Even The Strongest

by An Ordinary Riceball

In which Goku has been traumatized in one of the worst ways imaginable and Vegeta is left to pick up the pieces. VENT FIC because I went through basically the same thing and needed an outlet. Trigger Warnings For Past Rape, Self-harm and Suicidal Ideation. VEGEKAKA. Set in Super.

5. Together

Story: Even The Strongest, Chapter 5

(I may end up deleting this chapter, I'm not too happy with how it turned out, seems kinda bad to me)

A/N: So good news, my trial went well, my rapist got charged for second degree rape and three counts of sex offenses, he'll be in prison for a minimum of 27 years. Turns out he was a serial rapist and had other victims as well, he had recordings of many victims on his computer, one of which was completely unconscious.

ALSO THERE ARE SOME RAPE FLASHBACKS IN THIS CHAPTER SO YOU NEED TO BE WARNED. Most of the conversations are things the rapist actually said to me and did(few things improvised because memories are still hazy or to take Goku's character into consideration and also because I remembered these things during my trial.), you might want to be careful when proceeding, but I will give a content warning on the beginning part of it, so you can skip it. It was very hard for me to write so it's pretty vague just to get through it, but it's still touching on a very sensitive matter so yeah.

ONE OTHER THING: There's a very small change to the Grandfather Gohan backstory to this. In this, Goku not only has a grave for Gohan but he also for certain saw Gohan's body after he was killed, but just like in canon, he still didn't know he was the one who did it until he saw Vegeta's great ape form. This chapter goes into a little bit of that trauma because once again venting purposes and I don't see a lot of that explored, but this does get sorta dark so yeah.

Additionally, I moved the photo lineup part from chapter 3 to this chapter because it's closer to what I remember happened later.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: (again), Rape flashbacks, very dirty language. Self-harm, cutting, and talk of death/suicide again, also past death and exploration of grief.

…

(RAPE FLASHBACKS AHEAD)

(RAPE FLASHBACKS AHEAD)

(RAPE FLASHBACKS AHEAD)

(RAPE FLASHBACKS AHEAD)

(RAPE FLASHBACKS AHEAD)

(RAPE FLASHBACKS AHEAD)

"I don't think I want to do this."

Goku's attempt at speaking up for himself was the first thing he really processed himself saying in a while. It was weak and timid, but loud enough to be heard.

A body was being pressed against his. Hands were fondling him, groping his frame. Stroking him.

Goku had been completely stripped of his clothing and was naked under the man above him. He felt vulnerable. Exposed. And somehow, despite being labeled one of the toughest fighters in the universe, utterly defenseless.

"Just relax. 'm not going to do anything." Allan spoke right over him entirely, shoving fingers inside of him one by one.

Goku winced at the pressure. He wanted to believe his words but he couldn't. Not after this.

" You must be feeling something down there, since you're erect." Allan smirked,

at him, and yet Goku hadn't even noticed it. "You want me inside of you that bad?"

Goku hadn't noticed the way his body chose to perceive this. He certainly wasn't enjoying it. He didn't even feelaroused. So why? Was Allan somehow right? No.He hadn't askedfor this.

The Saiyan had never felt more humiliated in his life than he did right now.

He sputtered out something akin to an argument, but his speech was so slurred in that moment and his mind so foggy that it wasn't legible. He didn't even really remember what he had said, something about the body's natural reaction?

More than anything, his mind was screaming at him to run, but he had almost completely frozen up and he was too intoxicated by the drugs to properly think.

…

At some point, the man started recording him, taking pictures of him, especially his genitals.

"I don't think I feel comfortable with this." Goku barely had the courage to speak once again.

Everything felt like it was a blur.

"I told you to relax."

Before Goku could respond, lips crashed against his, and a tongue was shoved into his mouth. He assumed it was the drugs he had taken, but he felt strange, like he was unable to resist it. So he let it happen. This wasn't the first time the man had kissed him after all, he was somewhat used to the process by now. At the very least, it wasn't painful.

Still, he would have preferred to do this sort of thing with Vegetaone day, not a guy like this. Tears welled up in his eyes.

Even though he was under the influence, he knew that this was wrong. He could vaguely remember moving his legs around, his thighs tensing up as he once again said in his own way that he didn't feel comfortable and yet, in spite of that, Allan continuedto ignore him.

"I don't want to do this…" Goku finally choked out in a slightly harsher tone than before, actually saying "don't want to" instead of "don't think I want to".

"Stop struggling and turn over."Allan shut him down immediately, flipping Goku's body over where his stomach was on the bed.

All of a sudden, something was shoved inside of him and pain shot up Goku's backside. It didn't take a genius to know what that was. He felt as though he had been stabbed from the inside.

"That hurts...!" He shouted.

"I'm sorry. Am I crossing a line?"Allan talked over him once again, but nothing Goku said made the slightest difference as he continued thrusting.

Goku shouted so many times he lost count. At some point, he completely gave up. He was in too much agony to really even process it anymore. He eventually tried to tell himself that just laying there and cooperating would make everything go by faster.

…

Goku woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air.

I didsay I didn't want to. I forgot. But he didn't listen. He wouldn't. He said he wouldn't do anything, but he did it anyway .

In that moment, it felt like Allan was inside of him all once more, thrusting into his backside. Over and over again.

…

"You like my dick in your mouth?"

"Mn-mn."

"You don't? How about you shove it down deeper?"

…

Goku jolted out of bed, bile rising to his throat. He wasn't even really paying attention to his surroundings. He only knew he needed something to distract himself with.

Pain. He needed pain .

The Saiyan paced back and forth frantically for a few seconds, biting down on his hand and clawing at his arm in an attempt to stimulate himself.

…

"Use your whole tongue."

"I can't…"

"Motherfucker, you threw up again."

"I can't help it. I have a weak gag reflex. Having trouble breathing."

"Is that so? Then find another way to make it work."

…

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe, yet he wouldn't listen, he kept shoving my head down onto his-

Not enough.

This isn't enough!

…

"Talk dirty to me. Say you're a filthy whore."

"Whore? What's… a whore…?"

"...A whore is somebody who's nasty and has lots of sex, So tell me… are you nasty , Goku?"

"I don't…know."

Goku could somehow tell there was more to that word than just somebody who had a lot of sex. Sexually… promiscuous.

He had once heard Chichi use the word somewhere, the context which he couldn't recall, but he knew that must be what hewas now.

After all, he didn't even know this man, yet here he was having his body taken from him by a total stranger.

But this wasn't sex. It wasn't even consensual. He hadn't consented to this. He had said he didn't want to do this multiple times but he had been ignored.

"You don't know? Well, I'm telling you you are, so come on, say it already, call yourself a filthy whore."

"I don't know."

…

I've got to find something sharp, like a knife.

I need to bleed. To breathe. To think.

After a second, Goku rushed into the bathroom, so upset that he didn't even think to close the door. He began to shuffle through some drawers to find something sufficient.

…

"Smile for the camera. I said SMILE."

He had tears in his eyes. He had just thrown up. He couldn't breathe.

It should be so obvious that he didn't want to be doing this, that he wasn't enjoying this, but the man above him, continued grabbing his hair and here, shoving himself into his throat.

And now he was filming him.

Again.

It was humiliating.

"Here, take my phone. I want you to film yourself. Film yourself sucking my cock like the slut you are."

…

Why was I so cooperative…?

Finally in the third drawer he checked, he found the perfect object. A box cutter. Exactly the kind of thing that he was looking for.

Without the slightest ounce of hesitation, he pulled back his wrist cuff, creating a slash in the skin. The first line was thin, almost as if he were testing, but the second and third were much more bold.

…

"I need to leave."

"No, don't. I still need to cum first. I wanna record you swallowing it. I'll hook up my phone later so we can watch it on the TV."

"I really need to go."

"It'll just be five or ten more minutes."

"Alright…"

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Fifteen minutes.

"I should go."

"No!"

Twenty minutes.

Thirty.

Forty.

He didn't know how much time had passed, but he kept asking to leave, each request denied with the man either telling him no or saying that he needed to cum first, until finally:

"I have an appointment. I'll come back."

"Well, how long are you gonna be gone for?"

"About two hours."

In his hazy state of mind, he hears the man retort something about inviting him into his home off the streets, the "gutters".

"Sorry, I have an appointment."

…

- (END RAPE FLASHBACKS)

- (END RAPE FLASHBACKS)

- (END RAPE FLASHBACKS)

- (END RAPE FLASHBACKS)

- (END RAPE FLASHBACKS)

- (END RAPE FLASHBACKS)

Memories continued to play through his head, overwhelming him more and more by the moment.

With frustrated tears welling up in his eyes, Goku sat down against a nearby wall and began to create slash after slash, feeling captivated at the sight of the crimson liquid dripping down his arm onto the floor. The physical pain actually felt nice in comparison to the memories, it was distracting. Calming. And above all it was something he actually understood .

"Kakarot?" All of a sudden a voice snapped him back to his present surroundings. It was Vegeta. He had been woken up by the sound of the drawers slamming open and closed and got worried when Goku didn't return for a while, so he had finally come to check on him, but this was the last thing he had expected.

The very sight of seeing Goku cutting his own wrist with a box cutter had caused his heart to skip a beat. He gasped slightly, rushing over and kneeling down by his side in a mere instant. "You idiot…! What are you doing...?! Stop that!"

Goku wasn't even able to respond before Vegeta reached out, grabbing his hand in an attempt to pry the box cutter out of his grip. But Goku didn't want to cooperate, he refused to lose his grasp on the weapon.

"Give me the box cutter, Kakarot. Right now ." Vegeta's voice was strained, he was barely holding back from crying himself.

"No, I need this…" Goku rationalized, still somewhat out of it.

"No, you don't !" Vegeta snapped. "You're strong. You can fight this."

"How can I?" Goku choked out, tears falling down his face. "Nothing else was helping me. Please… "

" No , I'm not going to just sit here and let you do this!" Vegeta refused to relent, keeping one hand clasped over the box cutter and the other over Goku's hand, even as Goku refused to let go of it. "I told you before. If there is something upsetting you, then you talk about it. You do not hurt yourself. Do you hear me…? Let the box cutter go ."

He felt like he was at the end of his rope. He didn't want to use physical force if he could help it, but he wasn't really being left with much of a choice.

Fortunately, upon hearing that, Goku slowly began to release his grip for the first time. Vegeta didn't even think before using the opportunity to take it from him. He tossed the weapon far off to the side before turning his attention back to Goku's bleeding arm.

Vegeta's eyes widened, his breath hitching in his throat when he finally had a better chance to assess the damage that Goku had done to himself. The skin was marred beyond recognition .

He quickly grabbed a nearby towel and wrapped it around his arm to stanch the bleeding.

"... Why ? Why didn't you just say something… ?" His voice started to tremble as he kept his grasp on Goku's wrist and leaned his forehead against his hands. "If I had known… if you had told me that you were feeling this way again, then I would have sat with you… I would have…"

At that moment, he paused.

…What would he have done? For all his talk of helping Goku through these urges, he had never once seen somebody intentionally hurt themselves for reasons other than training or battle in his entire life. And to make matters worse, this wasn't just simple scratching anymore. He honestly had no clue how to even handle or approach a situation like this. What was the right thing to say? What was the right thing to do ?

"I didn't want to bother you…" Goku choked out, feeling ashamed and knowing Vegeta was upset with him.

"Bother me…?" Vegeta's head snapped up upon hearing his words, completely thrown for a loop. All of a sudden, he just lost it, tears falling from his face. "You really think you're bothering me by asking for help?! Goddamn it, you idiot, I wouldn't be here with you right now if I didn't want to be! Haven't you realized that by now? The only thing that's bothering me is the fact that you've been hurting yourself. And now you decide to use my box cutter?! Why do you keep doing this? Surely, you can't believe this shit is actually helping you! This isn't healthy! It's foolish!"

Goku recoiled when those words left Vegeta's mouth.

"I know that!" He shouted, feeling worse than ever as he took in the impact of Vegeta's explosive outburst. He covered his face with his free hand to wipe away the tears that began falling from his own face. "I just… I'm sorry, okay? Please… don't be mad at me…"

Vegeta felt a pang of guilt as Goku's apology and plea sunk in. He knew right then and there that he had gone too far. He had let his emotions control his actions all over again. But he wasn't angry at Goku. Not in the slightest. He was terrified .

After all, Goku didn't really understand any of this better than he did. He was suffering, and trying to cope with this in the only way he could really think to at the moment.

Shit.

I've got to apologize, and fixthis, or else he'll just think I'm being a jerk.

"I'm… sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It won't happen again. I just wish you would have talked to me before you did something like this…" His voice cracked as he spoke. After a long time, he pulled back the towel to check on the bleeding. The blood flow fortunately seemed to have slowed down some. He then placed Goku's arm down in his lap, lightly blotting up any blood that oozed out after that point. "...Do you want a senzu bean? We still have some from earlier. Or do you just want to bandage this up…? We'll do whatever you want."

"I'd rather not waste a Senzu bean on some minor cuts like this." Goku muttered, looking down with a guilty expression.

Vegeta almost wanted to protest against calling them "minor cuts", but as long as Kakarot was willing to let him tend to his injuries, he didn't care too much about the technicalities.

Although it was strange, almost like they had done a complete flop. In the past, Vegeta couldn't stand using Senzu beans, but now he had no issue with suggesting them. Now, it was Goku who suddenly seemed against them for some reason.

"Then get up. We're washing this off." Vegeta said, pulling him up by his hand. He led him over to the sink and pulled out a couple stools for them to sit on. Vegeta fumbled through the top drawer, grabbing a couple antiseptic wipes, medical tape as well as a gauze roll. He then turned on and adjusted the water until it was luke-warm, instructing him to put his arm under the water.

Goku hesitantly cooperated, wincing in anticipation as the water hit his fresh cuts. He immediately tried to pull his arm away when Vegeta reached out, holding one of the wipes towards his wrist, but the other Saiyan stopped him.

"Hold still. I'm not going to hurt you." Vegeta said, gently blotting up the blood stains and trying his best to avoid making the wounds bleed again.

Goku refused to meet his gaze as Vegeta looked up at him.

"Will you tell me what caused this? Surely, you must have had a reason." Vegeta probed. "Is it the memories again…? A nightmare? What?"

"...I remembered something." Goku finally mumbled after a long silence.

"Oh? And what did you remember…?" Vegeta asked in a patient tone of voice. He turned off the water, grabbing a paper towel and proceeded to dry off Goku's arm.

"...I did say I didn't want to do that, I did. But he-he did it anyways, and told me to stop struggling." Goku stammered, becoming nervous. "He wouldn't listen."

"Of course he didn't. He's a rapist and rapists don't care what people want." Vegeta spoke in a soft voice. "Whether you had outright said no or not wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference to him. I told you that."

"Why couldn't I remember it before…? It feels like large chunks of my memories are gone ." Goku practically hissed in frustration.

It was irritating. Even though he wanted to stop thinking about this stuff, he didn't like not knowing what all had happened to him. He wanted to forget, but at the same time, he didn't . He didn't know what he wanted anymore.

"You were drugged… And it was traumatizing. It's probably your brain's way of protecting you." Vegeta reasoned as he finished drying the cuts. He then began wiping down his arm with another antiseptic wipe, before reaching into the drawer and taking out some antibacterial ointment. Goku flinched slightly when Vegeta began rubbing it on his injuries.

"When… When he was recording me… He-he told me… to smile for the camera and even record myself as I was sucking him off…" He started shaking as he spoke. "Asked me… if I liked his dick in my mouth… I couldn't breathe , I kept choking… throwing up. I told him it's because I have a weak gag reflex. But he didn't care, he kept grabbing my hair and shoving my head down onto it. He kept talking over me, ignoring me when I said I needed to leave. He told me not to, so many times."

Vegeta stayed quiet, allowing him to vent with a heavy heart. He had already heard some of this but it was just as revolting to listen to as it was the first time.

Goku bit his lip. "It was so humiliating... The things he said to me… I cooperated… I thought… if I cooperated… if I did what he asked… that he'd… that it… Why can't I talk…?! "

" It's okay . Just take your time." Vegeta said, calmly, as he tenderly began to wrap the gauze roll around his wrist.

"...I thought… if I did what he asked me to… it would make things go by faster, but it… it didn't." Goku broke down as he spoke, pulling at his hair. "Several times, I started to get up to dress myself… but he pushed me back on the bed and held me down… I felt tired and sluggish, like I wasn't all there. My body was weak, and I kept freezing up when it happened… I couldn't fight him off even though some part of me wanted to. He pressured me to stay. He kept telling me to give him five to ten more minutes, he said that at least six times and he still hadn't cummed . "

"He's a scumbag… He knew the only way you would actually have sex with him was by drugging you and forcing it on you. I'm sorry… that you had to go through that." Vegeta spoke as he broke off several pieces of medical tape from the roll and stuck them to the gauze wrap to make sure it didn't come loose.

Goku didn't say anything after hearing that. But Vegeta didn't expect him to.

"I want you to leave this alone until it heals, do you hear me?" He instructed, before pulling the wrist cuff back down over his bandaged wrist. "I'll know if it's been tampered with."

He became worried as Goku silently continued pulling at his hair.

"Kakarot, stop that. A Saiyan's hair isn't exactly replaceable, you know…" Vegeta scolded him, softly grabbing his hand and bringing it down to his lap as he brushed his hair with his fingers to straighten it back out somewhat since Goku had ruffled it. "Treat it with some honor. And have more respect for yourself . You deserve better than this."

Goku turned his head away in shame. "... I'm sorry."

Vegeta's eyebrows creased in response.

"Don't apologize. I'm not mad at you…" He started to caress his cheek, but immediately retracted his hand when Goku flinched. "Sure, I admit I might have gotten a bit upset because I don't understand why you've been hurting yourself to deal with this, but it's not like you've even been taught how to. You're having a hard time processing this experience and that's completely understandable. This is just something we're going to have to figure out together. Even so, for any of this to work, you've got to trust me. And this?"

He reached over and picked up the box cutter from the floor, holding it up in front of him. "You cannot, and will not, under any circumstances, allow this to control you again. Are we clear on that?"

Goku let his hair hide his eyes, nodding.

"Good." Vegeta said softly, putting the box cutter back into the drawer after briefly running the blade under the water to clean off any blood. He then got up from the stool, urging Goku to follow him. "Come on, let's go back to bed…"

It was almost ironic how he could go from being harsh one minute to gentle the next.

"Okay..." Goku replied, getting up as well.

Once they had returned to the bed, Vegeta decided it was best to ask permission first. "Do you… want me to hug you like before?"

"Mhm..." Goku nodded shyly, blushing.

Vegeta felt his heart thumping faster than ever in his chest at the sight.

He reached out and pulled him in his arms in a similar fashion to before.

"There…" Vegeta smirked a bit in a way to praise his cooperation.

"Now before we go to sleep, is there anything else you want to tell me about? Anything at all?"

"I just…" Goku covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking. "I'm worried…"

"About what?" Vegeta encouraged.

"...If… anybody sees those videos he took, they'll think I'm a whore… " Goku started curl in on himself burying his forehead against Vegeta's chest. "Just like he said I was… That I consented to that; that I wanted it."

"You are not a whore, Kakarot... I know you didn't consent. Krillin knows. Bulma as well. Even Chichi. We all do. So do not ever allow yourself to believe anything that pervert said about you, because it isn't true. None of it is. Look at me." Vegeta urged him to meet his eyes. "You are a truly amazing person. You came to me of your own accord and opened up about something that so many others wouldn't have been able to in your situation. I cannot even begin to tell you how proud I am of you for that."

"...I feel so disgusting right now . " Goku muttered, completely ignoring it. Even if Vegeta felt proud of him, he couldn't feel proud of himself after what had happened.

"I know…" Vegeta pulled him tighter to himself, his heart aching at the sight. "But all of this is on him and him alone. He's the disgusting one, you hear me? Not you. And everybody will see that."

"..." Goku couldn't even respond. The very idea of anybody seeing those videos and pictures terrified him. Even he himself didn't want to see them.

Vegeta was silent as Goku tried to stifle his sobs against his chest.

"This pain you're feeling, I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will fade in time." He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in, placing a hand on the back of his head. "I promise it will…"

As Vegeta continued to hold him in his arms, Goku didn't say anything further. He slowly began to relax, thinking about everything the other man had said, his words of encouragement.

He truly wanted to believe him.

He really did .

…

The next morning Vegeta and Goku could be seen in one of the dining halls of Capsule Corp, gorging down on pancakes and waffles alongside Trunks and Bulma, who was watching the Saiyans with some amusement.

"Man, the food here is always the best. I just can't get enough of it." Goku grinned, after finishing up a large plate of waffles.

"I'm glad you like it so much, Goku." Bulma smiled. "Just remember you're always free to come here as much as you like."

"Hey, no fair, that was mine, Vegeta! I was just about to eat that!" Goku suddenly protested as Vegeta forked the last sausage patty and took a bite.

"Yeah? Well, maybe you should have been faster in grabbing it. It's first come, first serve."

"Fine, be that way . I'll just take these instead." Goku grinned, picking up three pieces of bacon off of Vegeta's plate.

"You asshole, give those back!" Vegeta dropped the sausage patty and immediately jumped at him to reach out towards the bacon, but, before he could, Goku had already shoved them into his mouth.

"Damn you…" Vegeta clenched his fist, unable to contain his irritation. "I'm going to kill you for that!"

"Sounds fun ." Goku purred, taking that as an invitation for a sparring match. He leaned in towards him with a mischievous grin. "So when do we start… ?"

The two Saiyans' faces were yet again only inches apart, leaving Vegeta momentarily rendered speechless. Heat rushed through his body.

Bulma almost choked, holding back the sudden urge to laugh. Trunks had an unreadable expression on his face, noticing it. He hadn't said much the entire time, just listened to them banter.

"Are you really itching for another sparring match that badly…?" Vegeta deadpanned, but made no attempt to pull back. His voice was somewhat weaker than normal as he looked into Goku's eyes, completely captivated by them.

"More than anything." Goku said, before frowning a bit, insecurely. "Why? Do you not want to…?"

"No, it's not that, but…" Vegeta paused, remembering Goku's panic attack from the day before. He almost considered protesting, but at the same time he didn't want to baby him. "Oh, fine… I'll spar with you…"

"Really? After what happened yesterday, I was worried that you might not…" All of a sudden, Goku felt a napkin being rubbed over his cheek, interrupting his thoughts. "Hey-"

"There was cream cheese on your face. Learn to clean up after yourself." Vegeta scolded, but not out of ill intent.

"Sorry, the waffles were just so good, I couldn't help it. I guess I made a little bit of a mess of myself, huh?" Goku giggled, but that's when he noticed that Vegeta had a slightly saddened look on his face. "...What's wrong…? You seem upset…"

"Huh? Oh. No, it's nothing." Vegeta said in a low voice. He didn't want to bring up what happened the night before, but it was impossible not to worry about it, and he couldn't just leave things as they were. At the same time, he needed to get a better idea of how to approach the situation before he could even really talk to Goku about it. Vegeta turned away to face Bulma. "Bulma, I need your advice on something. Do you have a minute that we could speak somewhere privately…?"

"Sure, Vegeta, why don't we go to my lab to talk?" Bulma offered, getting up.

"Stay here." Vegeta briefly caressed Goku's cheek as he started to leave. "I'll be right back."

"Alright." Goku started to touch his hand but Vegeta had already pulled it away before he could.

Some part of him wondered what it was Vegeta needed to talk with Bulma about. He couldn't help but get the feeling it was about him somehow, but didn't have the heart to ask.

He hoped Vegeta wasn't too upset with him after what happened last night or the day before. He had been making things harder than ever for him.

…

"So what was it you wanted to ask me about, Vegeta?"

Bulma sat down at her desk as Vegeta sat on the edge of it. His arms were folded over his chest and his legs were crossed, his posture stiff.

"It's…" he paused for a moment. He didn't want to give away any details but he wasn't entirely sure he knew how to deal with this alone anymore, at least not without some guidance. "How do you stop a person from hurting himself?"

"From… what…?" Bulma paused for a moment to stare at him. With no context, she had no idea what exactly he was even asking, whether it was general recklessness he was referring to or if he actually meant…

"Like somebody who intentionally scratches or cuts their skin when they're stressed out." Vegeta clairfied. "How do you make them stop?"

"Oh, you mean self-harm … Uh…" Bulma paused, confused as to why Vegeta was even asking about such a thing.

"It has a name…?" Vegeta mused, a bit surprised.

"You didn't know?" Bulma asked.

"No. I've never… seen somebody do it before." Vegeta admitted. "It… worried me…"

"Vegeta," Bulma approached the question with hesitation. "this wouldn't happen to be about Goku, would it?"

Aside from herself and Trunks, Goku was one of the only other people Vegeta interacted with regularly. Who else could it be? She certainly knew it couldn't be Whis or Beerus.

Vegeta looked at her apprehensively. There was no point in hiding it. "Y…yeah…, he's been doing this thing where he uses his nails to dig into his arm until it bleeds, and last night he even got ahold of my box cutter and sliced up his wrist. But I don't… understand it. This isn't just stimulating his hands anymore . He's..."

"...Calm down, first you need to understand what's causing it." Bulma asked, her tone softening with concern. "Have you tried talking with him about it?"

"Of course I have… It's all because of what that bastard did to him." Vegeta said.

"The rape? I figured it might be something like that..." Bulma said. "Self-harm usually only manifests in people with some sort of trauma or mental health issues, like depression, anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, etc. As for the reasons behind it, it varies from person to person. But my guess is maybe Goku is having a hard time processing or understanding the emotional pain he's feeling and is trying to channel it out into something he does understand, being the physical pain."

"Matching… the inside… to the outside…?" Vegeta mused aloud.

"...Tell me… Have you thought about suggesting he see a therapist? One who specializes in rape counseling, for instance?" Bulma asked. "They could talk with him about what he's going through, and help him find alternative ways of relieving stress."

"Such people exist …?" Vegeta seemed legitimately surprised.

No way. Bulma paused. "Hold on, did… nobody on your home planet… do that…?"

"No, why would they…?" Vegeta asked. "Somebody with issues like Kakarot's would have probably just been killed or discarded of for it."

"Are you serious?" Bulma exclaimed. "That's awful !"

"Hey, I never said I agreed with it… At least not now anyways. It's just how our race did things." Vegeta said as a matter of factly, but with a downcast look in his eyes. "We prioritized functionality above all else, so if somebody couldn't… integrate… or handle things, whether it be mentally or physically…, then they were viewed as weak and often disposed of. Even my own brother… Tarble, he was sent off planet by our father simply because his power level was lower than average."

He didn't speak about his family often, it wasn't something he even liked thinking about. But he never truly hated Tarble. And looking back now, he was one of the only Saiyans left in Universe 7 aside from Goku, and one that was actually innocent by comparison to the majority of their race.

Bulma was quiet as she considered his response. "You know, I'm starting to think Goku isn't the only one in need of a therapist right now."

"And just what are you even implying, Bulma?" Vegeta scoffed. "That I , the almighty Prince Vegeta, should go to some random quack I've never even met before and talk about my feelings ? You've got to be kidding!"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." Bulma said nonchalantly. "He'll, even I've talked to a few here and there before."

"Well, I don't need one. And nor does Kakarot..." Vegeta responded smugly. "I highly doubt he'd even want one anyway ..."

"Have you asked him that?" Bulma questioned.

"...Well, no..., but I'm the only person he's really been talking to about these things, and even then, it's obvious that he's holding back…" Vegeta said. "I'm surprised he was able to answer any questions from the detective yesterday morning, given how he could barely even speak with Krillin's work partner around…"

"It's not like he would be alone. If you're the person he feels most comfortable around right now, then why not just stay with him while the therapist is talking to him?" Bulma asked.

"I could do that…?" Vegeta inquired, as if he was actually considering it.

"Yeah. Think you'd be interested? I could recommend him one." Bulma offered.

"...As tempting as it may be, I'm going to have to decline, for now anyway. I would prefer not to have to resort to something like that unless it was absolutely necessary." Vegeta muttered. It's not that he didn't want Goku to get support, but from what he could tell, he was very unlikely to actually accept such help. Of course if push came to shove, the offer was certainly something to keep in mind. "Surely you must have some sort of other suggestions. He doesn't even want to be on Earth right now… Besides, in case you're forgetting, we're not human , there's not a single person on this planet that would truly have the knowledge or qualifications to deal with a Saiyan better than I could and I myself am already doing a shit job at that as it is . So unless this therapist you speak of specializes in Saiyan psychology, I don't want to hear about it."

"I mean… If you're going to be stubborn about it, I'm not really sure what to tell you, Vegeta. The most I can do at this point is print out some articles on self-harm. Maybe those would help you find what you're looking for." Bulma sighed as she started to type something into her computer browser. "What he needs more than anything right now is to explore other coping mechanisms."

"Like what?" Vegeta asked.

"It's hard to say exactly." Bulma admitted. "Something that helps one person isn't automatically going to help another. If it's a matter of stimulating his hands when he gets stressed, I suppose he could try fidgets."

"Fidgets?" Vegeta inquired.

"Yeah. Hold on a second." Bulma said, reaching into her desk drawer to pull out a fidget cube, a Rubik's cube, and a small container of putty. "The next time he starts trying to scratching himself, have him play around with one of these and see if it helps him any. I've never self-harmed before, but it does at least help manage anxiety."

Vegeta took the objects from her, looking over them. "I have my doubts these will be enough to stop him from hurting himself again, but I suppose I could have him try… "

If there was even the slightest chance that it would help Goku, it was worth at least testing .

"Hey, even if it doesn't , you can't just give up on him, you hear me? Finding the right coping mechanisms is a matter of trial and error and can take time and patience, so don't get angry at him if he gets upset and hurts himself again, you have to understand where he's coming from."

"I want to understand this, Bulma, I really do , but I just…" Vegeta clenched his free fist. "I can't stand seeing him that way. "

"It's hard , I know." Bulma gave a small pain-filled smile. "But you've got to be patient. For Goku . He needs you right now..."

When she said that, Vegeta couldn't respond. He looked away. He knew she was right, and he would do anything he could to be there for Goku but that didn't make this any easier.

Bulma sighed a bit before turning her focus back to the computer and searching through more articles.

"Oh, I forgot to ask something." She said after a long moment of silence.

"What is it?" Vegeta glanced back at her.

"How well is Goku responding to physical touch?" Bulma asked. "He tensed up when it was me, but he doesn't seem to be all that bothered by it when it's you."

"Not exactly." Vegeta corrected her. "Sometimes, he's okay with it, but sometimes he's not . It's rocky at best."

"Then what about when he is okay with it, is there anything in particular that he likes?" Bulma asked.

"Well, yesterday he did say he liked being hugged by me..." Vegeta mumbled with a small blush. "He seemed calmer afterwards."

Bulma smiled a bit after hearing that. "Then I think you should also focus on some touch-based coping mechanisms, like that. Other options include things like rubbing his back or holding his hands. It should help keep him grounded. Just always try to make sure you try to give him some sort of warning first. If you don't, it's liable to make things worse."

When she said that, Vegeta made a mental note that he should ask permission more often. There had been so many occasions that he had hugged or touched Goku without even asking first. Maybe he needed to be more aware and vigilant. He didn't want to accidentally make the wrong move one day and scare him.

"Here are some articles to start with, you can always come back for more." Bulma handed him some papers she had just printed out.

"Thanks…" Vegeta said as he folded them up and slipped them into his uniform. "For the advice."

They weren't married anymore, but over the years, Bulma had done a lot for him. She had given him a home, and even took care of him back when he was still technically her enemy. That kindness was something he would be eternally grateful for.

"It's no problem. I'm still serious about recommending him a therapist, though." Bulma said. "Maybe you can try asking him about it at some point if you feel like things have gotten out of hand."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind…" Vegeta was quiet for a moment, some part of him thinking about it in spite of what he had said earlier.

…

When Vegeta returned to the kitchen, he found Goku resting his head in his arms which he had folded over the table. Trunks had left.

"Kakarot, come on." Vegeta lightly kicked Goku's foot to get his attention. "We can go now."

"Oh. Right…" Goku raised his head to meet his eyes with a small smile.

"What's wrong?" Vegeta frowned slightly, able to tell it was forced.

"It's nothing." Goku looked away as he got up. "Let's just go."

"Wait." Vegeta said, moving in front of him and grabbing hold of Goku's obi. He stretched it out a bit.

"Vegeta, what are you doing…?" Goku started to tense up at first, but seemed to calm down when he saw that Vegeta was just slipping some things inside of it. "What are those?"

"Fidgets. Keep them." Vegeta said. "Bulma suggested I give them to you. She said they might help stimulate you in case you feel like hurting yourself again."

"Huh. Wait, you told her?" Goku looked a little hurt. "Why…?"

"Because I care for you, you idiot... You needed help, so I asked the smartest person I know." Vegeta said softly, as he straightened back up his obi, before looking up at him. "I didn't understand this before, but I'm going to try . For you… "

At that moment, Goku gave a shy grin, before slowly reaching out and hugging him. "Thank you, Vegeta… You're always… looking out for me… means a lot…"

Vegeta was surprised by the gesture, warmth once again surging through him. Slowly he slipped his arms out of his hold and wrapped them around Goku's neck in an embrace so Goku's arms remained around his waist. "Yeah, well… somebody has to…"

…

For the next few hours, the two Saiyans once again sparred just like the day before. In the end, they had no choice but to conclude it as another draw due to having both tired themselves out and collapsing at essentially the same time.

"I guess neither of us won this round, huh?" Goku laughed weakly. He was laying on the ground next to him. "Damn and I thought for sure I'd be able to beat you this time…"

"Heh, as if I'd really sit back and let a clown like you stay ahead of me..." Vegeta snorted as he slowly moved over to sit up, positioning his back against a tree.

A moment of silence.

"Hey, Vegeta…?"

"Hm?" Vegeta looked over at him. Innocent eyes were observing him.

"Can I… stay with you for a while…?" Goku asked. "I mean at capsule corp. At least until Whis comes back? I… think it would be best if I find some other place to go. I know that Chichi cares about me and all, but… up until just a few days ago, it feels like all we've been doing is arguing anymore, and I'm tired of it. I just… don't want our remaining friendship to be defined by that, you know? I think I need some time away from her."

In the past, he hadn't wanted to, but these events had been some kind of eye-opener for him and he realized he needed to do something about it. He couldn't continue staying in an environment that was hurting him.

"I understand…" Vegeta said. "To be honest, I had considered asking you about this before, but you were already going through enough as it was, so I wanted to wait a bit before I offered it."

"So then… you're really okay with it?" Goku asked.

Vegeta shrugged somewhat. "Yeah, sure. I guess I don't see why not… "

"What about Bulma?" Goku wanted to know. "Do you think she'd mind…?"

"She's actually the one who originally suggested it, so I highly doubt it." Vegeta said. "Besides, you lived with her before, didn't you? When you were kids. She even told me she used to bathe you."

"Yeah, but this is… different. I wouldn't… want to put that on her again." Goku avoided his gaze. "I've already caused her enough trouble as it is…"

"It's no trouble at all, I assure you." Vegeta insisted. "You're free to stay with us as long as you need to. And look at the bright side, Kakarot. With me around, you can train as much as you'd like."

Goku smiled. "Alright, if you really think you can handle me…"

Vegeta smirked. "Tch, please , I put up with your ass for three whole years in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber alone, remember? This is nothing ."

Goku couldn't be happier to hear that. "Sounds like a plan then."

…

"You want to stay with us?" Bulma, who was in her lab, looked up to see Goku and Vegeta standing there. She was holding a screwdriver and appeared to be working on some sort of machine.

"Yeah, if it's no problem." Goku awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "It's just a temporary thing, though. I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. Only until I can figure something else out."

"It's fine, you're welcome to stay here as long as you need to." Bulma said, giving him the same reassurance Vegeta had. "I'll have to hook you up with one of our spare bedrooms, though. Give me a second to find the key."

Bulma walked over and shuffled through her desk, quickly finding what she was looking for.

"Here it is." She handed the key to Vegeta. "Vegeta, you know the bedroom that's two doors down from yours? I want you to take him there. I think there are still some boxes on the bed and floor that need to be brought to storage, but otherwise it should be suitable for sleeping in, so help him help him out, would you?"

Vegeta took the key. "...Yeah."

Neither Bulma nor Goku said much after that, but as Vegeta had grabbed Goku's hand and urged him to follow, Goku could hear Bulma saying to take care of himself. He thanked her.

…

Vegeta led Goku to his destination in silence, unlocking the door with ease before inviting him inside.

"Here we are, If you have any clothes or anything that you'd like to get from Chichi's place, you're free to go and get them whenever. I'm going to move these." He said as he stacked a couple of the large tubs that were sitting on the bed.

"Let me help with that." Goku said, moving over and lifting some boxes of his own.

"Just don't drop any of them, or Bulma will make sure to have your neck for it." Vegeta warned him, heading to the door.

"I know." Goku said. "Thanks again for letting me stay with you."

"It's no problem." Vegeta dismissed. "As long as you keep things neat, we shouldn't have an issue. That also means not leaving trash around like you did in the Time Chamber."

"Hey, that was only a few occasions." Goku pouted.

"A few occasions, my ass . I was having to clean up after those blasted cooking experiments of yours constantly. Not to mention the sports drink cans I kept finding on the floor near your bed."

Seeing Vegeta's eyes on him, Goku was desperate to change the subject. "Well, at least one of us can cook."

A small vein appeared on Vegeta's forehead and he blushed slightly. "Shut up…"

"Oh, hit a nerve, did I?" Goku smirked. "You know it's true."

Vegeta huffed. "Fine , I admit you have me bested when it comes to the kitchen , Kakarot, Whereas I, on the other hand, can't even cook an omelet . There, are you satisfied?"

"Hey, don't put it like that… After my grandpa died, I was left to fend for myself in the wilderness alone as a little boy, so I had no choice but to learn a lot of things the hard way…" Goku gave a slightly downcast look as he reflected on his past, not going unnoticed by Vegeta. "Because of that, it's become a sort of side hobby of mine. I actually asked Chichi to teach me a few things here and there as well, about baking. You know…, I could also teach you one day, if you'd be up for it."

"You , teach me how to cook?" Vegeta snorted. "You've got to be joking."

"No, I'm totally serious ." Goku insisted, grinning. "I think it would be fun."

It did sound like an intriguing offer at the very least, but Vegeta was too prideful to say that out loud. "Tch… Just focus on getting the damn boxes moved already."

Vegeta sped up his pace.

Slowly, they carried the boxes to the storage area that was a few halls down.

Once they were done, Goku sat down on the bed.

"Aren't you going to let the woman know you're staying here?" Vegeta asked, standing in the doorway with his arms folded.

"Yeah, I'll tell her later." Goku said, before turning his face away. "Actually… tomorrow… if you don't mind… I'd like you to go somewhere with me. It's kind of personal."

"Where to?" Vegeta inquired.

"My grandpa's grave… I want to replace the flowers." Goku answered, barely audible. "Tomorrow will be the anniversary of the day he died. Or rather… when he was killed."

Vegeta stiffened in response. This was the second time Goku had mentioned his grandfather today and now it made sense why he looked so troubled. That's when it really began to dawn on him just how much Goku had going on on his plate. It wasn't just the trauma from the rape or divorce that he was dealing with. There was so much more.

He didn't know a lot about Goku's past and he never bothered asking into it. But now Goku seemed to be asking him to be a part of it some way or another. He wasn't entirely sure how to proceed.

"How was he killed…? By who?" He probed, letting his curiosity get the best of him. Immediately afterwards, he got the feeling it was a question he shouldn't have asked. This was none of his business.

Goku was hesitant for a long moment before answering him. "...It was me. I… crushed him... in the giant ape form."

A deathly silence settled between the two Saiyans after that, and Vegeta felt his hand twitch with unease. In that moment, he had no choice but to acknowledge that it was the Saiyan Biology that was partly to blame for this. The Saiyan Biology which Vegeta was so proud of.

There had been times that he missed having his tail and the ability to transform at the full moon. But he also understood fully well the dangers that form possessed - The atrocities it had been used to commit, wiping out entire civilizations in single nights and murdering countless sentient beings. Atrocities which he himself had been a part of.

"Grandpa often told me not to look up at the full moon, because there was a monster that would come out." Goku rubbed at his arm. "Like an idiot, I completely ignored his warning and looked at it anyways… When I saw you transform the first time you arrived on earth, that's when I realized it… That the monster he spoke of… was me ."

"You're not a monster." Vegeta said, moving towards him with some caution. "Don't… call yourself that."

Slowly, he sat down next to him. "If you want me to come with you, then I will , no questions asked."

"You really mean it…?" Goku asked, hopefully.

"We'll go first thing tomorrow morning." Vegeta stroked his cheek, with the smallest of smiles when he saw a wave of relief wash over Goku's face. "We can even get some flowers at the flower shop nearby here. How does that sound?"

"Okay..." Goku tried his best to ignore how close their faces were, suddenly finding his gaze drawn towards Vegeta's lips for some reason, feeling a brief urge to kiss him. As soon as the thought came to him, however, he scolded himself for it, feeling disgusted. He shouldn't be having such thoughts. Especially not now.

Vegeta had picked up on the way Goku was looking at him, recognizing his body language. He swallowed, almost wanting to kiss him as well, but he knew he had to resist. Goku was vulnerable , he wasn't in the right state of mind to consent to anything .

Revealing his own feelings to him would be selfish and wrong.

"I-" He started to say but a voice interrupted him, startling both him and Goku.

"Hey, Goku! I was wondering if this was a good time to… Oh, sorry… Am I… interrupting something?"

It was Krillin, he had just stepped in the door. How had they been so distracted that they hadn't even noticed his ki?!

Vegeta's ears became red, but he regained his composure within an instant.

"No…" He murmured, getting up. "We actually just finished. I'm going back to my room. Knock if you need anything."

His hand remained on Goku's face for a split second longer before he pulled it back and turned away.

He figured it was probably best if he gave Goku some space to talk with Krillin alone.

Goku didn't say anything, his face and neck feeling too hot for him to think.

"Vegeta didn't do anything weird to you, did he?" Krillin asked when Vegeta was gone, approaching him. It didn't look like anything harmful, but he still had to ask, considering everything Goku had already been through as it was. If anybody was going to make moves on his best friend, Krillin wanted to make sure it was at least consensual .

He sat down on the bed beside him.

"Huh? Weird how?" Goku looked over at him.

"Well, I'm no expert, but it kinda looked like he wanted to kiss you just now..." Krillin treaded carefully. "Is that… something you would have been okay with?"

Upon hearing that, Goku started to fidget with his fingers. "I don't know. Do you really think he wanted to? Honestly, I've been having a really hard time figuring him out lately. I wish I knew… what he thought of me."

Krillin paused for a moment. This wasn't what he originally came here to discuss, but this was quickly becoming just as important to him. "...Goku, can I ask you something?"

"What is it…?" Goku gazed over at him.

Krillin swallowed. "How do you… feel about Vegeta?"

"...I like him. Like really really like him." Goku said with confidence after a moment's thought. "In the same way I liked Chichi. He's always looking out for me and taking care of me. Sure, he can be a huge jerk sometimes, but there's something about that energy of his… It's intoxicating , especially when he gets all competitive. It makes my heart beat faster just thinking about it. Not only that, but he's super smart too. And strong. I already enjoy training and fighting as it is, but being able to share that with him… It just… makes me really happy ."

Krillin was taken aback for a moment, but the sight was sweet somehow.

"And yet… I'm nervous at the same time." Goku murmured.

"About what?" Krillin encouraged.

"A lot of things…" Goku avoided his gaze. "Like… What if he doesn't feel the same way as me? I don't even know if he's into other guys to begin with."

To Goku, gender was completely irrelevant when he was with Chichi and it was irrelevant now as well. He had preferences about body types, sure, but that was more for aesthetic appeal than anything else. Theoretically, he'd date just about anybody if they had the right personality, but he had learned at some point that other people didn't think the same way as him and he could never know if a guy in particular was just being friendly or if he was actually hitting on him.

"Oh, trust me. I know love when I see it and Vegeta is definitely into you…" Krillin said with a surprising amount of confidence. "I'm pretty sure that most of us can tell by now."

"Maybe, but after what happened, I'm sorta afraid he might want more from me than what I'm comfortable with." Goku muttered, pulling in on himself somewhat.

"Goku… Not everybody is… like the man who assaulted you. Just tell Vegeta you want to take things slowly. He may seem like a scary guy, but I'm sure he'll understand, given how he's reacted to this whole thing so far." Krillin reassured him. "And hey, if you don't feel like you're ready to ask him out yet, then that's okay too. It's completely understandable to not want to rush this considering everything you just went through. Just know that whatever you choose to do, I'll support you all the way."

"Thanks, Krillin." Goku smiled softly. "But what did you come here for, anyway?"

"Well, I wanted to check up on you and see how you were doing." Krillin explained.

"I'm… doing fine I guess." Goku said.

"Still having those thoughts?" Krillin inquired. "The ones of suicide?"

"Yeah…" Goku nodded. "But Vegeta wants me to come back to Lord Beerus's world with him. He said it would be a good opportunity to get away for a while. Still… I'm worried about the case… Won't you… need me around…?"

"Well, Bulma has a communicator, doesn't she?" Krillin pointed out. "If anybody has to get up with you, then they can always use that to contact you. We all just want you to take care of you right now."

Goku was silent for a long moment, pulling out the objects Vegeta had stuck into his obi because they were starting to protrude against his stomach. He laid them out beside him on the bed.

"Where'd you get those?" Krillin asked.

"Bulma apparently gave them to me, through Vegeta, said they'd help me somehow. I think Vegeta called them… ah… fidgets? I'm not really sure how some random toys could stop me from hurting myself, though. It would feel stupid playing with them for that reason." Goku reflected on it, giving a small pained smile. "Still… He's really trying… Yet all I'm doing is making things difficult for him."

He found himself opening up the container of putty out of curiosity and began playing around with it. It was fun to stretch and squish at least.

"When you say… hurting yourself , Goku…" Krillin treaded the waters as carefully as possible. "What do you mean by that…?"

"...It's been happening ever since… Since I was raped. Mainly it's just scratching, but last night… I started to get really upset about something and I wasn't really thinking straight. The only thing… I could think to do was to grab something sharp… So I did… I found a box cutter in Vegeta's bathroom and I cut my wrist with it… multiple times. It… kind of helped some…" As he continued, Goku began snapping the putty apart and mixing it back up in quick and aggressive movements, making his frustration with himself obvious. "But Vegeta saw it and took it away from me. He started crying again… Because of me… I don't like it when he cries. Or anybody for that matter. I didn't… mean to worry him like that."

"I know you didn't, you have a good heart, Goku." Krillin said softly. "So if somebody is hurting because of something you did, or even just in general, you're going to feel it." Krillin said. "And this sort of thing… It can be really hard to cope with. For not only you, but the people around you as well… Tell me something. Have you… considered talking with a therapist…?"

"A therapist? What's that?" Goku inquired, his hands calming down somewhat.

He had heard Chichi pass around the word a couple times with Gohan, and he knew it was a person, but he still didn't know much about them. Despite growing up on earth, there were so many things about society that he just didn't keep up with.

Krillin didn't tease him for not knowing.

"A therapist is a sort of… head doctor. One who could talk with you about what you're going through and help you find healthy coping skills to manage your feelings."

"A head doctor, huh…?" Goku pondered it. Putting it like that made it easier to understand. "I don't know… I wouldn't… really comfortable talking about these sorts of things with somebody I've never met before. Besides, you know how I feel about doctors. Me and them… they don't mix."

"And that's completely understandable." Krillin assured him. "It's just something to think about. Even I have one."

"You do?" Goku asked, surprised.

"Yeah… In my line of work, you get to see all sorts of things, and let me tell you something. It's not always pretty." Krillin turned his head away. "But still… Having somebody to talk to about it… Helps. I have 18, sure, but I guess I sort of like being able to get an extra opinion."

He then looked over and smirked a bit, holding his hand up to his face like he was whispering to Goku. "Speaking of which, trauma isn't all they talk about, you know. You might even be able to ask for love advice on you know who ."

"You mean Vegeta…?" Goku blushed, fidgeting shyly at the mention. "I guess I would… like to understand him a little better. But… Couldn't I just do that by talking with him myself?"

"I suppose you have a point. Not everybody needs a therapist. If you don't think you'd be comfortable with it, then it's probably best to avoid it. Nobody's forcing you."

Goku paused for a moment. "I have… been talking to Vegeta some…, about what happened. He's always so confident, like he knows just what to say to make me feel better."

Krillin laughed a bit. "Well, if nothing else, Vegeta has always been pretty good with speeches, I'll give him that. He's even given me a confidence boost from time to time. I'm just glad that you have somebody who's able to be there for you through this. I really do hope everything works out between you two."

Goku beamed. "Thanks, Krillin."

…

"A shower? But I don't need one."

Goku looked up above him at the smaller man who was crossing his arms.

Vegeta had a towel draped around his neck and his hair was still damp from the shower that he himself had taken, so it was laying down somewhat in comparison to its usual spikiness. He was wearing a loser fitted black tank top and a pair of dark blue sweatpants.

"Like hell you don't. If you're going to stay here, the least you can do is wash yourself from time to time. Otherwise, it'll be me who Bulma comes after for letting you stink up the building with that putrid odor of yours." Maybe it was Bulma's incessant nagging about his physical hygiene or regularly having to do chores for Whis and Beerus that helped lead him to becoming so studious but Vegeta did at least try to keep things sanitary unlike a certain Saiyan that was currently laying in his bed. "I'll bet you haven't bathed or changed out of those clothes once since the other day, have you?"

"Well, no , but…" Goku turned his head away.

"Why am I not surprised…?" Vegeta pinched the bridge of his nose slightly. "Alright, take off your clothes."

"What?" Goku uttered, uncomfortable.

"I said take off your clothes, they need to be washed." Vegeta clairfied, vaguely noticing he seemed upset. "You'll just have to wear something else in the meantime."

"You don't mean… you want me to undress in front of you, do you…?" Goku asked.

"No, I meant in the bathroom . But leave your clothes by the door. Hold on… You didn't… actually think I was…" Vegeta trailed off. Okay, somehow he could understand how such a situation might make Goku uncomfortable, being told to undress so soon after… He sighed, unease in his stomach. He needed to be delicate. "Look… I'm not… going to do anything weird to you, if that's what you're worried about…"

"...Fine," Goku replied with a heavy sigh, before getting up. He looked at him a little defensively. "but no peeking."

"I won't ." Vegeta assured him, internally groaning. "Just go."

He had wanted Goku to be more modest, sure, but this was something else entirely .

Another reason to want to kill the man who had done this to him.

A few minutes later, Vegeta found himself hearing the sound of the bathroom door closing. Not too long after that, the water started running, and Goku slipped his gi outside of the room.

Vegeta then proceeded to pick the clothing up and headed to the laundry room. After tossing in the clothes and some detergent, it took him a long time of fumbling over the knobs and buttons to remember how the machine even worked. Finally, he figured it out and got it whirring.

After that moment, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in and slid down against the washing machine.

"Oh? I don't think I see you washing clothes very often."

A vein popped out on his forehead, when Bulma's voice entered his awareness. She was smirking.

"Shut up…" he muttered. "They're Kakarot's. The woman usually cleans them for him so now I have to."

"Oh? That's odd." Bulma said with a giggle, as she sat down next to him. "You know, some of us are starting to think you've fallen in love with him with how you've been taking care of him so much lately."

"What?! Don't be ridiculous!" Vegeta barked. He could feel his face flushing. Why did Bulma have to be like this? "How the hell could I… fall in love with a third class clown like him… ?! He's… like a child …! It's infuriating! And-damn it, Bulma, would you stop snickering about it?! You're not helping the situation!"

He did love Goku, but he was still too afraid to say it out loud. Yet he was failing miserably at denying it.

"Aww, Vegeta, you don't have to be so embarrassed about it." Bulma said with a smirk, seeing straight through his act. She poked Vegeta's face, trying to get under his skin.

"I'm not embarrassed." Vegeta denied.

" Sure you're not." Bulma said, smiling. She continued prodding at his cheek, trying to keep her laughter in check.

"Stop it! I said stop it !" Vegeta snapped, lightly slapping her hand away. He had rarely ever felt this flustered before. "Just shut up and drop it already. I've had enough of your incessant teasing me for one day."

Suddenly, it seemed like he was sulking.

"Okay, okay. I'll stop for now..." Bulma conceded, as she started to get up.

At that moment, Vegeta spoke up.

"Wait, Bulma. Whatever you do, just… don't let Kakarot know… that I like him…" He told her, looking away. "After what happened, I'm afraid… that if he finds out, he won't… trust me anymore."

"Don't worry, I won't tell him." Bulma assured him a small smile, before she left him to his thoughts.

…

Once Vegeta returned to Goku's bedroom with his cleaned - and now dried - clothes in hand, finding that Goku was already laying in his bed and had fallen asleep.

Vegeta placed the clothing on the dresser before moving over closer towards him.

He reached out towards one of Goku's arms, noticing he still had his wrist cuffs on. This might be an invasion of privacy, but he knew he needed to find out.

Slipping back one of the wrist cuffs, he checked Goku's skin over for new cuts, before looking at the other one as well. Goku had removed the bandage wrap from before, but fortunately there didn't appear to be any new injuries or cuts, for the time being , anyways.

He let out a small shaky sigh of relief, but down deep he knew his wasn't over. This sort of thing didn't just go away.

Dealing with this would require vigilance and persistence.

…

That night, Goku found himself waking up from yet another nightmare, but this was about something completely separate from the assault. Memories he had buried in the back of his mind for years, but had been popping up more and more frequently as of late, serving as one of the many factors in his thoughts of suicide.

His grandpa. The gentle old man who had taken him in as a baby and raised him.

That kind smile popped into his head and within a split second, the last thread holding him together snapped completely.

He started crying.

Again .

Before a few days ago, Goku rarely ever shed tears, but now he'd been doing it so often that he didn't even feel like the same person anymore.

And he hated it, but he couldn't control it.

Images he had tried so hard to forget came crashing back to him in an instant, hitting him like bricks.

His grandfather's smashed body.

His blood.

The lifeless look in his eyes.

It was all my fault… I'm the one who did that… The one who killedhim… After everything he did for me.

None of that would have happened if I had just done what I was told that night. If I hadn't looked up at the full moon and I just stayed in bed, he wouldn't have been crushed by that thing.

I didn't know…!

Goku usually didn't think about these things, nor did he like to. For the most part, he wanted to say he had moved on. However, there were times, like these, that he found himself hit with the harsh reality of it all over again.

And it hurt so much more than he could even comprehend, just knowing that, all along, it was his own transformation that had caused it.

Even if he is happier where he is, he should have been able to live out the last of his years on earth peacefully, not have them stolen from him in a single night by being trampled to death.

Never .

That was one thing Goku would probably never be able to truly forgive himself for. He just couldn't.

Not even if his grandfather had .

I shouldn't be alive right now… Everybody I care about, they're always getting killed or hurt because of me.

Even my own sons… Especially Gohan…

Chichi was right about me. Right about everything.

Maybe I should just go through with it after all… It'll be better for everybody.

No…

I can't… think like this…

Vegeta told me… to come to him… when I felt this way…

I want to be next to him…

Getting up, he tried to wipe the moisture from his eyes, but more kept forming. He sniffled and walked over to Vegeta's room.

Vegeta had said to knock, so that's what he did.

But he was afraid to speak.

What if Vegeta doesn't want to be disturbed right now?

Maybe I'm just being selfish. I should just-

As the doubts began to consume him, the door suddenly opened and Vegeta was standing there.

"What do you want? Do you have any idea what time it-?" He spoke in a groggy voice, but that's when it dawned on him that it was Goku. "Kakarot…? What's wrong…?"

"I…" Goku couldn't even manage a word without his voice cracking. Without really thinking about what he was doing, he reached out and hugged Vegeta, his body shaking. "I don't want to be alone right now... Please… Can I… sleep with you instead…?"

Vegeta's eyes widened at the request, he reached up and softly returned it.

"Of course..."

…

The next morning, Vegeta did exactly what he promised.

He brought Goku to the flower shop and let him pick out a small vase of flowers, containing white roses and Hibiscus.

Goku hadn't said much since coming into his room last night. It was quite frankly worrying him, seeing him so quiet, but Vegeta could guess why.

Goku's grandfather's grave was in an area not too far from the house where Goku had grown up with him in. There were trees surrounding it and it was shaded, but the spot was recognizable by the large stick that was protruding out of the ground. Even after all these years it had still managed to survive somehow.

"Here it is." Goku kneeled down in front of it, not hesitating to put the vase of flowers down next to it.

Vegeta quietly observed him, allowing him this moment to himself.

"Did you know?" Goku started in a low voice. "They say the hibiscus is a flower that connects our world and the next. That's why they're so often put on people's graves and in cemeteries. They invite happiness to the afterlife. They're also called Gusobana… or the flower of the next life."

"I wasn't aware." Vegeta wanted to say more but he had no idea what. Instead, he just opted to sit down beside him.

"...A long time ago, when I was still a kid, Baba actually brought my grandpa back for a day and I got to spar with him for a while. I wanted to bring him back again using the Dragon Balls, but he told me no. That he was happy where he was." Goku grabbed a nearby weed, plucking it out of the ground. "I'm a bit surprised he didn't resent me over what had happened… Most people would have…"

Vegeta watched him playing around with the weed, allowing him to continue.

"...I often think… if I had just listened to him and stayed in bed like I was told to that night… He wouldn't have been killed…" Goku ripped up the weed, bit by bit. "And it terrifies me sometimes… just knowing the thing that crushed him was a part of me…"

"Kakarot…" Vegeta painfully reached a hand towards Goku's shoulder. He was trembling.

Who could have guessed that he's been living with this guilt for all these years?

He said he first realized it after I arrived on earth and transformed. So could that be when all of this first started…? Was him choosing to stay dead after the fight with Cell really all on a whim to keep earth safe, after all? Or was there so much more to it than that? Thoughts… that he had been bottling up insideof him… Ones that he's never spoken of to anybody before…

Until now…

"I… can still see it sometimes… His trampled body… His blood- it was everywhere …" Goku stifled a sob. "When I saw him lying there like that, I just kept shaking him and calling out for him to respond, trying to get him to open his eyes or say something , but he wouldn't… If I had known back then… that I was the cause of that, then I would have…"

"You what have what ?" Vegeta pressed, concern obvious in his tone. He placed a hand on Goku's when he saw him reaching for his wrist. He moved it down to the ground between them, intertwining their fingers in the process to keep him grounded. "Kill yourself so you could have died alongside him…? Is that what you were going to say…?"

It was only a wild guess, but his heart dropped when Goku stiffened and turned his head away, unable to even deny it.

Vegeta's breath hitched at that, his words catching in his throat when Goku suddenly uttered something that completely destroyed him:

"...I shouldn't… be alive right now."

"What? No , don't think like that." Vegeta's voice was strained as he continued. "You didn't… know . You weren't even aware , or conscious when it happened. You were but a child , with no recollection or knowledge of your origins whatsoever and, if he truly loved you as you say he did, then he wouldn't have wanted you to beat yourself up over this."

"I know that… But I just… really miss him sometimes, you know?" Tears clung to Goku's eyes and his voice was barely above a whisper. "I try not to let these things bother me, and usually it doesn't, but… there are these times, out of nowhere, that it… hits me… all over again, and I…"

"It's… hard , I know… I understand fully well what it's like… to lose somebody…" Vegeta mumbled. "...He… must have been a kind man for you to have been this attached to him."

Goku was quiet for a moment after hearing that. "He was… He's the closest thing I ever had to a family growing up. We weren't blood related, sure, but still… he… basically raised me… as if I were his very own grandson. He's the nicest person I've ever known…"

"That probably explains where you get that merciful nature of yours from too." Vegeta said.

Goku adjusted his hand slightly. "It's actually sort of funny..."

"What is?" Vegeta inquired.

"...I don't really remember any of it, but… before I fell on my head as a baby, I was apparently… super violent. Yet he took me in anyways and looked after me, both before and after." Goku laughed, nervously. "It's… almost scary to imagine what I might have been like right now if I hadn't hit my head. Maybe I'm only… nice like this because of brain damage. That could also be why I'm so… different from other people as well… And why I'm always… screwing things up..."

"Even so, I kind of prefer you this way… I'm not very fond of the idea of you becoming cruel, like I was…" Vegeta looked away with a small blush. "As you are now, you have so many unique qualities about you that most Saiyan men lack… It's alluring."

He didn't know what came over him. He let the words slip out without even thinking about it, but it was true. It was simply how he felt and he wanted to say it.

At that moment, Vegeta nervously started using his thumb to fidget with Goku's hand, but Goku didn't know how to respond at first.

Alluring? Vegeta's never said anything like that about me before. Is he… just being nice? Or does he really like me, after all…? No, I'm probably just misunderstanding again.

"There… are a lot of good things about you too…" he murmured, in a low voice. "You've changed a lot, over these years… You might even be more human than I am in some ways."

"Hmph. That's partly your doing, you know…" Vegeta grunted.

"It is? But what did I do?" Goku quipped in confusion.

"It's… nothing… Forget it." Vegeta dismissed it within seconds.

"No, tell me!" Goku pressed with a smirk, as he moved closer to get a better look at his face. "I wanna know what you were gonna say ."

"I told you already it's nothing, so just drop it, you idiot..." Vegeta lightly pushed him away, before he got up. "I'm done here. You're free to stay here as long as you like to."

"Vegeta? I…" Goku started to say. He hesitated a moment to gather his thoughts. "...Thank you… For coming here with me, I mean..."

Vegeta paused, his back facing Goku. For a while he said nothing, until finally:

"...I'm sure your grandfather would be proud of you right now if he could see how strong of a warrior you've become. Still… He wouldn't want you to give up. You must find a way to keep moving forward… For all of us, but especially yourself …"

Before Goku could even respond, Vegeta had already flown off, leaving him by himself.

Goku covered his mouth with his hand, trying to fight off the sobs that slowly began to wrack his body.

…

Several weeks went by, and Goku continued to have nightmares and relapses, much to the growing concern of Vegeta.

Instead of continuing to rely on paper printouts, Vegeta started using Bulma's computer to do his searches into potential ways to help him. It granted him access to a wider range of resources, and, while he was fully aware it wasn't a permanent solution, it at least helped him understand Goku's situation a bit more.

He had learned that speaking calmly was the best approach to getting Goku to stop hurting himself. But it still wasn't easy. Vegeta wasn't by any means a patient person or even really that gentle, so this whole situation was a lot to deal with, especially since he was the only one really working with Goku on these things. He occasionally got advice from Bulma and online doctors but that was it.

"Kakarot… We've talked about this. You use your putty when you feel this way, not your nails. Here…" Vegeta said one day as he tried his best to talk Goku down from a particularly bad panic attack. He pulled out the ball of putty from its container, offering it to Goku.

"No, it's not enough…" Goku rejected it, curling in on himself. He had fallen into the habit of shutting out his surroundings and detaching himself when he got upset.

"Well, do you want one of your other fidgets?" Vegeta offered, before pulling out the Rubik's cube. "What about your cubes? You like this one, don't you? How about I mix it up again so you can solve it?"

"I said no , I don't want it." Goku muttered.

"Alright, then, what do you want…?" Vegeta strained to ask, returning the objects to the bed. "What can I do right now to make this better for you…?"

"I don't know…"

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

"Not really…"

"Do you want to spar?"

"..."

"Do you… want me to hold you…?"

"...Maybe."

With Goku's go-ahead, Vegeta did just that, pulling the other Saiyan into an embrace in hopes it would console him somehow. "...Is that better?"

"A little bit… Yeah."

Goku buried his head against Vegeta's shoulder.

"Now… Are you going to tell me what upset you?" Vegeta already had his doubts he was going to get an answer.

"I don't want to talk about it..." Goku's voice was barely above a whisper.

Vegeta felt his heart breaking in response. He let out a shaky breath.

"Kakarot… You can't keep… bottling these things up. It's destroying you." He let out a shaky breath. "I want to help you, but I can't do that if you don't let me know what's going on…"

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize. I get that this is difficult for you." Vegeta then began to wonder exactly what he could do at this point. "Do you… think you would be able to open up if we got somebody who specializes in dealing with these things…? Like a therapist?"

"...I don't know. I'm… afraid…" Goku couldn't face him.

"Of what?" Vegeta urged in a soft voice.

"That they'll judge me…" Goku reached up and clutched at his shirt slightly.

"Nobody is going to judge you." Vegeta assured him, playing with his hair. "I won't let them be rude to you."

Goku felt himself relax somewhat at the touch, melting in his warmth. "You're… the only person I really feel comfortable talking about these things with, and even then… it's still hard sometimes."

"I understand… I'm not going to force you." Vegeta assured him. "We'll… figure this out. Whatever it takes."

"Vegeta, I want to go back to Lord Beerus's world, and train with Whis some more..." Goku nearly whispered.

"Of course." Vegeta uttered, hugging against him as if his very life depended on it. "If that's what you want, then we'll go there."

…

Before Goku and Vegeta could contact Whis, however, Goku was approached at the last minute by detective Fran, who wanted him to come back to the police department for a photo lineup.

They first had him look at eight photos of different men, but, much to his frustration, his memories were fuzzy at best.

The one photo that bore any similarities - the photo Goku kept having them come back to - was of an older man probably in his late 50s or early 60s, but it was strange because Goku remembered him looking much younger. Granted, he hadn't really looked at Allan's face much even as that stuff was going on. In the end, he had no choice but to put the photo as a 60%-70% chance out of 100%.

Afterwards, they had him repeat the process with photos of pills. The first one he was able to recognize with absolute certainty - a blue capsule with a strange symbol that favored three heads. There were also two white pills in the bunch, one with 70% certainty, and the other smaller one with 30% percent certainty.

He only wished he could remember these things for certain. He cursed his memories for being so hazy .

…

"What is this? Some kind of a leaf?" Beerus deadpanned as he stared at the small green sheet in his hand.

"Apparently, it's called seaweed, My Lord." Whis explained. "It's a type of plant that comes from the ocean. They cut it into small portions like that and roast it. But don't let the size fool you, the flavor is actually quite intense."

Goku and Vegeta watched him, hoping more than anything that the delicacy would suffice. Whis had agreed to train them, but it was ultimately up to Beerus if the food sufficed.

"Hey, Vegeta, are you sure this is going to be enough to satisfy him…?" Goku hissed at him, barely above a whisper as he clung to his shoulder from behind. "It doesn't seem like much to me ."

"How should I know? Whis seemed like he was enjoying it, so I'm sure we'll be fine. Just keep quiet already and watch ." Vegeta scolded him. "And stop clinging to me."

Except Goku refused to move, keeping his hold on him. He pouted. "Fine, but just remember this was all your idea, so don't start blaming me if he gets mad."

"Idiot. If he doesn't like it, he'll blame both of us." Vegeta pointed out, starting to pull away. He immediately stopped in his tracks when he heard Beerus speak back up.

"Hey, what are you two yammering on about over there?" Beerus narrowed his eyes suspiciously towards them. "Is there something wrong with these?"

Both Vegeta and Goku shuttered in response.

"No, of course not, Lord Beerus!" Vegeta insisted. "They are like nothing you've ever tried before, in a good way, I assure you!"

Maybe it was an exaggeration, but it would hopefully at least keep his attention.

"For your sake, I would certainly hope so." Beerus duly noted, finally taking a bite.

After a second, his eyes lit up.

"Mm. Thin and crispy. Ah, but what is this seasoning? It's rather tasty." Beerus noted, before quickly scarfing down piece after piece.

"I believe they refer to it as Umami." Whis said. "But they also come in different flavors. This one is regular sea salt."

"I want more. Now. One pack had better not be all you brought." Beerus eyed him suspiciously.

"You needn't worry, My Lord. There are plenty more from where that came from so feel free to help yourself." Whis smiled, waving his staff a bit. All of a sudden, a pile of seaweed packs dropped down in front of him.

"Oh, man, you're a lifesaver." Beerus said, already tearing into more of them.

The two Saiyans that were watching from a distance sighed in relief when they saw that Beerus seemed content.

…

Training with Whis was exhausting, as always. He always pushed them to their absolute limit and cut no corners while doing so. But Vegeta and Goku liked it that way, it was the only way they could truly get stronger.

"I think that's enough for today, boys. You should probably go and get some rest now." Whis said, before healing them. Their clothes were once again back to normal and no longer tattered.

"Wow, even though I've been healed, I still feel exhausted. That's how I know I'm getting stronger." Goku smiled, pumping his fists with excitement. "I can't wait to do this again tomorrow."

"Why are you like this…?" Vegeta mumbled, snorting at his enthusiasm. He liked fighting, sure, but Goku's energy levels were something else entirely. Still, at the very least, it was endearing to see him so happy over it.

"Anyways, I think I'm gonna go to bed now. See you later, Whis." Goku smiled. However, as he started to walk off, Whis called out to him.

"Goku, wait, I'd like to have a word with you if I may." Whis said.

"What is it? Can't it wait?" Goku asked, becoming antsy.

"I couldn't help but notice you've seemed a bit distracted today. Not that it's any of my business, but is something bothering you?"

Vegeta glanced over at the Angel when he asked Goku that. It was rare for him to display anything mirroring concern.

"Oh uh, No, it's… nothing." Goku had to flinch slightly when Whis reached up to pluck a leaf out of his hair. "I'm totally fine, never better… I-uh really should go now."

"Very well, as you wish." Whis conceded, apparently deciding not to press him any further.

Before Whis could even say anything, Goku ran off in a hurry.

"What in the world has gotten into him…?" He wondered out loud. "Vegeta, do you know?"

"It's... a personal matter." Vegeta responded, as politely as possible. "I'm not at liberty to talk about it."

"I see. Is that so?" Whis mused, but it was almost impossible to know for sure what he was thinking.

"By the way, I have a favor to ask, if you don't mind." Vegeta suddenly asked.

"My, you asking for a favor from me ? Isn't this rare." Whis raised an eyebrow, somehow amused.

Vegeta completely held back his irritation at being teased. "I'd like you to make another outfit for Kakarot like the one you gave him before."

"Why?" Whis probed. "Did something happen to the other one? I noticed he hasn't been wearing it."

"It was… taken from him." Vegeta mumbled.

"As in stolen? How strange. I can't really see why somebody would go through the effort of stealing somebody's clothing." Whis mused.

"No, it's… not like that. The hospital has it… They… needed it for something." Vegeta explained vaguely.

"Well, whatever the case, I'd be happy to make him a new one." Whis smiled.

"You would?" Vegeta looked genuinely happy in response. "Thank you so much."

Whis looked a bit surprised in response to his enthusiasm, but responded with ease.

"It's no trouble at all, I assure you. Now then, you're welcome to stay here if you like but, if you'll excuse me, I really must be going… Good night." Whis dismissed himself.

Vegeta bowed, before following where Goku ran off to.

…

Goku was already laying down on his bed when Vegeta entered their shared bedroom.

"Kakarot…" he said, hesitantly, approaching him.

Goku didn't respond.

"Hey..." Vegeta spoke again, this time sitting down next to him on the bed. "Is there something you need to talk about…? Something… bothering you?"

"I'm fine…" Goku mumbled dismissively, but he was looking away. "Jus' tired."

Vegeta could tell he was lying. He sighed, not wanting to put any pressure on him. He reached up towards Goku's head, but stopped himself to ask permission first. "May I…?"

Goku gave a small nod in response.

Vegeta started playing with Goku's hair, smiling softly when he saw the other Saiyan attempt to hide a blush.

"I asked Whis to make you a new outfit…" He said. "It won't be the exact same one, but it should be just as good as the one you had before, if not better."

"You didn't have to do that." Goku replied in a low voice. "But still… thank you…"

"It's no problem. Just remember if you need anything, I'm here, alright?"

"Okay." Goku responded, closing his eyes.

Vegeta swallowed, some part of him wishing the other man would say more. Still, at least he seemed to be relaxing somewhat. This was better than nothing.

After a minute or so of continuing to brush his hair, he finally got up, walking over to his own bed. He looked over to watch Goku sleep. At some point, however, he found himself dozing off, only to be awakened by a loud thump and the sound of stifled sobbing coming from the other side of the room.

He opened his eyes to see Goku pacing back and forth.

It must have been another nightmare. They had been plaguing Goku's sleep frequently, which appeared to have been the primary cause of most of his breakdowns.

"...Kakarot?" Vegeta drawled, sitting up.

"Huh?" Goku paused to glance at him, seeming startled, but he once again turned away almost immediately after. He was obviously on edge.

"What's wrong?" Vegeta knew the look on Goku's face all too well by now. "Was it another nightmare?"

That's when he noticed that Goku's other hand was clutching onto something, some sort of metal object. He didn't even want to imagine what it might be.

"I… Yeah, um… it's the nightmares," Goku's voice was strained, it seemed like he was still in a disoriented state of mind. "I need a moment to calm down…"

"A moment to calm down" accompanied by Goku going into a bathroom were never a good pair. Vegeta had learned this the hard way.

"What? No, no no no," Right as soon as Goku started heading off towards the bathroom, Vegeta immediately rushed over and stood in his way, becoming panicked. He gently placed a hand against his chest to turn him around. "Come here. You're not going anywhere right now. Why don't we just sit back down and talk about this? There, you go..."

Goku continued to fidget with the metal object in his hand, clasping it like his life depended on it.

"Mind showing me what you're holding…?" Vegeta reached towards his hand.

Goku started to pull his hand away but Vegeta caught it, forcing him to unclasp his fingers and take the object out of his grasp.

" Kakarot… " Vegeta was speechless for a moment. It was a pocket knife . Goku must have found it in his room back on earth and brought it with him.

"I…" Goku had no response.

"You what…?" When Vegeta noticed Goku's eyes filling with tears once more, he sighed, putting the knife down beside him. "You were about to hurt yourself again, weren't you? And with my knife."

"No…" Goku denied, looking away.

"Stop lying to me. Tell me the truth." Vegeta knew the truth, but he wanted Goku to be honest with him. "What were you about to do just now…?"

Quite frankly, he felt like he was at the end of his line, fearing gripping at him. What if he hadn't woken up just now? There was nothing Vegeta had been more terrified of than the thought of waking up one morning and finding Goku unconscious in a pile of his own blood.

"It's… I'm trying my best , Vegeta… I'm trying not to think this way, but these thoughts , and the memories. They keep coming back to me… and I just… I don't know what else to do." Goku started shaking, letting his leg bounce. "I know you're probably getting tired of me by now, for not being able to handle this better. I keep slipping up and doing the same thing again. I hate this. I hate myself for not being able to just move on ."

Vegeta opened his mouth to speak up, but was cut off.

"Something is wrong with me , like really wrong.…" Goku anxiously bit his lip. "Normal people don't do this sort of thing…"

"Do you want to know what's not normal?" Vegeta challenged. "It's me. Trying to take over your planet all those years ago and helping Nappa kill your friends. Allowing Babidi to take control of my mind so I could betray the people I cared about, even you… And yet despite that, despite everything, you not only spared my life, but you even forgave me, no matter how many times I screwed up, so tell me… How could I possibly even think to judge you over something like this…? I couldn't… Not in a million years…"

"Don't you think I'm becoming too much to handle, though…?" Goku didn't want to think about it, but it was still weighing on him. "That's why you've suggested I should see a therapist…"

"I…" Vegeta treaded carefully, massaging Goku's hand in an attempt to relax him. "I just… want what's best for you right now, and what's best for you might not be something I'm even capable of providing. You need help… Like professional help, from a doctor or something…"

"...A doctor isn't going to be able to fix this…" Goku weakly argued.

"You don't know that." Vegeta tried.

"Yes, I do. They'll just make me take a bunch of pills." Goku didn't even want to consider it. "That's what doctors do ."

"Not all doctors…" Vegeta corrected. "And even the ones who do - they can't force you to take something you don't want. They'd talk with you first and get to know you better. The nightmares, the panic attacks, even the self-harm and thoughts of suicide… a good doctor would take all of these things into careful consideration before making that decision. My guesses are they'd probably give you something for sleep and anxiety to help prevent your nightmares."

"Yeah, but what if they give me something like what that man gave me and it leaves me so out of it that I can't even defend myself?" Goku retorted.

"Well…" Vegeta considered his response. Admittedly, it was a valid concern. "In the unlikely scenario that it does come to that, then I will defend you..."

Goku was quiet after that. Uncertain.

"Look, I know you're scared… You're afraid that the same thing is going to happen to you again. Or that I might do something, But I swear to you that you are safe with me. And a true Saiyan never breaks his word." Vegeta assured him, tightening his grip on Goku's hand. "You're not… alone in this…"

Goku had no response, but Vegeta could tell he was considering it.

…

A month passed.

Goku's mental state had remained overall stagnant. He did just fine training - minus for a few panic attacks where Vegeta had to personally calm him down with Whis present to witness the whole fiasco - but the nightmares hadn't gotten any better. And much to Vegeta's frustration and heartbreak, Goku always seemed to completely shut down anymore when the topics of the sexual assault and self-harm were brought up.

Vegeta also had a nagging suspicion that Goku had been hurting himself somewhere else like his legs or thighs, but checking without any proof would be crossing over a line that quite frankly Vegeta didn't feel comfortable with, knowing fully well that Goku likely wouldn't take kindly to being asked to expose skin like that.

…

Whis had given Goku a new outfit, one that was almost identical to the one he had made before, the only difference now being that Goku continued insisting on wearing his blue undershirt with it. It surprised Whis a bit, but he didn't question it too much since Goku still seemed happy with the new outfit.

…

When they weren't training together, Goku and Vegeta were always either eating, resting or doing chores. Except Goku had a bad habit of slacking off when it came to chores, like right now.

He was supposed to be sweeping but he had stopped, leaving Vegeta to pick up the slack.

As he stood there, he found his eyes had started to wander, admiring Vegeta's profile as he watched him. He had actually been finding himself doing this frequently lately.

Goku had never really felt attraction to people in the carnal way that others did - he had learned this while being with Chichi - but he could still find people attractive and to him Vegeta was no exception. He was a beautiful man. Everything about him was perfect.

In that moment, some part of him wanted to reach out and touch him, to kiss him even, and be kissed byhim.

And yet… to have such thoughts suddenly made him feel ashamed, and vulnerable.

He was filthy . There was no way Vegeta would ever want anything to do with him like that, not after knowing what had happened to him.

But even if there was a chance that he did return his feelings, what then ? Why even think about that stuff when he knew he wasn't in any place to?

Maybe because the idea of it seemed nice in prospect, but when it actually came down to it, the reality was much different. His feelings for Vegeta were still there, none of that had changed, but sex in itself was another story entirely and he didn't even want to think about it, not after what Allan had done to him. But a relationship required that, didn't it? It required him to do those things. Things he might not ever be comfortable with again.

Before this whole thing, he had always been somewhat neutral on sex. It wasn't that he could never enjoy it, but his drive for it was low, so low in fact that even Chichi had to question it. He had thought it was normal to not want that sort of thing all the time, but apparently it wasn't.

Even so, she never pressured him into anything he wasn't comfortable with and gave him the space to make those decisions for himself. She always asked what he was and wasn't okay with and actually worked with him.

More than anything, Goku had loved her and he loved making her happy, so he hadn't minded it.

It was consensual .

But what Allan had done to him wasn't .

Now that that choice of consent had been taken from him, he was terrified that the same thing would be done to him again .

But Vegeta promised he wouldn't and Goku wanted to believe him. Part of him did . Still, he could never be for certain and that thought alone terrified him.

Besides, he didn't even know how Vegeta felt about him. Krillin said Vegeta liked him, but he wasn't so sure. He didn't want to risk ruining what they already had by making things awkward between them.

He was afraid to tell him, for multiple reasons.

"What is it?" Vegeta glanced over his shoulder to gaze at him, interrupting his thoughts. "What are you staring at me for…?"

When their eyes met, Goku awkwardly looked away, blushing with a mix of embarrassment and shame. "Oh, uh… It's nothing, sorry."

Vegeta raised an eyebrow. What's with him?

He decided not to question it for the time being and turned his attention back to sweeping. "Then get back to sweeping, already."

"I know…" Goku sighed. "This always feels like so much trouble, though. We do these things every day."

"Well I, for one, have no issue keeping up with it." Vegeta boasted. "The only problem here is that you're just lazy. Admit it."

"I can't help it. I just prefer actual training over this stuff, ya know? It makes me antsy." Goku groaned, but he continued sweeping anyway.

"Hmph." Vegeta huffed but turned his focus on the pile of dust and sand that he had gathered.

…

Goku was looking at Vegeta again and Vegeta could feel it. It was driving him crazy.

He had just taken a shower and his hair was dripping wet. He wasn't wearing a shirt - on occasion, he felt more comfortable sleeping without one.

"Is there a reason you keep staring at me? You've been doing that all day." He said, glancing over his shoulder at him and deadpanned. "Do I have something on my face?"

Goku jolted slightly on the bed when he realized he had been caught sneaking glances at him yet again .

"N-no. It's nothing." He nervously turned away as soon as their eyes met. He seemed anxious, and upset, more so than earlier. "I'm going to sleep now…"

"Kakarot, if there's something you need to say, then just…" Vegeta placed an arm on the other side of Goku and leaned over him, pulling him back by his shoulder to get him to look at him. He started to trail off into silence when he saw the distraught expression on Goku's face. "...say it."

"Vegeta…" Goku gazed into the eyes of the man above him, his heart anxiously pounding in his chest. He swallowed. "What do you… see… when you look at me…?"

Vegeta was silent for a long time as that question sunk in.

"...What do I see...?" His eyes slightly narrowed in confusion. He was genuinely at a loss of words for a moment. "Well… this is an odd question… Why are you asking…?"

"I mean…" As Vegeta's body loomed over Goku's, their faces only a few inches apart, Goku wasn't even sure how to put everything going on in his head into words. "What do you think of me? Knowing what he did to me? And the things he made me do ? Don't you... find me repulsive… ?"

"What? I-" Vegeta was stunned that Goku would even make such a suggestion. "You can't be serious right now… I would never ."

"...My body …" Goku's voice cracked as several tears rolled down his cheeks. "It's filthy ."

"You're not filthy and I don't find you repulsive… You didn't choose for that to happen." Vegeta spoke gently, stroking Goku's cheek. Fingers gently brushed his skin to wipe away the tears. A fresh reminder of how broken, innocent and hurt he still was. "Actually… Do you… want me to be honest with you…?"

Goku quietly nodded a confirmation.

Vegeta's heart rate accelerated just a bit as he started feeling the other man's warmth.

"I think..." He was quiet for a moment, swallowing. Was this really the right time to say this? He didn't know, but he couldn't just sit back and listen to Goku say such awful things about himself. He refused to. "You are beautiful, Kakarot. A remarkable Saiyan warrior... But also one… who was hurt and taken advantage of, by a sick depraved individual. And your body alone… What he did to it… that does not and will not ever define who you are. You are a survivor. And strong. I… admire you…"

Vegeta had no apologies for using the word "beautiful", because it was true , and he meant it with every single fiber of his being.

More tears welled up in Goku's eyes but he didn't say anything.

Vegeta took that as his go-ahead to continue.

"Believe me, I get what you're afraid of… I understand it-" he knew all too well, and it tore him apart. "-and I would never … think less highly of you because of that. I wouldn't… hurt you the way he did. I would do everything I could… to make you happy. But… I realize you're not ready for that… Maybe you'll never be, and, if so… I'm okay with that. I just… want you to know that I will always be here for you, regardless how you see me…"

"Vegeta… I…" Goku whispered weakly as he stared into Vegeta's eyes for any sign of dishonesty, but found none.

To be spoken to so gently by the Saiyan above him, who was usually so full of disdain or arrogance… he had no clue how to even respond or process it.

Had Vegeta… just confessed to him? Or was he misunderstanding his words entirely? He didn't know. But if it was true…

He felt a lump in his throat now, his eyes wet. He was trembling, still, and wanted nothing more than a moment where he could just breathe without a flood of memories or thoughts running through his mind.

"It's alright…" Vegeta assured him, a hand running through his hair, not wanting to overwhelm him. "This doesn't have to change anything between us if you don't want it to. I just… thought it would be better if I was… honest about it instead of hiding it, so that way you know how I feel…"

"I… like you too …" Goku said with hesitation as he averted his gaze with a mix of pain in his eyes. "I really do and I want to be with you, but…"

"...I understand… You don't… need to worry…" Vegeta didn't require a verbal explanation, just grateful to hear that Goku actually returned his feelings. "I'm not… going to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with… We'll go at your pace. Whatever you need…"

"...I… Can I… kiss you?" Goku asked hesitantly, a small blush covering his cheeks. His grip was now on the other Saiyan's hand that was resting on his face. Despite every ounce of anxiety that he felt, he truly wanted this. "...Please, Vegeta... Can I…?"

Vegeta's hand traveled down, fingers cupping the Saiyan's chin.

"Yes… You may," He answered gently before he leaned forward and tenderly pressed their lips together. The kiss was soft, and Vegeta's lips were warm. The sensation sent a wave of heat all throughout Goku's body, throughout both of their bodies. Goku closed his eyes, simply enjoying the contact.

The kiss wasn't by any means deep - it was rather chaste in nature - but, even so, it was more than enough to convey what Vegeta was feeling, and how much he truly cared for him.

After a moment, his neck and ears burning up, Vegeta pulled back to look at him. The other Saiyan's cheeks were flushed, his eyelids half-lidded and by the look on his face… Vegeta could tell that he was nervous.

But it wasn't from discomfort. Goku had genuinely enjoyed it, and that fact alone set Vegeta's heart ablaze.

The fact that Goku was willing to accept his love, even if it was just through a kiss, was more than he could have possibly asked for.

Careful not to scare him, he leaned down and kissed him once more, this time with the same amount of passion, but more intensity, begging for entrance to Goku's mouth…

Goku accepted readily, wrapping his arms around Vegeta's neck and letting him take control. This time, at least for a moment, there was no hesitation, no nervousness, and no fear.

Vegeta took that as permission to deepen the kiss, exploring each and every crevice of Goku's mouth as he savored the lingering taste of carrots and ramen from their dinner earlier.

He had to restrain himself from letting his hands roam Goku's body, not sure what he would be okay with and afraid it would overwhelm him. As their tongues danced in and out of each other's mouths, Vegeta slowly became more and more aware of his body heat, and eventually he had to pull away, meeting his eyes again.

A small strand of saliva broke between them when they parted, their faces flushed. Vegeta could see that Goku was gasping for air, and he had to admit that he was, too.

Goku felt dizzy, and his heart was racing, his chest rising and falling rapidly due to the pressure.

"How was that…?" Vegeta wiped away the drool from the corner of his mouth. "Did you like that?

"Mhm." Goku nodded, swallowing shyly.

"You sure…?" Vegeta had to make certain he wasn't putting any unwanted pressure on him.

"Yeah. It felt… nice… Like really nice." Goku admitted. "I've actually wanted to do that for a while now..."

"Oh, have you now…?" A smirk found its way to Vegeta's lips upon hearing that. He gazed down at him, auspiciously. "So is that why you haven't been able to keep your eyes off of me? Because you wanted to kiss me?"

"Oh, mn, maybe… It's just… Your face. You're uh…" Goku sheeplishy fumbled over his words. "really pretty."

"Pretty ?" Vegeta repeated in amusement, laughing a bit. "Wow, I haven't been called that one before, not even by Bulma ."

He knew some of his features could be considered handsome and cute by some , but never ' pretty' .

"Sorry." Goku looked away, his ears hot. "Am I missing something? I feel like I'm being mocked… All I did was try to compliment you…"

Vegeta's heart pounded in his chest. Is he actually sulking?

"Don't worry, I'm not bothered by it." He smirked.

"You're not?" Goku met his gaze once more with uncertainty.

"No." Vegeta replied. "It just took me by surprise, is all. If anything, I'd argue that my face seems more terrifying than pretty, don't you think…?"

"Not to me , it's not…" Goku disagreed, with a gentle loving gaze.

"Is that so? Well, thank you." Vegeta smirked.

"I wanted to tell you before all this, but I wasn't sure how you felt about me…" Goku nervously blushed at what Vegeta said. He held a hand at the side of his neck, no longer looking him in the eyes. "I thought there might be others you were interested in… or that you weren't… into guys."

"You're not the only one who happens to like other men, you know." Vegeta scoffed, trailing his fingers through Goku's thick bangs.

"I feel like… I'm being selfish right now…" Goku murmured, ashamedly.

"Selfish… ?" Vegeta repeated, worried. "How? In what way?"

"I just… I like kissing and all, but…" Goku gnawed at his lip. "You have other needs too, right...? Like sexual ones… I don't… think I can fulfill those right now… Not after…"

"What? Hey, look at me…" Vegeta caressed his face with both hands, getting him to look at him before he could turn away. "All I care about right now is what you're comfortable with." - a small blush - "Sex is hardly what matters to me…"

"It isn't? Usually people would want that sort of thing…" Goku was so used to sex being considered a priority so to hear otherwise was…

"Well…, of course I'd like to... I am attracted to you, after all, but it isn't… required for me to… like or be with somebody…" Vegeta explained. "I can survive without it."

"Are you sure you're not just saying that to make me feel better…?" Goku studied him, suspiciously.

"Not at all." Vegeta didn't even have to think about it. "My needs can wait until you're ready, if you're ever ready. I don't want you to think of this as something to rush for my sake."

"Still…" Goku still wasn't entirely convinced. He looked saddened. "Won't you get lonely if I can't… give you everything you want …? "

"Believe me," Vegeta took his hand into his own when he saw that he was fidgeting and pecked his wrist. "I have everything I could ever want just being with you."

Goku intertwined their fingers, looking down a bit. "So you're… really not going to leave me over this…?"

Vegeta smiled softly at seeing how worked up the man was getting. Goku could be so thoughtful and caring sometimes. " Gods no. We'll make it work, I promise. So what do you say, Kakarot? Will you allow me to call you mine… ?"

"It depends, do you really think you can handle me…?" Goku had asked that question multiple times or made statements implying that he was too much for Vegeta. Vegeta was having none of that, not anymore .

"I've got a better question for you." Vegeta inched closer. "Do you think you can handle me ? I warn you, I'm not always easy to get along with."

"Well, I do like a good challenge." Goku smirked.

"Good. Because I like giving them. Especially to you." Vegeta moved in to kiss him once more, but Goku stopped him.

"Wait… Vegeta, before we do this, is there… anything else I should know…?"

Vegeta had to pause for a second. "About what…?"

"Like boundaries , or things you're not comfortable with." Goku clarified. "I don't want to… upset you one day without realizing it."

"You're asking me that?" Vegeta was a bit surprised to say the least. "Well… I do have one, I suppose…"

"What is it…?" Goku probed.

Vegeta breathed in, as if he needed to prepare himself first. "You may… have to deal with me refusing physical contact sometimes. When that happens, I want you to know that none of it is your fault. I just… don't always respond well to it."

"Alright…, but… why…?" Goku questioned with hesitation, not wanting to pry into his business too much, not even sure if he had a right to.

"Well… What's the reason you're afraid of intimacy…?" Vegeta countered, reluctant to reveal such a vulnerable part of his life to him.

Goku blinked for a second before his heart sunk in his chest as the realization hit him. "You mean… you were… raped…? By who ?"

He had no clue that Vegeta had been through something so horrible. He wasn't entirely sure what to say.

"It was a long time ago, it doesn't matter anymore..." Vegeta tried to dismiss the conversation.

"What? Of course it matters. Look at me…" Goku gently placed a hand on the side of Vegeta's face to keep him from turning away. "Vegeta, you can… talk to me..."

Hot liquid invaded Vegeta's vision as he started shaking. He closed his eyes and planted his lips to the palm of Goku's hand. "If you… don't mind… I'd rather not."

He then buried his face in Goku's chest, needing a moment to calm himself down.

"Alright. I understand… There's… a lot of things I don't like talking about either… Still… I'm sorry that happened to you." Goku said softly, running his fingers through Vegeta's hair.

Vegeta turned his head over so he could listen to Goku's heart, which was racing a mile a minute just like his own. "This is why… I don't ever want you to feel like you aren't good enough…, because you are , to me . And I understand it… The fear you must be feeling… I've been there before, Hell, I'm still there… So… will you just… promise to give me space when I need it and I'll do the same for you…?"

"Okay…" Goku nodded.

"That's all I ask." Vegeta sat up, tenderly brushing his lips against Goku's. "Now get some rest already, Carrot cake."

"What did you call me…?" Goku briefly wondered if he had heard wrong.

"Carrot cake." Vegeta had no apology. "Your stupid mouth tasted like carrots..."

Goku's face turned bright red. "I… Still… Don't call me that…"

"Why? You don't have to be so embarrassed about it." Vegeta jeered, lying down next to him. He had long since moved his and Goku's beds side by side since Goku had kept asking to sleep in his bed practically every night anyways.

"I'm not… I just…" Goku mouthed, nearly losing his composure entirely. "I prefer you to call me Kakarot, is all..."

"But that's what I always call you. There's nothing wrong with having a nickname. Besides…" Vegeta's breath tickled Goku's ear. "Just between you and me, Carrot cake is actually my favorite… "

He didn't even think twice before stealing another kiss from him. It was only a passing moment, but enough to cause Goku's heart to skip a beat, his face and neck burning as Vegeta pulled back.

"Goodnight, Vegeta." Goku simpered.

"Goodnight, Kakarot." Vegeta returned the gesture, before spreading a blanket on top of them. He then took his hand into his own, lacing their fingers together. "Just remember… If you have any nightmares, I want you to wake me up , do you understand? No knives or box cutters."

"I know..."

Goku looked down, avoiding his gaze somewhat. He then scooted over closer so he could lay against him.

Vegeta didn't mind. It seemed like Goku falling asleep in his arms had become their nightly routine at this point regardless if it was ever part of their initial plan or not so he was pretty much used to it at this point.

…

"Vegeta…"

Vegeta was awoken by Goku's panicked voice calling out his name.

"What's wrong…?" It didn't take much to realize the other Saiyan was crying.

"Vegeta, please…" Goku's voice cracked, his entire body trembling. "It's him again…"

"It's alright, Kakarot. I'm right here…" Vegeta tightly hugged him, planting kisses here and there. "You're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore."

"I want it to stop…" Goku had his arm wrapping around Vegeta's side, slightly digging his nails into Vegeta's back, but not enough to hurt him.

Vegeta brushed some hair out of his lover's face, wanting nothing more than to console him.

Goku's quivered, his breaths rapid and uneven.

Vegeta hugged him closer, kissing him on the top of his head. "Shh, it's okay. Just breathe for me… Can you do that? Good. That's it. You're doing wonderful. Everything is going to be alright. I've got you, Kakarot..."

Vegeta continued to whisper sweet reassurances into his ear until he could finally feel Goku starting to calm down.

"Feel better…?"

"Y-Yeah, I… I think so…"

"Then go back to sleep…, alright?" Vegeta placed a hand on the back of his head, kissing him softly on the forehead.

"Alright…" Goku closed his eyes, finally relaxed. A moment passed before he spoke again, barely above a whisper. "...I like it when you hold me like this… reminds me… of my grandpa..."

Goku slowly allowed himself to drift back off, leaving Vegeta to ponder what had just happened.

These nightmares are really getting out of hand. He's been having them nearly every single night over the past couple months.

A doctor might be able to prescribe him some sort of medication to help stop them, but I'm afraid that he'll just get upset if I bring it up again.

Still, we may not be left with much of a choice, especially if he keeps hurting himself. He came to me tonight, sure, but that could change, easily. As things stand, he's completely unpredictable right now.

There's got to be something more I can do for him. Just because I had to suffer through those things alone doesn't mean he should have to as well…

…

A/N: So that took forever and was very hard to write, but I hope somebody enjoyed it.