Yep, I'm alive! Shocking, I know.

Sorry it took me a while to finish this chapter. I've been super busy lately, but I'm learning how to manage my time efficiently so that I can avoid procrastinating.

Anyway, that's enough from me. On with the story! As always, please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors.

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim.

Finally, school was over. All of the students eagerly exited through the front doors of the building, happy to be free but dreading the homework that awaited them. Some of the middle schoolers lived close enough to walk back to their houses, but Dib was among the others who had to ride the bus.

He was so distracted as he ambled out the school, thinking about Zim and how he could bring about his defeat, that he didn't see the girl in front of him.

"Watch it, Dib!" she growled after he accidentally bumped into her.

"Sorry, Gaz," he apologized, trying to appease his sister. He already had Zim to deal with. He'd rather not make an enemy out of Gaz, too. Although, she would probably argue that they had been enemies since the day she was born. Still, it was better to stay on her good side, or at least her I-don't-hate-you-enough-to-end-you side.

Gaz narrowed her eyes into thin slits and scoffed at him before heading towards bus. Dib walked a safe distance behind her.

Once they had climbed on, Gaz slumped into one of the seats at the front, knowing Dib always sat in the back and wanting to be as far away from his as possible. Arms crossed, she muttered to herself, "Wish I had my game with me."

Dib passed her and all of the others until he reached his designated seat in the back. He flopped down and placed his book sack on the empty space next to him since he knew nobody would want to sit by him anyway.

He yanked back the zipper and reached inside to pull out a composition. He frantically flipped through the doodles, scribbles, and haphazardly written notes until he found a blank page.

Then, he proceeded to write out everything he knew about Zim.

He's an alien.

He's dangerous.

He's here to invade Earth.

He's allergic to water.

He wants to get rid of me.

It was a shorter list than would have satisfied Dib, but he was confident that he would uncover more of Zim's secrets soon.

"Finally!" he snickered to himself, attracting stares and side-eyes from the kids nearby but too excited to care about that. "Finally, I have a chance to prove to everyone that I was right!"

They would be lining up to grovel and apologize. His classmates would be sorry for turning him into an outcast, and his teachers would regret all those detentions they ever sent him to! His sister would be forced to admit she was wrong for calling him a loser, and when she begged him to buy her a new video game with the thousands of dollars they granted him for his bravery, he would laugh in her face and say, "No!" Even better, no one would be able to point at him and shout "Crazy!" after he captured a real life alien. In fact, when the president awarded Dib an honorary metal, he would be sure to pull the man aside and ask him to have that stupid word banned.

By the time the bus dropped Dib and Gaz off at their house, he had mapped out several plans of attack and finished drawing a cartoon of him dunking Zim through a basketball hoop. He smiled nastily at his artwork, quite pleased with himself.

Dib glanced at Gaz as they ambled towards the front door. As always, her eyes were narrowed into a glare. If looks could kill, she'd have wiped out half the city by now.

"Hey, Gaz," he began while they walked.

She made a noise of disgust, but otherwise, didn't acknowledge him.

Dib frowned at being ignored. He coninued anyway. "You know that new kid at our school? Zim?"

"Yeah." Her face scrunched up into an irritated expression. "He asked me what basketball was."

"He talked to you?!" Dib exclaimed in shock.

"Yeah, so?"

"You need to stay away from him, Gaz. Trust me."

Gaz stopped walking to point her notorious glare at Dib. "Don't tell me what to do."

"I'm serious," he said, deepening his voice a little so he sounded more like an adult. "Haven't you noticed something. . .off about him, right?"

"Off?" Gaz repeated. She slowly blinked her eyes, as if this conversation was putting her to sleep.

"Off as in. . .weird? Abnormal? Almost alien?"

"Well, apparently, he's not from here." Gaz pinched her lip into a pout, bitterly mumbling, "Lucky him."

"Look," said Dib, "you won't believe me if I tell you what I know, so I won't bother. But I'll say this much." He leaned in close to Gaz, checked that no one was eavesdropping, and whispered, "If you don't want to be probed, then stay away from Zim."

Gaz looked unimpressed, bored even. She swatted Dib's hand off her. "Get a life."

With that lovely piece of advice, Gaz started for the house again. She trudged up to doorsteps and immediately fled to her room, slamming the door behind her.

"Fine! Don't listen to me!" he muttered at the floor.

He should've known. Gaz would sooner flush all of her games down the toilet than hear Dib out.

"Well, fine!" he announced to no one. "She doesn't have to listen to me! With me around to cut Zim's visit short, he won't be experimenting on anyone. I'll singlehandedly sabotage his evil plans."

A plotting smile tugged at his lips.

"In fact, I'll make an example of Zim, so all aliens will know what happens when you set foot, tentacle, or whatever on Earth."

He tapped his chin contemplatively. "If only I had a way to follow through with that threat," he murmured sourly.

With a laden sigh, Dib ran upstairs. He, like Gaz, slammed his door shut before catapulting his book sack onto the floor. He retrieved his composition, his laptop, and some pencils. Then, he set them up on his desk.

"Let's see if the Swollen Eye Society has anything useful on aliens."

His fingers zoomed across the keyboard as he commenced his investigation, chuckling like a mad scientist. Or, in his case, a mad detective.

He typed in "Swollen Eye Society" to pull the website up. Per usual, he had to answer a few questions to confirm he was human before he was granted access to their archive.

The Swollen Eye was an infamous website that concerned all things supernatural, from werewolves to zombies to government conspiracies to aliens. Dib caught himself scrolling through the newest articles that had been uploaded.

Man Finds Alien Skeleton in Backyard!

Single Mom Goes Missing: Kids Claim 'Shadows' Took Her

Local Teacher Found Eating Raw Meat in Janitor's Closet: Vampire, Werewolf, or Plain Weirdo?

He scolded himself, "Stop getting distracted."

Dib moved the arrow to the search box and typed in Alien Weaknesses.

He actually used to have a subscription to The Swollen Eye—they had even sent him a pin in the mail to commemorate his membership—but it was suspended indefinitely because he had apparently "violated their guidelines." It wasn't fair. He posted a comment in the chatroom where he briefly mentioned that he was a middle schooler, and a fellow member decided it was necessary to inform Dib he was too young and immature to contribute anything useful and to leave the discussion to the adults since "we know what we're talking about." Naturally, Dib was offended, so who could blame him for wanting to respond? He thought he'd been respectful enough. Sure, maybe he scooched a little past the line for calling him "stupid" and "pathetic," but other than that, he'd been completely civil. Dib wished people would grow a thicker skin, especially adults.

Whatever! Even if he wasn't a member anymore, he still had access to other features. Like the articles.

As he methodically browsed through the results, unsure which one he should click on to read first, there was an abrupt knock on the door.

Dib groaned. "What does Gaz want this time?"

With a scoff, he told himself, "No, Gaz wouldn't come to my room unless she wanted something." He frowned. "Could she want something?"

Three louder knocks reverberated past the door.

"Yes?" Dib called out.

It wasn't an invitation to enter, but nevertheless, that's how it was taken. Before Dib could prepare himself, the door opened and in walked one of the most important men of this century—arguably even more important than the president. His father, Professor Gene Membrane.

Dib stiffened. Afraid his dad would see all of the articles about aliens he was researching, he slammed his laptop closed. He was not in the mood to hear his father's lectures.

"Uh, hi, Dad," he greeted, rubbing his hands together awkwardly.

Rather than say "hi" back, Professor Membrane stared silently at his son. The aura he gave off was almost ominous.

Straightening up, Dib met Professor Membrane's gaze and held it there, though he couldn't help intermittently glancing away. When he stared at his dad for too long, he got heartburn, which was probably odd for a kid his age but Professor Membrane was beyond ordinary intimidation.

He was still wearing his huge scientific goggles, and as usual, he had the collar of his long white lab coat propped over his nose. Dib couldn't remember the last time he had seen his dad's face. It was always hidden behind his work clothes and safety gear. Sometimes, Dib wondered if his dad had accidentally marred himself during one of his experiments and was trying to conceal it. Maybe, underneath his goggles and coat, his face was horribly deformed and his dad was too ashamed to show them.

"Dib," Professor Membrane said, his presence still uncomfortably intense.

Dib pushed his glasses in, so they fit more snugly on the bridge of his nose. "Uh, yes, Dad?"

"The school called. Well, the principle. Not the building. That would be scientifically impossible. Without the right technology at least," he rambled.

Dib sported a mask of ignorance. "Oh, really? What did the school—I mean, the principle—call for? I've been keeping up my grades. And I haven't been skipping class."

"Yes, but your behavior is intolerable," he said with a sigh. He sauntered over to Dib's desk and absentmindedly picked up a homemade, miniature model of a UFO Dib had built with glue, cardboard, and strips of shredded newspaper. He had meant to paint it, but uncovering a diabolical alien's plans to conquer his planet seemed more important. "You were recently suspended for bullying a new student, and now apparently, you set off the sprinklers in your classroom."

Dib shot up from his seat. "What? No, I didn't! Zim did that!"

His dad set his UFO replica down. Dib was kind of embarrassed that his father had noticed it. He wished he had at least shoved it in one of his desk drawers, but how was he supposed to know his dad would traipse in here today? In all, he probably visited Dib in his room four times a year.

"Zim?" his dad echoed.

"The new kid at my school. He's out to get me. He's the reason I keep getting into trouble!"

Dr. Membrane set down the UFO replica and raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "That's odd. Because I remember you causing commotions and instigating fights long before this student arrived."

Dib's shoulders slumped. He wanted to be angry at his dad for not believing him, but he had to admit that he didn't have a clean track record.

What was that story? The Boy Who Cried Wolf? Is this how that kid felt when the villagers refused to take him seriously? Dib was pretty sure the wolf gobbled him up in the end, and he shivered at the thought of being subjected to a similar fate.

"Okay, I've been known to jump to conclusions," Dib admitted. "But this time is different! There's something not right about Zim, Dad!"

His father exhaled and shook his head before Dib could even explain himself. "What? Are you going to say he's a ghost or a zombie? Or perhaps you'll insist he's a goblin. I've told you, this has gone far enough, Dib," he lectured sternly. "It's time you put facts ahead of fiction. Think, how much time did you spend gluing this together—"

Dib's father motioned to the UFO reclined atop his desk.

"—when there are discoveries to be made! Theories to be tested!"

"But, Dad!" he whined, sounding more childish than he meant to. He tried to discredit his slip of immaturity by standing taller and deploying a serious tone into his voice, acting as adult-like as a middle schooler possibly could. "I do have a theory!"

Dib could barely make out even just the shape of his dad's eyes behind those goggles, but he imagined they were probably rolling.

"Some theories are scientifically impossible," Professor Membrane declared, pedantically folding his gloved arms behind his back. "Suppose I had a theory. And my theory was that if I threw a dog into the ocean, it would grow gills before it drowned. Do you think that theory's worth my time?"

"Well. . .no. . ." Dib stammered.

"Precisely! Because that would be scientifically impossible!"

Sighing, he added. "Not to mention cruel. Animal rights activists would be clamoring outside laboratories for months on end."

Dib crossed his arms and scowled at the floor, deciding it was pointless to argue with his father.

"Honestly, Dib." Professor Membrane leaned an arm against Dib's chair as if this conversation was so taxing that he needed a crutch to support him. "This was cute when you were six, but you're eleven now."

"Twelve and a half."

Professor Membrane paused for a moment, thrown that his son corrected. He quickly recovered, though. "My point is that you're older. And when people look at you, they think of me and make judgments about my parenting skills. And having a son who's always causing trouble does not reflect well on me, especially in the scientific community."

Professor Membrane took an exasperated breath. "So I am asking you, Dib, to please behave yourself from now on. Every time your principle calls me, my seconds are wasted. I could be cracking open the mysteries of this world, but instead, I have to deal with your mess."

That last part stung, but Dib didn't let it show on his face.

Suddenly, as if remembering something important, his father jolted. "In fact, I should be in my lab right now!" he announced, starting for Dib's bedroom door. "I promised my peers a complete reevaluation on my latest hypothesis, and I haven't even gotten around to testing argon's reaction to. . ."

His dad's words dissipated into muffled jabbering as he disappeared down the halls.

Dib sighed. "Why do I only get my father's attention when I embarrass him?" he grumbled to himself. Just once, he wished his dad would knock on his door for no other reason than to ask about his day or simply say, "Hello, son." Sadly for Dib, when his father crawled out of the deep recesses of his laboratory to see him, 99.9999% of the time it was to scold him for causing a scene.

On the bright side—or maybe it was the darker side—his father couldn't be bothered to devote much of his time to parenting Dib when those were extra minutes that could be spent cuddling his precious research instead, so Professor Membrane likely wouldn't be paying Dib's room another visit for at least the next five months. Unless, Dib did something absurdly stupid, like got himself expelled. Thinking about it, though, that future wasn't so out of reach as long as Zim was around.

"I better get back to my research."

Dib reclined in his chair and reopened his laptop to resume his investigation. He scrolled through countless articles, copying and pasting the most helpful references to a file conspicuously labeled Alien Research Findings. He dug deep into the site to excavate anything and everything that could be of use.

No matter how many hours he had to spend combing the internet, if it meant stopping Zim, he would keep at it until he dropped.

Dib checked what must have been the thousandth article of the day. His stomach growled suddenly.

Groaning, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He looked at the clock and froze. It read 9:52.

"Wow!" Dib placed his glasses back on his face. He hadn't realized how late it was. "I really lost track of time."

It suddenly dawned on him that he hadn't done any of his homework, but who cared? Besides maybe his teachers. Dib had an alien invasion to stop! He couldn't be bothered with school right now!

Dib's stomach growled for a second time again, demanding he grab something to eat. "In a little bit," he muttered to it as if it could understand him.

Dib quickly reviewed all the data he had managed to gather, pages and pages of it haphazardly organized into one long bulleted list, but as he read over the information, he felt disappointed in himself. There was nothing groundbreaking here, no weaknesses he could exploit on Zim, no look into his biology, no how-to guide for unmasking an alien. . .just a bunch of conspiracies and crazy stories.

Dib slid his laptop aside, and with a dejected groan, flopped backwards so that he was spread-eagled across the wooden floorboards, which while they were hard and uncomfortable, somehow felt nice on his achy shoulders. As it turned out, slouching in front of a laptop screen for hours at a time without even a bathroom break, wasn't very favorable for the spine.

Now, what? he asked himself.

It wasn't fair! Zim had easy access to knowledge about humans and their deficiencies—their school library had shelves of books detailing that kind of information—and here was Dib, equipped with nothing but maybes and ifs and possiblies.

"Fine, then! New plan!"

A sudden burst of determination propelled Dib to his feet.

The Swollen Eye was the ultimate excavation site for the supernatural and unknown, so if it couldn't help him, he doubted anything else on the internet would. That meant he had only two options left: give up and wait for Zim to take everyone prisoner, or venture into the beast's cave and unearth the mystery for himself.

Dib threw the first choice out the window immediately. As if he would ever wave a white flag and surrender his planet to an evil alien without a fight. He'd rather be a dead hero than a live coward any day of the week. Though, he would prefer to walk away from this alive.

Dib pounded his fist into his hand. "Right! It's settled! I have to get into Zim's lair, wherever that is."

He scowled. "Zim isn't an idiot. He'll likely have a trap set. He's smart and tactical and probably has some fancy high-tech security system installed."

Groaning to himself, he said, "If only I had some advanced tech of my own. Then, I could defend myself."

Dib brightened as a lightbulb switched on his head. He slapped himself in the head for not thinking of it before. "Of course! Dad's lab! It's full of gadgets!"

Dib ran out of his room, down the stairs, and into the living room before skidding to a stop. No sign of his dad, and no sign of Gaz. Dib looked to one of the walls, where his dad had hung a framed chart of an atom—complete with illustrations and annotations to explain the structure. Dib carefully pulled it away to reveal a bright green button that Professor Membrane purposely kept hidden out of sight. He pushed it.

Immediately, a secret door—disguised as a seemingly innocent bookcase—slid open with a soft woooosh.

It used to be a normal entryway to a staircase that had led to his dad's study, but when Professor Membrane's status elevated within the scientific community and his research successively became more confidential, he decided additional measures were necessary to protect his work.

Dib hadn't minded the change, though. In fact, at the time, he thought it was cool and fancy. He was never allowed in the lab, but occasionally he'd press the button for no other reason than to marvel at how the door opened and closed. Although, over the years he'd grown used to it. Now, it was as boring and mundane as their voice-activated refrigerator, just another ordinary facet of life.

"What are you doing?"

"AAAH!" Dib couldn't help the yell that burst out of him. "Gaz!" he breathed when he realized it was only his sister. His face instantly flushed from embarrassment. It was extra humiliating because he sounded like a girl when he screamed. He really hated puberty.

Gaz had her arms crossed, her trademark frown plastered on. "You know we're not allowed down there unless there's an emergency." Gaz looked Dib up and down "And you're clearly not dying or anything."

Dib yanked his hair from his scalp and groaned. "Gaz, look! I need something in Dad's lab, okay? It's important! The fate of the entire planet is resting on me right now!"

She blinked at him, unimpressed.

"Can you just pretend like you never saw me?" Dib asked, almost pleadingly. "Do me this one small favor! Please!"

Gaz just stared at him, and Dib knew he'd have to bribe her.

"Fine! What do you want?"

"Tomorrow the cafeteria's supposed to be serving pizza," said Gaz dryly.

"So?" Dib asked, not understanding where his sister was headed with this.

"I want your slice."

Dib emitted yet another groan. "Fine! Okay! Just don't say anything to Dad!"

"I won't have to," Gaz told her brother. "You'll mess up like you always do, and he'll catch you. And when that happens, you'll still owe me your pizza because I kept my end of the deal."

With that, she turned and walked away.

"I don't always mess up!" Dib called after her. Then, he frowned. "Do?"

He shoved the thought to the back of his mind for safekeeping. He'd have to wonder about that later.

Resuming his mission, Dib stepped into the wide tube that'd been concealed behind the bookcase. This would transport him to his dad's laboratory. At one point, the way down had comprised a much more normal procedure, involving stairs that you'd have to descend one by one like a regular human being, but Professor Membrane had replaced it with this invention when Dib was only in the second grade.

In the tube, Dib pressed his thumb to the scanner so that it could identify his print. There was a positive beep as the screen changed from black to green.

"Confirmed. Dib Membrane," announced a female computer voice.

Dib hurriedly positioned his arms into an X over his chest and stood with his legs together. He felt like he was on a slide at the waterpark.

As he anticipated the drop, the voice came on again.

"Your descent will commence in three. . .two. . . one. . ."

On one, the floor literally slid out from underneath Dib's feet, but a strong current of air immediately caught him. It whirred around him and slowed his plummet through the tube. That way, he didn't crash into the ground and break both his legs.

Once he'd been toted to his dad's laboratory, Dib did a quick scan of the area before venturing deeper inside. Upon his exit, the tube's slot automatically shut. He winced at the noise, and afraid his dad had heard, ducked behind a model of a human skeleton that so happened to be standing nearby. Although, in retrospect, it probably wasn't the best hiding place given all the gaps.

Looking through the skeleton's ribs as if they were a peephole, Dib spotted his dad hovering over a long table that was completely laden with beakers and chemicals. He silently observed Professor Membrane as he squeezed a drop of a blue liquid into a purple solution. It turned yellow, and with an inquisitive hum, he grabbed his stationery to note the reaction.

This was his chance!

Dib scurried to the back room while his father was engrossed in his experiments. He typed in the code to gain access—which was Gaz's birthday, since she was apparently the favorite—and slipped inside as soon as the door had unlocked.

Dib grinned manically at the wide selection of gadgets lain out before him, each one mounted along the racks of shelves and encased in its own glass cubby for a clean display.

Which one should he choose?

Dib couldn't reach the higher shelves, so he was limited in his pick of the litter. Still, he had plenty of options. He pulled one device from its clear chamber to start. It seemed a decent size, small enough to lug around but large enough to intimidate Zim, and it wasn't too heavy. The design reminded him of a squirt gun. If only Dib knew how to work it.

He noticed a switch on the handle. "What's this do?" he asked aloud, flipping it.

Instantly, a thick medal net shot out of the barrel.

He nodded approvingly. "This should work."

Oh, boy!

I guess Zim and Dib are about to go head-to-head! Place your bets on who's going to win!