Phoenix:

15:

Speechless

2005

Massachusetts

The words echoed over the room like the voice of God. "Welcome to Operation Raccoon City."

Everyone glanced between each other where they stood. Kevin muttered quietly, "Didn't I already survive that once?"

And the voice returned, "For those of you who don't understand, what you have entered this morning is known colloquially as The Maze. It's a winding preconstructed city built to resemble the long lost Raccoon. For those of you who survived it, you will find it recreating with painstaking depth. For those who have visited Tall Oaks in Virginia, you've seen its sister."

Quietly, Ashley breathed, "No shit?"

And the voice replied happily, "No shit, Graham. If you've been to Tall Oaks, you've been to Raccoon City."

Carter mused, "Someone built two?"

Shenmei answered him, "Two is the magic number, right? Two towers. Two lovers. Two mortal enemies."

The voice chirped, "That's correct. Umbrella, in its heyday, knew to construct two of everything. But where they built Tall Oaks for normality, they constructed Raccoon as a haven for experimentation. The birth of bioterror wasn't in Raccoon, folks, but the exposure of it was."

Kevin grunted angrily, "And burned to the ground like garbage."

The voice returned now, almost sympathetic, "Yes, an error of epic proportions, no doubt. And one constantly under revision to make sure it never happens again."

Kevin muttered, "...is this some kind of goddamn psychological torture?"

Ashley laid a hand on his arm and held his eyes steadily. He looked at her calm expression and finally winked at her. She nodded. Sometimes, no words worked just as well as the right ones.

"Survive Raccoon, show your skills. Understand that you are constantly being monitored. Failure to escape or survive will result in your failure today. Reach the end of the maze, defeat your opponent, and ring the bell for victory."

Shenmei demanded, "Are we in mortal danger?"

The voice simply said, "Aren't you always? Good luck, folks."

A church bell rang somewhere and made Kevin jump. He cursed low and snapped, "...fucking clock tower."

Ashley urged quietly, "Stay with me, ok? Stay with me. I'll get us there."

Touched, he eyed her and shook his head as he said, "You sure you're barely twenty-one?"

She laughed lightly. "Maybe. But I think I grew up fast."

"You ain't kidding, kid. Let's do this shit."

The four of them set off down an alley. A flickering set of lights signaled they were approaching a gas station. Carter glanced down at the table set to their side and stated, "Well...I guess this is our weapons."

There was a handgun, a pipe, a pocket knife, and a bat. Kevin laughed lightly. "What is this? Clue?"

Ashley chuckled. Shenmei picked up the handgun, flipped it, and offered it butt-first to Ashley. Surprised, the blonde arched her brows as Shenmei said, "Kevin's the better shot, but you're the calmest with it."

Ashley glanced at Kevin, and he shrugged, "Truth hurts, kid. I was a terrible cop, and I'm a shoot first, ask questions later kind of guy, besides..." He patted his left thigh, "I kick like a horse and have these guns."

He flexed his big biceps and made Shenmei roll her eyes. He picked up the bat. Carter took the pipe, and Shenmei chose the knife. It was fitting. Shenmei was a wizard at hand to hand.

Quietly, Ashley advised, "We stick together. You hear me? Nobody runs, and nobody loses their fucking marbles and takes off like a cowboy."

Carter muttered, "I'm a coward."

She gave him a steady look. "Cowardice is a choice, Carter. Choose to stick. Or pick another job."

Shenmei whistled low, "Couldn't have said it better myself."

Kevin snorted, "Ouch, Carter. Man up."

He gave Kevin the finger as they headed toward the gas station and suggested, "We should search the gas station for supplies, right?"

It was a good suggestion. They took it. Kevin shoved open the gas station door, and Ashley cleared them through into the inside. It was a mess, tossed by hurried hands but without threat. They grabbed backpacks and started filling them.

Ashley put some first aid supplies in hers and some hairspray. When Carter arched his brows, she told him, "Makeshift flame thrower, right?" She patted her pocket with her Zippo in it.

He nodded and gave her a thumbs-up.

Something rustled in the door behind the counter when they were all carrying what they could. They glanced at it. Shenmei said, "We should go."

Carter murmured, "Right. Whatever it is, it can't be good."

And Ashley answered, "What if it's a person?"

Kevin glanced at her, and she shrugged, "Could be they want us to save others too, right?"

Impressed with the logic, he returned, "Absolutely. Let's do this."

His gloved hand gripped the handle, he nodded to Ashley, and she sighted on the door as he jerked it open and stepped back. A body came through it, landing on the floor with a plop and crunch of sound. Carter backed off, hefting his pipe.

But the body didn't move.

It lay on the floor as still as death.

Kevin nudged it with his toe and declared, "Doesn't look like a zombie."

If anyone would know, he would.

He rolled it over with his boot and found it wasn't even a body. It was a mannequin. It stared sightlessly at the ceiling, and someone had painted words on its chest in red. "Don't forget to watch the door."

Something exploded out of the darkness of the doorway in question. It snarled and snapped as it came. Ashley shot it in midair before she even thought about it. The gun went off, Carter swung the pipe and missed, and the dog was thrown into Kevin's full swing of the bat as it flew back from the shot to the chest. The bat crunched, the body was slung over the counter and tumbled into the mess beyond, and their once silent entrance was now loud and explosive.

Beyond the gas station, howling started.

Shenmei advised urgently, "Now...now we run."

Kevin nodded, "Yeah. Now we run."

They exited out the back of the gas station, hurrying down the alley as the pattering of paws chased them into the night.

Ashley's hands were steady, which surprised her. She'd fired, hit her target, and hadn't flinched. It felt good to know it.

When they reached a smoking wreckage in the street, Carter demanded, "What the hell is this shit?"

A semi-truck had overturned, offering fire and death to anyone who wanted to brave the heat. Shenmei glanced at Kevin and murmured, "That's the RPD station, right?"

The building in question towered in the night, a gothic revivalist triumph of creation. Kevin stared at it, and Ashley watched the PTSD echo over his face. His eyes flickered in the firelight so long that she had to urge, "We can go around it. There's nothing inside, right?"

He glanced down at her. "Ghosts. Lots of ghosts...and fucking guns."

Holding his eyes, she declared, "We don't need them. We can push on. Get to the edge of town and get out, right?"

He shook his head, "The bridge out of town is out."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I blew it when I was here. And if this is an accurate representation, it's already gone."

Ashley tilted her head, "You blew the bridge?"

"Yeah, I did." He looked down at her, "It was the only way to make sure what was in this city stayed in this city. When we got there, nothing on that bridge was human anymore. I figured they'd send air rescue for who was left."

Shenmei murmured, "You trapped yourself here?"

He glanced down at Ashley as he stated, "Honestly? I thought they'd come for us. I thought I was helping."

"They never came." Ashley said it with a solid calmness that steadied him as he returned, "No. I never got a Kennedy."

Softly, she touched his arm as he smiled, "No worries, Graham. Some of us aren't worth the rescue."

He glanced at the RPD and added, "Let's see what we see, folks. No stone unturned."

They tracked through the RPD. They found a shotgun in an office that Kevin wielded happily. They found a room behind Chief Iron's office covered in blood. The speculation on what had occurred there was legion.

Ashley felt nothing but fear the first time a zombie shambled toward them. It was curious how that happened. She'd stood in the presence of plagal-infected ganados and felt it. She felt it again, facing the undead.

The panic set in as Kevin told her calmly, "Head, Graham. The head."

And then she lifted her weapon and fired.

No thought. Just training.

The undead were inferior compared to the plagas. That was immediately clear as they made their way through the phantom city. They didn't have any intelligence. They were driven only by basic urges like hunger. Whatever remained of the shell that had once been human, there was nothing that understood it anymore.

They were slow and inefficient. They were easily overcome. It was a nice change.

They cut through the shadow of a fallen necropolis easily enough. The training kicked in, and they moved like a team - clearing, claiming areas, and cutting a path toward victory.

Carter and Shenmei split off from Ashley and Kevin to head through the Western part of the city and scout out possible escape routes. Kevin and Ashley followed his suggestion to head East and try to slip around the Clock Tower without entering it. It went well, with little to halt their progress.

And then a shortcut through an orphanage tested everything.

Children lumbered from the doorways, and they came from shadows. They shuffled from rooms that turned red with blood splashed over toys. They moaned and shambled.

One about five years old was nearly on her before Kevin demanded, "Ashley...do it."

She did it.

She shot that kid in the head. It went down, still clutching the remains of its fluffy rabbit in one hand. The unicorns on its slipper were saturated with blood and rotten flesh.

The body flew back, and she rushed forward beside him. The kids kept coming. They pushed through, racing, rushing, jumping from a window into an alley. She didn't think. She couldn't think. She just kept moving.

Kevin was talking, but his voice was tinny as if speaking through a metal tube. She realized after a handful of moments that she was in shock. He said, "-barricade on the Eastern mountain road."

Ashley nodded numbly. When she stared at him wide-eyed and pale, Kevin took her hands and rubbed them between his to warm them as he stated empathetically, "It gets easier."

Softly, she queried, "Killing kids?"

And Kevin returned, "...yes."

Her heart breaking, Ashley nodded rapidly. Too rapidly, in fact, as it was clear, she was spiraling. He tugged her against him, rubbed her back in circles, and forced her central nervous system to activate as he commanded, "Breathe. Move. Live. That's it. That's your whole motivation here, ok? Breathe. Move. Live."

Ashley whispered, "I didn't know kids could turn."

"Not really something they talk about during recruitment."

Ashley nodded dumbly as he remarked, "I can see down your top."

She paused. She blinked. Her eyes traveled to the cleavage poking from the top of her vest. She looked at his face. He grinned and bobbled his brows.

And somehow, the humor pushed through the cold.

It worked better than a slap to the face.

Ashley stepped back with a chuckle, "...pervert."

"Is it? I think it's just survival instinct."

She rolled her eyes as he commented, "Worked though, right?"

"You think you're clever?"

"Nope. But I was a heartbeat away from having to carry you like a hero. If I'm gonna play hero, I gotta be able to rip open my shirt like Fabio, Ashley. Or it doesn't work."

Ashley chuckled again and thought of Luis. Always making her laugh. Always trying so hard. She couldn't do anything but appreciate them both for it.

She buttoned down the grief and kept moving.

She was still partly numb when they made it to the Eastern mountain road and rang the bell. Carter and Shenmei had chosen to backtrack to the bridge. Apparently, Kevin had been right - it was overrun. But they used their wiles anyway to beat the hoard to the other side and escape.

Everybody lived.

Everybody would be offered the chance for a real mission after survival training.

She'd done well. She'd done her job. She'd survived. She'd helped Kevin. They'd escaped. You couldn't ask for more.

And when she got home, she covered up the lie of that with a lot of wine. She kept on drinking. She drank until she couldn't see little faces splattered with blood and rot. She swallowed and turned on the television to drown out the moaning and shuffling in her ears. She drank and reminded herself - this was what she wanted. She'd chosen this path. This was it.

She'd made her choice.

The wine made it easier for her to pretend she wasn't wavering on it for the first real-time.

The knock on her door had her stumbling to answer, and she looked through the peephole and then opened the door. Leon looked at her until she shrugged and waved an arm, "Come in said the spider to the guy."

She staggered away as he twitched his lips and entered, closing the door behind him. "Hard day?"

Ashley waved an arm and flopped on the couch with her wine. "No big thing."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She eyed him and stated, "You're so pretty. Take off your pants."

He chuckled and stuck his hands in the back pockets of his jeans instead. "You took the path through the orphanage."

Her face cringed. Her eyes teared up. She laughed with anger. "Kids. Kids. No one said anything about kids."

Leon nodded. "You're right. But Ashley...that's not the worst thing you'll see in this job."

She gave him a dirty look. "You should have warned me."

His head tilted. "Would it have mattered? You wanted to do this. This is it. This is the job. It's ugly. It's sad. It's hard. And it is never without trauma."

Ashley rubbed her hands over her face and slurred, "I can't kill babies, Leon. I'm not a monster."

He shifted. He said nothing. She glanced at his face and hiccuped, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean you. I wasn't trying to -"

"I know," he interrupted and came to sit on her coffee table and face her, "but it gets worse. Do you understand what I'm saying here? It gets worse than this."

Her eyes sparkled with tears as she demanded, "Why do you do it?"

His smile was gentle. "Because I have no choice."

She raised the wine glass to her lips and decided, "I could help you end that. I could get you reassigned. Permanently."

He shook his head. He took the wine glass from her hand and set it on the table at his hip. "This is what I'm meant to do, Ashley. I fought against it for a long time. But this is it for me. Blackmailed or not, I'm in it now. And what I do...it's important."

Ashley eyed him blearily. "Is it?"

Leon nodded. "It is. It's never going to get easier; I promise you that. But it gets more automatic. And you will get to a place where you can handle the fallout."

"How do you handle it?"

He glanced at the empty bottle of wine on the table and returned, "Just like that."

Ashley laughed softly. She leaned back on the cushions and declared, "The world is spinning."

Sympathetically, he answered, "Yeah. It has been for a while for you, I think."

"Make it stop."

The couch shifted. He settled beside her. His arm lifted, and she slid against his side. Her head lay on his shoulder, and his cheek settled on her forehead as he answered, "I can't. I'm sorry. Only you can make it stop."

Ashley murmured, "I don't wanna kill kids."

Gruffly, Leon returned, "I know, sweetheart. But sometimes? That's what we do."

Jesus.

What a world they lived in.

What a job they'd chosen.

When she started to sniffle, Leon started talking. Something about his voice soothed her. It left the grief beyond the circle of his arm. He spoke, and she listened, settling against him to feel the rumble of his chest and the timbre of his voice.

He talked about simple things - summer sunshine and the cat he'd had as a boy—the perfect first bite of a Philly cheesesteak sandwich. The first time he kissed a girl.

She slurred, "Was she better at it than me?"

He laughed lightly. "No. Neither of us was then."

"You're good at kissing," Ashley awarded with a grin, "you're really good at it."

"Well, thanks, kid."

She chuckled. She snuggled against his side. And she told him, "How many women have you had?"

Ah, he thought with a sigh, it was time for that conversation. Quietly, he told her, "Enough. I've had enough."

Ashley nodded against his neck and muttered, "So, I'd just be one of many?"

And he simply returned, "No, kid. You're not one of many. You? You're one of a kind."

She leaned back to see his face, and he met her eyes. And she whispered, "You say all the right things."

Voice soft, Leon returned, "I don't know about that. I just...say what I mean."

"I like what you mean. I like you."

He smiled. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I like you, too, Graham."

She leaned back against his side and muffled her voice against his neck as she confessed, "I don't think I can do this without you."

He held her. He waited. He shifted her closer and answered, "You can. Trust me. You can do this."

"You think?"

"No," he stated quietly, "I know."

She clutched him to her side and whispered, "...I wish I could believe like you."

The thing about that was...he didn't really believe in much. But somehow? He believed in her. Maybe that came from watching her survive. Maybe it came from watching her grow. Maybe it came from watching her thrive. But he believed she could do it. She could do anything she set her mind to.

Him? He was irrelevant. He'd kept her alive so she could become who she was meant to be. She gave him too much credit. She used her words to foist praise on him and esteem and honor...and he didn't deserve it. He'd done his job.

Her? She'd gone above and beyond to make sure he stayed beside her. She thought she'd stood behind him...but she hadn't. She'd stood beside him.

And it had been too long since he'd remembered what that felt like.

In a tiny voice, Ashley confessed, "I'm not afraid to die."

Leon kept his arm around her as she added in a whisper, "...I'm afraid I'll just...fade away...and everyone they'll just...they'll forget I ever existed."

His hand curled and gripped harder as he promised gruffly, "I won't let that happen."

"You gonna anchor me down?" She was teasing, but there was something so raw and needy in her voice.

Leon answered it with such strength that she felt it resonate in her bones. "Yes. I will never forget you."

Voice-breaking, Ashley slurred, "...why?"

He said nothing. He kept holding her. And she didn't think he'd answer. But he did. "...because I'd almost given up on myself before I found you."

She didn't hear him. She'd fallen asleep against his side. She didn't hear his confession.

Her snoring filled his ears. He kept sitting there holding her. He shifted her into his arms when she was sound asleep and took her to bed. Tucking her in, Leon studied her face. He skimmed his fingers over her cheek and murmured gently, "You got this, kid. Just don't give up."

He went back to the couch. He flicked on the television. He finished her wine. He fell asleep sitting up on the sofa, listening to her snore.

And woke up to find her curled there on the couch beside him with her head on his thigh.

She was holding his hand. He hadn't even known she'd done it. He was starting to get used to her, and he wasn't entirely sure that was a good thing. It had been a long time since he'd thought about letting in a woman close enough to hurt him.

He wasn't sure there was enough left of the boy he'd been to rise from the ashes of what he'd become.

His hand slid against her hair. She murmured in her sleep and cuddled closer. Her fingers touched him, but it wasn't the kind of touch that should matter so much. It was soft. It was unassuming.

It was naive in a way that had fractured tonight when she'd put bullets between the eyes of the innocent.

It would get worse for her before it was over. He wanted to shield her and send her away. He wanted to turn her from this life before it devoured and tainted her, leaving a shell behind. But she'd be gone from him forever if he did.

And he wasn't ready for that either.

He didn't have the words to send her away. He didn't have the words to keep her close. He didn't have the words to tell her about himself and what he'd done and what he'd do to protect her.

He was speechless.

All he could do was let his body talk for him and hope she understood the words he couldn't say.

They'd sent him to rescue her, but she'd saved him. Somehow, she'd spared some part of him that had almost given up on hope. He didn't know how to repay the favor. He didn't know how to say thank you. He didn't know how to handle what she was becoming to him.

So, he stayed on the couch beside her and stroked her hair.

And it wasn't nearly enough.

But it was all he had to offer.