DEAD/ALIVE - Chapter Thirty Nine
"Every day takes figuring out all over again how to fucking live." Calamity Jane
"See I told you Monkey…a fucking waste of time." Jane said as he pulled her shirt closed and began angrily buttoning it.
Kyle looked at Doc Cochrane who merely shrugged his shoulders and shook his head as he placed the stethoscope back in his battered black bag.
"Jane…"
"You heard me Doc! A fucking waste of time."
"Probably…you won't fucking listen and never have. I've told you for years to let loose of that bottle. Now you are paying the price."
Doc hadn't missed her weight loss, and her sallow wrinkled skin. Her graying hair didn't look like it had been brushed in a long while and was twisted in an unkempt knot behind her neck.
"Come on Monkey…lets get the fuck out of here." Jane said as she stomped to the door.
Kyle's eyes pleaded for Doc to do something.
Doc gave Kyle a sympathetic smile, as he pressed a bottle of pills into Kyle's hand.
"Do the best you can. Two pills twice a day when it gets bad." He whispered under his breath to Kyle, closing his hand around the pills.
"Monkey!" Jane yelled as she stood in the doorway looking over her shoulder.
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Kyle couldn't hide the concern on his face, as he watched Jane doubled over with a coughing spasm. She jerked her head up and saw his look, "If you don't stop fucking looking at me like that or I'm going to–," she growled before the coughing returned and doubled her over again. She held her hand out to Kyle to help her over to the bed. She sat down heavily on the edge. Kyle quickly took a seat beside her.
"You need me to get Doc?"
Jane slowly raised her head and met Kyle's eyes when the coughing subsided. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Monkey what do you think that fucking quack's going to do for me…besides a lot of fucking poking and prodding…without my fucking clothes on mind you!…And trying to take my bottle from me."
"Well maybe that might not be…"
The look Jane gave Kyle normally would have stopped him, but he continued, "Jane I don't want you to…to die." His chin quivered.
He felt Jane tense with anger, which quickly subsided when he saw his genuine pain.
"There…there…Monkey," she said as she clumsily patted him on the back. "I ain't going nowhere."
Kyle sucked in a ragged breath before he wrapped his arms around Jane holding onto her tightly.
Her hand hovered a moment before slowly stroking Kyle's hair, "It'll be okay Monkey. After all I've been through in my fucking life…a cough ain't going to put me in the fucking ground."
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She tried to hide the blood that stained her hand, when the coughing became unrelenting. Kyle would look away feeling helpless and sad.
He took refuge in the barn and would sit quietly on a bale, as the cats purred and rubbed on him seeking attention. He reached a hand out and let it move slowly over them.
He replayed Doc's sympathetic hand on his shoulder, and his advice to him, "You done all you can for her. You've been a good friend and one of the few she ain't fucking chased away. At least she won't die alone."
Kyle drew in a deep shuddering breath, trying unsuccessfully to hold the tears back.
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"Jane, you are dying!" Kyle said exasperated.
"No shit…every day every minute…one foot closer to the grave. Can't deny it."
"Maybe Heyes and the Kid would like…"
"Would like to fucking what?! You don't even fucking know where they are. Ain't seen nor heard from them in years. Don't never expect to see them come back to this fucking area. Deadwood's got a bad taste for those boys. Don't need folks hovering and boohooing with their well meaning intentions. I am dead, Monkey. Chose the path myself ain't no fucking other person to blame…well maybe our good Lord that gave me this fucking thirst. But I ain't going to put it on him neither. I'll put my mark on this property, so it's free and clear with no dispute."
Kyle jumped to his feet and shouted, "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DAMN PROPERTY! JANE, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!" His tone softened, "Why don't you care?!"
"I…" Jane thought for a moment,"You know what Monkey…When Wild Bill died…I didn't fucking care if I lived or died…Now that's a damn lie…I wished I were fucking dead. Didn't find much reason to live…Then you came along and…Monkey you've been a good friend," Jane blushed a little, "Sometimes more than a good friend…"
Kyle sank back into his chair.
"I'll be truthful…making your acquaintance…a bit fucking rough at first," Jane said with a slow smile, as she remembered their first meeting. "I can honestly say you were one of the best things that happened in my fucking miserable excuse for a life."
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Heyes pushed away from the porch railing, straightened and looked across the grassy field.
Just over the small rise, but not too close to the treeline, the two horses were buried. Two weathered crosses marked the spot. Occasionally one of them would have to straighten them from the relentless Wyoming wind or retack a hanging board.
Kid's horse had died first. Kid became concerned when neither of the horses were waiting by the barn for their evening oats. He could see Heyes' horse standing by something in the grass, not moving.
Kid whistled.
The horse looked towards Kid but refused to move. Kid yelled for Heyes before running towards the horse. His black horse was dead. Kid bowed his head and placed a hand on the still warm animal's neck and stroked it.
Kid could hear Heyes running up, breathless. He stopped abruptly when he saw the dead horse.
"Dammit."
"I know he was old but…damn," Kid said sadly
Kid stayed with his horse all night with his gun in hand, fearful predators would ravage its body before they could get it buried the following day. Heyes dragged out blankets from the cabin and sat with his partner until morning with his gun on his lap.
Heyes' horse pawed at the freshly dug grave. He screamed looking frantically for his longtime buddy, as he trotted back and forth until he was lathered with white sweat, but not straying too far from the grave.
Almost one month to the day, they found Heyes horse dead beside the grave.
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Heyes hadn't heard Kid, until he brushed his arm as he handed him a glass of whiskey.
Heyes took it with a grateful nod and took a seat. Kid settled in the chair next to him.
"The horses?"
"More what they represented…endless running."
Neither men missed that part of their lives. Sometimes at night just before sleep, panic would cause them to bolt upright with dread. Their hearts would pound so hard, the sound banging loudly in their ears. A cold sweat would engulf their bodies until realization would free them. No matter how much time had passed there was no escaping the unforgettable sound of bullets whizzing around, expecting one or more to find their mark and the running would be painfully and permanently over.
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Kid set the dried plate down and turned to look at Heyes when he realized he hadn't heard a word he had said.
"Heyes?"
No response.
"Heyes?"
Heyes turned his attention away from the open window to his partner.
"What are you thinking about Heyes?"
"Not what, but who."
"Who?"
"Jane...and Kyle...just wondering how they are doing."
"Why?"
Heyes gave Kid a confused look, "Why?"
"Didn't mean it that way…just what brought that on."
Heyes shrugged his shoulders, "Just wondering. It's been a long while…since Christmas…" He quickly looked at his partner, with a sad apologetic look on his face. "Sorry."
Kid quietly nodded.
Heyes silently cursed himself. Of course Kid would remember the last time he saw them that fateful Christmas so many years ago.
"I hope you ain't thinking about going anywhere near Deadwood…"
Heyes quickly shook his head, "I think we both have had a fill of that place to last a lifetime. Like I said…just wondering."
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Heyes hadn't thought about Jane and Kyle in a while, beyond the fleeting thoughts wondering how they were doing. But lately they crept into his thoughts on a daily basis and stayed. He couldn't shake the uncomfortable nagging feeling that something wasn't right.
"Send them a damn telegram already," Kid finally said one day. "I know how your brain works Heyes. You'll keep fretting about it until you do."
Heyes gave his partner a sheepish smile, "Yeah…you're right."
"Let them know where we settled and we finally got our amnesty. Just don't go inviting them to come for a visit cuz they might never leave and I sure do enjoy this life of peace and quiet.
Heyes nodded, "Next trip to town…He paused, before puffing up with indignation, "And I don't fret."
Kid laughed, "Whatever Heyes."
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Kyle handed Jewel the telegram, looking down embarrassed.
"If you would Miss Jewel…read it to me."
Doc thought that it would be a good idea if Kyle had help. Jewel had previously worked for the late Al Swearengen, sweeping floors in the Gem and other chores. God hadn't given her an easy path in life. Born with Little's Disease she was ridiculed her entire life for her broken posture, slurred speech, and spastic gait. But instead of defeating her, it only strengthened her resolve to live an independent life and helped develop her quick tongue. There wasn't much that she couldn't handle…including Jane.
When she first arrived, she was not well received by Jane. She took Jane's cuss laced verbal assault without flinching before asking if she were done, she would go start dinner while Kyle hurriedly carried her meager belongings into his old bedroom.
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Jewel limped to the table, as Kyle helped her with her chair. He took a seat beside her.
She laid the telegram on the table.
"Who's it from? Joshua and Thaddeus?"
She shook her head. "No, it's from a Heyes and Kid…Kid?"
For the first time in a long time a wide smile crossed Kyle's face.
"Heyes and Kid," he said excitedly. He looked towards Jane who lay on the bed asleep.
"What's it say?"
"Seems like your friends…I'm assuming they are your friends…"
Kyle was bobbing his head up and down.
"Your friends are living outside Afton, Wyoming. Bought a ranch and got their amnesty."
"Amnesty! I'll be damned….and ranch owners to boot! Can't wait to tell Jane the news."
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Author's Note: Little's Disease is cerebral palsy today.