09.25.1995 "CRADLE OF HOPE" 1
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GABRIELLE
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I am Gabrielle, and I'm a storyteller. A traveler. An adventurer.
And most of all, a friend of Xena, the warrior princess.
Together we travel the world, and have adventures of every kind.
Xena is a traveling hero that does good of every kind. Helps people in need of every kind.
She saves people at the cost of her own soul.
She takes other people's sins upon herself. Because she is a holy woman who carries the whole humanity in her heart.
She fights for humanity. For our common goodness.
And she wants nothing in return.
She does everything she does out of the kindness in her heart.
If there was such a thing as "the embodiment of goodness", then it would be her.
She lives a life of perpetual self-denial in which she has nothing. Owns nothing. Receives nothing.
There is nothing she wants out of this life other than to help others. Other than do good.
It is my biggest fortune in the world that I met her. It was through meeting her that I learned the concept of "true goodness".
There is nothing I want more than to be as great a person as she is.
She is the greatest person that has ever existed. When I first saw her, I thought she must be a goddess.
I will do anything to become as great as she is. I will dedicate my life to this!
Right now I'm just her useless tag-along. All I do is her chores.
But it won't be like this forever. I will change. I will learn. I will reach her level. I will be her equal.
I only need a little time to get there.
We don't have any time. She's a warrior. Her every day could be her last.
That means if I love what I have with her, then I should treasure every moment I have.
That means we should live our every day like it's our last. We should never waste time!
There is nothing worse than wasting time.
Than means, if I want to learn. Then I should hurry up, and try and learn as fast as only possible.
But Xena, in all her holiness, is somewhat of a stingy, greedy person. She refuses to teach me anything that matters.
But that's alright. That just means I have to put in more effort fighting her resistance to teaching me. I should learn anything I can, anything she teaches me unintentionally. I should swallow her every word, observe her every gesture.
I will have her teach me things, whether she wants to or not! ! !
I should use her as an example of how to become great, myself.
If I just achieve that, then I won't be a useless tag-along anymore. Then I'll be a useful helper to the near-god woman, the embodiment of goodness, the saviour of humanity.
There is nothing I want more than to be helpful to her.
She hides it well, but I notice. There is pain inside her heart.
She carries deep torment inside her heart, but she endures it because she's strong.
I wish she wasn't only strong. I wish she was happy, too.
And I'll do anything to make her happy.
She carries a heavy burden, she helps others, she wants nothing.
But I'll make sure she receives something. I'll try and make sure she is rewarded for her efforts.
I'll try and do what I can to be a reward for her.
I'll make sure she gets something good out of this life.
Just you wait, Xena! I'll make you happy yet!
I don't know how, right now. But I'll learn!
And when I do. I'm gonna surprise you so much! With so much happiness! You will explode from all that happiness you're gonna feel! You will forget yourself from all that happiness you're gonna feel!
I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'll learn.
I'll dedicate my life to learning.
And as I learn.
A curious event happened recently.
I awoke for a bush break just after dawn. Xena was still asleep.
And as I came back. I notice.
Her Chakram's right there.
Oooh, shiny.
I make sure Xena's sleeping. She's even facing the other way.
I always was curious about this thing of her.
How does she catch it without hurting herself? It looks sharp.
So now I'll research it. For science.
Now I'll be touching Xena's thing for science.
But just as I reach out my hand...
Xena stops me.
But how? She's still facing the other way!
Does she have eyes on the back of her head?
Stingy, greedy Xena. She won't even let me do science.
How can I learn if she won't let me? Waste of time!
But I'm learning anyway. Bit by bit.
And I can't believe how much I learned already.
I can't believe what a foolish kid I was just two weeks ago.
I can't believe how much I grew already.
I enjoy my new life so very much. Sure, living on the road is impossibly hard.
But Xena does the impossible every day. If Xena does it, then so will I. So I'll do the impossible, too. And live on the road with a smile.
And so, I'll enjoy my new life. Our new life together.
I don't know why. But I always feel like "the past" does not exist. Like whatever moment we're living in right now, is always the first moment of our lives. Like our entire future is always ahead of us.
And so it feels like what me and Xena had before today, was just preparation.
It feels like our real life is starting right now.
Like this moment right now. Is the beginning of our normalcy.
And so. I wake up. On our first normal morning together.
I wake up to Xena telling me to wake up.
Just barely after I managed to fall asleep, after the entire night of trying to. Sleeping on the ground is very hard, and I spent the whole night waking up to some horrible noises nearby.
I don't know why, but those noises made me think about home. How is Lila, how is mother, how is father. I miss them. But I have the world now. So I can bear.
Xena always wakes up before I do. Xena always does everything before I do. She is always impressive like that. But I hope this trend doesn't continue. I hope
I learn to be as impressive, too. I hope I learn to do things before she does. Because I don't want to be less. I don't want to be left behind.
And so, I wake up to her voice. I do my best to feint good spirits. Sleeping on the ground is very hard. But if Xena does it, then so will I! I'll make sure I'll be her equal! I'll make sure I outdo her, someday!
Look, I just woke up from the worst night in my life, and I'm cheerful! Maybe I've outdone her already?
And then I look at her. And I see.
She's smiling.
...
She has outdone me yet again. Just you wait, Xena! I don't know how, but I'll outdo you yet!
But now, she's smiling. Ah, this is the most beautiful smile in the universe.
And the reason why it's so beautiful. It's because I helped it happen.
Just a while ago, Xena would never smile. She would always be angry and annoyed.
But now she smiles! Now she jokes! Now she's in a good mood! Now she's happier than she was before!
I know this can't be true. Because Xena is a near-god. But I like to pretend that it was me who helped her become happier.
That it was my incredible talking skills that helped her improve her mood!
Because if that is so. Then I'm so happy that I could give her a little something.
Because now I'm not a waste of space anymore. Now I could give Xena a little something.
Now my life had a value. Now I have achieved something.
Thank you, Xena, for letting me make you smile. Now I've done good. I couldn't do it without you.
The happiest moment of my life is now. Because I'd watching Xena smile.
And then we hear some more of those horrible noises from somewhere nearby.
They did keep me from sleeping the whole night. Those nasty, unsettling sounds, they make me restless! How did Xena sleep through them?
What are those awful noses? Is that the beginning of our new adventure? I can't wait! I hope it's something incredible! I hope it's a majestic beast of legend!
I really wanna watch Xena defeat a mythical beast. I haven't seen her do that, yet.
I love watching Xena defeat things so much. What is she gonna defeat for me, now?
And as we investigate the bushes. We find... a baby!
A baby! What luck! I always wanted a baby. Me and Xena are going to adopt this one. A convenient baby in the bushes!
Now me and Xena are going to be his mommies. Now's we'll really become a family!
I thought we were already a family. I thought that just sharing a common household made us a family, by itself. I was wrong. That was silly.
I am smarter now. Now I know what I'm doing.
THIS is what's gonna make us a family! A baby! This is just what we needed!
This is a blessing from Olympus, giving us the exact thing that we lacked! I praise the gods for their bevenolence!
Now me and Xena are going to become a real family, and we're going to be so happy together! ! !
...
Aw, Xena doesn't want to keep the baby.
Silly Xena. She doesn't know what's good for her. But I do. I'll convince her yet! My power of conviction isn't there for nothing! ! ! Me and Xena are going to grow babies together, I just know it!
Aw, this baby is adorable. I'll name him "Gabriel". How could anyone willingly give up a baby?
What kind of a horrible mother would do that? And send a baby in a basket down the river, too. Only an absolute monster could do that! Eternal shame on her!
Good thing that we found him. He'll be alright, now. He'll be safe and good with me and Xena. Me and Xena know exactly what to do with babies!
...
That reminds me.
I don't know what to do with a baby.
Does Xena know what to do with a baby?
I hope she does.
Because if she doesn't.
Then the baby may not be as safe with us as I thought.
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XENA
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I am Xena. I'm a horrible monster that wants to do good, now.
I have done every evil in the world. Committed every crime.
I may have killed my own son. Is he still alive?
And now I'm doing good.
Destroying villages one month, giving charity another. The sharpest turn known to man. I am a little crazy.
I should be dead for the evils that I did. I wish for death, to be freed from the torment of my thoughts.
But I want to do good. So I'll endure. I'll force myself to live for that.
And with that thought. Starts our new life.
Mine and Gabrielle's.
Gabrielle. She still hasn't left. My only friend, my final victim. You are making me take you with me because you will die on your own.
And I'm letting you follow me because I'm a weakling that can't say no. Because I'm hoping that you'll leave me soon. I hope you'll leave before it's too late.
So now I'm slowly corrupting you. I'm letting you live a life of impossible hardship with me. I'm letting you face danger every day, risk your life every day. Please, leave before the worst happens to you!
The worst isn't even the danger. The worst is something else.
You think you love me because you think I was something good. But there is nothing good about me. Someday you will learn about your mistake.
The worst is this becoming serious. The worst is for you to love me for real. The worst is you becoming like me. The worst is you being ruined because of me.
The worst is me ruining you.
There is nothing good about me. I shouldn't be alive. I was going to end my life when I met you.
But look. I met you. I lived. You mistakenly saw something good in me. And now I'm trying to do good.
Your lies have become the truth.
I thought that I would live a life of falsehoods in which I pretend I'm something I'm not. Because I can never be anything good.
And now... I live. And I'm trying to do good.
I expected to only be something fake.
But you made me real.
I lived for you. You made me live. And now is the start of our new life together.
The life in which I can pretend I'm not a monster. In which I can do better. In which I have you.
I don't have the right to live. I should be dead. I'm not allowed to enjoy things.
But... I enjoy this life we have right now.
I can allow myself to enjoy it a little. Because I know this can't last. Because I know the worst won't happen.
Because I know you'll leave very soon.
So I'll try and enjoy what we have right now.
Thank you, Gabrielle, for letting me have this life. It is a good day, isn't it?
You wake up and you complain. Forgive me Gabrielle. I can't give you a better life. You deserve better.
All you do to me, is make me live. And all I can do to you, is bring you misery.
You are my final sin. But I will only make you miserable for a short while. And then you'll leave to a better life somewhere. This can't last. The worst won't happen. My sin will be very small.
I've already done so many sins. What's one more?
This can't last. So I'll enjoy this when I can.
It is a good day. And I only have it thanks to you.
I'm happy to have you.
And just as I think that. A horrible noise comes from nearby bushes.
I think I know that noise. I shudder.
No. Anything but that.
Gabrielle says she heard that all night long. But that can't be true. I couldn't have missed that.
I couldn't have kept hearing that and pretending I don't.
I draw my sword, hoping it could be anything else other than what I think it is. Gabrielle says it may be a griffin. It's better be a griffin, anything, any monster, is better than what I think it is.
And as I use my sword to spread the bushes and see.
My worst fears are confirmed.
It's a baby.
This is a nightmare. I shouldn't be allowed near babies. Because I kill babies.
Here look. Leave it to me, to walk to a baby with a sword drawn against it.
So this is what Gabrielle has spent the whole night hearing, and me, not hearing. Why did I not hear it?
My baby was just like this one. Is he still alive? Have I killed him?
Focus!
Have to deal with this baby right now! External thoughts, later!
I'm so glad that I have Gabrielle with me. Because she can be the one to hold the baby.
I couldn't hold a baby. I would fall apart.
How could I ever be allowed to hold a baby... after all those babies that died because of me?
I should never touch a baby with my hands of a murderer.
I shouldn't be allowed near babies. Babies aren't safe with me.
I want to run. But then Gabrielle and the baby will die alone in the wilderness.
Why did I not hear that?
Gabrielle is basically a baby herself. She will die out.
I have to be strong. I will overcome my fears.
Why did I not hear?
Gabrielle is like a baby herself. And I allow myself to be near her. I allow myself this little vileness. Because it can't last. If I can endure that, then I could also endure handling a baby for a day.
I'm already enduring a lot. I can endure a little extra!
She heard it but I didn't. Why?
This is only temporary. I put the baby where it belongs, then I forget about it.
If I just focus on this trial ending, then I can handle this! Piece of cake, I've done worse!
Just focus on getting rid of the baby, and then we'll be fine. Then I can deal.
And then Gabrielle says she wants to keep it.
...
Her madness is perpetually expanding. First she attaches herself to me, a monster. Now she wants to bring a baby along. Along to a life of perpetual self-denial and impossible hardship. A baby on the road, imagine that!
She wants a monster and a baby and a life on the road, all at once. She just wants everything at once. She is greed personified. Is there no end to her desires? What's next, a traveling orphanage?
She's actually *happy* that we now have a baby. The madwoman.
She doesn't understand how anyone would give up a baby.
...
Oh Gabrielle, you just know nothing at all.
You would despise a woman that would give up a baby, wouldn't you.
...
I agree. Only a despicable failure of a human being would give up her baby voluntarily.
You absolutely should despise that woman very much.
...
I wish we separate before you know me.
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GABRIELLE
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And so, we - me, Xena, and Gabriel - go to the nearest town, happily.
I'm so happy, because now we have a baby. We are a family of three, now!
I'm so happy, because now I have the world, I have Xena, and I have a baby.
I'm so happy, because me and Xena are like a real family, right now.
I have Xena, and I have a baby. Is this the height of happiness? What more would I possibly want?
Oh, that reminds me. I'm supposed to want everything at once.
I am Gabrielle, and I am greed. My dreams are my everything, my future is my everything.
I will never be satisfied with what I have. I will always want more.
I wanted the world, and I got the world.
I wanted Xena, and I got Xena.
But in the happiness of getting that, I forgot to want more. I forgot to have dreams! I forgot to keep increasing my dreams. The happiness of now, made me forget to anticipate the happiness of the future.
I should focus more on the future.
I should try, and make more dreams. Make plans for the future.
I wanted the world, and I got the world. I wanted Xena, and I got Xena. I wanted a baby, and I got a baby.
What more would I want? What do I want my future to be?
My dream for the future... is to have everything. Everything I have, and everything more.
In my future. I wish to have the world, and I wish to have Xena. And I want to have babies.
I love babies so much. I love kids. I want a dozen kids. I want to be surrounded by my countless children.
I wonder what Xena plans for the future? Eventually this "life on the road" thing will get old. Someday, she'll grow tired of a life of perpetual self-denial.
Someday, she will want more.
What will she do, then? I know!
Someday, she will settle down and retire.
And then we could retire together!
We'll be together even then.
We'll have two houses right next to each other. We'll see each other every day.
We'll find our loves and get married to somebodies. And we'll have so many babies together.
We'll be surrounded by our countless children, together.
We will both have homes, have each other, have children. But that's not all. We will also have the world and adventures. We will both live a happy life at home, and have adventures, too. And do good and save lives, too.
This vision is so beautiful, I think I'm gonna cry.
We will have everything, and we will have it all at once. I don't know how, but we will. We'll figure this out. This dream is too good to doubt it.
My perfect dream. Is to have Xena and babies.
And I have this right now. I have Xena, and we have a baby. My happiness is right now.
This is the height of happiness. The happiest moment of my life. And things will only get better from now on!
I am so full of happiness right now, I think I'm gonna burst! ! !
Can Xena feel this happiness? I hope she does.
I hope that we share in this happiness.
I hope that we both aspire to reach the same goal.
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XENA
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And so, we go to the nearest town.
Me, Gabrielle, and the baby.
...
This is torture. This is Tartarus.
First, I'm corrupting Gabrielle. Now, I'm also condemning a baby.
I wish we hurry.
So I could get away from the baby.
I shouldn't be allowed near babies. Because I kill babies.
Gabrielle has spent the whole night unable to sleep because she kept hearing the baby cry. But I slept soundly, because I heard nothing. Why?
I'm not a person, I'm a weapon. I can weaponize anything. I'm sure if I wanted to, I could even weaponize a baby.
I don't have the right to live. After the sorta things that I've spent my whole life doing.
My life is over. I should be dead.
What new life? What "do good"? I forgot myself. How could I ever forget myself like this? It's gotta be Gabrielle. She's a bad influence on me. She's making me forget things I should never forget.
Babies... represent hope. Represent the future.
And I am a killer of hope. A denier of futures.
I do not have a future. I should never have one.
My future is death. Because I am death. Death is the only thing I can do. Death is the only thing that I will ever do.
Death is the only thing I am.
Death awaits anyone who will ever be near me.
Gabrielle is humming happily. The fool. She doesn't realize what she attached herself to.
All I can do is hurt her. Ruin her. Destroy her. I wish she leaves before that happens. We should have never met. I cursed her just by meeting her.
I know the reason why I heard nothing.
She is happy to have this baby. That's right. She should have babies. She should have a safe, happy life somewhere. Anywhere away from me.
I can't stand to ruin another good thing again. I can't stand to know that I will ruin her someday.
How could I ever hope for anything good.
It hurts to look at her. Because I know the worst *will* happen if I let it.
It hurts.
To be with her is torture.
We should have never met.
We should separate as soon as possible.
Just when I thought this was a good day. I'm back to where I started.
I wish anything would happen to stop my awful thoughts. Anything!
And as I think that. We see some crowd is hanging some woman.
Great! A distraction. Now I don't have to think!
Horrible. A distraction. But I wanted to hurry.
"Good people" help those in need. I'm pretending I was something good. So I help this woman.
And just when I think the delays are over. It starts raining.
Just great. More time with the baby.
Someone kill me.
""""""""""
GABRIELLE
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We go to the nearest town, happily.
And we see some crowd is hanging some woman. Poor woman! Xena'll fix this.
Xena saves her beautifully, like she always does. Xena is a hero of goodness!
And then it starts raining. I'm so happy. More time with the baby!
We hide in a cave. And I accidentally drop something from the woman's things. A box of some kind. She reacts like I've done something horrible. Jeez woman, calm down, it's just a box!
The woman is Pandora's grandaughter. And she's carrying... that same box! The very box that will doom humanity if you open it!
That box is scary! I wish to get away from it!
And I dropped it?! I almost doomed humanity just now! ! !
Pandora says she can't have a life because of it. Because she's carrying it? For the sake of all of us. She's being punished for something her grandmother did.
Yet she still chooses to carry it and suffer, for everybody's benefit. Pandora is someone incredible.
And she only gets punished for her efforts. Poor Pandora. We should help her!
She's carrying a heavy burden for the sake of others, and suffers for it. She's just like Xena.
I wish there was a way to relief both their burdens. If only I could help.
But... I'm useless. I don't know how to do anything. I don't see any way I could help at all.
I'm pathetic. It hurts to be next to someone as great as Xena. Because you always realize your insignificance next to her greatness.
I can't help. But we have Xena. Xena can conjure miracles. Now that Xena knows of this, I know she will fix this.
We all can depend on Xena.
I wonder how she'll fix this?
Then Xena asks me to get her something. And before I notice. I'm right next to the cursed box.
This box is so scary. I wish to get away.
But I look at it, anyway.
It is such a pretty box. The box of legends. And I'm right next to it.
...
Suddenly, an awful thought enters my mind.
! ! !
NO!
I *must* stop that thought! ! !
I am not the same depraved loser I was a day before! I have grown up by now! I am the new me!
The new me that's in control of her mind and actions! The new me that actually knows what she's doing!
The new me that can resist her awful thoughts!
Go away, thought, I'm stronger than you!
...
I try and fight. But I'm losing. The thought persists.
If this goes on... then I may lose for real, and think it!
Resist, Gabrielle! Resist with everything you've got!
...
I can't. The thought is stronger than me.
My final push to stop it. My last bit of strength left to resist the thought.
If I lose this final battle now, then I will end up being the depraved loser thinking that thought.
I will not be a loser! ! ! I will not be depraved! ! ! I will be respectable and dignified! ! !
Resist!
...
I can't. I lose. I am a loser. I am depraved.
The thought wins. I think it.
...
"Oooh. Shiny."
So this is Pandora's box, hm? It's not as scary as I thought.
Now that I look at it, it is kinda pretty.
They say horrible things will happen if you open it.
They say that you doom humanity if you open it.
So I know better than to open it.
I can control myself. I won't open it.
...
But maybe if I just peek inside a *little*.
And as I reach my hand to it. Xena stops me.
How did she know? But I made sure to position myself so that she can't see what I'm doing! I planned this!
She really does have eyes on the back of her head.
Stingy, greedy Xena. She won't even let me doom humanity a little.
""""""""""
XENA
""""""""""
And so we make it to some cave.
Gabrielle drops the woman's things. Klutz.
And then the woman tells her story.
She is the Pandora with the cursed box. So this box is very dangerous! We all are in mortal danger next to it! The humanity will be doomed if it opens. And Gabrielle just dropped it? She almost doomed humanity just now! ! !
So Pandora's cursed with carrying her burden for the rest of her life. Just like me.
To Pandora, her burden is her most important thing.
Her burden is the only thing she has. She has nothing else. Just like me.
...
Except that isn't true.
Because right now... I have Gabrielle.
Pandora's condemned to eternal loneliness. Actually... she has it worse than me.
She doesn't have her own Gabrielle with her.
What is the most important thing to me?
My eyes wander to Gabrielle.
Gabrielle... just what are you to me?
Why are you so important to me?
I was willing to fight a god for you. I was willing to lose my soul for you.
By all logic, I should hate you. You are a village fool. A madwoman. Useless annoyance.
We live in opposite universes. There is nothing in common between us. We should clash.
I should be irritated out of my mind by you.
I should hate you.
...
Yet I don't.
When I look at you... I feel lighter.
Why do I feel like I can bear anything if you're with me?
My burdens disappear when I'm with you.
I can be here because I have you.
Yet Pandora has no one. Pandora is like me if I never met Gabrielle.
Where would I be, if I never met Gabrielle?
...
Pandora has it tough. She doesn't have her own Gabrielle with her.
But I... I have Gabrielle, now. It won't be long, but I have her.
Poor Pandora. She has no one.
She must be feeling pretty hopeless.
I wish more people... other than me... could find their own Gabrielle.
I wish I could help.
Pandora has no one. I wish she had someone, too.
She should open up to hope, too. She shouldn't be alone.
This baby we have right here. One doesn't dump a baby into a river for no reason. Chances are, he has no one, either.
My son. I tried to leave him somewhere he could be safe. But... I don't *know* he was.
This world is the world of war and death. I'm a horrible monster that has ruined it further.
Chances are, my son was not safe. Chances are, I have somehow ruined my son's life myself, without knowing.
Chances are, my son also had no one.
Chances are... my son also was a baby sent down a river all alone. Or the closest thing to that.
Where I left him... he was also dependant on the charity of others.
Just like this baby right now is dependant on us.
This baby who has no one. This Pandora who has no one.
Pandora who is just like me in that she can't have a life.
Except unlike me, she's done nothing to deserve this.
Unlike me, she's carrying her burden with pride. She's doing this for humanity's sake. And gets punished for it.
The baby and Pandora both have this need they can't fulfill.
I have been leading armies for my whole life now. I have been manipulating losers my whole like now.
I have human skills. I can see people's hearts. I look, and I know what motivates them.
I can see what needs people have. I know exactly where to push and where to pull, to get anyon to do anything.
Just a month ago, before I opened my eyes. I would have seen a need like this in others, and exploited it for my own gain. Not caring who gets hurt in the process. *Enjoying* hurting them. Enjoying feeling my superiority.
And now... I see this need... and wish to fix it.
I wonder what was it. What changed me.
Right now... instead of hurting others for my own gain... I wish to help connect these lonely hearts.
Pandora and the baby both have no one. I wish they at least had each other.
Gabrielle. She looks so good holding a baby. This image pulls at my very soul.
Gabrielle and a baby. The two things that I should never touch.
They look so good together.
But I wanna separate you from this baby right now. There's someone who needs it more than you do.
Let Pandora have him. Let her also have a bit of hope.
Pandora says she can't be trusted with a baby. She really is just like me!
It's a good thing we have Gabrielle with us. We can trust her with a baby. We can trust her with anything.
Gabrielle is like the ultimate home. The ultimate family. The ultimate mother.
If anyone knows how to handle a baby, that's her. We can depend on Gabrielle.
Me and Pandora are lucky that we have Gabrielle.
This whole world is lucky that it has Gabrielle in it.
And as we wait for the rain to pass.
I see Gabrielle.
About to open the cursed box.
About to doom humanity. On a whim.
...
Just when I was praising her.
She really jumps from one shiny thing to another. She knows no restraint whatsoever. Someday she will doom us all.
She probably shouldn't be left alone without supervision. I just can't take my eyes off her - she immediately gets in trouble.
I was a fool to ever trust her. Her poor parents. How did they manage?
The rain finally stops, and we enter town.
The baby won't calm down. I ask Gabrielle what it wants. Gabrielle doesn't know.
Gabrielle knows about babies even less than I do. But I thought you were the ultimate home, the ultimate family? Now who will handle the baby? Useless Gabrielle.
Pandora is also useless. All three of us are useless. All three of us shouldn't be allowed near babies.
Maybe it's food? What do you feed to a baby? Was it milk or port? I can't remember. I'll get both.
So we enter a tavern.
The innkeeper wants me to leave my weapons. Bastard. I should pulvelize him for that.
But I can't do that. I need information. I need to get rid of the baby. Put it where it belongs. Get away from it.
It may be difficult to do if I don't show restraint. Restraint! For information. For baby-riddance.
But I can't give up my weapons. I'm naked without them!
If I can't enter the tavern myself... maybe if I had someone without weapons, ask around for me... I glance at Gabrielle.
Iiiiii'd... rather not trust her with anything.
Nah she couldn't possibly do anything well.
If only I could just beat the information out of someone. But right now I'm feinting goodness. Being a hero is hard!
Guess I'll have to do it myself, somehow. Guess I'll have to leave my weapons. Guess I'll have to go naked because I can't depend on Gabrielle.
So I give up my weapons. Now if someone attacks, I'm defenseless!
I am not myself without a weapon. How could I ever have lived without one, in my youth? I must have been crazy.
This baby freaking owes me now.
The innkeeper calls for someone about the baby. Here comes the trouble. I really hate this innkeeper. I can see he's the same scum as me. Ah the things I would do to him just a month ago. Restraint!
And just as we're about to feed some port to the baby. In come the royal guards. This is a much bigger trouble than I anticipated. I can't fight so many people unarmed! They want the baby. Is this why his mother dumped him? Then I can't let them have him. I will trust the mother that dumped her son for his own good.
So now I'll have to fight an army alone, unarmed, again. What is it with Gabrielle and me, constantly having to fight entire armies alone ever since I met her?
Oh well, I did that once, I can do it again.
So I do this neat fire-breathing trick I learned in Jappa.
That gives me just enough of a leeway to overpower them.
Or so I think, because next they knock my sword out of my hand. What is it with me losing my sword all the time lately? I'm nothing without my sword, yet I keep losing it for some reason. What is wrong with me? This is alarming.
And so, in liau of a word, I grab a candlestick. This is fun! I enjoy being creative. Why didn't I do this more often? I was missing out on so much fun!
And again, I kill left and right in front of Gabrielle. At least this time she isn't enjoying this. I hope.
And so I protect Gabrielle, Pandora and the baby. Defeat an entire army. Didn't think I could do that, yet I did. I'm just constantly doing the impossible when I'm next to Gabrielle. This is ridiculous. I'm totally giving her the wrong impression on what's the survival rate for a warrior is. I'm teaching her all the wrong things without trying!
The innkeeper. The one who made this happen. The ugly fat pig. How much I would have tortured him for this in my heyday. His death woulda been so beautiful, they'd tell tales about it.
...
Restraint. I'll only scare him a little. He deserves worse. But I'll do less. I'm such a faker. How soon my mask will crack?
I am Xena and I am fake. Right now I'm faking goodness, faking decency. And Gabrielle believes every bit.
Innkeeper says the king wants the baby dead. Is that true?
So this baby is condemned. How can I save the baby when a king of a kingdom wants it dead? All I can do, is kill the king.
Death is the only thing I can do.
I will not allow a baby-killer to survive.
Gabrielle says only the absolute scum would hurt a baby.
...
That's right, Gabrielle. People who hurt babies should be dead.
""""""""""
GABRIELLE
""""""""""
We enter a tavern, happily. I love Gabriel so much. We are a family now. He is the cutest baby in the world. I think he has my nose and Xena's eyes. Isn't that incredible? Our miraculous baby from the bushes!
This is happiness. Maybe we should adopt Pandora, too? I kinda like her. Our miraculous Pandora from the forest! I want a big family! Maybe we should just start adopting people for a living? A traveling orphanage. That'll be great!
I think I was born for this. I was born for making families! I was born for making babies!
Taking care of babies is what I do! This is the reason why I was born!
I don't actually know what I'm doing, but I'm sure I'll figure it out, somehow! I have faith! ! !
Now I'm gonna take such good care of this baby, the world will start spinning!
Now, what do you feed to a baby? It was either milk or port, I'm not sure. Let's go with port first, just to see what happens!
And just as I was about to make this hungry baby into a well-fed baby, some guards interrupt.
They want to arrest the baby. Arrest... the baby? This is ridiculous! Babies shouldn't be arrested, they should be fed port to! Now Xena will show them!
There's so many of them. But I'm sure Xena will fix this. But she's unarmed. Is she gonna perform another miracle? What kind? I can't wait!
And then she says to give them the baby. Tricky Xena. I know she is just playing a trick. I'm so observant. I can see right through her! Xena is goodness. Xena would never let a baby suffer. Now where's my miracle?
And then she... breathes fire.
I'm not even surprised anymore. I don't know anything anymore when I'm with Xena.
Maybe she really is a goddess in disguise? But she poops! I checked!
Maybe she's a magician? Next I know she'll be making objects fly, or turning people to stone, or something!
And so she dispatches the guards beautifully. There is no greater sight than Xena in battle. I could spend my whole life admiring her. I am feeling incredible sensations when I watch her do that.
Oh how much I wish I could help her! I try to watch her with everything I got. Try and absorb her every move into my mind. Just keep going, Xena. You don't have to teach me anything. Just do what you do, and someday, I'll learn everything just by watching. Want it or not, I will become like you, I will do what you do!
Gods, she's beautiful. I think she may be a goddess, after all. If she isn't, then the universe is wrong.
And as I admire her with my entire heart... she kills left and right. Oh. I forgot.
Xena is a killer. But she kills with good intentions! So it's okay. But I still shouldn't be happy about this.
Because Xena is suffering. Xena carries a deep suffering inside her heart, suffering for others, so we don't have to. She smears herself with sins so that others can stay clean. She is motivated by her love towards the entire humanity. So she suffers for it.
I shouldn't enjoy this. Because Xena is suffering. I should share in her suffering. I should suffer for Xena.
I should try and share everything I can with her. Learn everything I can from her. Learn to do what she does.
Learn to be as good as her.
For some reason, everybody hates Xena. Sure she's made some mistakes in the past. People are just seeing her for her mistakes, and somehow ignore what she really is.
Xena has a secret. Xena's secret is that on the outside she *looks* rough and dangerous, but on the inside she is kind and gentle.
Xena's secret is that she is secretly the goddess of goodness.
So far only I know her secret. The world doesn't.
Why doesn't the world see Xena the way I do? The world is just wrong.
I will fix the world somehow.
Someday, this secret Xena that only I know, won't be secret anymore.
Someday, the world will know about Xena's goodness. I'll make sure of that!
And so, every enemy is defeated! Xena won! Goodness won! Gabriel is safe! Xena saved another day! Xena is perfect!
...
Pandora's box was stolen. Guess... nobody's perfect? I'll have to erase this from my future tales.
We have to return the box! And save Gabriel. What an awful man that king is, to wish to harm a baby! Absolute scum! Xena agrees with that.
""""""""""
XENA
""""""""""
I wanna see the king, first, to confirm that he's as bad as me. But how do I meet him? His people saw me just now. I can't sneak in.
If only I had someone who would at least deliver a message for me.
My sight stops at Gabrielle. Iiii... 'd rather not use her for anything. She is the least reliable person I know. She can't possibly do anything well. It will be a disaster if I rely on her.
...
They sure remember me but they won't remember Gabrielle. If only she was dependable. Then she would be useful right about now.
Pandora is also useless. They took her box, so she fell apart. She can barely function now.
Of all the times to fall apart! You could be so useful now. I'm sure you're smarter than Gabrielle? And now you're useless, too!
What is it with me being surrounded by crazies? ... I guess I'm one to talk.
Still, what do I do? I can't just walk to the king in his castle like that. His guards will have me! I can't fight an entire army alone, again. I can't keep getting lucky forever!
Guess I'll have to... wear a disguise... just to deliver a message... to arrange a meeting with myself...
This is ridiculous. I had an army just a month ago. And now I have to do everything myself!
This is pathetic. I hate my new life.
And just as I think that... Gabrielle rebels.