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Souls of the Night

123.

Grumbling, Tachi pressed the bag of frozen peas she had just taken from the freezer against her black eye. Although most everyone was dying to know how she had gotten her bruises, they refrained from asking. Tachi had never been a truly normal child, and even though she was still at least ten years away from being dubbed an adult gargoyle, even Brooklyn knew she could take care of herself and not take any risks that could truly endanger her or the clan.

Where Tachi at least ate, Heather poked listlessly at her spinach. Green foods fascinated her visually. But eating them took as much courage from her as any child. She didn't have to worry, however, that anyone would force her to eat that part tonight. Everyone was distracted. And glad, anyway, if Heather ate more than a normal human child's portion at all. She had no appetite. Not for days. Which was an unmistakable sign of how much this affair was getting to even the kid.

Brooklyn's attention was divided between the youngest of his clan and Lexington (currently the most fragile of the clan) though he tried not to let it show. He felt uncomfortable that even though he was the clan leader, he had so little control over the situation. Lex needed to be kept in mind. He didn't think his little brother would really contact someone who was seriously dangerous - like Demona. But what would he do when he had depleted the options he thought he had. Basically- that was probably already the case. Considering where they had just found Lex.

.

.

I wandered down the corridor from where the door led off, behind which was the clan's kitchen and dining hall, having retrieved my fire extinguisher, cell phone and deception bracelet from the training hall. I knew it was not a good idea to take off the bracelet when I sneaked out of the castle, and leaving the cell phone behind was not wise either. But I didn't want to burn another bracelet or Lexington's gift or render it useless with heat. Perhaps the device could be passed on to another clan member when I was gone. When I heard voices (actually, the clan ate earlier) I wanted to turn around and find another way into the dungeon. But I stopped and pricked up my ears instead.

"Should we haggle with Xanatos again for resources?", I heard Broadway ask. "His son did that to Nathaniel. He feels responsible enough to-"

Tachi cut him off.

"He's exhausted his resources in that regard. And you can't ask him something like that, you know that. Xanatos plays too many games when you guys are around."

"Yeah- old habits die hard," Brooklyn said wryly.

"Besides, he's already asked the Illuminati," Tachi commented, and my jaw dropped for a moment. Illuminati -the secret society? Puppet masters of the world? And Xanatos had connections there? Or was he himself-.

"Should we ask Mother?" volunteered Angela, almost so quietly that I could barely understand her. And Goliath's denial was equally - even with my superhuman gargoyle ears - quiet as if they were talking about a forbidden subject. Which was probably true. My visit to Demona had really been a dance on a knife edge. They didn't know I'd been there and were never supposed to know, but still, I was ashamed of it.

"She needs a medium like the Grimorum Arcanorum for every spell. She can't invent her own spells and use them without a medium. She is only a witch and not a child of Oberon."

"She's had a thousand years to track down aids. She might have books or scrolls stolen from previous mages or witches. Maybe even arcane items that contain magic and can help us," Angela insisted.

"The danger is incalculable," I heard Katana say.

"She detests the clan",Elisa was arguing. "The chances of Demona, of all people, helping us are 0.00 something percent. And her price ... "

"We're running out of options. Look at Lex, he's totally in zombie mode. He can't work like that anymore, even if his head was still operating," Nashville said in a whisper.

"Lex knows that magic is the only way to deal with magic. That's why he's so desperate," Goliath summed up.

"Yeah. If he could fix the Blue with one of his cheat things-"

"Cheat codes."

"Thanks Nash, if he could help Nathaniel with computer gaming and hacking into anything, he wouldn't be so screwed. But magic isn't like technology, where he's in his element and knows what he can do and what's possible if the right spares are available."

"Does that mean-" Broadway asked in a murmur, with audible misery. "-we're really out of options? "

"You're out of options," I heard a croaky voice that sounded like someone had just woken up from a trance. Yet I recognized it. I would always recognize Lexington's voice. But I had no idea that he was also sitting at the table, and already at his first notes a jolt went through me. A jolt that I didn't know if it was to make me leave, to flee, or to come closer.

But my body decided for me where my head might have acted differently and I suddenly found myself right next to the open doorway. I had no intention of letting myself be seen. I would be too uncomfortable with the looks, too embarrassed with the pity. At least I didn't have to worry that one of the watchbeasts would sniff me - because the air was filled with the smell of potatoes and roasted pig (probably pork chops, my gargoyle nose sometimes still couldn't keep up with all the odors it detected).

I didn't feel decent eavesdropping. Especially because they were talking about me and my problems but longing and curiosity were more powerful than guilt. I just realized how much I missed their voices. How much I had missed Lexington's voice who was now speaking with a tired, sorrowful tone.

"-because Nate is not a real gargoyle to you. Not a real member of the clan", my beloved said, and Brooklyn replied with sharp words.

"Don't start that again, brother. It's not true. And you know it."

"We all love Nate. Don't be a meanie, Lexington!" hissed Heather.

"Were the clones real gargoyles to you?", asked Tachi and Lexington gasped.

"This is something different."

"Lexington. You can't think straight right now."

"I'm the only one thinking rationally here. Because that involves thinking of ALL options. Even the dangerous ones. You don't care enough about Nathaniel to explore even the most dangerous options. Goliath kidnapped and threatened a human back in the day just to ease Elisa's grief over Derek."

"Matter of opinion whether Sevarius was ever human," Nashville said stoically while Lex was already arguing further.

"Broadway almost ran amok when Angela was hurt back then. And because of Heather's egg-"

"That was all about humans. Never has anyone-"

" -is also Lady Blanchefleur no solution. And New Olympus and Nokkar-"

"Yes but earth magic is not his field of activity either," Brooklyn commented.

I nodded as Lex continued to list names that mostly meant nothing to me and named places that were either distant dots on a map or sprang from fairy tales. I had known for some time, of course, that the world of the Gargoyles - at least that of the Manhattan Clan - was much larger than what humans thought of as "the world". Inaccessible islands, wandering castles, reawakened kings, ancient aliens and gods who were in truth children of Oberon. Lex had told me a lot of things during the first carefree weeks in my new body - mostly only in passing, so as not to overwhelm me. And now he set all these levers in motion only to find an answer to our questions and a solution for MY problem.

Now I began to feel dirty and dishonest again at the thoughts that I had asked Demona, if she herself would not find a solution for my petrification, to smash me and let my remains disappear untraceable. But it had to be done. I had to disappear if there was no solution. That everyone could move on from this. That Lexington could move on. I hoped he would be able to. That was basically all I had left to hope for.

At least I had been able to give the letters to Owen in which, on the one hand, I tried to explain my motives (for my disappearance shortly before I completely petrified) but also took precautions regarding my human family. My farewell letter to my parents was a farewell letter but pretty much everything in it was a lie. Only the heartfelt assurance that Lex Eyrie had nothing to do with my disappearance was true. To explain to them what had really happened to me and was happening to me now was impossible. If I wrote that I wanted to kill myself (was that even the case if I completely petrified and my statue was then smashed by a madwoman?), my family would at the latest then file missing persons reports or maybe even drag Lex to court simply to have certainty what happened to me.

But Lexington's letter contained the version he was supposed to tell my parents. That I had fallen in love with another man during our "spa treatment" in Switzerland and had run off with him. That was crazy - as if there could be a better man than Lexington! - but my family thought I was crazy and morally depraved anyway. So they would buy that lie and would be relieved to be able to remove me from the family record altogether. In addition, Lexington's letter contained all the appeasement, expressions of affection, and attempts to dissuade him from an eternal search for my statue that I could think of - though the expressions of affection were anything but made up.

The letter for the clan was equally full of kind words, and in general thanks to how much everyone had sacrificed for me, I devoted a separate paragraph to each clan member. How good Heather's childlike wild confidence had done me. How I appreciated Tachi's clever head. How I even liked Nashville calling me Hercules because I was able to distinguish between teasing and truly vicious insults. How comfortable I had felt with them, feeling for the first time in years like I had a family that cared about me.

I hadn't noticed my legs moving on their own, but Lexington's voice and my thoughts about the letters that would hurt everyone who read them, even though they were supposed to feel soothed and at peace, had propelled me into the room. Then I stood next to Lexington and under the piercing looks of all the others I touched him again for days and he flinched under my fingers as if he had received an electric shock.

Bronx had been lying in his place along the wall and had growled defensively when I had come in, but Broadway had ordered him over and silenced him. When Lexington turned around I had to swallow the bitter glob of saliva that indicated I was about to burst into tears and spoke softly and forcefully. "Owen Burnett said we should make up. We're supposed to enjoy our last hours together - any way we can. Let's do that, Lex. Please. I don't want to argue anymore."

He looked at me with his mouth open and huge bloodshot eyes, and his appearance shocked me. He had grown thin and his skin tone was sallow, almost grayish. He looked weak - so infinitely weak. And didn't even seem to have the strength to quarrel anymore. His look turned painfully bitter when he saw me.

"I don't want to argue either," he said in a breathy voice that made me pull him gently to me. I put one arm around his shoulders and started stroking his head with the other hand. The skin there felt cold and scaly. I knew this was not good.

"You moved mountains, Lexington. For me. You did what you could. Everyone did what was in their power. It's okay, Lex."

"It's NOT okay! I... can't give up! This is not what gargoyles are like! That's not how I am! There's always a way. Just because the travel spell to Avalon didn't work, maybe there's still-"

"You wanted to go to Avalon?"

I looked at the others, perplexed.

"It didn't work," Angela said, rubbing at her moist eyes. "Basically, you just have to recite the magic formula while you're on a body of water. But Oberon must have sealed off the island for the duration of Alexander's training so he couldn't get to us. That's our guess."

"Getting there isn't usually the problem, Nate," Broadway said, and Angela nodded.

"But for mortals to get away from there is a problem ... Avalon is matter grown by ancient magic. Every tree, every leaf, every stone, every drop of water is magic with a mind of its own. And Avalon sends you not where you want to go but where you are meant to be."

"Where I'm meant to be?"

"Lex could be gone for months - just like Goliath, Angela, and Elisa were back then."

Bronx grumbled in his lap and Broadway smiled soothingly. "Yeah, you too, of course."

"I would have notified you how to help Nate and you could have stopped his petrification while Avalon sends me hither and thither," Lex said mechanically as he nestled his head against my middle and let me stroke his head.

"But - even if he gets out somewhere else - Lex could just take a flight back to New York. There are transportation options for gargoyles, after all," I commented.

The others looked at each other with unhappy faces.

"Hasn't anything like this ever been tried before?", I probed further.

"You know the ... Final Destination movies?" asked Nashville. I nodded and the light blue conspecific raised a finger in the air explanatorily.

"In the movies, death is cheated out of its victims ... if you want to call it that. Nate - Avalon can't be cheated or robbed. You can't delegate the boats leaving the island to the desired location like an Uber. It will claim the fate that it has assigned to someone - by force. And if there have to be casualties around it-."

"Oh, God." I put a hand over my mouth. These movies had always disgusted me. How many parts were there? Five, maybe. I'd only gotten through the first one.

"Not that one. Not that, then," I said firmly.

Lex puffed, low and annoyed. "Stop scaring him."

"Looks more like you're scared, Lex. Nate's the calmer of you when it comes to the subject," Tachi said, and I felt the vibrating rumble in Lexington's chest before it could be transported out through his vocal cords. Admonishingly, I squeezed him to me and yes- also let my claws make a small statement as I whispered. "Stop it."

Sure enough, Lex stopped, turned his head away from the others, and buried his face in the fabric of my sweater.

"It wouldn`t have been a good idea for another reason, too," Tachi said, crossing her arms with a more serious face than usual as she spoke.

"We have to keep the children of Oberon out of this. Putting aside the fact that Oberon will punish Alexander if he learns what powerful magic he has cast - IF he doesn't already know - I highly doubt another child could lift the spell. It doesn't work that way. Mortal magic would be more likely, and even with that, we have to be very careful - as everyone here has already noted." I nodded, thinking back to the night I was almost petrified in the middle of the night by the spell from the Paris clan. That had been really terrible. Tachi continued speaking:

"Even the children who are sympathetic to us cannot be trusted if our interests run counter to those of Oberon. All children of Oberon are unpredictable. Immortality gives one enough time to become insane several times and then apparently sane again. And the children have no moral values except their loyalty to Oberon. And how deeply rooted that is is also questionable. But currently that is their common trait and if we had summoned one of them, it would have been too likely that he, she or it would have tattled on us to Oberon. I don't even want to imagine what will happen if the ruler of the third race gets wind of you, Nathaniel. Anything from extinction to abduction to Avalon is possible. Anything. There was a reason that only Heather's contact was on the list."

Most of the clan members had lowered their heads in general agreement and elegy during her speech. Thus, I guess only I noticed Nashville's eyes almost pop out and his horrified gaze slid to Heather. Then he became more interested again in the already cold leftovers on his plate. Even the chick started eating, probably just to fill her mouth so she wouldn't blurt out something that she - but maybe my imagination was just playing tricks on me there. My therapists had always said I should not put anything into the heads of others, of which I could not know that that was really in it.

The silence in the room was agonizing for the next few seconds. I looked back and forth between these big, strong, understanding beings - my friends who felt like family. How miserable they all looked. About how powerless they were. I had felt powerless all my life. I still did - but in a strange way, I was comforted by the thought that my "passing" this time was out of my hands. It was probably just my fate. Only how I departed was still up to me to decide.

"You guys did what you could. I thank you so much for that," I mumbled.

"Don't thank us, Nathaniel," Katana said, looking at me seriously like a mother whose child had just said something mournful. "Thanks are not appropriate for lost battles."

"This battle IS not lost," Lexington hissed, breaking away from me slightly to glare at Katana and, beside her, Brooklyn, who was trying to mend fences.

"We will think about solutions until the last moment. It might be possible that Alex can lift the spell even after you, Nathaniel, are petrified. He wasn't sure about that. Maybe we should give up the human magic approach."

"Because you're afraid of Demona."

"I am NOT afraid of Demona," Brooklyn snarled, his white glowing eyes underscoring his anger at Lexington's accusation.

"You are afraid that I will sell the clan to her."

"Yes, yes I am. Because I would do that too if Demona was maybe the only one who could save Katana."

"Not even someone like the Magus could do anything about Nathaniel's condition," Goliath tried to placate. "Not with the few days left for him."

Lexington snapped his mouth open to presumably snap at Goliath but I put a hand over his mouth.

"Lex! Stop fighting with your family. You're upset but that doesn't excuse your behavior."

"There wouldn't be any fighting if they-" my friend began and again I pressed my hand to his face and squeezed him against me. I hoped the heat I felt inside me didn't leak out too much while I was talking at him and he was wriggling in my arms.

"Look at the others Lexington! Can't you see how desperate everyone is? You're not the only one struggling. But the only one stubborn enough to not want to recognize a hopeless situation as such. All of them ... have accepted what is going to happen. Do the same. Let's ... enjoy the time we have left. Let's ... let's play video games. Let's go for a walk in the castle courtyard in the moonlight. Let's lie in bed next to each other. Please- stop resisting the inevitable."

"NO!" He tore himself away from me and jumped up, stumbling and crawling on all fours away from the table because he probably couldn't hold himself on two legs anymore. The place where I had touched his bare skin was red like a sunburn. A sunburn in the form of a four-limbed hand over his mouth.

He shook his head with a petrified face, looked at the others, then back at me. "No! I'm going to save you. No matter what."

Like a bolt of lightning, the realization of where he was going flashed through me as he turned. "Oh damn. Demona! He's going to Demona!"

"Get him!" shouted Goliath at the end of the table, and Nashville splashed up like an arrow, throwing himself at Lex. He hissed as Nash grabbed him and dragged him laboriously back. Like a furious cat facing a dozen vaccinations at the vet, Lexington squirmed in his arms, kicking and snarling.

"Lex, STOP IT!" said Brooklyn in a tone that made even me, where I was neither a born gargoyle nor a member of the clan, cringe.

"Demona won't help him. She'll just take advantage of you and your desperation!" said Goliath loudly where Broadway pulled Bronx and Heather away from the table and even Tachi took cover from her uncle's kicking limbs.

"If there's a chance, I have to take it!" screeched Lex with snow-white pupil-less eyes, and both my hand and Brooklyn's were slapped away as we tried to reach for him. One of his feet banged on the table, Lex screamed in pain or in anger, I couldn't tell myself. Plates and glasses were swept away or shattered as his tail wiped across the table top.

"Lexington stop it, you're hurting yourself," Katana shouted.

"I really need someone to help me out here!" growled Nashville as Lex repeatedly banged his head back against his chest to possibly hit his beak or something else that would hurt him enough to let him go. But before Goliath could get any closer, the whole massive dining table, probably weighing a two hundred pounds, moved. Lexington had his tail wrapped around one of the table legs and the edge of the table rammed into Nashville's groin. With a stifled crowing sound of pain, the boy doubled over and let go of Lex. The latter leaped away toward the door.

"Hold him down!" commanded Katana, and they all followed suit.

Brocklyn stood in the way of the smaller clansman, who had previously appeared so weakened, and Lex jumped at him, eyes aglow and snarling like a panther. The two wrestled with each other and where Brooklyn struggled to try not to hurt his younger brother, Lex wielded his claws unrestrained and unreflective across the arms of his brother and clan leader. Brooklyn let out an inhuman shriek of pain. Goliath came rushing over, yanking back one of Lexington's arms, Broadway the other.

"LET GO OF ME! You have given up but I have not! I'm not giving up! NEVER! "

"Lex, stop it," I screamed.

"NO!" He turned his head and bit Goliath's hand. The roar of the largest gargoyle vibrated inside me and could probably be heard throughout the castle. But through Goliath's pain, Lexington was able to pull away from the others with a violent jerk that would have broken people's bones. He sprinted to the door on all fours.

I jerked my arm up and, with a rush of hot energy, threw the massive wooden door to the kitchen into the lock. Lex slammed into it with all his might and collapsed onto the floor, where he remained motionless. Instantly the roar and the sounds of battle died away, and after the last scratching sounds of claws on the floor had faded, the room was flooded with a few moments of stunned silence. Except for my strained breathing, of course, as I pushed the heat back into me. Not bothering to notice and suffer from the horrified faces of the other gargoyles, I hurried over to the gray-green pile of Lexington in front of the closed door. I made sure I wasn't steaming and took him in my arms, turning his head. No laceration. Just a little scraped up. I looked up and Brooklyn was standing near me, holding his slashed arm. I wanted to open my mouth to apologize a thousand times for Lexington but his voice was barely tinged with pain as he spoke.

"Nathaniel? Was that you? "

I looked toward the door, then back at him and the others approaching, Katana first to survey her partner's arm.

"Yeah...that...I don't know how I did that," I said meekly. "It just came out when I thought of it."

"Telekinesis," Tachi whispered in awe.

"Rather, magic. Telekinesis alone doesn't make that much wind," Katana said clarifying, and Tachi shrugged. Elisa (who had wisely kept a low profile during the physical dispute between much stronger creatures) reached past me and turned Lexington's head.

"He's passed out. That's going to be a big bump."

I nodded wordlessly. Now no longer frenzied with rage and madness, he looked peaceful, almost asleep had it not been for the grief etched into his features.

"At least he's not going anywhere tonight," Nash said with a gasp, limping over to us. He and Brooklyn looked at each other before the younger man meint casually but visibly in pain; "Well, you'll have to leave the grandkids thing to Tachi now." Brooklyn made a face like he couldn't bear that tonight, too.

"He's not allowed to go out anymore until ... this thing with me is over," I decided, and sure enough, everyone nodded.

"What do we do with him? ... he's going ... crazy. He's literally going crazy," Broadway said, rubbing his big hands together in worry. It hurt so much to see him like this. To see everyone's sorrowful faces. It was all my fault. And I didn't know how to change it. How easy it had been when I thought all the problems would vanish into thin air if I killed myself. Maybe that was true for my problems and it had been true when I had only thought about myself. But now there was the clan. And there was Lexington. My instant death would torment him as much as my slow one did now - if permanent petrification was equivalent to death. He would probably also feel betrayed and deceived if I took my own life without waiting for him to pull a counterspell or a cure out of his hat. Which wasn't going to happen.

"He's just scared," Angela said, stroking his head.

"His fear really hurts," Brooklyn moaned, holding his scratched arms. Goliath nodded, his hand with the bleeding bite wounds were examined by Elisa. Considering that gargoyles could slam their claws into stone and metal, Brooklyn had gotten off easy. Tachi had roped off without anyone noticing and came through a side door with a first aid kit to patch up her clan leader and elder at least until the end of the night.

I hugged Lexington like I hadn't been able to do for days - the last time he actually fell asleep in the dungeon from exhaustion. Perhaps this was the last chance the whole clan would be together near me. There was no better opportunity to say what needed to be said.

"I'm sorry," I said, not daring to look at anyone but my beloved, who had been knocked out by my power. "I'm sorry no one can solve my problem. I wish - I wish Lexington had just called an ambulance then and not Alexander. I wish we had never become friends ... or even just met."

"You don't mean that yourself," Tachi growled, and I pressed Lex against me, unable to keep my voice from getting squeaky and then telling the truth. "No. I don't mean that - not really. I'm glad I met Lexington. And all of you. But you're all just miserable since I came."

"That's not true, Hercules," I heard Nashville say above me and - oddly enough - felt his hand on my back.

"You're all trying so hard - even though you hardly know me and I've never done anything for you except whine and cause you problems. If I had gone about it the right way as a human - no one would have problems now. I would have just been ... gone."

"As a human, you'd be dead by now. Either murdered by that Jussuf or by suicide," Tachi hissed and I nodded with a smile.

"Yes." I said without a trace of bitterness, smiling as I endured the outraged looks of the clan at so little respect for my own life. "Maybe ... this situation is just ... setting right a wrong. Maybe this is how ... fate is telling me there is no change of plans to be made."

"Or maybe it's just a chain of unfortunate circumstances," Angela said, daring to gently squeeze my shoulder.

"Yeah, maybe just that, too. If only Lex wasn't so stubborn. Why can't he accept this?"

"Because you're his mate," Heather whispered and I lifted my head to look at her as everyone looked at her in horror for a moment before most of them averted their eyes because they must have been embarrassed. But no one said anything and I felt myself blushing.

Fortunately, Angela broke the tension with the most important question of all. "What are we going to do with him? If he's like this ... he's putting us all in danger."

"You have to lock him up."

Now everyone was staring at me. I sternly looked back and forth between the clan members.

"Lock him up. Or tie him up."

"We're not going to do that to our brother," Broadway indignantly said but sounding rather uncertain, looking at Brooklyn, whose arms were just being simultaneously bandaged by Tachi and Katana after disinfection.

"It's not pretty but we have to protect the clan. If it would do any good, I would leave to spend my last nights somewhere else. But he'd just come looking for me."

"Nathaniel, we know none of this is your fault."

"Thank you Brooklyn. Thank you all. But Lexington needs to be stopped from making rescue attempts that endanger the clan."

"Nate is right. We need to pin Lex down," Nashville said, nodding sullenly without taking his eyes off me. He had no idea how grateful I was to him for taking my side. And for the first time, he'd said my name. No nickname. No sarcasm.

"We can't. We can't do this," Broadway grumbled with exasperation in his voice.

"What's the alternative?", I asked, and Nashville verbally jumped to my side again.

"He can't get to Oberon. Who would he go to? Demona? The Illuminati? The Hunters? If a Gargoyle-Hater tells him tomorrow that he has a cure then he'll give him the golden key to the castle to visit us during the day!"

"So that's it? We lock up our brother and monitor him until you are completely and forever petrified?"

I took a deep breath. "By now, you can calculate it quite well. I should have eight to ten nights left. Provided nothing happens to rob me of my last three hours. You don't have to hold him longer than that."

"He'll never forgive us," Broadway uttered, still worried. But his need for harmony was visibly replaced by insight into the urgency of the measure.

"If there were other options, he would have found them by now. Demona is not a solution and Lex is smart enough to realize that. Once he just gets distance from the situation and me."

"Distance from your fucking death!" grumbled Tachi, and I stood up with Lexington in my arms and stepped over to Brooklyn who was rubbing his bloody hands on the bandages he'd just had applied.

"Brooklyn. I don't want to appear to have any say in this matter. You're the clan leader. You decide."

"First of all, Nathaniel. I'm your clan leader, too,"" he raised his hand and pressed his not-so-bloody knuckles to my brow ridge. My eyes snapped open. To a human, this gesture would have meant nothing. It would have been strange at best. But the gargoyle in me was all excited and moved and knew how much affection and acceptance was in it. At the same time, this touch had something of a farewell to it, and it tightened my throat as he continued to speak.

"Second, you have nothing to apologize for. Everything that has to happen, does happen - that's what you learn when you time travel and it applies to this time plane as well."

He took a deep breath.

"We're not going to lock Lex in the dungeon - only if there's no other option. We don't treat a brother who just can't think straight right now like a prisoner. Goliath, can I put you in charge of watching Lex? He might catch the younger ones off guard and make up some story with the rest of you to get them to let him out of their sight."

Goliath nodded appreciatively at the good decision.

"He'll have no luck with me there," he assured.

"I'll help you babysit him," Tachi said, and no one suggested that the half-grown girl couldn't be trusted to do that.

I handed my still unconscious friend over to the large purple gargoyle with as much gentleness as possible and opened the door for them. Katana, however, eyed me and made no move to leave. Instead she asked, "And how are you getting by, Nathaniel?"

This presumably interesting question also forced the others to stay.

I rubbed my tattered ear in embarrassment. But I had expected that this question would come at some point and had prepared myself inwardly for days. That's why I didn't have to stutter around or look for excuses. What did I have to lie about now? I was as good as screwed.

"I've always relied on Lex. I've - used his strength as an excuse to continue being weak myself. This situation is different now. I've dealt with my own death so many times that this situation hardly scares me. I know how important life is to all of you - the lives of others. And for the first time, I feel the same way. I want YOUR lives to be better again. And for Lexington to ... oh, I don't know," I admitted. "I just accept what I can't change. I think that's actually Gargoyle attitude and it feels like the only right thing to do. You know what I mean?"

Most of the clan members looked at me dumbstruck. But Goliath smiled at that. Before his lips hardened again in seriousness. He squeezed my shoulder as gently as someone of his stature could. "We will take care of Lexington. Just like you'll always have a perch among us. No matter what." I smiled and nodded knowingly. Presumably the human Nathaniel Sharif would not have read anything else into that strange choice of words. But now his statement only solidified the plan I had.

The chapter title berserk refers, of course, to Lexington.

Berserk described warriors who fought in a blind trance-like fury or went out of control in battle. I dimly recall that 60 chapters or so ago I promised that no gargoyle of the Manhattan clan would ever intentionally injure another - I don't consider this situation a deal breaker because Lex was really not in control of his mind - incapable of guilt, so to speak.

Thanks for reading, Q.T.