I'm thinking there will be one more chapter after this one. Two at the most. I do not plan ahead very well at all.
Thanks for reading!
It became apparent Missy was heading back to the TARDIS. Kate wasn't sure she liked that idea. There was no guarantee Missy wouldn't set a course for five million light years away and leave the Earth far, far behind her.
"Stop. Stop! I'm not telling you again!" Kate shouted.
Missy turned on her heels, wondering where this human got the chutzpah to order her around. Even though she was armed and Missy wasn't (as far as she knew) Kate had to fight the urge to flinch back from the Time Lady's glare. She had seen more than enough of the Master, both personally and from UNIT's extensive files, to know what kind of monster she was provoking.
"Where are you going?" Kate demanded.
"Guess," Missy replied.
"I know it's to the TARDIS. Why?"
Missy scoffed at her. "Did you think I was going to walk up to an Osiran and punch him in the face? Or maybe waggle my finger at him and scold him until he returned the Doctor?"
"I have no idea what your plan is, because you won't share it."
"I don't know why he keeps insisting on martyring himself for you silly creatures, with your tiny brains and short lives and fragile skeletons."
"Probably for the same reason he keeps expecting genuine change from a murderous psychopath."
If she'd had her laser screwdriver, or a knife, or a hefty chunk of concrete, Missy would have- The Time Lady stopped and shook her head, trying to drive out the violent images of pulped meat. Not now. Maybe not ever again, but definitely not now.
"I'm going to take the TARDIS and land it on the Doctor. Not actually on him, he's no use flat. More like around him. Plenty of space between the atoms," Missy explained.
"And what if you do squash him?" Bill asked.
"Can't, even if I wanted to. It's a safety feature built into every TARDIS, to keep the Time Lords from being sued for crushing someone's poor granny."
"And to keep grannies alive."
"Happy side effect," Missy said.
"Fine, it's a plan. Let's go," Kate relented.
"One more thing," Missy said. "Only my three favorites are allowed. As much as I adore the rest of my entourage, they can't come."
"Why not?"
"The TARDIS needs a place to put the Doctor. If the control room is full, who knows where he'll end up. Or molecules might get crossed. Someone could wind up with the Doctor fused to their ankle."
Kate doubted a TARDIS that had fail-safes against landing on people wouldn't also have fail-safes against splicing them with other passengers or launching them into long-forgotten cupboards. It also wasn't like the control room was the size of a cardboard box, either. Kate could easily arrange six or seven soldiers in a circle around the central console and still leave Missy room to work.
"Then there's the fact that if the Doctor sees that many weapons in his TARDIS, he will have an aneurysm. And a stroke. Maybe a cytokine storm, too."
"He'll get over it," Kate replied.
Missy could see she wouldn't win with logic or concern for the Doctor's health. Fine. She had plenty of other tricks up her sleeves. She acquiesced and the trip to the TARDIS commenced in earnest.
"Don't embarrass me this time," Missy hissed quietly as she and her gun-toting groupies stood in front of the TARDIS.
The doors slid open, albeit with a little more resistance than they typically exhibited. Missy immediately went to the console and began pressing buttons. The Doctor would have been impressed with her efficiency and dexterity, less impressed with her plotting.
While Missy moved like a dervish around the control room, Kate tried to arrange her men in a way that kept the maximum number of weapons on Missy without creating potential crossfire or putting anyone directly in the Time Lady's path. Because Missy seemed to be everywhere all at once, this was difficult, as the two soldiers who had their feet stepped on could attest. Nardole and Bill hung back on the stairs and watched what was becoming almost a comedy routine.
"If anyone gets in my way during this part, three dimensions becomes two and we all become paste," Missy announced cheerily as she tinkered with a screen the Doctor rarely noticed, never mind used.
The threat of being reduced to goo was enough to drive the soldiers back and clear her a circular path. Missy bolted around like a greyhound on a track, doing a complete lap, ostensibly pulling levers and twisting knobs and doing very important work related to traversing time and space.
"You two, Egg and, hmm, haven't got a nickname for you yet. Should I stick to a food theme or branch out?"
Bill rolled her eyes. "We've got names, you could use them."
"But he's had so many of you I can't keep them all straight. Especially when so many of you are human. He really should have diversified his companion portfolio."
"That's probably the most racist thing I've ever heard," Bill said.
"Egg and I'm a Human I've Got a Name, come here," Missy beckoned. "I've got something for you to touch."
"It's Bill. Just four letters. Probably easier," Bill said. She reluctantly stepped forward. Nardole followed close behind. He decided he'd let Bill touch whatever the mystery object was first.
"Put your hand in there," Missy instructed, pointing to what looked like a slot for inserting discs or cassettes.
"No, thank you," Bill replied.
Missy shoved her own hand in the slot. "Look, harmless."
"Until you press a button and spikes shoot out," Bill said.
"Would the TARDIS really have a button like that?"
"Just tell me why I'm inserting my hand into the mystery slot."
Missy grabbed a large handle next to the mystery slot and shoved it down. The walls of the TARDIS began to pulse into and out of existence as the blue box started to dematerialize. Kate and her assorted men realized they were being left behind as the metal grate beneath their feet turned ethereal. Missy draped an arm across Bill's shoulders, and the other across Nardole's, pulling them closer to the console.
"So I could take you two with me and-"
A hand snagged the hem of Missy's skirts. She looked down and found Kate Stewart clinging to her. At the very last second, grasping Missy's plan to jettison most of the passengers, Kate had made her decision. She'd thrown herself at the Time Lady and prayed the TARDIS was clever enough to not cut her in half. The TARDIS finished cycling through the dematerialization process and Kate felt her legs were still attached.
"-the rest of them could pound sand. Literally. Lots of lonely sand out there," Missy finished with far less enthusiasm than she started.
Kate released her death-grip on Missy's dress and quickly stood up. The Time Lady glared at the spot Kate had touched as though she'd been wiping her nose on it.
"What was that about?" Kate demanded.
"A clean break," Missy replied. "I wanted to grab the Doctor, maybe have him kiss my feet for saving him, and then take all of my pets home. Straight home. No stops for burgers, debriefing, or execution."
It wasn't the most ignoble excuse Missy could have made. Though Kate still didn't appreciate the surprise, and she was sure her men didn't appreciate being dropped on the sand, she decided not to push the issue. At least not until the Doctor was safe.
"So you'll just have to walk back here," Missy said. Ignoring Kate's indignant look, the Time Lady turned to the instrument panel. She found what she was looking for and, with a bit of dial-twisting, she was able to populate a nearby screen with a very promising red flashing dot.
"What's that?" Bill asked.
"The drone. Lovely, strong signal to lock onto. Which puts the Osiran here, his meat puppet here, and the Doctor...here. As long as nobody moved since we last saw the drone's transmission."
No one was going to question Missy's math. Bill's only concern was that the margin for error was a matter of a few feet. The Doctor frequently over- or undershot his goal by margins as wide as solar systems and centuries. If Missy brought the Osiran into the TARDIS instead of the Doctor, the current occupants were dead.
Apparently confident in her piloting abilities, Missy programmed her coordinates and set the TARDIS on its way. The blue box vanished from the airspace over the dark desert and materialized deep beneath the surface of the Earth.
The TARDIS settled into its new location. Everyone looked around, hoping to see the Doctor magically appear on the floor. It didn't take long to realize he wasn't there.
"Where is he?" Bill asked. "Did we miss, or did he move?"
"I didn't miss," Missy replied. "Open the door and see where he went."
"That sounds like a terrible idea."
Missy sighed, muttered about how she had to do everything herself, and reached for the screen that featured the blinking dot. She played with the dials again and the dot was replaced with what Bill assumed was the TARDIS's surroundings, specifically a view from the front doors.
The Doctor was just a few feet away, sprawled out and unmoving. Bill gasped at the state of him. His eyes were closed, there was blood on his face and hands, and she couldn't tell if he was breathing.
"We've got to get him!" Bill said. She headed for the doors.
"Wait!" Kate grabbed Bill's arm. Bill was getting sick and tired of everyone putting their hands on her. She rounded on Kate, yanking her arm free.
"We don't have time to wait! Look at him! It would take two seconds to pull him in!"
"Two seconds is plenty of time for the alien out there to tear us apart. You saw what it can do."
"As much as I love watching humans squabble, I do have a date with Alberto and Roberto that I'd like to get back to," Missy interrupted.
Before Kate could ask how Missy landed one date, never mind two, the Time Lady reached over and plucked something from her belt. Kate realized it was her radio. She tried to grab it back and Missy stepped out of reach.
Putting on the most ridiculous hillbilly American accent Kate had ever heard, Missy clicked on the radio and said, "Howdy y'all."
There was a moment of silence, and then a tentative voice asked, "Who is this?"
"The artist formerly known as the Master." Missy dropped the accent. "I want the man behind the drone."
"Where's-"
"Wally? Haven't seen him."
"No, Kate-"
"If I don't have the drone pilot on here in the next thirty seconds, I'm going to throw whichever one is Kate out the door."
The radio silence lasted twenty-eight seconds. Then a cautious voice identified himself and asked Missy to please not murder anyone.
"I need a kamikaze attack," Missy said without preamble.
"Why and at what?" Nick asked.
"Because I said so, and at the Osiran's face."
"Okay. I can do it, just say when."
Missy was about to order the strike when Kate asked, "Why can't you just move the TARDIS? It's two meters at most."
The Time Lady considered ignoring the question, but she did so enjoy making humans feel stupid. "If you thought of it, the Osiran thought of it first. He'll either drag the Doctor next to himself, or try to get his zombie aboard. My idea is the best because it's stupid and dangerous and dog-boy won't expect it."
Since nobody else had any questions or any alternatives to offer, Missy appointed Bill and Nardole to wait by the doors until she gave the go-ahead. They each took a door and prepared to throw it open. Once they were in position, Missy raised the radio.
"Go!"
Nick reacted instantly. He propelled the drone forward as quickly as the machine could handle. Its motors buzzed with the intensity of a thousand riled bees.
The moment the drone moved, Missy motioned for Bill and Nardole to enact their part of the plan. They opened the doors in perfect synchronization and reached for the Doctor. He was so close they probably could have finessed him into the ship if either of them happened to have a fair-sized stick handy. Lacking any sticks, they were forced to take a few steps outside and grab the Time Lord. Each of them took an arm and backpedaled for all they were worth.
Kate had appointed herself guardian of the doors on the return trip. The moment the Doctor's feet cleared the threshold, Kate slammed the doors. She turned to see Bill and Nardole gently deposit the unconscious Time Lord on the floor.
"Is he alive?" Missy asked.
Bill lowered her head and rested her ear against the Doctor's chest. "Yeah, he's got a heartbeat."
"One heartbeat?"
"I don't know. It sounds different than mine, I think. Sort of like-" Bill slapped the palm of her hand on the floor four times in quick succession.
A strange grimace passed over Missy's face. Then she nodded, confirming that was how a pair of Gallifreyan hearts should beat.
Though it had been only a few seconds of work, the massive adrenaline dump the two humans, plus whatever Nardole was, had experienced left them all weak in the knees. Bill sat next to the Doctor and Nardole plonked beside her. Kate Stewart leaned against the nearest available railing. Only Missy was left standing. She hurried around the console, setting a new course for the TARDIS.
"Should we try to wake him up?" Bill asked.
"Talk to him. Tell him nice, pretty things," Missy replied. "Don't shake him."
"I wasn't going to shake him! I know he's got a head injury."
Bill might not have intended any shaking, but the shaking came anyway. Missy yanked the lever that should have triggered dematerialization, but instead of a wheeze, the TARDIS emitted a sharp squeal, like overtaxed brakes. The room lurched and everyone, except the unconscious Doctor, looked for something solid to grab onto.
"What's happening?!" Bill cried. She had one hand on the central console, one wrapped in a fistful of the Doctor's jacket to keep him from sliding away.
"Someone's angry we stole his toy and threw a drone at him," Missy said. "We're being detained."
Missy canceled the dematerialization cycle and the TARDIS stopped squawking and shaking. At least she'd avoided frying the circuit. The last time she'd done that… Missy rubbed her forehead. There'd been a memory there, just then, but it was gone.
"Now what?" Bill asked.
An excellent question! One Missy didn't have an answer, or even a snappy comeback, for. Saving people wasn't her area of expertise. She was much more familiar with being the reason they needed saving.
Then maybe that was how she had to do it. Stop thinking about it as saving the scared little wet-eyed companions, and start thinking about how she would deal with any obstacle in the time before the Doctor got his conniving do-good hooks in her.
Ah, of course. It was all so much easier now.
Author's Notes:
A cytokine storm is essentially the body's inflammatory response pushed into maximum overdrive.
Where's Wally (or Waldo in the United States)is a series of books where said character is hidden among quirky backgrounds and other characters.