Chapter 8
No. She refused to finish that thought.
Her arms wound tighter around Tsu'tey as she continued to sob, the cries being pulled unwillingly from her aching throat.
Her world was dark, quiet. Peaceful.
No longer could she hear the roar of the wind, the pounding of her heart, her own cries tearing through her throat. No longer did she feel that ever-present chill, the pain in her chest, in her lungs as they demanded air. No longer did she feel.
The quiet was so nice, so peaceful. She could stay like this forever, floating in the stillness, far away from all her hurt, her sorrows, her rejections.
But the quiet was too much, pressing down on her ears, making her head pound in pain.
She felt the stillness vanish around her, though she could reach out and cling to whatever will make her stop falling. Despite the dread filling her, she felt secure at the same time. She felt the wind rush past her like she was falling but there was the warmth of arms around her, holding her close.
Her stomach swooped, telling her of the change in direction. She tried to tighten whatever hold she could get, but her hands were slack, unable to close around the arm holding her tight. She has lost the strength in her body, completely at the mercy of whatever held her so close it was achingly familiar.
Her throat still burned, eyes still felt puffy and crusted in dried tears, she still felt so stiff and yet felt like her bones had turned to liquid. She didn't like feeling like this.
The arms around her tightened, holding her impossibly closer. Then she felt the ground beneath her again, solid and affirming.
"Is she okay?"
That voice, so familiar, so soft, so worried. She didn't want the voice to sound like that. It's supposed to sound light, with joy and laughter, not heavy with concern and fear.
"She's going to be just fine, little one."
Another voice, as achingly familiar as the arms that had held her so close. It was deep and soothing, draping over her like a warm blanket. She tried to shift closer to the voice, but her body still felt so slack, her liquid/solid bones had turned to jelly/stone in her body.
"Where did you find her? I looked everywhere."
A third voice, sounding as worried as the first, so so worried. She hated it. There should never be worry in that voice, only happiness and the freedom that shined in their eyes.
There were more voices, far away, muffled. She felt her ear twitch as she tried to hear what they were saying, but the action only brought an ache to her head, pulsing and persistent. She felt her face twist in a grimace, even though she wasn't in control of her body. Her breath deepened as she tried to stave off the pain, hoping that if she calmed her suddenly racing heart she could make the hurt go away.
She felt her body shift, a solid warmth pressed against her front, little hairs tickling her nose. She felt little hands twist in the front of her shawl, as if though they thought she was going to slip away. A warm breath blew against the hollow of her throat, a cold nose pressing into her skin, a slim tail curling around her thigh.
Tuk, her mind sighed sadly, her baby sister, oh how worried she must have been.
She felt her sister's hand clutch tighter at her shawl, a sad little whine escaping her. Oh, how Niri'te just wanted to wrap her arms around her baby sister and hold her tight. Her ear twitched again as she heard someone sigh behind her, the shuffling of feet soon following as a new warmth pressed against her back. A breath fanned across her back, and they burrowed their face between her shoulders, a strong arm coming around and settling on both her and Tuk.
Her heart ached, she knew this was Lo'ak, with his arm held tightly around his sisters, protecting them in the way he had failed to protect Niri'te from herself. Guilt rose in her chest, Lo'ak surely must have seen her jump. What did he think? Does he think she's weak now? That she can't handle the rejection of her sister she has been dealing with basically her whole life? Her head throbbed again, protesting the racing thoughts in her mind.
Niri'te felt Tuk shuffle closer, her cold nose pressing harder into the heated skin of her throat, seeking a comfort Niri'te wished she could give her baby sister.
She strained her neck, trying to press her own nose into Tuk's hair, to show that she was there, always there for her little sister. Pain twinged in her muscles, opposing the movement, but Niri'te pushed through, ignoring the pain as her nose barely skimmed the top of Tuk's head. She didn't think Tuk noticed, the lack of reaction from her sister caused her body to go slack, exerted by the strain.
Niri'te felt Tuk sigh against her throat, her little body relaxing in her arms as she drifted off into a sleep that Niri'te longed to have.
Lo'ak took longer, she gathered, as her brother was still tense behind her. Unlike Tuk, there was nothing she could do to soothe her brother. Oh, but how she wanted to. Her tail twitched as she tried to wrap it around his calf, but it didn't do anything but tickle his leg. He huffed as he pressed harder between her shoulders, releasing his breath slowly and he tried to calm himself long enough to fall asleep.
There was silence in the marui, everybody seemingly sleeping, but there was the distant hum of voices just far away enough that Niri'te couldn't make out what was being said. If she could guess, it was sure to be her parents, she remembered being caught by Tsu'tey after she jumped, he was the one that brought her home.
Her heart sank, she remembered the look on his face, the shock and worry and fear and love that poured through his eyes. Shamed flooded her as she thought back. How could she have done something like that to the man that was more of a father to her than her actual father? If her mother had been here she would have been so ashamed. And Niri'te just knows that Kiri is going to have a few choice words to say to her when morning comes. She was already starting to brace herself for the comments that were going to come her way.
Niri'te tried to sigh, tried to rid of the weight that had settled on her chest, but she couldn't, still not fully in control of her body. Those little movements she had forced her body to make had exhausted her, the muscles in her neck pulling uncomfortably, causing the pain in her head to intensify.
She was thinking too much, she had to slow down if she wanted to be able to fall asleep. But it was just so hard, her thoughts racing with all the possibilities where Tsu'tey hadn't been there to catch her, where she would plummet down till she hit the ground below, splatting like a bug on a windscreen. She shivered at the thought.
She tried to sigh again, the frustration of not being able to was making her heart pound in her ears, she wanted to move, she wanted to so badly. Her shoulder was starting to hurt, Tuk's head on her arm had caused it to go numb, and Lo'ak was like a furnace pressing against her back. She wanted to move .
But she was so tired, so so tired.
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At some point, she must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knows is the light streaming in from between the beaded curtain of her family's marui. It fell directly over her eyes, making them water when she opened them, the sharp light increasing the pain that was building up behind her eyes.
Niri'te groaned, trying to turn around to face away from the punishing light but her body protested, it ached when she tried to move.
Her body felt tense, her skin felt like it was stretched thin across her. She groaned again.
The sun was warm on her back, almost welcoming. There was someone shuffling around to the left, their footsteps light as they rearranged something. Niri'te opened her eyes again, the world around her a blur as she tried to blink away what remaining tiredness she had.
Once her eyes had adjusted, she saw a tall figure with their back to them, stretching up to pull something from one of the higher shelves. They were humming something while they worked, it was low and soothing, causing sleep to drag her eyes shut again. Niri'te sighed, curling up as much as her aching body allowed her, her hair falling over her face and tickling her nose.
"Good morning 'evi," a hand was placed on her forehead, the soothing voice of her mother reaching her ears. "It is time to wake up," the hand moved up to brush some hairs away from her face, then trailed down to caress her cheek.
Niri'te pried her eyes open, looking up at her mother's smiling face. She felt a small smile tug on her lips, returning Neytiri's greeting. "Morning mom," she grumbled tiredly, her eyes blinking shut. She heard Neytiri chuckle lightly, her hand smoothing over her hair then coming to rest on her shoulder, giving it a little shake.
"Mamaaa," Niri'te groaned, trying to swat at her mother's hand.
Neytiri huffed. "It is time to wake up Ri'te, we have a busy day ahead of us," she countered, pulling her daughter up into a seated position.
Niri'te allowed her head to loll forward, hitting her mother's arm, Neytiri just tsked. "But I'm tired mama," Niri'te whined, looking up at her mother with pleading eyes, which Neytiri returned with an unimpressed look. "You have been asleep the entire morning, it is noon now and if I had not come to wake you up, you would have slept till supper time!"
"I don't see what's so bad about that," Niri'te said under her breath, straightening up so she could stretch.
"What was that?" Neytiri said, a warning clear in her tone. Niri'te quickly stood, making her way over to the drying rack to take off some herds, trying to hide the almost frantic tone in her voice, "Nothing mama!" she said a little too loud.
Neytiri hummed. "That is what I thought."
Niri'te felt her shoulders sag, the tenseness in them had only worsened her body's ache. She stood for a moment, unmoving as she thought. An idea quickly came to her as she pulled off a nearly dried muishond fruit, squeezing the fruit in her hand and letting whatever juices remaining to drip into her open mouth. The sweetly sour taste makes her face scrunch up, shaking her head a little as if it would get rid of the foul taste.
Once she was finished she tossed the used fruit into the compost basket, which was almost full, meaning she would have to throw it out soon.
"Come daughter, we have much to do," Neytiri said, taking Niri'te's arm and gently pulling her out of the marui. All Niri'te could do was comply with her mother's wishes as she was dragged to a group of women sitting in a circle, each weaving baskets in their laps, talking amongst themselves. Neytiri sat her daughter down next to her, reaching to the middle of the circle to gather a couple of broad leaves to start weaving.
She placed some of the leaves in front of Niri'te before she started to weave her basket, her fingers working the leaves deftly in an organised pattern.
Niri'te looked blankly at the leaves in her lap, her mind still groggy from when she woke up, her hands didn't feel like her own when she started to weave, tearing a leaf in half before she started to braid them, creating a firm rim for her basket.
She tried to contribute to the conversation around her, but it felt like she was watching the scene from above, hovering like a spectre as the other women talked and laughed, sharing stories, and gossiping.
Niri'te felt someone nudge her shoulder, looking up from her work she saw her mother smiling down at her, her eyes holding this soft light that never failed to make Niri'te feel seen. She tried to smile back at Neytiri, the corners of her mouth lifting the slightest bit. Her mother's smile widened a little bit as she nudged Niri'te's shoulder with her own, making her chuckle lightly as Neytiri began to talk to the woman next to her.
Niri'te looked back down at her work, an actual smile tugging at her lips as she felt the furry tip of her mother's tail brush along her own, making it flick as it did the same. The two did this until Neytiri gave her daughter a good-natured growl and twined their tails together, putting an end to the little game they were playing.
Niri'te felt something warm grow inside her, starting from the middle of her chest and spreading throughout her body, warming her fingers and toes, and causing her ears to twitch.
Niri'te felt something warm grow inside her, starting from the middle of her chest and spreading throughout her body, warming her fingers and toes, and causing her ears to twitch. It was a strange sensation, but she couldn't say she didn't like it.
She reached forward to grab some more leaves, losing herself in the repetitive task of weaving and the hum of the voices around her. The weight of her mother's tail twined around hers was comforting, a silent reminder of her presence. She felt content for the first time in— Niri'te didn't know how long.
"Now what is on your mind that has you frowning so?" came her mother's voice, shaking Niri'te from her thoughts. She glanced up, seeing Neytiri giving her an expectant look, waiting for her answer.
"Not much," she admitted, though not very truthfully. "Just thinking about how little time we spend together, just the two of us."
Neytiri frowned, lowering her nearly completed basket in her lap. "Yes, that is true, we do not have much time to spend together." she sighed. "but we have the rest of today to do just that." Neytiri's face brightened a little bit, showing her daughter how happy she is about getting to spend the day with her.
Niri'te smiled at her mother, her eyes burning just the slightest. "Yeah, we do," she said, a little teary.
"But let us not think about that," Neytiri said dismissively, straightening her back. "This is supposed to be a happy time." she finished; her smile bright.
"Happy time," Niri'te echoed, returning her mother's smile.
Silence fell over them, not the uncomfortable silence that added to the tension, but a companionable silence where there wasn't a need to talk, where the two can just enjoy the other's presence. Though their silence didn't last long as the woman sitting next to Niri'te turned to her as if suddenly just noticing that she was there. "Ah, Ri'te! It has been so long since you have joined us, how have you been?"
Niri'te gave her a polite smile. "I have been doing good, though Lo'ak has me pulling at my hair most of the time." The woman, Ri'no, laughed loudly, catching the attention of the others in the circle.
Niri'te gave her a polite smile. "I have been doing good, though Lo'ak has me pulling at my hair most of the time." The woman, Ri'no, laughed loudly, catching the attention of the others in the circle.
"Oh, you have always been so funny Ri'te," Ri'no said, wiping at her eyes. In all honesty, Niri'te didn't think her response was as funny as the woman thought it was, or at all, but she didn't say anything for fear of making things awkward. "Glad someone thinks so," Niri'te replied, this time intending the joke.
Ri'no laughed again, along with some of the other women, though she was the loudest.
Niri'te didn't know what to do now, Ri'no was still laughing and now the woman was slapping her hand against Niri'te's leg lightly as she tried to control herself. She glanced at her mother, hoping that she would save her from this steadily awkward situation for Niri'te. But all her mother did was grin, her eyes bright as she started a new basket, continuing her conversation with the woman next to her. Niri'te silently gasped at her mother's betrayal.
Ri'no squeezed her thigh lightly, finally having calmed herself. "Oh Ri'te, you are a delight, but I have been wondering for so long where you had disappeared to. I remember the time that you and your brother Neteyam would sit with us almost every day! It was so nice having you two little ones with us, telling us all about the trouble you had gotten up to, and how we would laugh at Neteyam's constant joking. My sides were hurting for days! But it seems that you two have grown past those days..." she rambled, throwing Niri'te for a loop at the change of topics.
"And how you have grown!" Ri'no gushed. "You look so much like your mother, doctor Grace, not Neytiri, and if I haven't known any better I would say I'm looking at a younger version of her right now. Oh, how I miss doctor Grace, she was so kind and really smart with all those big words she used to use when talking about nature I couldn't even understand her half the time!"
"That was because she was speaking the human tongue, Eeglish she said it was called." a voice cut in from across the circle. A young woman with long thin braids was looking at the two, her hands continued to weave even though she wasn't looking at them, seemingly having a mind of their own as they followed the repetitive patterns.
"Ah yes! That is what it was called, such a strange language it is." Ri'no turned back to Niri'te. "You know your mother used to run a school for the children when she was alive? I remember the days when I would go there and she would teach us about the world she came from, so far away from our own, yet it was equally as beautiful. And she would teach us that Eeglish language too, but I could never quite get it. But your mother, Neytiri I mean, your mother was a fast learner and by the next eclipse she could speak the language almost as well as your mother, doctor Grace I mean."
At the mention of her biological mother, Niri'te stiffened, her heart racing as she absently listened to Ri'no talk. Did Niri'te really look like her? Something rose in her chest that seemed too much like hope, but that can't be true, she doesn't look anything like Grace. Grace was smart and pretty and everyone liked her, and she looked normal, at least as normal as an Avatar could look. She was nothing like Niri'te and Niri'te was nothing like her, it was just a basic fact. But you know who really looks like Grace? Kiri. Kiri is the literal spitting image of Grace and here Ri'no was saying that Niri'te, the freak accident daughter of the doctor Grace Augustine looked similar, when Kiri was right there.
Niri'te refused to believe it.
A hand touched her shoulder, but she didn't respond, her thoughts spiralling.
"Oh, what a wonderful woman doctor Grace was, I miss her every day..." Ri'no trailed off, putting a temporary end to her chattering. The hand squeezed her shoulder tight, warmth spreading into her suddenly cold body. There was a moment of silence when no one talked, all bowing their heads as they acknowledged the late doctor, though that silence didn't last long as Ri'no started to talk again.
"Did I ever tell you about the time when your mother, doctor Grace I mean, about the time when your mother had almost punched your sempu Tsu'tey? Ohhohoho how furious she was! It was right when your mother opened the school, all the young children had—"
"I'm sorry but I have to go," Niri'te shot up, toppling her half-finished basket to the ground, and shaking off Ri'no's hand. She turned sharply, whipping her tail away from where it was still curled around Neytiri's. She didn't look back as she hastily walked away, clutching at her shawl as she tried not to cry.
She didn't know what was happening, one moment she was fine, listening to Ri'no talk about Grace, which she was surprisingly happy about, having not really heard stories about her mother. But then the next moment it was like yesterday all over again. She was feeling so much, like everything inside her was bubbling over yet she was empty, like she had a fire burning in her veins yet felt like she was dunked into an icy river. It was too much.
Her feet pounded the ground as she sped away, not running but not walking either, like a stiff in-between of the two. She wiped furiously at her eyes, willing them to stop watering but it only seemed to make her cry more.
Niri'te didn't look where she was going, her eyes blurry with tears as she let her feet lead her away from the group of concerned women. She didn't look back, scared to see the look on Neytiri's face, though she didn't know what it would be. Would it be disappointment? Anger? Resignation? Sadness? Niri'te didn't know and she didn't want to, because she knew that she would break no matter which one it was. She couldn't let that happen to herself.
he had been walking for some time before she felt someone grab her arm, stopping her in her tracks. Niri'te jerked away, almost taking a swing at whoever it was before she saw Neteyam's worried face. Niri'te stayed quiet as she took him in. His ears were tipped back, his lips pressed into that thin line when he wanted to say something but couldn't find it in himself to say it. There was a silent question in his eyes, but Niri'te didn't think she could answer him.
She refused to look him in the eye, feeling her face burn as tried not to cry. Neteyam's hand squeezed her arm, silently urging her to look at him, but she just shook her head and she sniffed wetly. Her breaths deepened as she tried to regain herself, her throat burning slightly.
"Ri'te, what is it?" he asked quietly, stepping closer to her.
Niri'te squeezed her eyes shut, feeling a few stray tears roll down her cheek as she shook her head harder, her braids whipping against her face. Her breath hiccupped and caught in her throat.
"Ri'te, c'mon, please."
Niri'te's voice cracked. "No."
She blinked her eyes hard, causing more tears to fall. She hiccupped again.
Her heart was pounding in her chest, thudding against her ribs in a painful way.
She risked a glance at her brother, seeing his pinched face and worried eyes. Her hands tightened around her shawl as she looked away, biting hard at her lip as more tears fell. She squeezed her eyes again, a tiny sob escaping her throat as she tried to control her breathing.
"Oh, Ri'te." Neteyam shushed her as he took her hand and led them to a more private stop. Behind some storage marui, he pulled her close, his hand against the back of her head as he smoothed down her hair. Niri'te hid her face in his neck, still refusing to cry as he held her tighter.
Neteyam cooed softly in her ear as he rocked them softly side to side, his fingers running through her hair and Niri'te couldn't hold it in any longer. She clutched tightly at her brother as she cried, letting out everything that had been bubbling up as soon as Ri'no started to talk about Grace. Her throat burned as she sobbed, her voice turning raspy at the strain.
Neteyam didn't let go nor loosened his hold as tears and snot smeared his skin, he didn't mind, not one bit if it meant that his sister would feel better.
He had no idea what made her feel this way, what made her feel like she couldn't tell him what was wrong.
The two stood there for some time, Neteyam listening to his sister's painful sobs, feeling her snot and tears mix together as she continued to cry. His hand never stopped as he ran his fingers through her hair, providing any sort of comfort that he can.
Niri'te soon began to babble, her words mixing together in an incoherent mush. Neteyam just held her tighter, he could feel the drool pooling from her mouth as she tried to talk.
Neteyam shushed her, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger as mindlessly began untangling from her hair. Niri'te continued to babble, her voice growing in pitch as did the wet patch on his skin.
His other hand trailed idly up and down her back, his fingers following the pattern of the stitching of her shawl, sometimes looping a finger through a hole in the fabric so he could feel her overheated skin. Now that he thought about it, Ri'te was burning up, her body warm to an uncomfortable degree. He could barely feel the thin sheet of sweat on her back.
He didn't know for how long they had been standing there, gently rocking side to side. His feet had started to hurt, as well as his arms, but he didn't care, his sister needed him, even if he didn't know why. Niri'te's cries had begun to quiet down, her sobs turning into wet sniffles and the occasional hiccup, her babbling turning into quiet words whispered into his neck.
Neteyam rested his chin atop her head, sighing as he nuzzled his cheek in her hair.
They stood like this for a moment, Niri'te's hiccupping breath evening out and Neteyam's hand moving across her back and his fingers twirling her hair.
Niri'te pulled back suddenly, looking at Neteyam with her puffy and red eyes, a glint of resentment and determination shining in them.
"Grace isn't my mother," she said quietly, her voice almost gone. Niri'te wiped her tears away, scrubbing at her face with the end of her shawl.
"Alright," Neteyam replied, blinking in confusion at the sudden declaration.
"But she is my mother, but she's not my mother, y'know?" Niri'te said helplessly, trying to make sense of her own words.
"I know what you mean Ri'te," he said, not completely following what Niri'te was saying.
Niri'te shook her head. "No, you don't." she sighed hard, looking away as her puffy eyes started to water again. "I don't think anyone really understands."
Neteyam frowned, his eyes searching his sister's face for answers, even though he didn't know what questions he was asking.
"You're right, I don't know," he admitted, "so you have to explain it to me," he said with finality.
She looked back at him, her eyes wide with something he couldn't quite place. He hoped that this would get her to open up to him, to share with him what has been troubling her so.
Niri'te was silent for a moment, absently biting at her lip, worrying the flesh between her teeth. Could she really tell him? Would he understand? Does she even understand?
She inhaled deeply, the breath catching in her throat slightly. "Okay," she said quietly, taking a small step away from Neteyam.
"I have always known that Grace was my mother, but she never was, if that makes sense, like she never did anything that could make her my mother except giving birth to me, and I know that isn't her fault because she's basically dead and floating in a tube." Niri'te rambled, words spilling out faster than she could control them. "And I know that Kiri doesn't think the same, she has accepted Grace as her mother and thinks of our mother, Neytiri, like a sort of stand-in."
Niri'te didn't look her brother in the eye, knowing that if she did she would lose her nerve and shut down.
Her ears swivelled, picking up far away sounds as she thought of what to say next. She could hear people talking, some even laughing. She longed to feel that kind of lightness where she could laugh freely. With a little shake of her head, she focused back on Neteyam, glancing at him, taking the littlest of peeks at his face, his expression.
He looked confused, somewhat, like he was trying to wrap his head around her words, taking the time to process them. His eyes stayed on her though, keen as they searched her face, his lips pressed in that signature thin line. She always thought he looked constipated when he did that, once whispering it to Lo'ak when they were getting reprimanded by their father. Lo'ak had barely contained his laughing, an ugly snort escaping him, which set Jakesully off in a tirade about them having to be more mature.
Speaking of Jakesully, Niri'te was sure she could hear him calling her.
She leaned around the corner of the marui, eyes searching the vast cave for her father. She spotted him off to the right, his head turning this way and that as she called for her again.
Before she could duck back behind the marui, Jakesully had spotted her and began to make his way over, and he did not look pleased.
"Niri'te," he said firmly once he was close enough, coming around the corner, faltering slightly when he saw Neteyam. But he steeled himself quickly, straightening his posture so he towered intimidatingly over his children. "Scram boy, I need to talk to your sister."
Niri'te saw Neteyam's eyes flash with hurt, looking longingly after him as he walked away, not wanting to anger their father more.
Then it was just the two of them.
"Walk with me," Jakesully said, already striding away, not waiting for her to follow.
Niri'te scrambled after her father, still shocked at the way he had spoken to Neteyam, though she wasn't surprised, sadly enough. Jakesully has changed a lot since the war had started, it was hard to believe that it was only five years ago. It felt much longer than that.
She stayed a step behind Jakesully as he walked, noticing the swish of his slim tail, betraying his anger to the world. Niri'te cringed at the lecture she was sure to have, her heart nearly beating out of her chest as she thought of his angry expression.
"That stunt you pulled yesterday," he started, his voice holding quiet fury, Niri'te had to strain her ears just to hear him over the sounds of the bustling people around them. "Jumping from High Camp without ensuring that your ikran would be there to catch you, was incredibly irresponsible." He glanced over his shoulder to make sure she was there. He huffed loudly as he turned back.
Niri'te kept his best pace the best she could, falling behind slightly when he vaulted himself over a low rock wall jutting out from the floor, not bothering to walk around it like everybody else. She rushed around the wall to catch up, her breath heaving slightly.
"And then having Tsu'tey go after you to make sure you didn't kill yourself as well," Jakesully continued, voice straining and stride faltering. "You should have known better." His voice was heavy with disappointment, the weight of it settling on Niri'te chest like a ton of rocks. Even if she couldn't see her father's face, his back turned to her as they kept walking, she knew that he had that look, the one he always got when he lectured her or any of her siblings, his lips in an incredible frown, his furred brows drawn together, almost becoming one, the tense set of his broad shoulders, and that dull, yet shinning fury in his eyes.
"I–I'm sorry, sir," she said, eyes focused on the ground, hand twisting in her shawl.
Jakesully stopped, whirling around to look at her with his furious expression. Niri'te flinched back, looking away from her father, not catching the look of hurt that flashed across his face before it was consumed by his fury again. "Yes Niri'te, you are sorry because what you did was reckless, which isn't something I expected from you," he bit out, taking a small step closer to her, looming over her. Her hands tightened in her shawl, her heart pounding.
Niri'te refused to look her father in the eye, instead staring at a spot next to his head. He didn't take that well.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you," he almost seethed, raising his hand and pointing sharply at himself, nearly spitting his words in her face.
Niri'te snapped her eyes back to him, staring him directly in the eye, her gaze as blank as she could manage to make it, not wanting Jakesully to see her fall apart, not so soon after Neteyam.
"Sorry sir," she mumbled, her gaze wavering.
Jakesully sighed hard, directing his suffocating stare to the jagged ceiling. He stood like that for a while, his eyes set above them. He sighed again, he looked back at her, scowling as his lips pressed into a thin line that reminded her so much of Neteyam. Her heart ached to see her brother again, to have his solid presence next to her, silent and comforting at her side. But Neteyam wasn't here, leaving Niri'te to deal with their father's fury on her own.
"Dad... sir, I–, I can explain..." she started, quickly correcting herself when she saw Jakesully stiffen at what she first called him. No, he's not your dad, not now, probably never again after what you did, a voice whispered to her sinisterly, familiar in its harsh drawl. Niri'te inhaled sharply, taken aback by the words.
Jakesully shook his head, Niri'te could see a thin gleam of sweat on his forehead. "No," he said shortly, "I don't want to hear excuses. You know what you did and you know why you did it, even if you won't tell me and your mother. But you have to understand that you can't do stuff like that," he strained his voice, stepping closer to her, bringing his clenched fists up to shake them between the two of them, putting emphasis on his words.
"You can't go jumping off the mountain just because you can't put a handle on your emotions, you just can't. Not only did you put yourself in danger, but your sempu as well. Do you know what would have happened if he didn't get to you in time? What would happen if his ikran didn't feel like listening to him? Do you know what would have happened, uh Niri'te?"
Niri'te didn't answer, her gaze blank as she got lost in the terrifying possibilities plaguing her mind.
"He could have died. You could have died. You both could have died."
Niri'te's tail swished harshly behind her, showing just how much Jakesully's words had affected her, even if she refused to show it in her face, but it's not like her father would have noticed it anyway, so lost in his fury that he didn't see what was in front of him as plain as day. Sometimes Niri'te was glad about it, other times she hated it with everything she had. That part of her father, the part that consumed him so wholly with his anger that he couldn't see the damage he was causing. Even now, Niri'te knew that Jakesully was far too gone in his anger to see anything but the red that clouded his vision.
This was Jakesully, Toruk Makto, the fearless Olo'eyktan of the Omatikaya Clan, not Jake, her father, her dad that had played and laughed with his children, that taught her how to shoot a bow, that made her feel loved and wanted. No, Jake was gone, he has been for some time now.
Her ears pressed flat against her head. "I understand sir."
Jakesully narrowed his eyes at her, his own ear twitching the slightest bit. "Do you really, Niri'te? Do you really understand the sheer selfishness that you displayed yesterday? How uncaring for Tsu'tey's life you were by jumping?" he said lowly, getting ever closer, forcing Niri'te to almost look straight up as she tried to maintain eye contact.
"I–, I didn't know he would come–, come after me." Niri'te stammered, her mouth getting stuck on a word before she forced herself to continue, her hand twisting ever tighter in her shawl. She could feel the back of her neck heat up, the warmth spreading uncomfortably through her body, a cold sweat breaking out.
Jakesully huffed long and harshly, dragging his hand down his face. "What am I going to do with you?" he muttered, clearly not meaning for Niri'te to hear, but she did. She always hears things that she isn't supposed to. But it's not like Jakesully noticed that she had heard him, still too lost in his anger, though he was simmering down a bit.
"You have to get a grip on your emotions Niri'te," he said, looking back to her. "You can't let them get the best of you like they did yesterday, it isn't good for you."
Niri'te stared. "You want me to be emotionless?"
She knew that that was a big assumption, but that was the first thing that came to her once her father had spoken. She winched as she saw Jakesully's expression darken. She had really done it now.
"No," he bit, "I want you to have control over yourself, over your emotions, because I know what kinda damage it can do to a person."
"But what if I can't do it, control my emotions? What would happen to me?" there was a fear in her voice, so blatant that Jakesully was sure to notice.
He stayed quiet, looking away from her as she sighed again. His tail swished behind him.
"Dad—?"
"Nothing will happen," he cut her off, "Nothing will happen because you are the levelheaded one, or I thought you were," he added the last bit quietly, but not quietly enough. As she said, Niri'te always heard what she wasn't supposed to.
"But what if—?"
"Levelheaded, Niri'te," he said, stressing the words. "You are levelheaded because you are not reckless like that brother of yours."
She pretend she didn't hear the little gasp from Tuk at their father's words, instead focusing on not looking away from Jakesully's stare. She couldn't look away, not now. Niri'te had noticed that Tuk was there early on, but she wasn't sure what her little sister had heard from her and Jakesully's conversation.
When Niri'te didn't respond, Jakesully sighed, bringing his hand to smooth over his hair, blowing out his breath in a harsh huff. He turned back to her, his eyes still holding onto their fury. "I don't have the time for this," he muttered, turning his back on his distressed daughter, not that he noticed, dismissing her with a wave of his hand and walking away. Leaving her behind.
Niri'te stood there for a moment, her eyes fixed on her father's back as he walked away, feeling them burn for the fourth time that day. She really needed to get a hold of her emotions. She can't start crying at the slightest inconvenience to her, nobody would take her seriously then, it's not like they did already.
She wiped at her face, trying to remove every single thing that would let people know in what kind of emotional state she was, not wanting to answer their questions.
Distantly she heard Tuk talking to someone, pestering them to take her with them to wherever they were going. Someone laughed, and Niri'te's heart ached. It was Lo'ak, oh how she just wanted to go to him and just lay her head on his shoulder, not saying anything as he brought his hands up to play with her hair, knowing it was one of the quickest ways to get her to relax. But she kept walking, she couldn't dampen their mood, having heard Tuk's excited squeal as she ran off.
She lost track of the two as they walked off, Lo'ak following after Tuk as she skipped away. She wondered where Lo'ak was taking her, but guessing since he had his bow in hand and how happy Tuk had sounded, Niri'te had a good guess at what the two were going to do.
She watched as the two came back into view, walking towards the ikrans and smiling at Lo'ak's antics, knowing exactly what he was doing and laughing at Tuk's impatience.
But soon the two were off, on the back of Lo'ak's ikran as they vanished between the floating mountains.
Despite herself, Niri'te felt a smile spread across her lips, no matter how small it was.
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translations in order of appearance:
'Evi - kid/child (affectionate)
Muishond - not even a real na'vi word, i didn't know what to use so i took a word from my mother tongue, and the word basically means skunk so...
Sempu - dad/daddy
Ikran - banshee (flying mount)
Toruk Makto - Rider of Last Shadow
Olo'eyktan - clan leader
Omatikaya - Blue Flute Clan