I had started to invite the Everdeen's over for dinner some nights. I always make sure to cook a lot, knowing that they can't afford the same amount of food that Haymitch and I can. I can tell that Haymitch doesn't really want anyone over, but he puts up with it for me.

I wake early one morning and quickly dress. I pull on pants and a t-shirt, and complete it with the new boots I had bought. I creep my way out beyond the fence and gather my knives. I am surprised that I can still find them with ease since it had been so long. I then make my way to where Forrest and I will meet.

I enter the clearing around the pond and find him sitting on a rock. He smiles at me and stands. "I was wondering if you were going to stand me up," He laughs.

I smile at him, "I would never."

That was the first time that I went out after my Games, and it became an almost daily occurrence. Of course, I was still called away to the Capitol, and Forrest never said anything about my prolonged absences. I am not sure if he knew what I was doing in the Capitol, but he never asked. I got the feeling that he knew that I didn't want to talk about it.

The years passed. I had gone to four Games as a Victor. The Tributes always died. I stopped trying to keep Haymitch from drinking while in the Capitol. I understood more and more why he felt the need to drown out this reality.

Haymitch and I dress and make our way to the town square for the 65th Victory Tour. He has already been drinking but is by no means drunk. As we walk down the path, he links his fingers with mine and sends me a wink. Even at 31, this man is adorable.

Finnick Odair's speech was obviously written by his escort, and he stares out at the crowd of the silent District 12. The crowd dispurses, and Haymitch and I attend the party at the town hall. We look around, watching the people of Twelve's merchant class enjoy the Capitol supplied food. Haymitch pulls me to the dancefloor, and we are watched closely since we are the only people dancing to the soft music that plays.

"We should go say hi," I tell Haymitch.

His hands squeeze my hips, "We should, but we don't have to."

I change tactics, "Let's go say hi."

Haymitch groans, "Fine." He presses his lips to mine briefly before leading me over toward the newest Victor.

I push in front of Haymitch. His grumpy face doesn't need to be our introduction. I smile slightly as I walk up to Finnick. "Finnick?" I say, extending my hand to him. He shakes my hand and does the same with Haymitch. "I am Raven and this is Haymitch." I gesture beside me to the man who's face plainly says that he doesn't want to be here.

"We all know who you are." He gives a small smile. "Everyone talks about how disgusting the Victors from Twelve are."

"Disgusting?" I squeak, turning to look at Haymitch. He has a small smirk on his face.

"Do you always have to be… touching?" Finnick gestures to Haymitch's arm that is wrapped around my waist.

"I guess it would be disgusting to find some semblance of peace after what we went through." I respond, unsure really, how to answer.

I see Finnick's eyes soften. "I forget that the other Districts don't celebrate a Victory the way we do in Four."

"None of us out here do." I tell him.

Haymitch speaks up, "We all just try to forget."

"Does it get any easier?" He asks. His eyes betray him. This is not a Victor from a Career District. This is a young boy who just went through something terrible, and he doesn't know how to handle it.

"No." Haymitch tells him.

Finnick only nods.

That was the extent of our conversation. How do you make a fourteen-year-old feel better about becoming a killer? Easy, you don't.

More time passes, but I don't become any less popular in the Capitol. I am constantly dragged away from the Tribute Center during the games, and I make at least one trip a month to the Capitol. I have filled books with the information I have gleaned, but there is nowhere for it to go. I just keep saving it. Hoarding it for a rainy day.

I am sitting alone in the Victor's Tower, a glass of whiskey in my hand as I try to drown out the memories of the previous night. I leave for District 12 in the morning, only one more night to get through before going home.

I hear the door to the suite open, but I don't move. I hear the footsteps coming toward the living room, and I take a sip of my drink. I look up when I see movement. An Avox is standing there, gesturing to me. A man walks out from behind the Avox and stares at me.

Not a man, a boy. Finnick Odair. I stand, brows furrowed in confusion. "Finnick?"

Before I can form a coherent thought, Finnick launches himself at me. He punches at me, his knuckles just missing my face as I duck and my glass tumbles to the floor. The sheer power behind his punch is frightening. He really wants to hurt me.

I grab onto his arms, swinging him around and pushing him into the couch. "Finnick! Stop!" I shout. He is struggling against me, but the fight seems to have gone out of him. "Will you talk to me if I let you go?"

His struggling ceases, but then his body is wracked with sobs. I let him go and he pulls himself to a seated position on the couch. I sit next to him while he gets himself under control.

"Why didn't you warn me?" He finally speaks, quietly.

I stare at him, "Warn you?"

"Warn me! About what Snow is making me do!" His voice is raw, scratchy from crying.

Instantly, I feel anger flood through me. This boy has just turned fifteen, and Snow is whoring him out, too.

"I didn't think I had to," I tell him.

"It would have been nice to have a heads up," he grumbles.

"I gave Snow too much credit. I never imagined that he would do this to someone so young." I stare into Finnick's watery eyes, "I underestimated him. I'm sorry."

He doesn't answer me, and I grab my glass off the floor and refill it. I down the contents before standing to grab a second glass. I fill them both and hand one to Finnick.

"I don't think I want this." His hand pushes the glass away, and I nod.

"You don't have to. It helps me though."

"I didn't realize you were a drunk, too," Finnick sighs.

"I'm not." I tell him. "I just got back from an appointment about an hour ago. It dulls the memories."

Finnick continues to stare at me before he grabs the glass and knocks it back. "How do you live with yourself?"

I don't know what it is about him, what makes me so honest, but I am. I tell him everything. The booze continues flowing, and I would normally be ashamed for getting drunk with a fifteen year old, but Snow started this when he sold the boy into sexual servitude.

I went and grabbed my notebook, and Finnick scans it, his eyes widening. "They tell you this?"

"Yes. Afterwards," I respond.

"Why do you write it down?"

"I'm not sure," I shug. "It's like my own little insurance policy. Not sure how I'll ever use it, though."

The conversation moves away from our issues with Snow and onto more pleasant topics. He tells me about life in District 4, and I tell him about District 12.

The day wears on, we stop drinking at a certain point since we will both be attending the same party this evening. I help him with anything he needs. At one point, he questions how I can look so confident all the time.

"It's because I am," I tell him.

"How? I just feel dirty," he looks down to his hands.

"You have to learn to live with yourself. You didn't do this, you are just surviving the Games."

"I already did that."

"The Games never end for a Victor."

After that day, Finnick and I always sought each other out when in the Capitol together. Most mornings we made our way back to one of our designated floors of the Victor's Tower, drank, then went to sleep. It was nice to have someone who knew exactly what I had been feeling. Haymitch did his best, but he could never know what it was like. He sympathized, but Finnick knew.

Finnick had taken everything I told him to heart. He was a charmer, and the ladies of the Capitol loved him. He was also keeping secrets, locking them away in his mind. We were both different people when around the Capitolites, but we could be ourselves when it was just us.

One evening, a few years after Finnick attacked me, we were sitting in my suite working on our second bottle of whiskey.

"Ooh, I'm gonna call Haymitch!" I laugh, grabbing the phone.

"No!" Finnick starts, "He's too grumpy!"

The phone is ringing as I respond, "He is grumpy!" I laugh, "My grumpy Haymitch!"

"Why are you drunk and calling me?" I hear Haymitch through the phone. I put it on speaker and set the phone between Finnick and I.

"Well, you didn't call me!" I slur, still grinning.

"I never call you."

"Well, that's the problem, huh?" Finnick says.

"Oh, Haymitch, Finnick is here!" I tell him. I nudge Finnick's arm, and he elbows me back, "Say hi to Haymitch." I mumble to him.

"How do you put up with her?" Finnick asks.

"You have to put up with the person who puts up with you." Haymitch replies.

"MMM, you can do better than that, old man." I tell him.

Haymitch just sighs, "You gonna be home tomorrow?"

"I will!" I grin into the phone, "I thought you'd be passed out."

"I just woke up, Darling." Haymitch responds, "Needed more refreshment."

There is a scuffling sound on the other end of the phone before Haymitch speaks again, "I need to run to see Sae."

"Right now?" I ask.

"Yes. My head is pounding." Haymitch is quiet for a moment, "I'll meet you at the depot."

"See you then!" My head is light, the alcohol coursing through my system, "I love you!"

There is silence, then he sighs, "I love you, too." Then he hangs up.

I grin at Finnick for a moment before my face falls. "I've never said that before."

"What?" he asks me.

"I have never told him I love him."

Finnick grins at me, "So you decided to do it drunk, over the phone?"

"I didn't exactly decide! I just … did it."

"Well, don't stress too much. He said it back."

I grin again, "He did, didn't he?"

I step out of the train onto the rickety platform that is District 12's depot. Haymitch is not waiting. I make the walk back to our house, saddened by the lack of his presence. I enter the house, and immediately smell the stale alcohol in the air. I crack a window and make my way to the kitchen.

There he is, hunched over at the table, passed out. I sigh, and sit on the opposite side of the table. I know he struggles when I am away, and that knowledge is the only thing keeping me from anger.

I watch him sleep for hours. I got up a couple of times, got dressed into more comfortable clothes, put some things away, and cleaned up the house. I made my way back to the table to wait for him to come back into consciousness.

He finally starts to move, a finger twitches, his breathing increases as the fog slowly lifts from his mind. He slowly sits up, and his eyes look around the room before settling on me, unfocused.

He blinks a few times, and then smiles, "Raven."

I can't help but return his smile, "Hello, Haymitch."

I stand and walk to his side. I squat down beside him, pressing my lips to his cheek. "Haymitch, you reek."

He stares at me for a moment before his hands encompass my face. "I didn't make it to the depot."

"You didn't," I confirm.

"I'm sorry." His eyes are sad, "I always meet you."

I smile at him, "Let's get you cleaned up."

Once he is showered, I make him dinner. We eat together, and he is fully alert now. "I really am sorry."

"I know." I tell him, "It's okay."

"No, I told you that I would be there."

"It's okay, Haymitch."

"You told me you loved me on the phone," he says, staring into my eyes.

This has become a little game between us. He is usually so drunk that he cant actually remember what happened. He makes statements, and I confirm or deny. Sometimes, he confuses his drunken dreams with reality.

"I did," I nod.

"Why?" He asks.

"Because I do." I tell him. "Why did you say it back?"

"Because I do."

I go to him and sit on his lap, my legs hanging off the right side of his, and lean my head against his shoulder. "I love you, Haymitch. Drunkenness and all."

His hand runs down my hair and then grips my upper arm, and he pulls me close to him, "I love you too, Darling."

Katniss has started coming with Forrest and I hunting. She learns fast, and soon, Forrest makes a bow for her. The three of us hunt, and I always make sure to send all the food home with them. They need it much more than I do, especially now that Katniss has a little sister.

Mom and I are working in the garden one day when we hear an explosion. District 12 is bustling with movement as everyone looks to account for their loved ones. I stand silently leaning into Haymitch as it is confirmed that Forrest was not accounted for among the miners.

We attended the ceremony, Katniss received a medal for her father. Life went on, more difficult for some. I still accompanied Katniss outside the fence when I was home. She and I began to work as efficiently as I did with her father. She tells me about how her mother has shut down, and that she is now taking care of her sister, Prim. She also tells me that she has to take out tesserae to keep food on the table.

"I can help you." I tell her.

She just gives a sad smile and shakes her head. She is too proud for her own good. She also begins to tell me about her new friend that she made. She hunts with him when I am away from District 12. Gale.

Her mother slowly starts to come back, making dinner with the meat Katniss gets and the grain she trades her safety for.

She is leading me out beyond the fence, both of us carrying our respective weapons, "Gale will meet us. You'll like him." Katniss is fifteen now. Her birthday is coming up, and I am still deciding what to get for her. Maybe a new pair of boots?

"If you like him, I'm sure I will, too." I smile at her.

We make it to the ridge overlooking the tree covered valley. She had stopped along the way to pick some blueberries, and I found raspberries as well. We each sit, waiting for prey to wander by while waiting for her friend.

A young man eventually makes his way through the brush. "Hey, Katnip." He smiles at her, and holds up a rabbit and a turkey in each hand.

"We found berries." Katniss tells him. She grabs my arm, "Raven, this is Gale. Gale, Raven."

"Hello." I smile at him.

His smile falls slightly, and he nods, "Hi."

Maybe its meeting him out here, in the woods, where the broken sunlight scatters over his features, but I am suddenly thrust back into the arena. I take a few steps back, shutting my eyes. I can hear Barker as he bled out, Ivy as she went crazy.

There is a hand on my arm, and I react. I swing, the tip of my knife catching on something makes my eyes open. That is when I see Katniss holding her arm, a few droplets of blood falling from between her fingers.

"Oh no!" Katniss's eyes are wide as she stares at me, and Gale is looming over her, glaring at me. "Katniss, I am sorry!" I can feel the tears well up in my eyes.

"Don't be." She says, "Dad told me not to touch you if you started acting weird."

I look at her, "He did?"

She nods, "He told me that you might act out, not realizing where you are." She looks to her arm, "Im sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry for, but I need to go." Suddenly, I cant escape fast enough.

"Raven!" Katniss calls after me, but I am already gone.

My feet carry me quickly to my hiding place. I stash my knives and continue the run to the fence. Once back inside, I quickly make my way back home. By the time I am at the front door, I am trembling. I walk inside and find Haymitch. He is sitting in the dark living room, obviously just waking up for the day.

I stand in the doorway, shaking, staring at him. His eyes meet mine and I can see the concern in them. "Hey. What happened?" He stands and approaches me. He doesn't touch me, just looking at me, trying to decode what I need.

I immediately throw my arms around his neck, and his arms quickly wrap around my waist. I sob into his shoulder, and his arms alternate from holding me tightly and rubbing my back, arms and head.

I finally calm down enough to tell him what happened. He only nods. There is nothing to say. He leads me to the couch and I cuddle into him, and he never lets me go.

"I love you." He whispers periodically, reminding me that he is there, that there is nothing I can do to make him think less of me.

Finally, once the panic and fear has finally left me, I slowly climb onto his lap. I press my lips to his, and through the kiss I feel all of the things that are never said between us. I feel the love, the companionship, the total understanding, compassion. These things light the fire in me, and I take his hand and lead him upstairs where we spend the rest of the day.