Chapter 7

Kaeya didn't know what to do. For the last four years there was always something that needed his attention, some job only he could do- correctly, anyway. Between the Winery, Angel's Share, and his duties as a Knight, there was an abundance of work. And Kaeya preferred it that way. When he was working he wasn't thinking about the past, couldn't slip into his thoughts and drown there. That all changed when Diluc came home.

The older man had stared at him the day he'd first tried to swindle a shift from Charles, that infuriatingly unreadable expression as present as ever. "No, focus on your own work," he'd said, and Kaeya hated that indifferent tone. Just like that, all his responsibilities as an heir had been stripped away from him, aside from a handful of updates relating to a deal he'd struck up before his brother's return. Still, it wasn't that bad, it just meant he spent more time in an office at Headquarters, working on the never-ending mountain of paperwork he'd been neglecting. The interests of Dawn Winery had always been more of a priority to him, and he did all the important paperwork when he got it. He didn't need to read that one report about a Tuesday patrol when he could watch the entire thing start to finish from whatever office he was sitting in.

Now though, there was nothing left to do. Kaeya's desk was completely bare, not one scrap of paper remained and now that Albedo and Klee had moved in, he didn't even have the ability to fall back on housework- Albedo had taken to cleaning up after the little firecracker, which meant the house was neater than usual, if that was at all possible. He couldn't go spend time with his partner, the alchemist was on Dragonspine for at least a week and Klee was back in solitary, which meant he'd run out of things to occupy his time.

Kaeya had absolutely no idea what to do with himself. Except… maybe he did.

The walk to Angel's Share was fairly short, made shorter by Kaeya's desperation to numb his brain. He'd never liked alcohol, and likely never would, but now he understood what drove some people to drink so heavily. If he didn't drown in wine, he was going to drown in memories and he couldn't do that again. At least it made the decision easy for him. By the time he swung open the door and sauntered to the bar he was barely holding himself together.

"One Death After Noon please, if you'd be so kind," Kaeya spoke the words easily, seating himself just across from where Diluc was mixing a drink. The redhead glanced up at him, silent for several heartbeats.

Just when Kaeya thought he'd never get a response his brother grunted, producing a fresh glass that was placed in front of the captain. He barely murmured a thanks before he was downing the entire thing, setting the empty glass down with a soft clinking sound. The taste almost made him gag, but the sooner he stopped thinking- stopped remembering, the better.

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By the time the alcohol started clouding his mind, Kaeya was already three drinks in. He did acknowledge that drinking anything else that potent was likely terrible for his health, so the captain decided to switch it up and order something a bit lighter on the liver. After a bit of consideration, he picked a drink he used to make alongside his brother. It was a sweeter drink, a mocktail that he and Diluc had thought up nearly a decade ago. Though not officially on the menu, there were still people who knew of its existence and ordered it, oftentimes with alcohol added.

Except when he got the drink, the captain almost cried. It wasn't right, he didn't want it with alcohol, and Diluc either hadn't remembered his preference or didn't care. He wasn't sure what hurt more.

Kaeya ordered another drink, setting the cocktail aside. Diluc paused, then reached for the abandoned drink and the captain snapped at him, "No! Leave it. Just get me another Death After Noon." He only barely kept his voice from trembling. After that, the redhead backed off and got the new order for him without a word.

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Kaeya couldn't remember why he'd been so upset before. He was happy to spend time with 'Luc, even if seeing the pyro vision on his brother's hip still scared him a little. He deserved to have it, more than Kaeya deserved his at least. The Khaenri'ahn rested his head in one hand (He may as well have been laying on the bar but it still counted) while he watched Diluc mix drinks and manage the bar. It was busy tonight, his brother looked a little frazzled trying to do it all, even with Charles there to help.

He also wasn't sure why he didn't spend more time here. It was nice to talk to Diluc, even if the older man didn't say much. It was enough to just be, and the buzzing in his head was certainly making it a lot more enjoyable.

He hummed when the redhead got to Rosaria and, without really thinking, chimed in with an almost incoherent, "Put in a lil more, 'Luc. Rosie likes 'em stronger," only to snap his jaw shut at the glare shot in his direction. Kaeya was sure he knew that look, somewhere inside the haze of his mind were vivid memories of that glare directed at him, but somehow more. Those memories were filled with rain and fire and so much blood he felt like he was choking on it. It was the same look that haunted his nightmares and never, ever let him go.

His broth- ex-brother didn't want his help anymore, didn't want him anymore. How had he never put that together before now? It was painfully obvious in the way Diluc spoke, in how he refused to acknowledge Kaeya unless spoken to first, in the way the redhead had pushed him out of every affair Dawn Winery had. At this point, he wasn't sure if Diluc letting him keep the Ragnvindr name was a mistake or intentional cruelty.

Kaeya wished he'd just take that too and be done with it.

It took more effort than it should have to choke back a sob. He should have kept his mouth shut, should have just silently suffocated under the weight of his secrets and sins. Because at least if he'd done that he could still have a brother, even if he had to lie to keep it that way. Kaeya would give anything and everything to have his brother back, no matter the cost.

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When Kaeya started crying, Diluc was torn in two. He desperately wanted to comfort his brother, and do anything and everything to help, but he was so afraid of doing something wrong, of pushing the Khaenri'ahn even further away than he already had. He'd already done so much damage, who was to say another mistake wouldn't push Kaeya past the breaking point? If it came to that, Diluc was sure he'd be crushed under the weight of losing his brother forever. In the end, he didn't do anything. He couldn't, not without fearing he'd hurt him more. Instead, he just kept an eye on Kaeya, watching over him until the captain fell asleep.

Diluc wasn't stupid. He could see how much pain Kaeya was in, however much the captain tried to hide it. That anguish was his fault too, he could tell. Kaeya never looked as upset when he was around Albedo, Jean, or any other member of the Knights. No, it was only Diluc.

He was also getting concerned by how thin Kaeya had gotten. While the Khaenri'ahn's relationship with food had never been the best, it seemed any progress made in his teen years had been reversed. It hurt to know it was very likely because of him. It certainly hadn't helped that Kaeya had apparently been doing the job of four people alone, which was why Diluc had tried to alleviate some of that stress by taking over the Winery and tavern. He wasn't sure that was a good choice anymore though, since his brother had spent the last six months trying to assassinate his liver. But how was he supposed to take it back now? Would Kaeya let him, would he understand that Diluc was trying to help?

The redhead was snapped out of his thoughts when the cavalry captain shifted, mumbling in his sleep as a group of particularly rowdy adventurers doubled in volume. Diluc glared at them, willing them into silence before turning his attention back to his brother. Kaeya had always been a light sleeper, and would surely wake up fully if nothing was done, so after checking to make sure no one was watching, Diluc smoothed his hair, a soft smile on his face as he soothed the younger man into a deeper slumber.

At least it was almost closing time. Then he had an excuse to make everyone else leave without looking like a complete asshole. Then he could clean up and take Kaeya home. At least Albedo had stopped trying to murder him with a look every time and while he wasn't friendly with the Alchemist, he could at least acknowledge the other man did have Kaeya's best interest at heart. He just wished Kaeya would stop drinking.

Once the tavern cleared out and Diluc had put everything away, he gently shook Kaeya's shoulder, "Kae, come on get up, it's time to go home." The captain just mumbled something and buried his face further into his arm. He just chuckled, almost forgetting Kaeya was drunk, that he almost certainly wouldn't remember this conversation in the morning. It was just… Kaeya was acting so much like how Diluc remembered him from their childhood and even teen years. When Diluc was still a captain in the Knights and stayed late, the Khaenri'ahn had always chosen to curl up on the couch instead of leaving without him and he always fell asleep, so Diluc had to play the same song and dance of rousing his brother and dragging him home.

Archons, why couldn't he just go back in time and relive it? Resisting the urge to laugh and cry at the same time Diluc shook him again, "Kaeya, you can't sleep here Blueberry. I'm sure- Albedo," his voice caught strangely on the name, "is waiting for you."

"'M not a blueberry you…" Kaeya seemed to struggle for the right word, then finally spat out, "dumb cabbage."

Diluc actually did laugh this time, just a little, and sat next to his brother, "Cabbages are green, Kae. How am I a cabbage if I'm not green?"

The Khaenri'ahn grunted in response, repositioning himself until he was pressed into Diluc's side and Archons he missed being this close to his brother. Finally, his question was answered with a very intelligent, "Shut up didn't ask you anyway."

It took longer than initially anticipated, but eventually, Diluc convinced Kaeya to get up while he locked the tavern. Once he was sure the building was secure, he helped Kaeya through the streets and to his house. Only this time was different. Ever since the first incident Albedo had taken to staying near the door around closing time, at least on the nights he couldn't come to collect the captain himself, so that when Diluc inevitably had to bring him home, at least they could get Kaeya inside. He wasn't there this time. Diluc knocked, no answer. If the alchemist wasn't home… it wasn't a good idea to leave Kaeya alone, he knew that. Which only left one place to take him.

"Looks like your… boyfriend," the title didn't quite sit right with him, but it was the truth and he was at least going to respect his brother's relationship, "isn't home. How about you come back to the Winery for the night?"

That caught the captain's attention and Kaeya's gaze snapped over to him, so much hope and longing and hesitation in his starry eye, "I can?"

Diluc's heart broke a little, he hadn't realized Kaeya didn't think he could come back- if only he had, maybe then things wouldn't be so fractured between them. He forced a smile, hoping it didn't look too strained, "Yeah, course you can, Kae." Archons it was difficult talking to Kaeya, especially knowing he wouldn't remember a single word of it. Diluc pressed a kiss to Kaeya's forehead on an impulse, then added, "You're my little brother, you're always welcome at the Winery."

He was glad Kaeya agreed so readily, trying to convince a drunk Kaeya to go somewhere he didn't want to go not only sounded like a pain in the ass, but also at least three lawsuits.

The walk itself went surprisingly smoothly, especially considering how inebriated Kaeya was. Granted, it was primarily due to Diluc just carrying his brother most of the way, but it counted. He got all the way upstairs and to Kaeya's room before the problems started, because Kaeya refused to let go. Diluc should have expected this. Quite honestly he wasn't sure how it had slipped his mind, seeing as every other time he'd taken Kaeya home it took two people to convince him to release his hold. Without the ability to pry him off, Diluc turned to the next best option: diplomacy. "Kae," he started, "Blueberry you need to let go. It's bedtime."

Kaeya just grumbled and squeezed harder, "No. You're a dumb cabbage." Shifting his head to rest on Diluc's shoulder he added, "And warm."

"Yes, and your bed is warm. You can't sleep on my back all night."

"Watch me," was Kaeya's only reply and Diluc sighed. Why he thought reasoning with a drunk man was a productive use of his time he had no idea.

Might as well ask what he thought a good solution was, then. "Well then what would you like to do, Kae?"

The only response he got was a sleepy huff and Kaeya's face snuggling against his neck. Great. "Alright you big lump, you can sleep with me if it makes you happy." Apparently, that was the correct answer, given the squeeze he received.

Things got a lot easier for Diluc after that was sorted out. Once he was in the master bedroom Kaeya seemed a lot more willing to let go, if only so they could change into clothing appropriate for sleeping. Because a corset was not something you sleep in. After changing himself Diluc rooted around for something Kaeya could borrow, eventually settling on a shirt and pants set that didn't quite fit his broad frame. They'd be fine for his brother though. Now to convince him to put them on.

Seeing as Kaeya was, well, absolutely wasted he eventually decided it was easier to just help him change. It wouldn't be the first time, though not for this reason. This time, however, it was painful. He'd almost forgotten what had happened, what he'd done to his brother. Now, though, he could see the proof of it.

Kaeya's body was littered with burn scars, all of them inflicted by Diluc. The largest, most prominent one covered the majority of his right side, wrapping around his torso and upper arm. Minor ones were scattered elsewhere, his left arm hadn't escaped unscathed either, and Diluc felt terrible about all of it, hated that it was his hand that was responsible. No wonder Albedo despised him.

He pushed past the self-hatred, finishing dressing his brother, then settled down for the night, preparing to spend the next several hours drowning in worry and regret. Only to freeze when Kaeya pressed against him. He… was fine. Whatever happened, Diluc just had to do better- be better. Because he loved his brother, would do anything to have him back. Maybe he could start trying to fix their relationship, after Kaeya sobered up at least.

It'd certainly be a rocky conversation, but it'd be worth it. Diluc pressed a kiss to the top of Kaeya's head, murmuring a soft goodnight before drifting off into the first restful sleep he'd had in four years.

Ah~ to end a chapter with a cute moment. Diluc is trying to fix things, he's put himself up to making the attempt as soon as he can. It's what they both want so... what could possibly go wrong?

Also, an announcement! Tracing Starlit Memories will be going on a short hiatus for the next couple weeks. This is mostly to give us time to really plan out the next arc, as it is right around the corner. We don't anticipate it taking more than three or four weeks and it may very well be shorter, so please bear with us. Chapter 8 will be something of a transitionary chapter, so it may get posted in the middle, as a bit of food for you.

We hope you enjoyed and we'll see you after the break!