The next morning….
Maya's eyes slowly open. At first, she can't remember where she is. When she finally does and remembers the events of yesterday with Mati, she smiles. And when she remembers the exchange between her and Mati as they were saying goodnight, and her smile grows and her eyes slightly moisten. Then she catches a movement out of the corner of her eye, which gets her attention. Mati is sitting in a chair close to the couch and is watching her. When the little girl sees that Maya is awake, she says happily: "good morning Maya."
Before she can say anything, she hears a Josh say from the kitchen: "Mati?" He warns.
"She was already awake dad, I promise," she responds. Then she turns to Maya and explains. "Dad said that I couldn't wake you and to let you sleep as long as you wanted, so I kept quiet."
Maya smiles at that as she sits up and stretches. "She didn't wake me Josh," she announces. "I woke up on my own. What time is it?" She asks.
"A little after ten," he answers.
"Oh my," Maya says. "I didn't realize I'd slept that late. I'll get dressed and leave as fast as I can."
"No Maya, stay with us for breakfast….please," the little girl implores.
"Yeah Maya," Josh says. "I'm already fixing breakfast and it's a lazy Sunday morning, so stay and eat with us."
She looks around at Josh and Mati, notices their welcoming smiles, and says: "Okay, if I'm not too much trouble."
"Yay!" Mati exclaim as she jumps on the couch beside Maya and hugs her tight. Maya puts her arms around the loving little girl, pulls the blanket over both their laps, and says: "You're the best little snuggle bunny ever." Mati looks up and her and asks: "As good as Riley? She said you always liked to snuggle with her." Maya thinks for a minute and replies: "You're even better than Riley. But let's not tell her that, okay? I wouldn't want to make her sad." Mati nods her head, then buries her head in Maya's side and tightens her hug the older woman.
"Can I help with anything Josh," Maya asks.
"No, but thanks," he answers. "You can stay and snuggle with Mati. I know better than to interrupt two snuggle bunnies when their snuggling." This gets a laugh from Maya.
"Thanks dad," Mati says happily, causing Maya to smile and hug the little girl tighter.
About thirty minutes later, Josh says: "Okay, it's ready. Come and get some or I'll eat it all myself. This gets a laugh from Maya and she and Mati begin to untangle and get up to go to the table.
"Oh dad, you always say that," Mati begins, "but we know you can't eat that much." This gets a laugh from Mati and Maya. "Smells great dad," Mati says as she sets down.
"Yeah, really smells and looks great Josh," Maya says. "And I'm really hungry."
"After the day you put in yesterday," Josh says, "I'm not surprised." This gets an eyeroll and grin from Maya. "Pancakes and bacon; your favorites if I remember," Josh states.
"You are correct, Mr. Matthews; you know me well," Maya says with a knowing grin. This also gets a knowing grin from Josh as the two eye one another.
"You know Maya's favorite breakfast foods?" Mati asks innocently.
Josh and Maya exchange slightly panicked glances. They had decided not to tell Mati, at this time, about their previous relationship except that they had been friends. Josh had also asked the rest of his family and Maya's parents to do the same. Josh smiles then and says: "Well Mati, I told you that Maya and I have known each other since we were kids. So between Maya visiting grandma and grandpa with Riley when I was still living at home and me going to college at NYU and spending a lot of time with your Uncle Cory and Aunt Topanga, where Maya spent a lot of her time, I had a lot of breakfasts with her and just learned what she liked." He conveniently left out the times they'd fixed breakfast together after Maya had spent the night with him.
"Oh….I hadn't thought of that," Mati says as she pours syrup on her pancakes. This answer seemed to satisfy the little girl, so Josh and Maya silently breathed a sigh of relief. The rest of the breakfast was spent mostly with Mati retelling the events of her previous day with Maya. Josh couldn't help but grin at her telling of her and Maya's adventures together. And it reenforced his decision to ask Maya to spend time with his daughter. And he could see more of that happening in the future.
When they finished breakfast, Maya insisted on helping Josh clean up the kitchen. Mati helped too, even though Josh rarely asked her to help. After putting most of the dishes and utensils in the dishwasher, hand-washing the rest, and cleaning all surfaces, Josh just had to grin. When he noticed Maya looking at him and wondering what was going on with him, he explained. "I'm not used to having this much help in the kitchen, thanks Maya."
"What about me?" Mati protested, but clearly not upset. She was just teasing her dad. "Yes, and you too princess," Josh answered with a laugh. "Now you go and change and Maya and I will do the same."
"Okay dad," the little girl said and scampered off to her room to change.
"Why don't you go ahead and change Maya," Josh said. "I'll straighten up the couch while you're doing that."
"Josh, I can do that," Maya protested. "You've already been so nice to me to let me stay here last night, and then fix me that delicious breakfast."
"No Maya, I insist," he says. When she starts to protest, he continues. "After what you did yesterday, Maya, spending the day with Mati, and then me seeing the look on her face at breakfast this morning as she told me about what all you two did together, well, making a place for you to spend the night and fixing breakfast for you seems small in comparison." Maya can't help but smile at Josh's gratitude. She's about to tell him that she had just as much fun, if not more, than Mati, but decides not to. She can see the appreciation on his face. As she looks up at him and sees his appreciative eyes, she's suddenly reminded of last night, just before they went to bed. She'd been so preoccupied this morning, first with Mati snuggling with her and then the great breakfast she had, including the conversation, that she had forgotten about the last event of last night, her and Josh's goodnights. And when she does, she's disgusted with herself again and the delicious breakfast she just had sours in her stomach. Josh notices the distressed look on her face and it worries him. "Maya, are you okay? He asks. "You look like you may be getting sick."
"Oh, you have no idea how sick," she says to herself. "But none of this is his fault." So she puts on the happiest face she can muster and says: "No, I'm fine Josh, I was just thinking about something I need to do today." Josh gives her a look that tells her he doesn't quite believe her. "He knows me too well," she thinks. But he finally accepts it and nods his head. "I'll go ahead and change," she says before he has a chance to say anything else, and heads off to Josh's room.
After she's changed, Josh changes out of his PJs as well. When Mati joins them after changing, Maya says: "Well, thanks again for the bed and breakfast, but I need to head out. When Mati hears this, she puts on her pouty face and says: "I was hoping you'd spend the day with us Maya. We could have so much fun." Before Maya can say anything, Josh speaks up. "Now Mati, I've told you we can't take up all of Maya's time. She's busy and has other people that depend on her and she won't let them down." Maya looks down at the sad little girl and says: "I promise we'll have other times together Mati, the three of us and just you and me, if that's okay with your dad. I have to be an adult and take care of a few things though."
"Whatever you two want to do together is fine with me," Josh says to his now happy and smiling daughter before she can say anything. Mati looks up at the two grownups and says: "It must suck being an adult sometimes." This gets a laugh out of Maya and Josh. "Yeah, sometimes," Maya says as she looks at Josh who's giving her a knowing look. She knows that Josh doesn't have a clue to what's going through her mind right now. And she's glad he doesn't, because if he did, she's convinced he'd have nothing to do with her and wouldn't let Mati see her ever again. "Okay, that's settled. Now give me a hug goodbye little snuggle bunny," Maya says, which Mati happily complies with. When she let's go, Josh, quite unexpectedly gives her a tender hug also. "Thanks again Maya. Thanks for everything you do for us," he says before he releases her. "You're welcome," she says after getting over being startled. She looks at them both one last time, smiles and leaves the apartment.
She holds it together until she gets out of the building, then finds a bench with relative privacy and sits down. She forces herself to breath normally and wills the queasiness in her stomach to subside. "God Maya," she says to herself, "you are one screwed up person and need help bad." But she knows what she needs to do, talk to the four people she trusts most in the world for advice on how to get her head on straight. With that thought in mind, she begins to feel better and head to her apartment to plan a meeting with them.
A Few Days Later….
What Maya decided to do was have a dinner party and invite her parents and Cory & Topanga. It's something she'd been wanted to do for her family and friends anyway, so this seemed like a good way to get just the four on them, and her, together so they could help her. She asked her parents if she could do it at their apartment since they had more room that her tiny little efficiency. On the day of the dinner, she arrived at her parents' apartment early and began preparations. No one was there yet but her. All her guests were working. She brought all the ingredients she needed with her and got started. By the time the four older adults arrived, she had already begun cooking. "Mmmm Maya, that smells really good," Cory says as he enters the apartment. The other three invitees echo his comment. "What are we having kiddo?" Shawn asks. "A little Italian and a lot of French," Maya answers cryptically, wanting to surprise them. "Don't worry, you'll like it," she promises.
"Since when did you learn to cook?" Topanga asks. "Since I left New York," Maya answers. "After I moved, I wanted to do something besides paint and draw. I was afraid I might get burned out and that wouldn't have been good for my career. I had always heard that there's an art to cooking, so I thought, 'hey, if it's art, I'll give it a try.' So I took some cooking classes, starting when I was living in London. I found out I really enjoyed it and so stuck with it. That continued on when I moved to Rome and then to Paris. In Paris though, I really learned the art of cooking. The French seem to put art into everything they do, so I ate it up, no pun intended." This got a chuckle from everyone. "Well, if it tastes half as good as it smells, it'll be delicious," Topanga tells her. Then Katy asks: "Can we help with anything?" Maya answers: "Thanks mom, but I got it under control. Why don't you pour everyone a glass of wine? I bought some especially for tonight. It's in the fridge."
"Ooooo, I feel like someone important," Cory remarks with his big goofy grin. "Specially prepared meal, fancy wine; I mean only upper crust types get treated like that." Shawn and Katy laugh at Cory's remarks and Topanga just rolls her eyes. But Maya smiles, walks over to Cory, and kisses him on the cheek. "You are important to me Cory," she says. "You all are." After a moment's pause, as the older adults take in what Maya has just told them, she says: "Now sit, relax, and have some wine. Dinner will be ready in about thirty minutes." They do as Maya asks as she finishes their dinner.
They all enjoy the dinner Maya has prepared with them. Indeed, it did turn out to taste better than it smelled. And the conversation at dinner just complemented the good food. There was serious talk as Maya filled everyone in one the progress of the little art studio/museum she was aiding. Shawn shared stories of some of his latest travels. While he's never on the road as much as he once was before he met Maya and Katy, he did enjoy traveling and writing some, usually short trips, many of which Katy and their two young sons went with him on. Katy was still manager and now part owner of Topanga's. She updated Maya on the little café's expansion, which had happened twice since Maya left. She also explained how hard the nighttime courses on business management she's taken had been, but were well worth it. Cory shared stories of students he's teaching now, some of which are second generation students. And he said he can't wait till a certain niece of his is in high school. Topanga, now assistant head of the law firm she worked for in New York, talked about some of the good work she was doing now and how proud she was to work there. There were many funny stories as well, especially from Cory, which kept them laughing all evening. After dinner, they continued to sit around the table and enjoy each other's company, until it was decided the dining and kitchen areas needed to be clean. Maya tried to do that, but her dinner guests wouldn't hear of it. She tried to argue with them, but finally realized she wasn't going to win when she saw the determined look on Topanga's face. They did allow her to help though and they make short work of the cleanup.
As they were finishing, the two older women looked at their husbands while Maya wasn't looking. The men nodded their approval. Then Topanga looked at Katy, giving her a silent go-ahead to Maya's mom. "Alright Baby Girl," Katy said, "what's up." Maya looked at her mom. She didn't use Maya's old nickname as much as she once did, but when she did, Maya knew she needed to pat attention. But still, she hesitated to go right to what she wanted. "What do you mean?" She asked innocently. "Oh come on Maya," Katy begins. "You prepared this wonderful meal for us, which we all loved, but you didn't invite Riley, Farkle, and the twins; or your two brothers, or Josh and Mati. That alone was suspicious enough." Then Topanga adds: "And you've been edgy all evening." She looks at the two women and then the two men and realizes she can't put this off any longer. "Was I really that obvious?" She asks. The four older adults grin and Shawn says: "To most people, no. But to us, who know you well, yes it was obvious." Maya takes a big breath and lets it out. "Okay," she begins, "I need to talk to you all about something important. That's what all this is about. Let's all sit down and I'll explain." They all sit at the kitchen table. Shawn sits at the head, with Katy on one side next to him and Maya next to her, while Cory and Topanga sit across from them. After they've settled, Maya takes another big breath and lets it out slowly, trying to calm her nerves. "I've turned into a terrible, despicable person," she finally blurts out.
This gets an immediate surprised reaction from her old mentors. If she had told them she was pregnant, or she had a secret child no one knew about, that wouldn't have been as shocking to them as what she actually did say. "Why would you say something like that Maya," Katy says. "We're all so proud of you and everything you've accomplished."
"Thanks mom," she answers, "but I've done something recently that's probably going to change your mind about me, and all I'm asking is for you to help me, to get me to a psychiatrist if that's what you think I need." The four parents look at each other in bewilderment and disbelief. Short of her committing murder, they can't think of anything she could have done to make them think so badly of her. "What did you do?" Cory asks. "Well," Maya begins, "it's not as much what I did do as much what I thought about doing." This obviously didn't help any, so Shawn says: "Why don't you start at the beginning and tell us what you think you did that would make us think so badly of you."
Maya nods her head in agreement and swallows hard. "I'm sure you all know that I've been spending a lot of time with Josh and Mati lately." The four look at each other with knowing grins, but don't say anything so Maya will continue. "Well, last Saturday Josh had to work and he asked me if I'd like to keep Mati while he was at work, and I jumped at the chance. And Mati and I had the best time hanging out together. As it turned out, Josh had to work longer than he expected and didn't get back to his apartment till around eleven thirty. I didn't mind that at all, and he found us asleep on the couch when he got there. We'd been watching a movie together and fell asleep." She grins a little at that thought, but then immediately gets back to business. "Anyway, by the time we got her in bed, it was after midnight and Josh didn't want me leaving to go back to my place that late, so he talked me into spending the night there." She looked at her little audience to see their reaction, but then continued before they had any. "Now before you jumped to any conclusions," she begins, "he slept in his bed and I slept on the couch." She sees amused grins on their faces and starts to continue when Cory says: "Maya, so far you haven't said anything that any of us would consider even remotely inappropriate."
"I'm getting to that," she answers. "As we were saying our goodnights, I looked at Josh like I have many times since I've been back in the city, but this time something had changed." She braced herself for the big reveal and the inevitable backlash that would come from it. "This time I wanted to kiss him and I wanted him to kiss me back." Maya held her breath and waited for the harsh reactions she knew were coming. But instead, what she saw was blank stares. Finally Cory said: "Okay, then what?" Obviously not seeing Maya's point. Maya, bewildered by their reaction says: "That was it. I wanted to kiss Josh.
"So," was the only reaction she got from Cory or any of the others. "What do you mean, so?" she says in astonishment. "Don't you think what I wanted to do was terrible?"
"No!" All four exclaimed in unison. Confused now more than ever, Maya just thinks she didn't explain well enough, and continues. "Josh is still grieving for Ann, and I'm supposed to be his friend and helping him heal, an what do I want to do? Make out with him. Don't you think that's disgusting?" Now the four older adults see what's been bothering Maya so much. She's being way too hard on herself, when she shouldn't be. "Oh honey," Topanga says as she leaves her seat. She sits beside Maya and hugs her gently. "Sweetheart, you did nothing wrong," Topanga begins, wanting to ease Maya's worries like she did so many times when she was growing up. When Maya looks at her in disbelief, she continues: "I'm a lawyer so let's look at the facts." When she has Maya's attention, she begins: "First of all, you and Josh have a history. Now I know what you're about to say. You'll say that you two ended that ten years ago because you knew you couldn't sustain a relationship living on two separate continents. And we all agreed that was the right decision. And you both were sad, but parted as friends, right?" Maya nods her head in agreement. "But that doesn't change the fact you two had a history. And it was a good history, wasn't it?" Maya nods her head again and adds: "It was the happiest time of my life." Katy has to suppress a sob when she hears her daughter say that. "And when you returned to New York, you wanted to reconnect with everyone you know, starting with your mom & dad, and your brothers, me and Cory, Augie, and Riley, Farkle and the twins. And while you were doing that, you stumbled onto Josh one day and reconnected with him as a friend. And then you met his daughter and saw what a wonderful father he was, and that just made him that much more attractive didn't it?" Maya nods her head in agreement. "So Maya, it's not surprising that your old feelings for him reemerged and you wanted to kiss him," Topanga finishes.
"Yeah, I'm surprised it hadn't happened before now," Cory states flatly. "I'm actually surprised you two haven't actually kissed yet. This surprises Maya and she looks at her old teacher who's respect she's always wanted. "And you don't think that what I thought was bad?" She asks. Cory, seeing the worry on his surrogate daughter's face, smiles warmly at her and answers. "No Maya, I don't. And even if you'd told us you had kissed Josh, I, and no one else, would have thought bad of you, honey. Wanting to kiss Josh was just a natural reaction, nothing more." Maya still didn't seem convinced. "Maya," Topanga begins, "when you first learned of the terrible tragedy that Josh and Mati endured, what was your first reaction?" She looks up at this strong woman who she's admired for so long and answers: "I wanted to hold him, comfort him, and do anything I could to ease his pain." Then Topanga asks: "And any time you've been with him since, what was your reaction?" Maya allows herself a small grin, starting to feel better about herself. "The same," she says, "all I wanted to do was take his pain away. I didn't know if I could or not, but I was going to do what I could." This gets a smile from all four of the older adults. "Josh has told me more than once, Maya," Cory says, "that you came along right when he and Mati needed you the most. So I'd say you've done a lot to help them." This gets a sigh of relief from Maya as she begins to believe that maybe she's not as terrible a person as she thought. "And one last thing Maya," Topanga says, "even talking to us this evening about your concern, was motivated by you wanting to be a good friend to Josh." That seem to hit home for Maya. "So you don't think I'm a terrible person because if this?" She asks nervously. She looks first at Topanga, and then the others. "No," they all answer softly. Maya relaxes for the first time during the evening. Katy and then Topanga give the worried young woman a long loving hug, then Katy says: "Don't you forget this Baby Girl. No matter what your feelings are for Josh, you've done wonderful things for him and Mati."
"Thank you mom; thanks to all of you. I do feel better about myself," Maya tells them. "Anything else you want to talk about kiddo?" Shawn asks. "Well, yes," she answers. "Because of what you've told me tonight, I have a question." When she sees that they're waiting, she asks. "Do you think I should tell him how I feel about him?" Her parents and surrogate parents all look at one another, but don't answer her. After a few seconds of silence, Maya concludes: "You're not going to tell me, are you?" After everyone exchanges looks again, Shawn takes one of Maya's hands in his, and says: "No, we're not honey. Only you can decide that. No one, except you, knows how your relationship with Josh is and if you should tell him or not….sorry." She smiles as her dad and says: "It's okay; I understand. Guess this where I have to do that adulting thing isn't it?"
"Yeah, I'm afraid so kiddo," Shawn says; and the rest agree. Suddenly, Maya's eyes open wide with worry again. She asks: "If I tell him, what if he thinks the only reason I got close to Mati, was so I could get close to him? If he thinks that, he may not let me see her again."
"Is that the reason?" Cory asks flatly. "No!" Maya exclaims loudly, not believing Cory would think that of her. Her old teacher just smiles and says: "I know that; we all know that. I just wanted to remind you of it. And Josh will know it too. In fact, he would have already picked up on it and wouldn't have let you near Mati." When she looks at him in surprise, he says: "It's happened before, with some of Ann's former co-workers. And he knows you would never do that, just like we do." Maya breaths another sigh of relief and says: "That's good to know, thanks."
"Now is there anything else you'd like to tell us, say….about your relationship with Mati?" Cory prompts. As first Maya is confused, but then it dawns on her. "He told you?" She asks. "He did," Cory responds.
"What?" Topanga asks impatiently.
"I haven't had a chance to tell you, Topanga, or Shawn and Katy," Cory says, "so why don't you tell them Maya? I think they'd be happy to hear it." When the other three look at her for answers, she grins. "This should be a lot more fun to tell," she thinks to herself. "That Saturday I spent with Mati that I told you about?" when they nod, she continues. "Well, that night while we were putting her to bed," she hesitates now, trying to keep from crying, "Mati told me she loved me." This gets big grins from everyone, obviously happy with her news. "It took me completely by surprise," she continues, "and made me realized that I loved her too, and I told her that." Her eyes start to fill with tears as she remembers that night. "You all have told me you love me many times, along with Riley and others I love so much. But when she said it….I mean wow, I've never felt anything like that before."
"She got to you, didn't she?" Topanga askes. Maya laughs and says: "Josh said the same thing, and yes, she did get to me. But I'm thinking that's not such a bad thing."
"It's not," Topanga adds.
"Look at my Baby Girl," Katy says as she hugs Maya. "You've done so much good for them both, it's no wonder Mati loves you."
"We both are so proud of you honey," Shawn says. "I think you've done more good that you realize kiddo."
"Thanks mom; thanks dad," Maya says. "I didn't set out to do anything but just be Josh's friend. The rest just happened."
"Your instincts took over, honey," Topanga says. "It's like I told you before, you may not be a mom, but you have maternal instincts. And Mati brought them out of you."
Later that evening
Maya smiles, stretches, and says: "This evening has worn me out. I think I'll head back to my place and go to bed early." After getting her things to leave, she takes time to hug each one individually and thank them one last time. Cory stops her just before she leaves. "Maya," he begins, "I want to tell you one more time how much you've helped my little brother and niece. Josh has done a great with Mati, but there was this dark cloud over both of them that just seemed like it wouldn't go away. But you've blown that dark cloud away. And there's a sparkly that has returned to their eyes that I was afraid might be gone forever. You'll have my family's gratitude for the rest of our lives."
Maya looks at her old teacher and says: "Darn it Cory! Mati makes me cry enough, and now you're doing it!" Everyone laughs at that and Cory says: "Go home and get some sleep Maya."
The next week, Maya spends an evening with Riley and Farkle. She spends some much-wanted time not only with her two old friends, but also with their twin girls, Penny and Liz. She devotes most of her time after dinner with the twins. They tell her all about what's going on with them and their friends. Maya takes is all in and enjoys every second. They also ask her about Mati. Riley had explained to her that their two girls had become close to Mati since her and Josh moved to New York. Since the Matthews have always been a close-knit family, everyone way happy about this. They also told her that they occasionally spent some time with Maya's two brothers. Despite the age difference, Maya had found out that her brothers actually enjoy hanging out with the Matthews children, because their mom and dad were considered family to the Matthews.
As Maya was playing games with her two little "nieces," their parents came into their room and Riley said: "Alright girls, bedtime." Of course this got an immediate protest from the little girls. "Girls," Farkle says. "Listen to your mother. We've let you stay up an hour past your bedtimes to play with Aunt Maya, so time for bed."
"They're right girls," Maya adds. "You need your sleep. And I promise I'll be back soon." The twins realized it was useless, and relented. Maya helped get them ready for bed and also helped tuck them in. After finishing that, the three adults headed back to the living room to spend some time together. As they sat down, Riley says to her best friend: "You really knew how to put them to bed Maya. Have you been practicing?" She smiles broadly at Maya, already knowing the answer to her question. Maya actually turns a little red as she returns her best friend's smile. "Yeah, I guess I've helped put Mati to bed a few times." After sitting there in silence for a few seconds, Maya gets philosophical. "You know," she begins, "there was a time in my life where the thought of playing with little kids just made me cringe. I couldn't imagine reading books to them or watching the same movie over and over again. I couldn't see how anyone could enjoy that. But now," she pauses with a smile, "I can't imagine not doing it with your kids or Mati or my brothers, even though they're teenagers now."
"And what does that tell you?" Riley asks.
"That I'm getting old?" Maya responds.
"Mature, getting more mature Maya, not old," Riley corrects.
"Riley and I thought the same thing for a while," Farkle adds. "We both wanted kids, but didn't know if we were ready. But we decided to go ahead."
"Best decision we ever made." Riley added. "Once they got here, everything changed. Nothing seemed like a chore. Oh, they can be trying at times," she goes on, "but the joy they've brought us makes it all worth it."
"We didn't even mind changing dirty diapers," Farkle, says, "Or at least Riley didn't," he added with a smile.
"You did fine, honey," Riley tells him as they both look at each other with what can be only explained as loving eyes.
"You two are absolutely adorable," Maya says as she rolls her eyes, but means every word of it.
Riley turns to Maya and says: "You seem to be doing well with Mati."
"Well, I didn't have to change her dirty diapers," she answers with a laugh. "But even if I had, I'd still love her," she says, thinking about the young girl and smiling; not realizing what she'd said.
"Love her?" Riley says as she and Farkle exchange knowing smiles.
"Opps," Maya says a little embarrassed. "I didn't mean to say that out loud."
"Why not?" Riley asks. "The way you've been with her, it's not a surprise. The way you went all mamma bear on that lady at the gallery who'd yelled at her, told a lot about how you felt."
"I've felt that way for a while," Maya says. "I just didn't realize it." She realizes she needs to explain more to them, so she continues. "A couple of Saturdays ago, Josh had to work and asked if I'd like to stay with her that day. I did, and we had the best time together; most fun I've had in a long time." Riley and Farkle exchange a smile and knowing glance. "Josh didn't get home till late, after Mati's bedtime. We'd fallen asleep on the couch, so Josh had to wake us so we could put her to bed. She wanted to hug me goodnight, and when she did, she told me she loved me." Riley and Farkle could see Maya's eyes getting watery while she's telling the story. "That's when I realized that I loved her too, and had for a while." She sniffs once and continues. "Can you believe it Riley," she says with a smile. "Me, Maya Hunter, the confirmed, jet-setter, bachelorette, being all domestic and falling in love with a little girl." She had to wipe her eyes and Riley holds one of her hands letting her best friend know she's happy for her. Maya continued: "Josh told me that the first time Mati told him she loved him, he just melted into a puddle on the floor. I know what he means now."
Riley reaches over a gives her friend a little hug. "I'm happy for you Maya," Riley says. "You've seen how wonderful the love of a child can make you feel, and what it does for you. And I'm happy for Mati and Uncle Josh too. You've been so good for both of them."
When she hears Riley say that, she smiles. But then Josh's face pops into her head, and she remembers her problem. She looks at Riley and Farkle seriously and says: "Guys, I've messed up; messed up bad."
This startles both Riley and Farkle because she went from happy to what seems to be sad. "What's happened Maya?" Riley asks. Then, assuming it's something between her and Mati, she says: "Look Maya, if Mati is upset with you for some reason, don't let it bother you. Kids can get upset for the strangest reasons. She'll be over it in no time and she probably won't even remember it."
Maya looks at her and smiles. "Mati and I are fine Riley, so are Josh and me. It's me that's messed up." She looks at her two old friends for a second before explaining further. "I've told mom & dad and your mom & dad, Riley, because I needed advice from them on this. "But I need to tell you both as well." She pauses for a few seconds to get her thoughts together as her friends continue to stare at her in bewilderment. "I've let my feelings for Josh resurface." She states. "I didn't mean for this to happen Riley, but it has."
A big smile forms on Riley's face that Maya doesn't see, but Farkle does, which causes him to squeeze one of her hands gently. And she knows what this means: "We've talked about this. Don't push them." She nods her head slightly, letting him know she understands. "So you've talked to mom & dad and Shawn & Katy about it?" She asks Maya.
"I have Riley. I really needed advice, but it was advice that I though only they could help me with," she says. "I thought I had turned into some terrible person because I'm supposed to be Josh's friend and help ease his pain, and then suddenly I want to make out with him."
"That's crazy Maya," Farkle says. "You can't help the way you feel. And you have been his friend. He's healing much better now because of you, and so is Mati. It's plane to anyone who's been around them."
"Farkle is so right, Maya," Riley adds. "You've been nothing but good for them since you've been here."
"She looks up at her old friends and smiles. "Thanks guys," she says. "That's what they told me too. But it's good to hear it from you as well."
After a pause, Riley asks: "Have you told him how you feel?"
"No, I haven't," Maya answers. "I want to; I want to and maybe even need to know how her feels about me so it won't drive me crazy, but I don't know how he'll react. I'm in a really good place with him now and I don't want to mess that up." She pauses, looks at them both with helpless eyes and asks: "What do you guys think I should I do?"
After taking a moment to think about it, Riley says: "I don't know Maya. That's a hard one. I don't have any idea how uncle Josh will react to that."
"That's what my parents and yours also told me Riley," Maya says. "They said that I was the only one who could make that decision, but I just don't know if I should or not."
"I think you should," Farkle suddenly blurts out. Maya and Riley both look at him, surprised at the confidence he seems to have in his answer. Farkle sees that he needs to explain. "I know this a highly emotional situation, and emotion and logic don't usually mix, but in this case, I think we need to apply logic." After a brief pause to let that sink in, he continues. "Maya, if you do tell him, what's the worst thing that could happen?"
"He gets mad as me and forbids me to come near him or Mati ever again," she quickly answers.
Farkle rolls his eyes, smiles, and says: "Okay, let me rephrase my question. If you tell him, what realistically is the worst that could happen?"
Maya, seeing that her old friend is serious about this and wants to help her, replies: "He doesn't have feelings for me, but still wants to be friends with me and still wants me in Mati's life."
"Could you live with that?" He asks.
After thinking for a moment, Maya says: "It would hurt, but yes I could."
"And could you live with being around him regularly, like you are now; just being friends? He asks.
Again, Maya takes a few moments to think over Farkle's question. "It would be hard at first, but yes, I could live with that. It'd be far worse not being around him and Mati at all."
Farkle smiles and says: "That's the way I thought you'd feel. We've seen that it's not only been good for Josh and Mati, but good for you too." Maya smiles and nods, agreeing with Farkle. "And if his old feelings for you have returned," Farkle says, "then that would be the best that could happen, right?" Again Maya nods in agreement. "Then to my way of thinking," Farkle continues, "it's worth the risk." When Maya doesn't respond, Riley says: "I agree with him Maya; it's worth the risk. When you and Josh were together, I've never seen you happier. You two were so good together."
Maya nods her head again. "It was the happiest time of my life," she finally says. "I had a family; I had you guys, and the rest of our friends, I was studying art in college; and this guy who I've lo….liked since I was a little girl, was my boyfriend." She smiles at her friends, but it has a touch of sadness in it. "Everything you've said makes perfect sense, and I want to tell him, but I guess I'm just afraid of the pain I might have to endure if he doesn't have feelings for me."
Riles hugs her old friend, and tells her: "I know Peaches, and it's understandable. And even if he doesn't have the same feelings for you, you're strong and can make it through that. And Josh will still want you in his and Mati's lives not matter what; I'm sure of that. And you know what else?" Maya looks at her to see what she's about to tell her. "You'll have the love of my sweet little cousin to cheer you up."
Maya suddenly smiles. "I hadn't thought about that Riles," she says. "She'll make whatever happens okay, even it's not what I want; thanks Riles. And thank you Farkle; you've given me a lot to think about. I still haven't decided what I want to do, but you two have really helped."
"That's what friends do for each other," Farkle says. After a short pause, Farkle asks: "Who's up for a glass of wine?"
"Me!" Both women exclaim in unison. "After the past two weeks," Maya begins, "I could use something to relax me. And sharing a glass of wine with my two best friends, seems like the perfect choice.
For the rest of the evening, the three old friends pass the time telling each other what they've got coming up in their lives. When the evening finally comes to an end, Maya says her goodbyes and leaves for her apartment. After getting there and taking care of some business and planning out her next few days, she heads off to bed. As she lays there, mulling over her conversations with Riley and Farkle, she finally relaxes and begins to drift off to sleep, which has been hard for her to do the past few days. She may not have decided if she's going to tell Josh how she feels yet, but she believes that it'll be easier to decide now. And she doesn't feel as much dread if she does decide to tell him.