Chapter 19

The next day- Chiba

"Did you hear about Sendoh?"

Rukawa stopped tying his shoes and looked at the bench across from him, where Ryota Miyagi and Mitsui were chatting.

"What about Sendoh?" Rukawa asked.

They both looked at him, surprised, no doubt, by the slight panic in his voice. Miyagi shrugged. "He didn't fly to Nagoya with the rest of his team today."

"He flew separately?" Rukawa asked stupidly.

"No," Miyagi said, looking at Rukawa like he was a little bit dumb. "He isn't in Nagoya."

"He didn't get hurt last night," Mitsui said. "Not that anyone noticed, right?"

"I don't think so," Rukawa said, quickly replaying the last few minutes of the game. Sendoh had seemed fine. He hadn't left the court in pain at any point during the game.

"Maybe he's sick," Miyagi said. "I'm sure we'll find out. Right now ESPN is just saying that he didn't go to Nagoya."

"Right," Rukawa said quietly.

He ran through a number of alarming scenarios in his head before he finally stood up and grabbed his phone off the shelf above his head.

Ruru: Are you ok?

He texted.

He didn't get a reply. There was still no reply by the time the team left the dressing room to go warm up. When he returned to the dressing room afterward, he quickly checked his phone. Still nothing.

Forget about it, he ordered himself. It's game time.

He'd probably learn what had happened after the game. He was sure it would be mentioned during the broadcast of the Ryonan vs. Nagoya team game.

Rukawa did not play the best game of his life. Probably one of the worst games of the season for him, but his team managed to win anyway. Rukawa couldn't remember ever being so eager for a game to be over. When they got back to the dressing room, he immediately checked his phone.

Nothing.

Rukawa sat down hard on the bench, staring at his phone. He opened his web browser and searched Akira Sendoh Nagoya to see if any more information had been released. He found fans speculating on social media, and he saw an official ESPN story that just said undisclosed reasons and that there was no word whether Sendoh would be joining his team in Kagoshima for their game in two days' time.

This whole thing was very strange. Rukawa couldn't sneeze in public without the basketball sites reporting that he was deathly ill and how that should affect your sports betting. Akira Sendoh, one of the biggest stars in the league, just disappeared with no explanation and no reporters seemed to be digging very hard. Or offering possible reasons.

Which meant...they must know the reason. And they were respecting Ryonan's likely request for discretion.

Which meant...absolutely nothing good that Rukawa could think of.

Rukawa got showered and changed faster than he ever had in his life. He found a private corner of the hallway outside the dressing room and did something he'd never done before: he called Akira Sendoh.

He wasn't expecting him to answer, but he wanted the missed call to at least be recorded on Sendoh's phone. He wanted Sendoh to know he was concerned.

But Sendoh did answer.

"Rukawa?"

"Yeah. Hi."

There was a long silence.

"Are you okay?" Rukawa asked finally.

He heard Sendoh huff out a humorless laugh. "I don't know."

"Where are you?"

"Home."

"In Ryonan? Are you sick?"

"No. Home. In Moscow."

Rukawa wasn't expecting that.

"Moscow? Did something happen? Oh, shit. Your father?"

"Yes. Dead."

"Akira, I-"

"What are people saying about me?"

"Nothing! The media has been very secretive about it. The Ryonan must have-"

"Good. I will be back on Japan by end of week," he said stiffly.

"You should take more time."

Sendoh snorted. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Stop. I'm being serious."

More silence.

"I'm so sorry, Akira." He didn't know what else to say.

Sendoh didn't reply, but Rukawa could hear a sharp sniff, and then a tight, throaty noise.

"Akira-"

"I will be back to Japan in a few days. I should go."

"All right."

"Goodbye, Rukawa."

"Wait," Rukawa said, way too loudly.

Sendoh waited.

"Just...call me, all right? If you need to talk. Or text me. Whatever. But... I'll listen. I'll be there for you. This five words I swear to you."

Sendoh was silent for a moment. "You did. Thank you."

He ended the call.

Rukawa leaned back against the wall and blew out a breath.

Two days later- Saitama

Rukawa hadn't really been expecting to hear from Sendoh again. He was surprised when, after his game in Saitama, he received a text.

Kiki: Are you alone.

Rukawa stood up, mumbled a hasty reason for leaving to Sakuragi, and went out to the stairwell.

Ruru: Yes.

Kiki: Can I call you?

Ruru: Yes.

His phone rang and Rukawa answered it immediately. The stairwell was silent and empty. He leaned against the wall of the landing below his floor.

"How are you doing?" he asked, not even bothering with hello.

"I feel like... I don't know. Bad."

"How's your family treating you?"

Sendoh gave a dark laugh. "Like I should not be here."

"That's ridiculous. He was your father."

"Yes, well." There was a pause and Rukawa waited. "I am paying for everything, so that makes me...of use."

"How's your- I mean, how's his wife?"

"Upset. But not about my father. Everybody thinks so, but no. She is scared for herself."

"Because there's no money?"

"Yes. That."

"What about you? Are you...upset?"

Sendoh sighed. "I don't know. Maybe about the wrong thing."

"You wish things could have been different?" Rukawa guessed.

"I wish... I wanted him to... I don't know." He sighed again.

"I'm sorry."

He was about to ask if Sendoh had anyone there in Moscow that he could talk to, but it was pretty obvious that he didn't. Why else would he be calling Rukawa?

"Where are you right now?" he asked instead.

"Walking. A park. I needed to get out."

"Cold?"

"Fucking freezing."

Rukawa was suddenly struck by a ridiculous idea. Or maybe it was a brilliant idea. He decided to share it before his brain had a chance to figure out which.

"I know you're ashamed for telling me about your situation now. But, you can tell me everything you want to say," he said. "In Russian. So, I won't understand it...maybe it will help?"

There was a silence that was long enough for Rukawa to physically cringe at himself. He was about to take it back, when he heard Sendoh quietly say, "Okay."

The next several minutes were filled with Sendoh's voice, sounding more animated and flustered than Rukawa had ever heard him. He was used to Sendoh saying more with a teasing smile or a calculating look than with actual words. But now it was like a dam had burst, and Rukawa sat himself on the stairs and let it wash over him.

Without the ability to translate any of it, Rukawa could just enjoy the sound of Sendoh's voice, which he barely recognized now. The words were so quick and confident. It felt intimate- like they were somehow sharing a bigger secret now than when they slept together.

And there was something undeniably sexy about hearing Sendoh speak so fluidly in his father tongue.

When he was finished, Sendoh gave an embarrassed-sounding little laugh and said, "I am done."

It was jarring to hear him switch suddenly back to Japanese. Rukawa felt his head clear like he was waking from a dream.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"Yes. Thank you."

Rukawa lowered his voice and said, "Maybe you could teach me Russian someday."

"Only useful phrases," Sendoh said. Rukawa could practically hear his crooked smile. Then Sendoh purred something in Russian.

"What does that mean?" Rukawa asked.

"Get on your knees."

"Oh." Rukawa quickly scanned the stairwell again to make sure he was still alone. He was already more aroused than he should be after listening to Sendoh pour his heart out. "And what other useful phrases could you teach me?"

Sendoh laughed. "I can think of many, Rukawa."

Rukawa shifted on the stairs. "I wish you were here now."

Rukawa couldn't believe he had actually allowed himself to say that out loud. They didn't wish to be together. They reluctantly hooked up when they were in the same district because it was something to do.

He felt his mortification melt away when Sendoh said, in a low voice, "Me too."

Moscow

Something occurred to Sendoh after he ended the call with Rukawa: maybe Rukawa had recorded that call and was going to run it through some sort of translating app later.

But Rukawa wouldn't do that, would he?

Sendoh stopped into a coffee shop and ordered a cappuccino. While he waited for it, he tried not to imagine scenarios where Rukawa would somehow translate every word that Sendoh had just said.

Mostly he had just been ranting about his family, but he had included an admission that he wished things could have been different with his father. That he had stupidly always hoped that his father might tell him that he was proud of him.

That admission would have been embarrassing enough, but Sendoh had also slipped in an "and on top of everything, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you and I don't know what to do about it."

It was saying those words out loud, even more than venting his frustrations about his family, that had truly made Sendoh feel lighter. It was a secret he had been carrying for far too long, locked away so deep inside that he had even been keeping it from himself. But as soon as he let himself acknowledge it, and now say it, he felt relieved. Not because he could do anything about these feelings, but at least he had allowed himself to accept them. And he had, in the most cowardly way possible, said them aloud to Rukawa.

Rukawa wouldn't translate anything. That wasn't why he had asked Sendoh to unload on him in Russian. He was being a friend.

A friend?

Sure, Sendoh could admit that he and Rukawa were friends now. He had certainly been the only person Sendoh could think of when he'd decided he needed to talk to someone today.

He walked out of the shop with his cappuccino and reluctantly headed in the direction of his father's house. The funeral was the next morning. After that, he could leave what was left of his goddamn family behind.

The next day- Shohoku

Rukawa had barely gotten in the door of his apartment before he texted Sendoh. He had been thinking about him all day.

Ruru: How are you doing?

He wasn't sure if Sendoh would reply or not. He might be busy. His father's funeral had been that morning. It was late in Moscow now, after ten o'clock at night.

Kiki: Fantastic.

Rukawa waited.

Kiki: A little bit drunk, actually.

Ruru: Can I call you?

Kiki: Yes.

When Rukawa heard Sendoh's voice, he sounded more exhausted than drunk. "Rukawa."

"How are you holding up, Akira?"

"Great. Wonderful." Rukawa heard him sigh. "Is quiet here."

"Are you alone? Where are you?"

"My condo. I have one here. In Moscow. For the summers, you know."

"Right." Rukawa didn't like the idea of Sendoh being alone right now.

"If you wondering if I will be back in time for our game in Shohoku-"

"I don't give a shit about that, Akira. You know that's not why I'm calling."

Another sigh.

"Should you really be alone right now?" Rukawa asked.

"I am not alone," Sendoh said. "You are here now, yes?"

Rukawa's hand flew to his chest to make sure his heart was still beating; he could have sworn it had just melted into a gooey puddle. He wished he could warp to Moscow. Just instantly appear in Sendoh's apartment and hold him and tell him it was all right to be conflicted about his father's death. That he didn't owe his family anything. That he should leave them all behind because they made him miserable and he doesn't need them anyway.

Instead he said, "Yeah. I'm here."

"And where else are you?" Sendoh asked.

"I'm home now. Shohoku."

Rukawa heard mattress springs squeak as Sendoh presumably settled himself on his bed. "Tell me about your home, Rukawa," he said in a tired voice. "What does it look like? I try to imagine it..."

"You do?"

"You will not let me see it."

"That's not..." Rukawa grimaced. "It's not because I don't want you here. You know that."

"I know nothing. What does it look like?"

"It's, I don't know...it has big windows."

"What can you see out of them?"

"Buildings, mostly. A bit of the water."

"Fancy kitchen?"

Rukawa laughed. "Yeah. Too fancy, probably. I barely use it. I could probably get by with a toaster and a blender."

"What is your favorite thing about your home?"

"I dunno. It's close to the practice court?"

Sendoh snorted. "Figures."

"It's private. Good security. Hey, I made a donation to the Alzheimer's Society of Japan. For your father."

Sendoh was quiet a moment. "That is nice of you. Might be good for me. Can be...what is the word...passed on?"

"Hereditary."

"Yes. Hereditary."

Neither man said anything for a moment.

"Listen, Akira-"

"What about your bedroom? What is it like?"

Rukawa didn't want to talk about his stupid bedroom, but he understood what Sendoh was doing. He left his living room and headed for the bedroom.

"It's nice. Pretty basic. I mean, it's enormous. Big windows. But not much in it."

"What color is your bed? The blanket?"

"Blue. Like, navy blue. Like your eyes."

"I knew it."

Rukawa smiled and sat on the bed.

"Do you have books? In your room?"

"A few."

"What are you reading? What one is beside your bed?"

"A book about the 1972 Japan/Russia series, actually."

Sendoh laughed. "Do you read books that are not about basketball?"

"Sometimes," Rukawa said. "I mean, no. Not very often."

"You are obsessed."

"Of course I am. Aren't you?"

"Maybe. In a different way."

Rukawa picked up the book and flicked the end of the bookmark with his fingers. It had been nestled between pages forty-one and forty-two for over a month. "Basketball has always been everything to me. For as long as I can remember."

"It has been for me as well. But...more as like...an escape. Is that right to say? My brain is not good right now."

"Yes," Rukawa said quietly. "An escape. That's right. It was never an escape for me. It was just what I loved to do."

"I love it also," Sendoh said. "Basketball is...fun. And I am very good at it."

"Show off."

Sendoh laughed. And Rukawa laughed.

"Is wild how much money they pay me to play this game," Sendoh said.

"Tell me about it," Rukawa said.

"I don't want to come back here."

Rukawa was confused by the sudden topic change. "To Russia, you mean?"

"Da. I want to be a real Japanese citizen, so..."

In that moment, Rukawa wished like hell if Sendoh being a real Japanese citizen, he would played for a Okinawa team.

"You should," Rukawa said. "Have you looked into-?"

"We should get married," Sendoh said.

"What?" Rukawa flushed right down to his toes.

"Not to each other," Sendoh said. Then he started laughing and couldn't stop.

"I knew you didn't mean to each other," Rukawa lied.

When Sendoh finally stopped laughing, he said, "I can marry an Japanese girl. You should get married, Rukawa. You want children, yes?"

"I've already told you... I don't want to marry...anyone."

"There is a nice Russian girl in Ryonan. Japanese, I mean. But from Russia. Novelia. I like her. I could marry her, I think."

"Oh."

"She is...what we say? Like...sensible. Marriage would be like business deal, yes? Just until I am citizen."

"You don't love her, then?"

"No," Sendoh said quietly. He sounded like he was falling asleep. "Not her. No."

Rukawa knew he should end the call, let Sendoh get some sleep. But instead he blurted out, "You should come to the cottage this summer."

"Cottage? What are you talking about, Rukawa?"

"My cottage. In Okinawa. You're not going back to Russia, so...come to my cottage with me. It's quiet, and beautiful and...private."

For a moment, Sendoh didn't say anything, and Rukawa thought he really had fallen asleep.

"I will think about it," Sendoh said finally.

"Okay."

"I am tired."

"Yeah, I can tell. Get some sleep, all right?"

"Yes. Goodnight, Rukawa."

They ended the call and Rukawa sat on his bed for a while after, not moving. It occurred to him that they'd just had an entire conversation that hadn't been about sex at all, and was barely about basketball.

It also occurred to him that his heart was beating like he was in the middle of a run, and his mouth was dry. He had actually just invited Sendoh to his cottage! The fact that he had even done that was absurd, but what if Sendoh actually accepted?

What if he had Sendoh all to himself at Rukawa's favorite place in the world? If there was no one to interrupt them, no one to hide from, no one to remind them of all the reason they shouldn't want each other...

It would be too much. Rukawa would never be able to hold back everything he had been trying to pretend he didn't feel. He would blurt something out that he would never, ever be able to take back.

He's never going to be your boyfriend, Kaede.

Oh god. That was what Rukawa wanted, wasn't it? He didn't just want to be Sendoh's dirty secret. He didn't want their relationship to be nothing but sex. He wanted to comfort Sendoh when he was sad, and talk to him on the phone, and snuggle together on the couch and watch movies. He would take the short phone call they had just shared over any of their sexual encounters.

Well, almost of their sexual encounters.

Rukawa groaned and fell back on his bed, covering his face with his hands. He was super fucked.

TBC

Girl: AAHHH! I'm so giggling read your review! HAHA! I really was in spirit to finish this! I am no longer to take a much time. Like usual, you're the best, Sweety! XOXO, muahh!