Wow! I'm so happy to be back. I never thought I'd find the inspiration to keep going with this story... But here I am. I'm really eager to post this new chapter for you all. It's been way too long; I had given up on this story. But now I have lots of new ideas and the motivation to finish it. Not yet though, the characters still have a lot to share with you, readers. So here we are. Enjoy! And maybe go back a few chapters, because I changed quite a few things to pave the way for the rest of the story. I'm shutting up now.

Chapter 37: Let Me Carry the Weight with You

Emily's POV

Fuck… I don't even know what to answer… How the fuck did I never notice what happened to her. When was it? How old was she? What did that creep do to her!? I want to kill him! I oblige myself to breathe in and out. She doesn't need my anger right now.

"Spencer, look at me, please." I want to force her eyes to mine with my hand, but I want her to look up when she's ready to do so.

And apparently, she's not.

"It's okay, love." I try to soothe her. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. I believe you, Spence. I'm so sorry he did that to you."

She looks up as soon as the words leave my mouth. It's like a dam just broke down inside of herself. She seems both relieved and absolutely devastated. She's instantly bawling her eyes out and it breaks my heart. I've been so focused on myself, that I never realized how hurt she was too. I wrap my arms around her and hold her as tightly as possible. I know it's unattainable, but a part of me wishes that by doing so, I'll glue back the broken pieces of her heart and body together. I cannot believe he did that. I don't even know what he did, but I hate him for even laying one hand on someone as perfect and pure as Spencer. How could he?! I feel so helpless. She held me together so often, and I still don't know how to do it for her. I rake my brain for any idea of what she might need, and I just can't see any. I almost want to call Aria or Hanna, but it's not my place to do so. Would Spencer want me to? Would she feel like I'm trying to give her away to someone else? And that's not it at all; I would lie like this with her forever if it's what she wanted. God, it physically hurts to hear her weep like that.

"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Let it out, love."

I help her lie down with me on the bed. I bring her towards me so she can wrap herself against me, but she shakes her head and tugs on my back and neck until I'm half lying on top of her. Her eyes her closed, it's almost as if she's in her own world and she's using my body as a shield against her dark past. I bring my mouth closer to her ear as I hug her tighter; well as tight as humanly possible when you are lying on top of someone.

"You are okay. He cannot hurt you anymore." I whisper in her ear repeatedly.

My phone keeps vibrating in my pocket. It's probably my mom calling to know where I am. It must be past curfew, but I cannot bring myself to let go of Spencer. I just know I'll get in trouble, but I cannot seem to care. After a while, Spencer's breathing slows downs a little, and her cries resemble more of sniffles.

"It's okay, Spence. Deep breaths in… and out… Just like that. In… and out…"

Spencer breathes to the rhythm I set for her and before long she stops crying.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You are safe. In… and out."

Spencer pushes against me a little, and I sit up. So does she. I hand her the box of tissues from her nightstand, which she gladly takes. I want to ask her if she's okay, but I know it's a stupid question.

"Do you trust me?" I ask as I extend my hand to her.

She looks at me, curious. Also, she didn't say it, but I could make out the "Duh! Look what I just shared" on her face.

"I know you do. I didn't mean it like this. I mean… I have something to suggest; do you trust my judgment?"

She nods, probably not trusting her own voice and she grabs my hand. I leave my phone behind, not daring to look at the screen. I guide her to the bathroom. After turning on the water and making sure it's warm enough, I step one foot into the tub. Spencer tugs on my hand, forcing me to look her way. She seems so confused.

"Just trust me."

She nods her agreement and lets me resume whatever weird plan was on my mind. I sit at the bottom of the tub and invite her to sit between my legs, her back resting against the front of my body. The water is splattering all over us and for a moment, it's almost like we are alone together. The world doesn't exist. There is just her body and mine, the heat, and the sound of the dribble. I usually do that without clothes though, but this was the next best option for now. I feel Spencer finally relax as I rest my forehead against her shoulder. She takes my hands and guides them around her body, resuming the hold I had on her all evening. She lays back against my body, letting me carry the weight with her. I'm so uncomfortable with the wet fabric of my sweater against the cuts on my arm, but I don't dare say anything. Spencer has been there for me so much in the past few weeks, months even, I can manage at least an evening of discomfort. She turns her head to try and face me. I wish I could lose myself in her eyes, but the jet of water makes it impossible. Spencer closes the distance between our lips. I can experience everything she feels for me with that passionate touch. She gently asks permission to enter my mouth with her tongue and I'm eager to grant it. She reaches for my neck with a weird twist of her arm since I'm sitting behind her. At one point, she lets go of me and turns around between my thighs, resting on her knees. I nudge her to lift herself up a little, and I bring my legs together, so she can straddle them. We resume kissing.

Eventually, I really couldn't stand my sweater anymore, as hard as I tried to forget the pain. I gently push Spencer away and tell her what's bothering me. She unzips it and carefully takes it off me. She brings my arm to eye level, but with the water, I doubt she can see much. She slowly bends down and drops kisses on my arm. It makes me shiver.

"I love every part of you, Em." Spencer drags her lips back to mines, and I hug her again.

A part of me can't stop wondering if she is trying to focus on me instead of her own pain and if I should stop her, but the other part of me knows that we both need that time together, that shared intimacy. Spencer shrieks and backs away. I let out a scream too; with Spencer's body away from mine, I could feel that the water had turned cold. She hurriedly shuts it off. We both start laughing. And we just can't stop. Our laughers fill the bathroom as they echo on the walls of the shower. Spencer gathers her composure before me.

"Thank you, love. So much."

"Always, Spence." I'm finally able to stop laughing.

Spencer lies back into my body, and her shirt's cold water makes me shiver. I have goosebumps all over, but I can't say that they are just from the temperature. I can feel Spencer's smirk on my neck, and something tells me she had similar thoughts. My mind drifts back to my phone and the continuous calls my mom is probably still giving me.

"Spence… I'm so sorry, but I think my mom has been trying to reach me. I don't want to, but I think I should answer…"

Spencer's eyes widen.

"Shit! What time is it?!" She hastily gets up from the tub and helps me do the same.

"No idea…"

"I'm so sorry. Fuck! Your mom will be so pissed."

Spencer takes out towels from the cabinet and hands me one.

"I don't care, love."

"I do, Em. It's all my fault." Spencer looks down, probably from shame.

I can't have that. I guide her eyes to mines.

"Spencer, listen to me. I don't care. You needed me. You never ask for anything. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I wanted to be here for you. It was my choice. And I'd do it all again."

Spencer slowly nods her head, letting me know she heard everything I just said. I can still see the guilt on her face, but it will take more than one statement to get rid of it. So, I'll have to keep reminding her that she never has to blame herself for being vulnerable. I'm aware that I'm fighting against generations of Hastings though…

"Get your phone, I'll get us clothes to wear instead of our wet ones." Spencer walks out of her bathroom and I follow her.

I'm freaking scared of what I'm about to find. First thing first, what time is it actually? Midnight!? I'm almost surprised the cops weren't called. They were not, right?! 25 new notifications and several missed calls. Shit… I unlock my phone and start scrolling down the notifications. The last text from my mom says: Emily Fields, where are you? Call me. Now! I take a huge breath in and dial back.

"Emily? Emily, where are you?" My mom sounds so panicked, and the guilt is finally setting in.

"I'm so sorry, mom." I'm on the verge of tears.

"Are you safe? What happened?"

"I am. I'm at Spencer's. She… I'm sorry I didn't call."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, young lady."

I wince at the sharp tone. I knew I was going to be in trouble, but I never thought it would be that bad.

"Are you able to drive yourself home?"

"What? Yes, of course."

"I'm waiting for you." And she hangs up.

I gulp. Fuck… I turn to Spencer, the repentance is all over her face again.

"I really have to go, Spence. I don't have time to change. Can you just lend me another sweater please?"

"Of course." She quickly hands me one.

"Will you be okay?" I ask, unwilling to leave her alone.

"For tonight I will. It's okay, love. Text me once you're home safe, please."

I search her eyes for any reason to stay with her, but she seems adamant that I can leave her alone. It almost makes it worst. I have a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Spencer almost pushes me out the door, and I know that I don't have any other option than to get home. As I make my way to my car, it takes everything in me not to run back to her. A street away from her house, I park on the side of the road and dial Hanna's number. She doesn't pick up. It is past midnight after all... But I call back until she answers.

"Emily…? What's wrong?" Her voice is raspy from sleep.

"Hanna, I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry."

"Em, whatever. Just tell me what's wrong. Are you okay? Did something happen?" She's growing worried now.

"Spencer will probably kill me for calling you, but can you please go to her house and check on her?"

"Fuck, Emily, it's… almost one. I can't just drive over."

"Han, please! I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was important."

"Urgh… Alright."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Can you at least tell me what the fuck I will be walking into?" I hear sounds on the other side of the line; Hanna is surely getting up.

"I don't know, Han. I have to get home, my mom is furious. But Spencer just dropped a bomb on me. It's bad, Hanna. Fucking bad. And I didn't want to leave her alone after that, I just don't have a choice. You know my mom, she'd be capable of dragging me back home herself."

"What bomb, Em?"

I hear Hanna's car engine in the background. I hesitate… I want to tell her. And I don't think Spencer will have the strength to talk about it again tonight. But I'm painfully aware that it is not my story to tell. And I actually don't know much about the story.

"Em, you're still there?"

"Yeah, sorry. I don't know if I should tell you, Han. Please just make sure she's safe. And keep me in the loop."

"Alright…" Hanna agrees uncertainly.

"Thank you. So much. I really have to go."

I hang up the phone and drive the rest of the way home with my stomach tied in knots with fear.

Soooo...? What about this comeback chapter? How are you feeling about it? Please let me know. Love you, guys!