A/N: For Cory, and all of the 'Glee' Fandom on Cory's special day. A very special thanks to 'Anothergleekgirl', who takes the time to enhance the story, cheerlead with a big heart, and share her writing gifts with all of us (check out 'Take a Mulligan' and 'Some Origins of Fire'.
Rachel sat on the bed, covered in the same floral bedding from her room in Ohio. When she was planning on living in the dorms, she wanted to replicate as much of her room as possible. She'd brought it not just as a reminder of home; the soft flowery blankets also echoed all the memories of so many times spent with Finn in her bed. In his absence, they would swaddle her in warmth and comfort, and be that reminder of all the things she loved most. She brought them with her again when she moved in with Kurt. Now the little blossoms feel like a cruel metaphor that taunts her. Running her fingers along the smooth material now only serves to remind her of loss and loneliness. She's wondering if it's time to buy some new bedding.
Reaching under the bed, she pulled out her 'Finn' box. The size of a standard shoebox, it was bedazzled and adorned with pink and purple hearts and flowers. It held photographs (their first performance assembly at McKinley High), corsages from school dances, the ticket stub from the football game that they both played in, the hairband from their first regionals (the first time Finn said he loved her), her prom queen crown, and other memorabilia. Most recently, it contains her Finn necklace, something she's tucked away more than once in their relationship.
Before she could get too lost in her memories or reflect on whether she'd just made the right decision, Kurt rushed into the bedroom with a stoic look on his face, pulling her out of her trance. "I just talked to Finn." Taking a seat next to her, he moved the box out of her lap, forcing her to look at him.
Her voice was subdued. "You saw him?"
Kurt nodded. "I took the Soda Stream outside, was looking for a dumpster to stick it in – don't ask," Kurt advised, seeing Rachel's dubious look. "Anyway, I'm out there and I see Finn leaving with his stuff. Of course he told me what happened. He's, he's my brother."
"I know he is, and he always will be, no matter what happens between me and Finn."
"I thought you wanted Finn here, so I guess I don't understand… Just tell me why you did it. Was it because of Brody? Because I can tell you now that he is sooo not worth breaking up with Finn over."
Rachel shook her head. "You don't know Brody well enough to pass judgment on him, Kurt. He's been a good friend to me. And I did want Finn here, It-It's just, Finn and I have our own separate issues. There's distance for one, our lives are going in opposite directions – I still don't see why he's in the Army. And I think we're both lonely…"
"At the end of last summer, you both said you were committed to making it work."
Rachel's voice became louder. "Last summer he was talking about a TWO year commitment with the Army. And then he shipped me off on a train and sent me to New York without him or any of you! Who does that?"
"He loved you enough to have you follow your dreams."
"But not enough to join me? You, me, him, we all had plans to come out here together."
Kurt placed an arm around Rachel. "Ok, so Finn found his own dream to follow… Plans change."
"Don't I know it," Rachel scoffed bitterly. "People change Kurt. I look at him now, and I listen to him talk about all of the training and combat - not to mention how he's decided to extend his commitment to 8 years now – it hurts. Did he tell you he could be in active duty this year?"
Kurt nodded, not wanting to tell Rachel that he, Burt, and Carole had known for the past three weeks. "Is it really wrong for him to be going on his own path?"
"It's a path without me; he's the one who left me."
"But that doesn't mean he doesn't love you, Rachel. You just let him go so easily. When you know there's history with his father, Christopher. Finn is looking for answers," he pointed out gingerly.
"He was already gone," she said, defeatedly. "It was just a matter of time before…before one of us…"
"You honestly think he would have broken up with you?"
"What do you think last summer was, Kurt! I was the one that clung on with the letters – well, I discovered I need more than letters to get by. When it was just a couple of years, it seemed doable, but then he extended his commitment for so long - and he didn't even talk to me about it first! Eight years is a long time to be lonely Kurt."
He squeezed her shoulder. "Well Diva, you can both cling on to me you know."
"I was counting on it," she said, leaning into his shoulder.
Kurt stood up. "You know where my room is," he winked.
Rachel pulled out her cell phone, indicating 10:30 at night. Flipping through her contacts, she yearned to talk to an old friend.
"Hey there Rachel." Tina Cohen Chang picked up on the first ring. "How was Valentine's Day in New York?"
Rachel paused, thinking of a word to use. "Hectic. Do you have time to talk? I know it's late."
"No, I've got time. I was just wrapping up my thank you letters to all the donors helping to fund my move to China this year."
"Right." Rachel rubbed her head, recalling Tina's mission trip to China to teach dance in lieu of going to school. "You're moving too."
"Well senior year is ending, and I have to do something. Ever since Mike's death, I've felt so rudderless and lost. The trip gives me purpose, an opportunity to serve others."
Rachel stretched out on her bed. Tina's reasons for going to China were sounding a lot like Finn's reasons for committing to the Army.
"Hey friend, what's going on?" Tina asked, breaking the silence.
"It's Finn….he came by this tonight."
"Finn's in New York with you and you're calling me?!" Tina squealed. "You could have called me after he left in a few days."
"He already left." She reached for her 'Finny bear' that he won for her junior year at the McKinley High carnival. Touching his chestnut brown fur, the same color as Finn's hair, she was hit once more with a wave of nostalgia and mourning. "I sent him away."
"Away where?"
"To Georgia. We, we broke up."
Tina waited a beat. "You broke up with him?"
Rachel looked into the bear's amber eyes; a color so eerily similar to Finn's that when he saw it, he spent ten minutes and $20 to win it at a ring toss game. "It's easier to be without him then to worry about him while he's out in Georgia. He's so serious about his military career, talking about going into active duty this fall, more intensive training. I worry about him and then I feel lonely. If I end things with him, maybe I can worry less, and he can get everything out of his system."
"I don't think the Army is a temporary landing spot for Finn," Tina said slowly. "And do you really think you won't be worrying about him since you're not together? I mean, your heart doesn't have some on/off switch, does it? This is real life."
"I can't be in an invested relationship with him while he's out there, putting his life on the line. I'm so lonely here without him and…"
"Is this because of that guy? What's his name, Bodie, Odie?"
"Brody! His name is Brody and he is the closest thing I have to a friend at NYADA. Kurt's at Vogue doing his fashion thing, and Brody Weston has been my one saving grace at that university this year!" Rachel could hear her voice raising in defense. "My issues with Finn are separate from Brody," she said finally. "Even if Brody wasn't there, I'd still be on my own in a long distance relationship with someone who has no plans to join me. He's planning to go into active duty!" Rachel shouted into the phone. "What if something happens to him, what if he… I am not pinning my dreams on someone who may or may not be here…" Rachel covered her mouth, remembering how Tina lost Mike a few short months ago. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"You said the first thing that came to mind. Thanks for thinking of me."
"I just, I cannot survive the heartbreak. How do you do it each day?"
"One day at a time. I only say this because I care. And for what it's worth, heartbreak is a part of life… I'm still here, even though Mike isn't. I know we weren't exactly the same as you and Finn, but I do understand your fears. If I were in New York with you right now, I'd give you a hug."
"If you were here with me right now, we'd be looking through my Finn box."
"Are you sure about your decision?"
"Time will tell. At New Year's, when I gave him his ring back, I told him that we would find each other again. Maybe we need to spend some time apart before we're ready to be together."
"I get it. Mike told me something similar my junior year. He said we needed to be apart before we could be together again. Maybe it's true."
"It just hurts so much right now – everything hurts. But I'm going no contact with Finn – no phone calls, no letters, no emails, no nothing until the summer wedding."
"Which is three months away."
"Right. Three months. What can happen in three months?" Rachel sighed.
"Well Mr. Schue would tell us that anything can happen," Tina reminded her.
"How is everything with New Directions?"
"Well, you heard that we were disqualified from Sectionals, only to be reinstated after the Warblers were found using performance enhancers for shows."
"How is Marley doing anyway?"
"Better. It's a slow process for healing, but can you believe Coach Sylvester actually paid for Marley to get treatment. Myself, Unique and even Kitty have been watching out for her, making sure she finishes her lunch, giving her extra support in the choir room. We're becoming a family again," Tina emphasized.
"And then certain family members leave and graduate," Rachel pointed out, referring to Tina, Blaine, Artie, Sam, and Brittany.
"Family doesn't leave each other forever – remember that."
"You're right," Rachel said softly, her mind drifting back to Finn. "So we will see each other at summer after you graduate, and then you are off to China."
"I sure am. It feels good to have a plan."
"I'll feel better when I see everyone again," Rachel said wistfully. Her laptop dinged a notification in AOL Instant Messenger. "Tina, we'll talk soon," Rachel promised, reading through a message from Quinn.
Head Cheerio: What is this I am hearing about you and Finn breaking up?! Did all of that high school drama mean nothing?
Rachel blinked and began typing on her pink laptop.
Broadway Diva: Well, seems bad news travels fast. Finn's on the market I guess, if you're interested.
HC: Haha so funny. I'm more interested in MEN – and there's plenty of eligible men at Yale. Seriously, what is the deal with you two? Are you waiting for us all to come together so that we can see another nauseating 'Finchel' reunion?
BD: Finn and I have never based our relationship on New Directions!
HC: Really, you want to say that now?
Rachel drummed her fingers on her bed, recalling the number of times she and Finn had fought and made up before competitions or sung love songs to each other in the choir room.
BD: Fine, so maybe New Directions has witnessed a few milestones in Finn and my relationship, but honestly, long distance is hard. So I chose to end things now – give us both a chance to explore the world on our own.
HC: We can agree that long distance is hard, Rachel – but Finn, you two have Made For Each Other stamped on your foreheads after everything – the declarations, the duets, the near wedding…too many things to recount.
BD: It's for now, it doesn't mean it's forever.
HC: Well I sure hope so, because I went through some real hell because of you two, and if it doesn't even last...then what was it all for anyway?
BD: Finn and I are going to see each other in the summer and we'll take it from there. Right now we're both getting some space and time to think.
HC: He wouldn't have done this to you.
Rachel narrowed her eyes at the last line from Quinn. Kurt had said something similar, an hour before.
BD: What do you think leaving me at the train was last summer? I love him but I am lonely here, and the letters and calls aren't enough. If we can't be in the same place then right now I don't see how we can be together. And I am too young to be a war widow!
HC: Being a bit dramatic aren't we Miss Broadway? Finn loves you; he was the one who reached out to me tonight. I know you two are meant to be together forever, and he does too. The question is, when will YOU know?
Rachel allowed the cursor to blink on the screen. Signing out of chat, Rachel threw her head onto the pillow. She was lonely in New York, and it already did feel that she and Finn weren't a couple. Clarity she thought to herself, once again remembering Brody's words from tonight. Her phone indicated that a text had come in. Finn! Rachel thought to herself, her face falling when she saw the number. Grabbing her coat, Rachel shouted to Kurt that she would be right back.