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S1E9: After Church

"Oh hey, I was just thinking about this. Last episode was don't fear the reaper, because Church died." Pyrrha said proudly.

"Oh yeah, pretty cool." Jaune said thinking about it.

"Church is a strange name to have." Weiss said. "I wondered if it had any significance before but now I know It doesn't."

Jaune just ignored her and tapped play on his scroll.

"After Church" appeared on the screen.

"Huh that's clever." Blake commented.

Simmons and Grif run up the ramp in to the red base, where Donut is waiting with the flag

Donut: "What happened?"

Grif: "Big… Tank… Shoot… Whooooh!"

Simmons: "Damn, man, we only ran like three hundred feet. You are really out of shape."

"300 feet is easy." Ruby said proudly. "Even without my semblance."

Grif: "Fuck… You…"

Donut: "Where's your car?"

Simmons: "General Patton here had a great strategy to leave it behind."

Weiss pulled out her scroll and started typing. Jaune looked over to see general Patton in her search bar.

"Anything?" Jaune asked.

Weiss groaned, "no, nothing. But it is a general. Maybe Winter would know."

"Winter?" Ruby asked. "Your sister?"

"Yes, she's coming for the festival! I can't wait to show her around… Oh! Speaking of that we need to prepare, we need to-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there Weiss, Jaune hit play." Yang said, holding up a hand.

Grif: "Hey, it would have worked if that tank hadn't shown up."

Donut: "You lost the jeep? Oh man, Lopez is gonna be pissed. Where is it?"

Explosion, the jeep flies up on the base from below, landing between Donut and the other two

"Oh! There's the puma!" Yang said laughing.

"Warthog." Weiss corrected.

"M12LRV" Ren said looking through his old notes.

"Does the name matter?" Pyrrha asked, trying to stop a fight before it started.

"Yeah it's just a jeep." Blake added.

"With a really big gun!" Ruby said, admiring the turret. "Oh Coco will love it! Her turret will be so much lighter and-"

"Hit play before she talks our heads off." Yang said, sighing, yet again saving everyone.

Grif: "What the hell?"

Another explosion

Grif: "Son of a bitch!"

Donut: "Holy crap! What the hell is that thing?"

Grif: "That's the tank!"

Tank continues firing

Donut: "Hey uh, Grif uh, you wanna hold the flag for a little bit?"

Grif: "No, keep that away from me!"

Cut to Tucker and the Rookie in the tank

Tucker: "Why do you keep firing at the jeep?"

Caboose: "Because it's locked on!"

Sheila: "Target locked."

Tucker: "Well unlock it."

Caboose: "Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED CHURCH!"

"Now it's two on five, pretty unfair." Nora pouted.

"They do have a tank however." Ren stated.

"Yeah, that Tank has been real useful to Blue team so far." Blake remarked dryly.

Tucker: "Oh, right… keep shooting the jeep then."

Back to the red base

Donut: "I hate to be the one to point this out guys, but I think we're screwed."

Explosion

Simmons: "Yeah. I have to agree with the rookie on this one."

Radio sounds, the scene switched to show a pelican flying from an island.

"Woah what's this?" Ruby said, everyone leaned forward interested.

Sarge: "(on radio, from pelican) Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost, come in. Do you read me? This is Sergeant-"

"Wow is this actual animation." Weiss said unimpressed. "It still looks terrible."

"Weiss… whatever it's probably old." Ruby sighed.

Grif: "Oh my God, Sarge, is that you?"

Sarge: "Roger that, Private. I am currently in-bound to your position from Command."

Simmons: "Sir, this is Simmons."

Sarge: "Hello Simmons. I hope everything's gone alright while I've been gone."

A few of them chuckled at that.

"Is the scene just looping?" Weiss asked.

"What?" Ruby asked, confused.

"The airships, they keep flying in the same pattern every time the scene changes." Weiss pointed out.

"Maybe its to save money?" Ren suggested.

"Maybe." Blake agreed.

Grif: "Actually sir, things are kind of hectic right now. The new rookie arrived, and somehow he managed to infiltrate the blue base, and now we have their flag, the Warthog is damaged, one of their guys is dead , and there's this huge fucking tank about to destroy our base."

Sarge: "(radio sounds)… (more radio sounds)… Am I talkin' to the right base?"

Grif: "Sarge, we, are going, to die here."

Sarge: "Well then hold tight boys. I think I gotta solution to your little 'tank' problem."

Cut to Tucker

Tucker: "Uh oh."

Plane flies over red base, cut back to Tucker

Tucker: "Hey Caboose, you might wanna get out of the tank. Like right now."

Caboose: "I can't figure out how to get this thing open!"

"A truly terrible training program." Weiss said.

Sheila: "Night vision engaged."

Tucker: "Rookie, get out now."

Shells exploding progressively nearer to the tank

Caboose: "Okay, open the duh, okay, I, Sheila, will you please open the door?"

"Is that an airstrike?" Nora asked. "Awesome!"

Sheila: "Driver canopy open. (Caboose gets out and runs off the tank) Thank you for using the M808V main battle ta-"

Shell hits the tank, blowing it on its roof backwards

"That bomb should have hit way sooner, the explosions were much faster than that." Weiss pointed out.

"There are a lot of inconsistencies, but the show is more geared towards comedy than realism." Ren explained.

Caboose: "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap running, running, running. (reaches Tucker) Man, that was close."

"Yeah I can definitely hear Doctor Oobleck in there now." Yang said laughing. "You can't not hear him when he's panicking."

Tucker: "Look at your tank though."

Sheila: "I'm scared Dave. Will I dream? Daisy… Daaaaiisyyyyyy…"

"Who's Dave?" Yang asked.

"Who cares, look, that means the tank is a person!" Ruby said.

"Robots can't be people, they don't have sentience." Weiss said.

Ruby glared at her.

"What?" Weiss asked, confused.

"I- nevermind." Ruby said blushing.

Caboose: "Sheeeeiilaaaaa! Noooooo!"

Tucker: "What? No! Sheila! Sheila! Wait… who's Sheila?"

Caboose: "Sheila's the lady in the tank. She was my friend…"

Tucker: "Oh, dude! I knew you could pick up chicks in a tank"

The scene cut to black.

"Ugh really? That's what he says after all that?" Weiss said angrily.

"I know, their leader died and their tank got destroyed all in one day and the Reds are completely fine, but that's what he says." Blake chuckled.

"I'm still rooting for Blue team! no matter how stupid Tucker or Caboose are." Ruby said.

"Yeah!" Yang yelled, agreeing.

"You will be avenged!" Nora yelled.

"I like Simmons, I vote Red team." Jaune said.

"I also vote Red team." Pyrrha chimed in.

"Well I vote for neither, both are incompetent." Weiss said.

"Agreed." Blake said.

"Traitors!" Ruby shouted.

…

"Ren!" Nora yelled.

"What? Oh uh Red team I guess." Ren said suddenly alert.

"What? How could you vote against me?" Nora asked.

"You went against your entire team." Jaune said smugly.

"No! You all went against me!" She yelled back.

"It's ok Nora! Welcome to team… Rain!" Ruby yelled.

"Rain?" Yang asked.

"Ryn" Ruby explained. "Rain for Blue team!"

"Well, we are… uh." Jaune said, trying to think of a name.

"Pron?" Pyrrha suggested. "PRN"

Yang started laughing.

"What?" Pyrrha asked.

"More like team Porn." She said before laughing again.

"Yang! Gross!" Ruby said blushing.

"I've seen your search history Ruby." Yang said threateningly.

"W-what!" Ruby said blushing furiously.

Yang started laughing even louder. "Ruby! I haven't seen your search history, your face revealed everything I need to know!"

Ruby sputtered for a second before getting angry. "Well, You… uhh"

"And?" Yang asked, confused.

"Well I-"

"Was trying to embarrass me?… Ruby, I have no shame." Yang said proudly.

"She FINALLY admits it!" Weiss said, throwing her hands up.

Blake silently went over to Ruby and comforted her. "I know your pain Ruby."

"I'm so sorry Blake! I'm a hypocrite."

Jaune chuckled with Pyrrha. "I'm glad our team is normal." Jaune whispered to her.

"REN! WHERE ARE THE PANCAKES!"

"Nevermind." Jaune whispered laughing. Pyrrha laughed with him and fell into his shoulder. He blushed a little but smiled. "Next episode?" Jaune asked everyone.