Chapter 27: Winter Wonderland

No two ways about, I was on the run.

"What?" you may ask. "From whom? Why?"

Well, from everyone, really. Mainly Pepper though.

Apparently, she drew the line at having to worry about one eccentric superhero. She did not want a second mess to clean up. And I heroically circumvented that incoming intervention via making a quick exit.

The meeting between N'Jadaka and Tony went fine, all things considered. I mean, Tony nearly annoyed the newly crowned King of another country into giving him a black eye, but that was more or less what I had expected. N'Jadaka wasn't the most patient person and Tony was, well, Tony.

Loved him with all my heart, but damn.

I was more surprised by how positive the meeting ended. No fisticuffs, a tentative agreement of cooperation. Everything I could have wanted.

As soon as that was over, I made excuses and helped N'Jadaka back to Wakanda. The rest of the trade agreement would mainly be going through diplomats and merchants, nothing I had to be personally involved with.

My tasks in Wakanda were now more or less done. N'Jadaka had his hands full with internal issues and preparations for becoming a political heavyweight with Wakanda going public. So, no time for me.

Which didn't exactly leave me with nothing to do. I still had a whole list of enemies I could work through. Vanko, Wintersoldier, Hellfireclub, probably countless Hydra operatives. And those were just the ones I would have to deal with in the next half year.

Oh, and MESO, of course. There was always some PR event or legal meeting that I could attend to help.

Instead, I was hovering a good distance above the ocean, not sure which, invisibly having a panic attack. I clawed at my chest like that would do something to relieve the pressure and let me breathe easier.

Dimly, in the back of my head a quiet voice spoke about how breathing that hard wasn't good, that I had to calm down or I would most likely pass out.

Well, I didn't. Pass out, that is. Although I wasn't that calm either.

Haggard and tired out, I rubbed my face and sighed.

Vacation. A real one, this time. No messages whatsoever, no emergencies, nothing.

Those were the commands I gave to Ree. Five minutes later, I was walking through the streets of Reykjavik, searching for that one dinner I had eaten at with my best friend in another life. The bacon there had been great.

Running from my problems did wonders for my anxiety. Buried under layers of clothing with fun patterns, no one recognized me. It wasn't really tourist season anymore, the weather too cold and unfriendly for most people, but that suited me just fine.

It helped that I didn't have to camp this time around.

The people were just as nice as I remembered them to be. And when I wasn't up for company, which was honestly most of the time, then I just went wandering and sat down in the middle of nowhere. And I went bathing. A lot. My skin had never felt so smooth.

It helped me reflect, which… wasn't fun. But necessary.

With me regaining my equilibrium came a fresh wave of guilt. It wasn't that I regretted all of the actions I had taken over the last month but more so that I hadn't been in the right state of mind to deal with the consequences if anything had gone wrong. Anger and bloodshed only get you so far.

And it wasn't lost on me that I was still running away from my problems. But one step at a time.

It was an unusually cold day for November. I still got to enjoy the sun on my skin though. Ideal weather for the destination I had chosen. Vík, a little village in the south of Iceland. Not far from the settlement was a stunning black sand beach encased in rocky cliffs with columns of basalt. It felt like entering a fantasy world.

It wasn't hard to imagine where the legends of trolls around this place were coming from.

I let out my breath slowly, watching the clouds it formed with silent amusement. The sun was already going down even though it was only early afternoon. Which meant that any and all beach visitors were back closer to the village, leaving me alone.

Color me surprised when I heard another person's steps in the sand behind. I looked over my shoulder and froze.

Domi, clad in twice as many layers as me, was walking towards me with worry etched in his face.

I turned back to ocean and sighed. Domi came to stand next to me.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Hey," he echoed back.

When he didn't say anything more, I happily went back to watching the sunset. It wasn't until the last sunrays disappeared that Domi spoke up again.

"Come home?" he asked and slightly bumped my shoulder with his, hands still safely buried deep in his pockets.

"Yeah."

And so we did. Only, Domi didn't bring me to my apartment but to Tony's penthouse floor in Stark tower. There, around a table full of food that was easily identifiable as Domi's work, was a rag-tag group of friends. Tony, of course, was in a somewhat one-sided discussion with an utterly confused Steve across from Rhodey and Natasha, who looked way to amused at Steve's suffering. Next to them, Bruce, Jane and Hank had an equally lively debate going. It was the last grouping that made me laugh. Mordo and Darcy. Darcy seemed to have a great time. Mordo not so much.

I could hear noises coming from the (rarely used) kitchen. Pepper, most likely.

The room went quiet for a second when everyone registered my arrival, but only for a second. Then the talking started up again.

I went over and sat down across from Mordo who was glad to pull me into a conversation about the newest rookies. Domi took the empty seat at my side.

A minute later, my guess was confirmed, and Pepper came in with another platter, talking over her shoulder to Clint who followed behind her.

That was how we spend the next two hours, eating Domi's outrageously good food and talking about nothing important. No questions, no accusations.

I found myself thankful that they didn't say anything, but I couldn't suppress the wariness. Part of me expected them to start questioning any minute now.

Then, one after the other left. They said goodbye, they gave me a hug and our group became smaller and smaller.

Until the only ones left were Pepper, Domi, Tony and Steve. The latter was a surprise to me.

We migrated other to one of the living rooms, the one with the most comfortable coach. The talk about innocuous stuff continued. At some point, Domi and Pepper went out on the balcony together. In sight but out of hearing range. I didn't even notice it when Tony disappeared too.

I interrupted Steve's rant about the wonders "modern" cinema, a.k.a films that came out before I was born, to cut to the chase:

"Steve, what is this evening about?"

He turned more serious at that and held my eyes for a good moment before visibly collecting his thoughts.

"When you went off the grid after Magneto, you had all of us a bit worried," he started to explain. "When you reappeared with the new King of Wakanda, and we puzzled together what must have happened, that worry got mixed with anger. Anger about how you went about the issue, about how you didn't ask us for help."

Steve stayed calm and mustered me in an attempt to gauge how I would react. I didn't.

"But then, you disappeared again. And you didn't come back. Pepper talked to N'Jadaka, Tony even tried Fury. No one knew where you were. It was N'Jadaka who gave us the clue about using scrying to find you. Mordo was surprised that you even knew how to do that.

Still, that gave us time to think about why you ran. What started this."

At that a look of understanding crossed my face. That was why they had chosen Steve. Because they thought he would understand me the best. The soldier fresh from a gruesome war. Who better to talk about trauma and PTSD?

My heart twisted in my chest as I realized that they were so right and so wrong at the same time. I couldn't tell them. Not about everything. Not about the massacre on the ship. Nor about the scientist that I had killed years ago because his potential for evil scared me.

That thought was what broke the camel's back.

I don't know who was more surprised when I started crying, Steve or me. His wide-eyed expression when he started hectically searching for tissues ended up making me laugh.

So, there we were. A frantic super soldier trying to calm down his hysterical friend. In the end, he just hugged me.

I cried a long time that night.

Magically, my schedule was a lot lighter when I fully returned. No more press, no more trips to the UN. I didn't even have to guess. This was Pepper's work. She confirmed it when I asked her.

"Look Al, everything is going fine. We have a huge team working on this. You don't have to worry about this until at least January, okay?"

Confronted with her indulgent smile, I grumblingly agreed.

It wasn't like I wanted to take over more work than strictly needed. Still had that list to work off after all.

… At least that was what I thought at first. Before I ran into a multitude of dead ends.

While I had pretty list of people that I really needed to catch, they all were intelligent enough to get off American soil. And until the parts of MESO that pertained to international superhero activity were signed and solid, I was stuck.

Tearing up foreign cities in a fight would not send the best of messages.

To be fair, that was the reason the Avengers had been planning their Hydra missions for the spring. I knew that. I had hoped to be able to deal with Vanko, for example, beforehand anyway. That guy got more dangerous the more time you gave him to prepare.

Well then. Hellfireclub. That was thing. Even if I couldn't immediately do something about them, collecting some intel on them would have to suffice.

That also proofed much harder than anticipated.

With Hydra, I had the advantage of knowing where they hid. With this club, I did not.

Could not remember a. Single. Fucking. Thing.

The members were supposed to be rich and powerful, I think? There was that one mutant lady that could change her skin (or body or something) to diamond but was also a telepath for some reason. She was a member, right?

Not even Ree could help me. I had nowhere to start, and the club didn't have the databanks to hack like with the intelligence agencies I had dealt with until now.

Long story short, I was stumped.

I was an inherently lazy person, normally. I liked it calm, I liked to stay in and read or paint. Never had been very ambitious. But the last couple of years had been crazy busy. There was always something to do, something important that couldn't wait. I had gotten used to that.

And now I was struggling with being lazy.

I started borrowing more books from the library in Kamar-Taj. Brushing up on my magic skills. Painting more. Building and powering weird things with runes.

"You have too much time," Mordo stated. He had his arms crossed and his face was an emotionless mask. I frowned at him, looking up from my newest experiment. Said experiment, a puppet version of me, followed my lead with a slight delay in response, which immediately distracted me.

"Hm, still not quite right," I mumbled to myself as I switched back to examining my rune matrix.

Puppet Al cocked his head to the side and looked at me questioningly. His voice was deactivated right now because his questions and comments had gotten me off course one to many times.

"I'm sure I will regret this, but why do you have a puppet version of yourself?" Mordo asked with a longsuffering sigh.

I sent him a glare. Puppet Al did too. My friend's face turned constipated for some reason.

"I don't appreciate your tone," I huffed, turning my chin up at him. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. I sniffed in disdain at his lack of respect for my craft.

"I'm making a magical battle robot, of course. With runes, he'll be near indestructible, incredibly strong and never tired," I rambled excitedly.

Mordo just sighed. Again.

"And why-" he asked like he didn't even want to know the answer. " – did you make a copy of yourself? Including your personality?"

I paused in my analysis.

"Well," I struggled to recall my thought process. "I wanted the puppet to be mostly autonomous. And I don't want to make Skynet. And I have no idea how to go about it. So I just made it copy everything I do and learn from those behaviors."

Mordo started massaging the bridge of his nose halfway through my explanation.

"How did this start?"

This time his tone was tinged with some desperation.

I looked at him, serious for once.

"You don't want to know," I stated.

He might have actually had an aneurysm if I had told him that I got the idea from rewatching Naruto. It was a combination of Suna's puppets and the Shadow clone. Supercharged with my runes. Hell yeah.

It took Mordo a second until his speechlessness receded.

Then he pointed at me.

"You," he grinded out through his teeth. "You are coming with me. We are upping your fight training."

Contrary to what he surely expected, I lit up at the suggestion.

"That's a great idea! That'll fill a lot of gaps in his data!"

Mordo started to scowl. Intensely.

"Ah, quit that," I lectured him and waved dismissively. "Just be glad that I didn't make him an exact copy."

"What do you mean?" Mordo asked, sounding like he didn't really want to know.

"Well, I could have given him genitalia."

Now that was panic on his face. I laughed.

If you know you will regret asking, just don't.

Through my little puppet project, I got really good at making replicas of people with a bit of wood and transmorphing via magic. It took me a while until the puppet weren't straight out of uncanny valley, but hey Rome wasn't built in a day.

On the plus side, I knew what my friends were getting for Christmas this year.

A whole bunch of us exchanged presents on the 25th of December. You would think so many different people would have trouble finding a date around the holidays to all get together, but it turned out to be fairly easy. After they learned that Domi and I would be cooking.

Barton wasn't there. No brainer, he was definitely with his family. I was surprised that Natasha hadn't joined him.

Mordo had vehemently refused to come. In my opinion, he was just scared of not being able to run away from Darcy for several hours.

And no mutants. Christmas was always a busy time at the school and Hank had his hands full.

But other than that, I could watch everyone's faces as they unpacked miniature versions of themselves. Varying stages of excitement, for sure. A few of them stood out.

Steve seemed fascinated and started fiddling with his mini-me's limbs, too distracted to be awkward about it being a replica of him.

Pepper thanked me genuinely over Darcy's excited squeals. The latter immediately snapped up Jane's and Bruce's puppets and started playing out scenes.

Domi studied his with fond bemusement. I was 90% sure that he had known about my gift plans. One must not be fooled by his appearance, Domi was nosy gossip.

Tony's look was undecipherable. Which, in Tony speak, was "What the fuck".

"You need to get out more," he decided.

I crunched up my nose, unimpressed.

"You sound like Mordo."

He gasped dramatically.

"How dare you?! Comparing me to Mr. Partypooper!"

I snapped my fingers and pointed at my billionaire friend.

"See! This narcissism is exactly why I thought a miniature of yourself would appeal to your vanity!" I explained excitedly. Tony sputtered while Rhodey gleefully laughed at him.

"He has you there, Tones," Rhodey snickered.

"Et tu, Brutus?"

As Tony pretended to sink to the floor, bleeding out from metaphorical stab wounds, I pulled out a couple more figures. In an instead, Tony's curiosity got the best of him, and he shot back up in his seat.

"What's this?"

I showed him the first one, a mini Dumm-E.

"Those are for your bots," I declared, feeling fairly proud of myself. Tony's bright grin confirmed that it had been the right choice.

A couple of minutes later, I interrupted the conversation I was having with Tony and Rhodey as a thought suddenly crossed my mind.

"Hey Tony, now that I'm friends with the King of Wakanda, doesn't that mean that you are only my second richest friend?"

I grinned as Tony's dramatic outrage was drowned out by Rhodey's laughter.

AN:

So, little disclaimer: I am not trying my hand at an accurate representation of PTSD or anything. Trauma is a topic, but any diagnosis would be difficult because, and congratulations to anyone who guessed that, the ring messes with MC's emotions. Nothing too insidious (although messing with someone's emotions without their knowledge and consent is arguably always insidious), basically: because the ring is somewhere between symbiotic and parasitic. It wants MC alive, so it makes killing easier for him. That doesn't stop MC from knowing what he should feel and therefore feeling even more disturbed afterwards.

Wasn't quite my plan to make the first half of the chapter all about that, but it kinda had to be dealt with. Therefore, it was only fair that the second half is basically fluff.

Look. I know MC and Mordo are friends and it is kinda weird that MC still calls him by his last name. But, but, Karl! I can't! I can't take that name seriously, guys. Back in school I used to have math with three Karls (in retrospect, one of them might have been a Carl, it's been a minute) and I still snicker when saying the name.

Anyway. Timeskip! Man, this chapter kicked my butt. (One of the reasons it took me so long.) Just didn't want to be written, I'm telling ya. I went back and froth over how much time I wanted to skip, but in the end I decided to go big. I mean, for how many chapters have we been in 2012? And some things just have to happen later, so I don't want 2012 to have all the action and then just four empty years or something.

And like always: What did you guys think? :)

Btw: I do read all reviews and appreciate the feeback. It's just kinda hard to answer when I can only really do that in ANs. Sooo... If you want any kind of interaction, you either have to resort to commenting on ao3 or shooting me a PM. Just wanted to put that out there so noone feels ignored or something.