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S1E18: SPF 0

"SPF 0" appeared on the screen.

"Is that a sunscreen ref- guys I can't hear myself talk over the sound of your humming." Jaune said slightly annoyed.

"What?" Yang asked, offended.

"It's catchy." Ruby said.

"I like it." Nora said.

"I- I like it too, I wonder if I can learn to play it." Jaune said, grabbing his guitar.

"Not now lover boy, play the episode." Yang said. Jaune blushed but complied.

The scene opened to show Church Tucker and Caboose standing over Church's dead body.

Church: "I am not happy about this."

Caboose: "I have an idea.… I have an idea!"

Tucker: "Yeah, we heard you the first time, Caboose, we were just ignoring you."

Caboose: "Since you possessed that red guy, and took control of him , why don't you just possess your own body?"

"Yeah! Why doesn't he just do that?" Ruby said, confused.

Church: "Oh I see, so that way I would be living inside of my own dead body."

"Oh, gross." Ruby said. Yang laughed.

Caboose: "Yes."

Church: "Unable to move, just, laying there, rotting in the sun for all eternity."

Caboose: " Yes ."

Church: "Okay Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that."

Caboose: "I think you are a mean ghost."

Tucker: "Dude, you really stink."

Church: "What?"

Tucker: "Your body , it stinks."

"That's why you bury it, or cremate it." Weiss said. "Not to mention doing it simply out of respect."

Church: "Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body."

Tucker: "Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it."

Church: "It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest."

"He has terrible friends." Ruby said.

"I don't think they are friends." Ren said.

Tucker: "Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?"

Caboose: "Hey, Church, look, birds! Why are they flying around in circles?"

"Vultures, wow." Jaune said. "How are they gonna eat him through all that armor?"

"Maybe the tank blew pieces off." Ren suggested.

"Gross." Nora grimaced.

Church:(sigh), "God."

Cut to Grif and Simmons on the red base

Grif: "Okay, I'll go again. I spy something, that begins with…"

Simmons: "Dirt."

Grif: "Damn! How did you-"

Simmons: "Well, because you did rock last time. That's all that's out here, is rock and dirt."

"What about the dead plants and bases?" Ruby asked.

"That's not much else." Weiss pointed out.

Grif: "Yeah, this canyon sucks."

Back to the blues overlooking Tex working on the tank. Caboose is holding the sniper rifle

Church: "How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank?"

Tucker: "Not much longer, she said it's going pretty well. The gun's almost working, and then she'll get it moving again."

Church: "Oh, that's just fan tas tic."

Tucker: "Why would that upset you?"

Church: "Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna use it against the reds, and they're all gonna die."

Tucker: "The reds dying is a good thing."

Church: "No Tucker, it's not a good thing. As soon as we beat the reds, Tex is outta here. And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head."

"It's good that they're going for a kind of serious plot here." Weiss said.

"What do you mean?" Yang asked.

"Getting the A.I out of Tex's head." Pyrrha answered for Weiss.

"Church did say it made her meaner and tougher." Ren said.

Caboose: " A.I."

Church: "Shut up, Caboose. And if I don't get it out before she leaves…"

Tucker: "If she leaves you won't ever find her again."

Church: "Right."

Tucker: "So what're you gonna do?"

Church: "I guess I'm gonna do the only thing that I can do. I have to warn the reds before she fixes the tank."

Tucker: "You're switching sides?"

"Traitor." Nora mumbled.

Church: "Sorry guys. I don't have much choice."

Caboose: "Church, uh, wha, what happens when the reds out here, to stop Tex, and then they come also with guns and they find us?"

"Has he ever been to school?" Weiss said, annoyed. "It hurts my brain when he talks."

"I feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one." Blake said.

"You two are mean." Jaune said.

Church: "I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck guys." Church fades away

Caboose: "Does this mean I should try to kill Church now?"

"I wonder how many times he will kill or try to kill Church." Jaune said.

"I have extra notes if you want to start a tally." Ren said.

"Ok sure." Jaune said grabbing a paper and drawing two lines.

Tucker:"I tell you what. Kill me. I promise not to come back."

Caboose: "Hey! Look at this! (focusing on Donut)"

Tucker: "No."

Caboose: "They have, a girl. They have a girl!"

Tucker: "A what?"

Caboose: " A girl, a girl! Look, pink armor!"

"So what?" Blake asked.

"What about Tex?"

"Tex is scary to guys." Jaune said.

"What? You afraid of a masculine Girl?" Yang teased.

"No I'm afraid of a girl who would cut off certain body parts if I made her angry." Jaune explained.

Tucker: "Oh man, how come they get a girl?"

Tex: "(from below them) Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin' right here?"

Tucker: "Yeah Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl girl."

"Girly girl?" Weiss asked.

"The stereotypical girl obsessed with makeup, hair, and cute boys." Ruby shook her head.

"Hey that sounds like a fun night." Yang commented.

"I would be open to that." Pyrrha smiled.

"Me too! Me and my sisters always had a lot of fun!" Jaune grinned.

Tex: "And what the hell does that mean?"

Caboose and Tucker: "nothing (backing up from the edge of their ledge)"

Tucker: "Wait a second. If Tex heard that, do you think she heard Church's secret plan to warn the reds about her?"

"Wow, I didn't even notice that." Blake said.

Caboose: "I don't know… but I think I know how to find out."

"Oh no…" Blake muttered.

Caboose steps back up to the edge of their ledge, looking down at Tex

Caboose: "Hey… Tex! Uh… Did you hear Church's secret plan to tell the reds that you were fixing the tank?"

"Wow…" Pyrrha chuckled, "Caboose is so innocent but not very bright."

Tex turns back to the tank, then Caboose backs up to join Tucker

Caboose: "I don't think she knows.… Unless she can read minds… She can't read minds, can she?… Can you hear what I'm thinking?"

The screen fades to black.

"Next one." Nora ordered.