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S1E14- Roomier than it looks

"Roomier than it looks." Appeared on the screen with the theme.

Nora and Ruby hummed the theme again.

The scene opened to show Tucker coming out of the teleporter in black armor.

Church: "Are you okay, Tucker?"

Tucker: "Yeah, I'm fine. (turns to the base) Come on Caboose!"

Caboose: "(back in the base) Does it hurt?!"

Tucker: "No, not at all!"

Caboose: "Okay! Here I come!"

"It's still kinda weird hearing Professor Oobleck talk like that, it's kind of hard to hear but it's there." Jaune said.

"No kidding, it's still freaky hearing dad." Ruby said.

"Do you recognize anyone else's voice?" Jaune asked.

"Well, Grif kind of sounds like someone from Acheivemen but I'm not sure." Ruby said.

Church: "Does it hurt for real?"

Tucker: "Oho, yeah. Big time."

Caboose: "(emerging from the teleporter) Owwchie. (turns to Tucker) You lied to me."

Cut to the red base

Sarge: "Ah, dammit. Lopez. C'm'ere. Do you see something out there?"

"Lopez still has not had a single line." Jaune commented.

Lopez looks through the sniper rifle, turns to sarge, lowers his head. Camera pans down to Grif and Simmons inside the base, with Tex

Simmons: "There's no L in it, it's pronounced both."

Grif: "That's what I'm saying. Bolth."

Simmons: "Both."

Yang started laughing while Ruby blushed.

"What?" Jaune asked.

"Ruby used to say it like that when she was younger." Yang explained.

Grif: "You sound like such an ass the way you say it."

Sarge: "Grif! Quit your yammering and get your keister up here. Need some help. Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base."

"What's a Keister?" Nora asked. Everyone simply shrugged.

Grif: "As in… more than one? Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir."

Simmons: "Both ."

Grif: "Seriously man, like an ass ."

Sarge: "Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the thinktank. Why don't you both come up. Leave the prisoner alone. We could just put her on the honor system, have her guard herself."

"I really like Sarge, his voice is funny." Nora commented.

Grif: "Good point sir."

Sarge: "YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up here, we got just enough time for me to spraypaint the bullseye on your back… Ah, by bullseye I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake."

Grif: "Yeah… (sighs)I'll be right up."

Cut to Church looking through a sniper rifle.

"How is he holding a sniper rifle? And why does he have one? He's a ghost." Weiss asked.

"You just love pointing out plot holes." Jaune said.

"It's not my fault the show is not consistent." Weiss said.

"It's a comedy show." Jaune defended.

"Why are you defending it?" Blake asked.

"I like it, a lot." Jaune shrugged.

Church: "Hey Tucker, come in man, are you there? This is Church, it's working. The orange one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base."

Cut to Caboose and Tucker in armor covered in black stuff, hiding behind a rock, listening over the radio

Tucker: "Roger that."

Caboose: "Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker Tucker. Is that, is that Church?"

Church: "Okay, now just keep moving around outside of the base, and draw their attention."

Caboose: "(over top of Church, drowning him out) Tell him, that I… I said… for me to say hi?"

Tucker: "Whoa wait wait, hey. What? I missed that, Caboose was talking to me. Shut up man, I'm on the radio."

Cut back to Church

Church: "I said, just keep movin-"

Tucker: "I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church.… No, I'll tell him you said 'hi' later . No you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?"

"Ugh, Ruby this is exactly how I feel when I'm on the scroll with dad, or Qrow." Yang said.

"You always hog the scroll!" Ruby shot back.

Church: "Oh my God. I can't believe I actually died for this war."

"I wonder if that's what soldiers during the great war thought as they were dying." Blake commented morbidly.

"Mood killer." Yang mumbled.

Cut to Grif looking through the sniper rifle

Grif: "I don't see any… (sees Caboose running across the Gulch) Uh oh, yep, there's one. (Caboose stops next to a rock and stares at it) Why is he just standing there?"

Cut to Tucker crouching behind another rock

Tucker: "Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you."

Caboose: "They can't see me. I can't see them!"

"That sort of thinking lead many former Fang members to get captured, It's not enough to not see them, and it's better if you can see them when you need to be stealthy." Blake explained.

Tucker: "That's because you're facing the rock."

Caboose: (looks at the base) "Oh. Right." (ducks behind the rock)

Tucker: "Real smooth, dipshit."

Back to the red base

Sarge: "They're definitely Special Ops. I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidewi- (Church enters Sarge's body) WEKEGEHRRGRK!"

"What? Did he just possess him?" Nora asked.

"Looks like it." Blake said.

"That is… awesome!" Nora yelled.

"Did anyone else notice what sarge was about to say?" Ren asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

"He was about to say sidewinder, looks like he used to be with other Reds the same place Church was." Ren explained.

Grif: "Sir, are you okay?"

Church as Sarge: "Uh, who you talking to, Red, me?"

Grif: "No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that's real rewarding."

Lopez takes a swing at Grif

Grif: "Hey, what'd I tell you about that?"

Church: "Oh, uh I, I'm fine, that's… I'm just so mad about, these uh, God damn blues out here. 'tslike I'm so God damn mad , I could spit! (horks one up and spits on his visor)"

Weiss grimaced in disgust.

Grif: "Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet?"

Church: "Uh, yeah. I guess I did."

Grif: "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

Church: "Go ahead."

Grif: "That's really fucking gross."

"Agreed." Weiss, Blake, and Pyrrha said.

Cut to Caboose crouching down

Caboose: "Hey Tucker?"

Tucker: "What?"

Caboose: "I'm having a really good time… with… you."

Tucker: "That's great, Caboose."

Caboose: "Yeah, it's like we're real soldiers ."

Tucker: "Would you please go hide behind another rock?"

Cut to Church as Sarge running down to where Tex and Simmons are

Church: "Hey man. What's up yo?"

"He is terrible at pretending to be someone else." Blake said.

Simmons: "Uh… hey… what's going on out there sir?"

Church: "What's uh, why, nothin'. Why would you ask if something's wrong?"

Simmons: "I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war."

"I think Simmons is the only smart one out of them all." Weiss said.

"What about Church?" Ren asked.

"Not as much." Weiss said.

Church: "Yeah well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there,… other red guy. So I'm keeping my eye on you."

Simmons: "(turning around to face Tex) Sarge, I'm starting to think that-"

Church hits Simmons on the back of the head, knocking him down

Simmons: "Ow, geez, the back of my head!"

Tex: "What the hell are you doing!?"

Church: "Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you."

Tex: "You're kind of short to be Church."

"They are all the same height aren't they?" Nora asked.

Church: "What? Oh yeah, right. The armor."

Church leaves Sarge

Sarge: "Harurgh! What in Sam Hill? Where the- Who spit on my visor?"

"Sam hill? That's the second time he's said that." Ren said. "Sounds like a curse."

"Second time? How do you remember all these lines." Jaune asked.

"He has a really really good memory." Nora said.

Church as Ghost: "Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this red guy, so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you, while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon, dressed in black armor, that they got from going through the teleporter."

Tex: "Okay."

Church: "What… that's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this?"

"She may know more than she's letting on." Ren said.

"Knowing this show so far. It's definitely not that." Weiss said.

Tex: "No, it pretty much all makes sense."

Church: "Not even the whole 'Church is a ghost' thing? That didn't do anything for ya?"

Tex: "I can see right through you, it's pretty obvious…"

Church: "Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy and we'll get outta here."

Sarge: "(as Church re-enters him) Harurghk!"

Cut to Caboose looking through the sniper rifle, with Tucker near him

Tucker: "What're you doing?"

Caboose: "One of the reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing him , and we will be friends."

Yang, Ruby, Jaune, and Nora already started to chuckle.

Tucker: "Oh, come on, you don't actually believe any of that, do you?"

Caboose: "(training on Sarge's (Church's) head) Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends."

Cut to Church as Sarge, and Tex, outside the red base

Church: "Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter, and escape. Ready? One… Two… Three!"

Caboose shoots Sarge (Church) in the head, and Sarge's body falls down dead-like

"Wonder if he will come back as a ghost too?" Weiss said.

"Then death has no meaning in this show." Blake said.

The others ignored them and laughed.

Church as Ghost: "What the? Where did my body go? Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!"

Caboose: "Tucker did it!"

The screen faded black.

"Is anyone getting tired?" Jaune asked. Everyone muttered some form of no. "Ok, next episode."