinity-"
Her phone began ringing, and with a sigh, she answered it.
Carla's sister watched with wide eyes as Carla answered yes or no quite often, and the PA looked like she was going to start sobbing.
"Okay, I understand." Carla hung up the phone.
"So what? Are you fired then? Should we get ice cream to make you feel better?"
"It's worse!"
"Oh God, are they suing you?"
"NO! They've made me the actual GM. I'm going to have to go back and deal with all that insanity every day!"
"Oh dear…"
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