When Sakura is summoned to the Hokage's office, she's not sure what to expect. Genin rarely report their missions to the Hokage, and even rarer still is it for the Hokage to summon a genin for a mission briefing. She's not about to get promoted, and thus there are, in Sakura's mind, two possible reasons for the Hokage to summon her; either there's a very special mission for which she's been chosen - which is, objectively, unlikely - or she's in trouble.
Like, big trouble.
She had burned down councilman Mitokado's family's kitchen without being brought before the Hokage. Granted, Kakashi-sensei hadn't been happy, but still, even that hadn't been enough to warrant the Hokage summoning a genin.
No, the screw-ups of genin were usually handled by their sensei or, in the case of those lacking a sensei, their immediate superior officer. Back then it'd been Kakashi-sensei. Now, it's Commander Hatake.
Thus, the question is, what kind of heinous, treacherous acts can she possibly have unwittingly committed that warrants a summon from the Hokage?
As it turns out, she's not in trouble at all. All that worrying and hand-wrenching for nothing.
"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama, I'm not …" Sakura fumbles for words, falling silent as she struggles to process the sudden turn of things.
"You made a request earlier, to become my apprentice. I dismissed you then, but your sensei speaks highly of you and at his request I've decided to reconsider my decision, if you're still interested."
The statement is followed by a smile, more a smirk than a gesture of encouragement, and Sakura suddenly feels as if there isn't enough air in her lungs.
"Be warned though. Being my apprentice is not an easy thing. I won't go easy on you."
That is … That is … Sakura struggles to wrestle her own thoughts into some semblance of order, to make sense of her emotions.
Her immediate reaction is, of course, joy. Breathtaking, overwhelming joy, and pride, and hope. She, clanless Sakura, the Hokage's apprentice? It's a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity. A chance which many stronger or more skilled shinobi would kill for. Almost guaranteed success, with a teacher like that.
Then the Hokage's look and the warning pierces through the immediate joy, and it's as if she's stumbling. Mentally. But then, she doesn't want people to go easy on her anymore, does she? She wants to be taken seriously. Challenged. Given enough room to grow into the best shinobi she can be, and maybe finally be able to compare herself to Naruto and Sasuke without regret.
"I … Yes, Hokage-sama, I … YES! Please, I'd be honoured to …"
Lady Tsunade nods, not looking faced at all at Sakura's lack of decorum.
"Good. Shizune, did you bring the contract?"
"Yes, Lady Tsunade."
Shizune, having taken place close to the door behind Sakura, steps forward and neatly places a set of papers on the desk.
"This will be your apprenticeship agreement," Lady Tsunade explains, turning it to face Sakura. "It outlines the duration of your apprenticeship, the training you will receive, the duties you will undertake and so on."
Sakura steps forward, eagerly leaning forward to scan the document in question. It looks very official, printed in fine, neat letters on thick parchment.
"Furthermore, once it is signed you will be formally recognised as my apprentice by the village. This will officially bring you under my protection."
In other words, she'll pretty much be considered a Senju in all but name. It'll be almost like having a clan again, only without aunt Kasumi trying to dictate her life for her or trying to get her married off to some noble she doesn't even know.
Or, y'know, the stuff where she was locked into a room without food or water.
She's practically vibrating with excitement and has to force herself to calm down enough to actually read the contract.
The shinobi to whom she apprentices herself will be responsible to see to her needs. That means making sure that she has a roof over her head, food to eat, a stipend to cover her basic expenses and necessary equipment. It all sounds almost too good to be true. Sakura almost swoons for a moment, clenching the contract more firmly in her hands.
She flips a page, finding a more detailed explanation for what Lady Tsunade will aim to teach her. First on the list is, unsurprisingly, medical ninjutsu.
Ko, Sakura thinks, her heart clenching at the memory. If she'd known any medical ninjutsu, she might've been able to save him. The thought awakens a longing, somewhere deep within Sakura. She wants that. She wants to be able to help people. To do the seemingly impossible.
Lady Tsunade hands Sakura a pen, and she accepts it blindly without taking her eyes off of the contract and the list of what she'll be getting from her apprenticeship. Theoretical and practical studies of human anatomy, diseases, injuries and poisons. Lessons and practical experience in the application of medical ninjutsu to heal, with the explicit aim of eventually allowing her a licence as a nurse or even a doctor. Guidance in physical training as well as both taijutsu and ninjutsu, according to her potential and abilities.
It's more than Sakura has dared to even dream about. She'd hoped, back when she first graduated - which now seems aeons away, even though it has been less than six months - that her jounin sensei would challenge her, but even then she'd never dreamed of anything like this. Never been able to imagine that there was still so much for her to learn, and that someone would be willing to teach her.
"Read the whole thing before you sign," Lady Tsunade urges quietly.
Nodding wordlessly Sakura flips to the final page, scanning it quickly before slowing down at the four rules outlined there. The four rules that govern medical nin, in order:
No medic ninja shall ever stop medical treatment until the lives of their party members have come to an end.
Which sounds perfectly reasonable, Sakura thinks. As a medic, she'll have the opportunity to save lives. She cannot give up on her teammates.
Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their teammates are worse than that. Kakashi-sensei's voice rings through her mind, and she shakes her head to clear her thoughts. He never wanted her to begin with. But his words align surprisingly well with this first rule of medical nin.
At least he'd been kind enough to recommend her to Lady Tsunade. She wonders, distantly, whether she would be given this opportunity at all if it wasn't for Kakashi-sensei recommending her. She should probably feel grateful, but somewhere beneath the current chaos of joy and excitement there's a Kakashi-sensei-shaped wound festering with emotions she cannot even begin to digest at the moment. Instead she pushes the thought aside, focusing on the rules outlined in the contract again.
No medic ninja shall ever stand on the front lines.
Sakura frowns at that. It makes sense, in a way, she supposes. Since a medic is able to heal their comrades, their death may potentially hit the team the hardest. Still, not exactly what Sakura has been looking for. Though it's probably wise for her to keep away from any frontlines anyway, considering her inexperience.
Though she'll need experience to change her inexperience.
Anyway:
No medic ninja shall ever die until they are the last of their platoon.
A logical necessity, given the previous two rules, Sakura supposes. For a moment, she imagines seeing her teammates die in battle. Naruto. Sasuke. Tomomi. Hajime. Aimi and Takeshi. Kakashi-sensei. Imagines being the last one standing, unable to help because she's done all she can but they're dead and she's alive and useless and-
She shakes her head again. Bad train of thought, that's all. It's not as if that will ever really come to happen anyway. Konoha hasn't been at war for years. Not really. There's the occasional casualty in missions, yes, but rarely a whole team. At least not until the invasion.
Only those medic ninja who have mastered the Strength of a Hundred Technique of the ninja art Creation Rebirth are permitted to discard the above-mentioned laws.
"What's the Strength of a Hundred Technique?" she asks, finally looking up from the contract.
Lady Tsunade taps her own forehead, drawing Sakura's attention to the purple, rhombus-like marking there. A seal, she realises.
"It's a forbidden technique which is only accessible to those who've mastered the Creation Rebirth technique."
"And what's that?" Sakura asks, feeling somewhat like a parrot, repeating herself.
"It is the ultimate regeneration technique, effectively making the user immortal for as long as the jutsu itself remains active."
"Immortal?!"
Sakura's mouth falls open, and she finds herself looking between Lady Tsunade and Shizune. Surely Lady Tsunade must be exaggerating. But Shizune calmly shakes her head, a somewhat understanding look in her eyes.
"It's true. It stimulates the regeneration of the cells in the body, instantly healing any injuries. However, it's extremely difficult, and there's only one shinobi alive who has mastered it." Shizune tilts her head towards Lady Tsunade, who shrugs as if this fact does not concern her at all.
"So … basically, the only one allowed to disregard the rules are you, Lady Tsunade?"
"As of yet, yes."
Sakura lowers her gaze to the contract again. Beneath the formalia and the rules, there's three signatures, with an empty line awaiting her own. Squinting at the signatures, she manages to interpret them as belonging to Lady Tsunade, Commander Hatake and, much to her surprise, Kakashi-sensei.
She swallows, overwhelmed with some emotion she can barely name. They've all arranged this - agreed to this - for her. Lady Tsunade had dismissed her request at first, and then for some reason decided to take Sasuke as her apprentice. Sakura isn't naive enough to think that this offer of an apprenticeship is Lady Tsunade's idea. No, most likely it's the result of the combined efforts of the other two signatures. And Lady Tsunade had specifically mentioned Kakashi-sensei. Your sensei speaks highly of you.
Kakashi-sensei has arranged this for her. An opportunity anyone in the village would give their right arm for. A formal apprenticeship with the best medical ninja in the world, and now the Hokage of Konoha. The opportunities and advantages of such a position are endless.
It suddenly strikes her that she'd been acting foolishly before, when first requesting an apprenticeship. She'd reasoned that in order to get strong she needed a strong teacher, and who's stronger than the Hokage? But the position is so much more than that. A practically guaranteed, straight path to success. Even if she turns out to be a mediocre medic, having the Senju-name hovering quietly at her back will still open doors to her that otherwise would have remained closed.
More practically, she won't have to fear being homeless in the winter. Or, at all. She'd have a home, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, but also so much more. So incredibly, very much more.
She'd learn to do medical jutsu. To heal people's injuries.
She'd be able to get strong. Even if she's unable to master the Creation Rebirth or the Strength of a Hundred techniques, she'd still be learning so much else. More than she ever would've dreamed of being able to learn.
And yet …
Sakura swallows around the lump in her throat, her gaze returning to the four rules. No medic ninja shall ever stand on the front lines.
Is that what she wants?
"What are the odds of me ever being able to learn those techniques?" Sakura's voice comes out oddly dry.
The way Shizune's gaze flickers away speaks loudly to the answer.
"If that is your goal, I'm your best chance," Lady Tsunade says. "I invented the technique, and though many have tried to recreate it, none have been successful. Very few of those have had my guidance though."
Almost imperceptibly, Lady Tsunade's gaze flickers sideways to Shizune.
In other words, the chances of her mastering such a technique are very slim, but as an apprentice to Lady Tsunade she'll have the best possible odds of doing so.
Truly, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Suddenly, Sakura feels as if she's standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down into the abyss.
Is this what she wants?
"I do want to learn to use medical ninjutsu," she states quietly. "To be able to heal people."
People like Ko. Like her friends and teammates.
"If you've got half the potential your sensei says you do, I'll make a great medic out of you." Lady Tsunade's voice is confident, her gaze frank.
Beside her, Shizune gives an encouraging nod.
Sakura closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. Her hand clenches around the contract and the pen.
Shinobi die, she remembers the matchmaker telling her, years and years ago. Life as a shinobi is hard, ugly and beyond all thankless. She knows that now. She's seen what life as a shinobi is really like, and she's certain that it's only going to get worse if she manages to climb in rank.
Being a medic would be different. She'd be working primarily with Lady Tsunade, in the village and at the hospital. It would be, for lack of a real-world equivalence, the next best thing next to her old dreams of becoming a Lady Shinobi - the kind of woman who mingles with nobles and goes on exciting adventures.
And yet, the answer she'd once given the matchmaker is still true.
I want to become a kunoichi.
As unbelievable as this opportunity presented to her is, Sakura has never planned on becoming a medic. She's dreamed about adventures and action. Of proving herself equally strong as Naruto and Sasuke, even rubbing their noses in the dirt if she can. She's dreamt about proving herself good enough for Kakashi-sensei. And before even knowing team 7, she'd had all of those childish dreams of becoming some sort of Lady Kunoichi - about being brave and powerful and important all in her own right, with the love of her life by her side.
"I'm sorry, Lady Tsunade." Opening her eyes again, she gently places the pen and the contract back on the table. "I would love to learn medical ninjutsu, but I want much more too."
She's an idiot.
But she's an idiot who's done letting others fight for her. Done hiding.
Done playing Lady.
Some day, she'll be leading the charge against her enemies as a kunoichi known across the world.
Offering an apologetic bow, she turns and leaves.
In the following days and weeks, Sakura will curse her own idiocy many, many times. Despite this, her life slowly begins to fall back into something resembling routine again.
She works from morning until late afternoon, has dinner, trains with Hajime, Tomomi and the others, has a bath or a shower before going to bed and then repeats it all again the next day. Whenever she has some free time she'll visit the library, looking for new ways to improve herself. Sadly there isn't much on different jutsu, but there are plenty of other interesting things to keep her busy. Sometimes Hajime or Tomomi or one of the others will join her, and she will smile at them, laugh at their jokes and pretend like everything is fine.
It's not, but she's good at hiding it. Practice makes perfect, a mental voice that sounds disturbingly like aunt Kasumi quips.
She doesn't think that anyone sees the achingly empty hole that has opened up in her chest where her mixed feelings about team 7 used to be.
A week after Naruto leaves the village, she receives an official notice that team 7 has been disbanded. Between Sasuke's defection, Naruto's apprenticeship with Jiraiya of the Sannin and her own signing with the Genin Corps, it simply is no more.
Her eyes ache but she does not cry over the loss. It feels like a failure. She feels like a failure: for not being good enough for the team, for not being able to keep the team together and even contributing to their falling apart. But she's made her choices, and she'll stand by them.
Adding to the feeling of being a failure is the whispers. With her hair, Sakura has always been the subject of strange looks, and thus it takes a while before she starts to notice that the looks and whispers have changed. Epithets such as foreigner and forehead and weirdo have turned into she's the teammate of that traitor-Uchiha, and I bet she's a traitor too, you know she used to have a crush on him and why are they even letting a spy like her walk around with everyone else?
Sakura keeps her head high and pretends not to hear. She knows where her loyalties lie, and moreover so does Hajime and Tomomi and Aimi and Takeshi. As the whispers and rumours grow worse, they keep closer and closer to her, their glares keeping everyone else at bay. They can't protect her from everything, of course - there's always whispers, there's always a chunin willing to give her the worst tasks as the cleanup and reparation of Konoha continues, always someone willing to blame their own failures on her - but between all of them she manages to mostly stay out of trouble.
Throughout it all Sakura imagines what her life would have been like if things had been different; if she'd stayed with her family and abandoned her dreams of becoming a shinobi, if she'd made a different choice during the chunin exams, if she'd only been strong enough to stop Sasuke or if she'd accepted Lady Tsunade's apprenticeship.
Despite everything, she can't really bring herself to regret her actions.
Sakura will grow strong, and she will not limit herself to the rules of others.
"I'm telling you, he's still resting. Chakra Exhaustion can't be taken too lightly and he'll likely sleep for another few hours at least."
"Thank you nurse. I just want to sit by his bedside for a while."
A door opens and closes and the room grows quiet.
"The big bad nurse is gone, Kakashi. You can stop pretending to be unconscious."
Kakashi doesn't so much as twitch at the words. He's a better liar than that, thank you very much.
Unfortunately, his uncle-by-marriage is just about as good at spotting lies as Kakashi is at lying. He walks across the room, the sound of his steps accompanied by that of his cane. The increasingly cold weather must be troubling his bad leg, Kakashi deduces.
There is a groan as he sinks down into the one visitor's chair, and then a sense of waiting.
"I'm a patient man, Kakashi-kun. You'll need to stop pretending sooner or later."
"You have a job to get back to," Kakashi points out without opening his eyes, deciding to ignore the man's pointed use of -kun.
His voice is raspy and talking hurts. Though they're both speaking quietly the noise is already making a headache bloom behind his eyes and he wishes that he actually was still unconscious. Unconsciousness doesn't hurt, at least.
"You can't avoid me forever."
Kakashi sighs, admitting defeat. For now at least. As soon as he regains some of his strength and can actually sit up on his own he'll be perfectly happy to go back to ignoring anyone with the surname of Hatake.
"What do you want?" he asks, still refusing to open either of his eyes.
"You know what I want to talk to you about."
"Do I?"
Kichiro sighs, as if he's disappointed in him. Kakashi ignores it, because he's not five years old anymore and hasn't actually cared what any of his clan think of him in almost two decades.
"It's been three months, Kakashi. Two since you were supposed to collect her."
"I did have a meeting with her in August," Kakashi points out, making his voice bored and relaxed. The effect is somewhat ruined by the roughness and the fact that every word is a struggle.. "Told her to stay with you."
"Indefinitely?"
"Got her a place with Lady Tsunade too."
"And you're satisfied with that?"
He can hear the unimpressively raised eyebrow in Kichiro's voice. Kakashi cracks his normal eye open to peek at his uncle-by-marriage. It is a sign of how badly the chakra exhaustion is affecting him that he winces and looks away from the severe gaze.
"She's better off this way," he says quietly. A little defensively, even though it is ultimately an admission to his own unsuitability as a sensei.
Kichiro scoffs. "She's the only one you've got left, Kakashi. Don't you think you at least owe her an actual visit? An actual goodbye?"
Which is a fair question, but also not. Kakashi stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the point.
"I've been busy."
"So you weren't planning to avoid her for however long it takes you to get better and then take another mission out of the village as soon as the Hokage will allow you to?"
Kichiro's voice drips with sarcasm. Kakashi doesn't answer and still doesn't meet Kichiro's gaze again. His silence speaks for itself.
"I can't force you Kakashi," Kichiro sighs. "The team has been formally disbanded, so officially you don't owe her anything. You do, however, owe her the human decency of saying goodbye before you disappear out of her life."
Surprised, he glances over at Kichiro at the news that team 7 has been formally disbanded. It's reasonable, given the circumstances, but he hasn't received the news yet. Which is probably because he's been out of the village ever since Naruto left, but still.
"Can I be honest with you, Kakashi?"
Kichiro's voice is softer now, his gaze more contemplating than severe.
"I wasn't aware you needed my permission," Kakashi says, uncomfortable around the softer Kichiro who'll ask how he's doing and sometimes even ask him to move back home, so that his poor aunt won't have to worry so much - which is a laughable prospect anyway. "It hasn't stopped you before."
His voice is sharper than before, but Kichiro's is still sharper.
"You're making a mistake."
Kakashi flinches, because there is an iron-hardness to Kichiro's voice that hasn't been there in years. Besides, Kichiro is right. Deep down Kakashi knows this, but to acknowledge that would necessitate acknowledging so much more that he's not ready to face yet. That he might not ever be ready to face.
"For your information, she turned down the apprenticeship with Lady Tsunade."
If Kakashi wasn't strung out by chakra exhaustion and medications, he probably would have made some sort of choking sound or even sat up in surprise. As it is, he can only stare at Kichiro, before hastily closing his sharingan-eye before it drains away the last remains of his chakra.
"I have half a mind to wallop her myself for that, but apparently she doesn't really want to become a medic. She wants to learn how to fight, and all that."
Kichiro makes a very vague gesture with his hand - which is apparently supposed to indicate what "and all that" means - before giving Kakashi another, very pointed look. And Kakashi is suddenly unable to avoid said look.
"That girl is wasted in the Genin Corps. She needs you."
Kakashi winces at the rebuke but forces himself to speak anyway.
"From what I've seen she's doing perfectly fine."
"And what have you seen, Kakashi? You haven't come to visit her once and you've only met with her the one time in the three months she's been with me."
Kakashi closes his eye again. The headache is pulsating behind his eyes and the continued talking isn't exactly helping. Besides, experience tells him that ignoring issues sometimes makes them go away.
Unfortunately, Kichiro isn't the kind of problem that will go away on its own.
"And for your information, Kakashi, it's not a matter of her fitting in or not. She is doing perfectly fine. The problem is that she'll outgrow the Genin Corps and she'll need guidance when she does."
"I'm sure you'll be able to help her."
"Oh, I'll help her as best as I can, Kakashi, but it won't be enough. Not nearly enough."
It is with a herculean effort that Kakashi manages to bring his hand up to rub at his forehead but the effort does manage to dissipate some of the pain. Cracking his eye open, he glances at Kichiro, who has now adapted an expression of sadness.
"I'm a cripple, Kakashi. There's a reason I've been reduced to Genin Commander, a position that could be held by any reasonably skilled chunin. I wouldn't be able to keep up with that girl for long, and before long she'll be drawing the attention of others."
Continuing to weakly rub his forehead, Kakashi closes his eye again.
"She's still better off without me."
"Is she? Because from what I've noticed, she's a very talented kunoichi with no family or powerful friends to protect her. And you and I both know what happens to that sort of shinobi, don't we?"
Kakashi winces, because yes, he does know. And while Sakura isn't young, she's still young enough to be malleable. He himself had almost been drawn into ROOT at around that age, after all, and he'd been far more experienced than she is.
"She's not that good though, is she?" Kakashi asks, not sure what he wants the answer to be. Not sure if it's meant as a question, or a plea that she won't draw that kind of attention.
"She might still draw the short straw around the likes of Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. However, looking at her achievements separate from theirs, I think you'll see that there's a great deal of potential in her."
"Is that your point? She's only mediocre compared to excellency? Because academically she surpasses both of her teammates, I am aware of that. It just makes her more suited to a desk job than to being a shinobi."
His own eye is hard as he meets Kichiro's gaze and this time it is Kichiro who looks away.
"And yet, out of all three of your students, she's the only one who has actually killed their enemies in battle."
The memories flashes before Kakashi's inner eye, and guiltily he averts his gaze. Kichiro is right, after all.
"Like I said, Kakashi; I can't force you. But you do owe her some human decency. And I honestly do think you should take another look at her, if only because you haven't spent any time with her in a long time. What you see might surprise you."
"I'll think about it," Kakashi lies.
"Do so."
Kichiro stands with a groan, supporting himself heavily on his cane.
"You should come by some evening. She can usually be found in the training area behind the dormitories."
With those words Kichiro leaves, leaving Kakashi alone in blessed silence.
A couple of weeks after the formal dissolution of team 7, Sakura has a run in with Tanigawa again while she is helping repair houses by the market district. She's sweaty and dirty, because the chunin in charge has put her on removing fallen debris while the others work on actual repair work, so when she notices Tanigawa watching her she practically barks out;
"What do you want?"
Despite her rudeness he just smiles, that stupid, cocky smile that makes her want to kick him in the face.
"It's been six months since our last duel."
Casually wiping away some of the dirt on her clothes, Sakura leans against a supporting pole and gives him a politely disinterested look.
"Has it?"
"Yes. Back in April, remember?"
He tilts his head, eyes amused. Condescending, she thinks.
"So?" She raises a quizzical eyebrow.
"So, I figure even someone as boneheaded as you should have been able to pick up a skill or two in that time."
Seeing him return to this is almost a relief; their last two meetings he was unnaturally nice and polite in a manner that just doesn't suit him. She smiles sharply at him, more of a gritting her teeth than an actual smile, and imagines beating him into the dust.
"So you want a demonstration, is that it?" she asks mockingly.
"So I figure it's time I show you you're not that special after all," he replies, matching her mocking tone perfectly. "Can't have you walking around thinking you're a real shinobi after all, can we?"
I'll show you! a part of her roars, itching to throw herself at him right then and there and beat his face into the ground.
"I'm working," she says instead.
"Later then?" He raises his eyebrows in a manner which suggests that she's too cowardly to fight him.
"Tonight. Come to the Genin Corps' Headquarters. There's a training area there we can use."
"It's a date."
He flashes her another, brief smile before turning his back on her and sauntering away, leaving her to stare after him and that stupid sword he carries on his back.
She'll show him, she thinks.
There is a strange sort of mood over the Genin Corps' training area when Kakashi arrives there a few days after his conversation with Kichiro. It is after dinnertime and already various groups of genin have assembled to train. There is no such thing as a clear leader, but rather multiple smaller groups coming together to spar and exercise. However, while such activities ought to leave the field abuzz with noise, it is strangely quiet.
"I was hoping you'd come tonight," Kichiro greets him, coming up from behind as if Kakashi didn't sense him coming.
Kakashi doesn't reply because up until a few moments ago he wasn't sure himself that he would come and now he isn't sure that he wants to stay. Instead he casts his eye around the training area, quickly spotting the only genin with pink hair on the other side of the training area. She stands with a small group of other genin of varying ages. Unlike the other groups they aren't getting warmed up for sparring but rather standing around stiffly, as if waiting for something. Also, their group keeps receiving strange glances from the other groups.
"What's happening?" he asks quietly.
"A duel, apparently."
Kakashi turns to give Kichiro an incredulous look then, because a duel indicates something serious and Kichiro's voice sounds entirely too innocent for Kakashi's comfort.
"Civilian, apparently," Kichiro shrugs. "Son of one of the merchants that supplies us with weapons."
That is at least vaguely reassuring. Kakashi is about to ask for more details when commotion on the other side of the training area draws his attention again.
"I wasn't sure you were going to show up, Tanigawa!" Sakura's voice rings out over the training field, loud and confident and mocking.
"I wasn't sure you would show up, bonehead!"
Kakashi slowly raises an eyebrow at this encounter that reminds him more of what a meeting between Naruto and Sasuke might look like than anything involving Sakura.
"Repeating the same insults back is just childish, Tanigawa!"
"Are we exchanging insults? Sorry, I must have missed it. Go again, and I'll see if I can separate the insult from your usual lack of decorum."
The two come to stand opposite of each other. Her opponent is taller by a head at least and much broader across the shoulders. He has green hair gathered into a low ponytail and there is a long sword on his back.
"I'll save you the trouble of having to pretend to be even remotely smart," Sakura taunts. "Let's get started."
"The sooner we get started the sooner your humiliation will be over."
They both take their stance, glaring at each other. The boy draws his sword with practised ease, one swift motion that speaks to years of training with it despite his young age and apparently civilian status.
"You're not going to stop this?" Kakashi asks, frowning and glancing at Kichiro.
"As far as I understand, it's a mostly friendly duel."
'Mostly friendly' isn't exactly reassuring but in the next moment the two duellists are on each other and Kakashi turns his attention to the fight. Sword clashes against kunai and Kakashi is mildly surprised to see the determination on Sakura's face as she launches herself into the fight. There is a single minded focus that he hasn't seen outside of her pining after Sasuke before. Except maybe when she killed those Kumo chunin.
"Admit defeat already, bonehead! Before you actually get hurt!"
The Tanigawa boy rushes into a quick series of blows that forces his opponent on the defensive, backing away as she focuses on blocking his blows. Before long he has her backed up against a tree and their weapons clash again as she takes all of the power behind his sword onto her two kunai.
Kakashi is surprised that she keeps upright, even if she does seem to struggle to do so.
"You wish you could actually hurt me, Tanigawa!"
She angles her body, allowing the sword to slide off of her as she rolls in the opposite direction, creating space between her and her opponent. A couple of hastily thrown kunai - aimed at his feet rather than his body, where they might do actual damage if they were to get past his guard - forces him to stumble further away, scrambling for footing. Before he has the chance to regain his footing properly she is on him and he is forced to hastily raise his guard and defend himself.
"Doesn't exactly look like someone without potential for improvement, does it?" Kichiro quietly says.
Kakashi makes a vaguely agreeing sound without looking away from the fight.
"Her form is sloppy," he points out after a few moments of silence. "More anger than technique."
"True. But so were yours, once upon a time, when you were still figuring things out."
Kakashi does not dignify that observation with an answer.
The boy stumbles on the uneven ground, raising his sword too high in the process. Sakura slinks underneath his guard, her shoulder connecting to his gut.
They both go flying to the ground in an ungraceful heap, falling into instinctive rolls as they do so. By virtue of being lighter and on top Sakura goes flying again, her head connecting to the tree she was backed up against before.
"Yield!" the boy orders as he hastily scrambles to his feet again and places his sword against her chest.
There is a moment of silence as she brings her hands, both of them now empty, kunai dropped in the fall, to her head and collects herself.
"I yield."
The admission is quiet and tinged with bitterness but clear nonetheless. Looking surprised the boy hesitates for a moment before he lowers his sword and backs away again. Once the sword is sheeted again he reaches out a hand to help her up, which she hesitantly accepts.
"Do you think she might have won, had she used ninjutsu?" Kichiro asks innocently.
Kakashi thinks she might have won had she been just a little more ruthless. If she'd aimed a kunai at the boy's stomach, rather than tackling him. But yes. Had she used ninjutsu, Sakura would have won. Kakashi is surprised by the surety of his answer, as well as by the strange tightening of his chest.
Pride, he realises. What couldn't he do with potential like that? Sasuke had been a natural Uchiha genius, and Naruto a never-ending well of chakra, but Sakura … Sakura's different. The way she fights, the way she uses her body and her chakra control … Kakashi could do things with that. Shape it. Refine it.
"Still think that you've seen all of her that there is to see, Kakashi?"
Kichiro's voice is almost teasing, if not for the note of seriousness in his eyes.
Mine, a primal part of Kakashi growls. Pack. The words carry enough weight that his whole body feels heavy, as if weighted down. Part of that is probably the lingering effects of chakra exhaustion, but still.
Except, she's not his. Not really. He has forsaken all right to her. He doesn't deserve -
He has to force himself away from that train of thought, focusing instead back on the object of his thoughts.
When the green-haired civilian has ascertained that Sakura isn't wounded, the group slowly separates, dividing themselves into pairs. The civilian pairs up with a boy about Sakura's age, a girl of the same age pairs up with a middle aged woman, and Sakura herself faces off with a middle-aged, pot-bellied man that gives her a jovial, almost paternal, smile. The sight makes Kakashi want to do bad things to the man. Mine.
"She's lost her mother and her teammates, Kakashi. Do you recall what it was like, losing your father and then your teammates?"
Kakashi winces, remembering. That was different, part of him wants to object. He was six when his father died. Took his own life. Twelve when Obito, and later Rin, died.
I'm sorry, Kakashi-kun, Minato-sensei's voice echoes in his memory. Sorry I wasn't there to help. Sorry you have to go through this. You're not alone though, don't forget that. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere.
"You've been her sensei for six months, Kakashi, and you've failed her."
I'm sorry-
"Over and over and over again."
Sorry I wasn't there to help.
"She's been through a lot."
I'm sorry you have to go through this.
"Don't make her life any harder than it already is. Don't abandon her."
You're not - Kakashi chokes, turning away from Kichiro. Unable to meet his eyes properly.
Instead, his gaze lands on Sakura again. Pack, that deeply repressed primal part of him growls possessively.
Her current fight is clearly different from the one against the civilian; whereas the former fight focused mostly on the swords and the kunai, this one focuses more on hand-to-hand combat. As the fight grows rowdier, it slowly moves from the training ground towards the river.
He's seen her walk on water before, but seeing her fight on water is different. Most genin - most shinobi, really - cause ripples on the water even under the best of circumstances. Fighting on water results in sloshing, and less experienced shinobi have a tendency of losing control of their chakra and falling in. However, looking at the current fight, it's clear that Sakura has the advantage on water, despite her inexperience.
The taller man's movements are stiffer, his form sloppy and his defence full of openings. In contrast, Sakura's movements are swift and confident. Her form isn't perfect, but that's clearly from a lack of experience rather than her being uncomfortable with the surface they're fighting on. She moves as if she's standing on solid earth, and the water remains solid beneath her feet seemingly without any effort from her.
She might be water-natured, he notes at the back of mind, filing the knowledge away for later.
Finally the taller man manages to get through Sakura's guard, aiming a ruthless kick to her stomach. Kakashi winces, already anticipating how a kick like that will hurt. Before the kick lands, however, the water gives beneath Sakura and she disappears beneath the surface of the water.
"That was mean, Hajime!" someone - the girl who'd been in Sakura's company earlier - shouts from the shore.
The man - Hajime, Kakashi presumes - looks torn between confusion and worry. Before he has regained his composure, hands shoot from the water, grabbing his feet and yanking.
With a yelp he goes down, losing control of his chakra and sinking down into the water. Sakura laughs, climbing on his back as he surfaces again, which only serves to push him down again.
"You yield, Hajime?"
Casually, Sakura pulls herself out of the water, sitting on the surface as if she's sitting on a pier, feet dangling off the edge, as she pulls the man closer to her. Holding him above water long enough for him to answer her question.
"Go Sakura!" the same girl as before shouts.
"Going to let a little girl beat you, Hajime?!" another voice taunts from somewhere else.
Several of the other spars have stopped in favour of watching the spectacle on the river. Kakashi notes that several of them are shaking their heads disapprovingly and he sends Kichiro a questioning glance. Kichiro just shakes his head quietly, clearly disapproving of their behaviour.
The half-drowned man - Hajime - glances hesitantly towards the audience before speaking.
"I don't-"
He gets no further before Sakura cheerfully dunks him under again.
"What was that, Hajime?"
"I yield! Gods help me, I yield."
The two make their way back to the riverbank to mixed cheer and disapproving headshakes. Kakashi almost expects the man to be sour about his loss, but he grins and gives her a congratulatory slap on her back when they're back on solid ground.
"Do you see her yet, Kakashi? See her?" Gently, Kichiro butts shoulders with Kakashi.
"Maybe."
"She really does remind me of you, you know?"
A fond smile spreads across Kichiro's face as he looks over towards the group, who have now gotten Sakura and her opponent some towels to dry off with.
When Kakashi doesn't reply, doesn't move to do anything, Kichiro turns back to Kakashi and gives him a shove.
"Go talk to her."
Robotically, Kakashi puts one foot in front of the other, slowly moving in the indicated direction. Other genin part before him, and soon enough the group spots him approaching.
The smile dies on Sakura's lips.
"Kakashi-sensei."
The large towel dwarfs her small frame, making her look younger than she is. More helpless.
Beside her, the other genin look even more surprised to see him.
"Will you be ok, Sakura?" the middle aged woman asks, tilting her head to indicate Kakashi.
Sakura nods.
"Alright. Let's give them some space to talk, people!"
With practised ease, she starts to shoo the others away, leaving Kakashi alone with Sakura on the riverbank.
Kakashi isn't sure what to say. Beneath the mask, he opens and closes his mouth. No words come forward, and his mind is still struggling to digest everything he's seen so far. The realisations he's had.
Then Sakura takes a step forward, a placid smile forming as she bows politely.
"Thank you sensei, for teaching me and helping me find my way here. It has been an honour to be on your team."
There is only the barest of quivers to her voice to hint to anything not being perfectly fine. Kakashi cocks his head, and suddenly he sees. Sees her.
He's made a mistake, he realises. He'd looked at team 7 and seen a shadow of his own team. The similarities between Naruto and Sasuke and Obito and him had been overwhelming, so it had only made sense that Sakura was like Rin.
But Sakura isn't like Rin.
The tone of her voice is familiar; not because Kakashi has heard it before, but because it's the same voice he used to speak to Minato-sensei in. Back when his father died. When Obito died, and after Rin's death, as he tried to distance himself from the only close person that remained in his life.
The one person he could not afford to lose.
And every time, up until his death, Minato-sensei had smiled sadly and reached to embrace him. I'm sorry, Kakashi-kun. Sorry I wasn't there to help. Sorry you have to go through this.
Her teammates aren't dead, but they're gone none the same. Sasuke a traitor, Naruto away on his travels at least for a few years. Both of her parents are dead, and -
-and she doesn't have anyone else, Kakashi realises. No clan to pay for an apartment, no uncle to deliver gift-baskets of food or check in on her wellbeing every once in a while.
It's just her, and her fellow genin in the Genin Corps.
Sakura isn't like Rin.
She's like him.
His body moves, as if on its own accord, and he reaches out. Stiffly, she allows him to pull her closer. She makes a surprised sound against his chest, but slowly relaxes as he wraps his arms around her.
He's uncomfortable with physical contact outside of sparring on most days, and hugging is a very unfamiliar feeling. He'd appreciated Minato-sensei's hugs though, back then, even if he hadn't always wanted to acknowledge it.
"Sensei?"
Her voice is muffled against his vest but she looks up at him with startled, green eyes. The hesitant hope he sees in them does strange things with his throat and he places a hand on her head, gently ruffling her hair.
"I'm sorry, Sakura. Sorry I wasn't there to help. Sorry you've had to go through this."
Her mouth opens, but no words come.
"You're not alone though. I'm here for you, if you want me. I'm not going anywhere."
She averts her gaze, rubbing her head against his chest. Wiping off tears, Kakashi suspects, judging from the light trembling of her shoulders.
Yeah, he's definitely been an ass. It's high time he started to do right by her.
"I'm sorry I didn't come for you sooner."
They stand like that for a couple of moments, silence between them. Kakashi relaxes a little, growing more familiar with the sensation of holding someone close like this. It's … not horrible.
With a sniffle, Sakura finally pulls away, discreetly wiping at her eyes.
"Thank you, sensei. I'm fine though. Really, I'm-"
"I'm serious, Sakura. I'm here for you, if you need me. If you want me."
She sniffs again. "What does that even mean? I don't … I'm not Naruto or Sasuke or …"
Right. He needs to talk to her in order for her to actually understand his intentions. Not everyone is as good at reading him as Gai is. Then again, even Gai has problems following his line of thought occasionally, and they've been friends since forever.
But Kakashi is really, really bad at putting words to his emotions.
"What I'm saying is, I'm here for you, Sakura. If you want me to. I realise I haven't been much of a sensei to you-"
"What are you even-"
"I've been far too focused on Naruto and Sasuke, at your cost. I should have been there for you sooner, and I wanted to help you, but for various reasons I couldn't and -"
Kakashi takes a deep breath, trying to calm his wildly beating heart. The reasons don't matter. All Sakura knows is that he hasn't been there for her when he should have, and the reasons won't really change that. So, back to the core of the issue.
"I've failed you, as a sensei, so many times. But if you haven't grown tired of me, I'd like to give it another shot."
Her eyes grow large, her mouth falling open again.
"I can't promise that I'll be the best sensei, or even a good one really, but I can promise you that I won't stop trying. Not unless you want me to."
And there it is. The most sincere, heartfelt, eloquent apology he's issued in … well, ever.
Distantly, he realises that his hands are trembling, and so he shoves them in his pockets to hide the vulnerability.
He has no right to her. Not anymore. But she doesn't deserve the abandonment.
"Kakashi-sensei, are you asking me to …" Sakura's voice wavers and dies, as if she's unable to finish the sentence.
They stare at each other. A door slams somewhere in the distance.
"Please become my apprentice?" The words come out dry but the plea is genuine.
It's not just that he's all that Sakura has left of team 7, he realises. She's the only thing he has left too.
Mine.
Pack.
"I … No, sensei, I- I can't. No."
Kakashi's heart sinks in his chest.
It's not enough.
He tried but … it's too little too late. Understandable, really, but painful nonetheless. He stomps down in that primal part of himself that's already growling in protest. It's not about him. It's about her. He'd offered her his support, but if she doesn't want it, then he'll just have to respect that. Even if it'll break him again.
"I understand. I'm sorry for-"
"I don't want to be anyone's third choice. I'm honoured that you offered, but after Naruto and Sasuke I'm just an obligation, and I don't want that. So thank you, Kakashi-sensei, but no thanks."
She turns away, ready to head back to the dormitories. Kakashi watches her retreating back, feeling as if the earth is crumbling beneath his feet.
"I'm sorry. I should have asked you sooner, but for what it's worth, I would be genuinely happy to have you as my apprentice."
Which is more than he can say about Naruto or Sasuke. Making Sasuke his apprentice had been a spur of the moment kind of thing, a quick decision made in order to protect Sasuke from Danzo. Naruto had been much the same; an offer born out of guilt over his own failures.
This is different. Kakashi can feel it in his bones. True, there's more guilt than he can currently process, but this … This is … He wants this, in a way he hasn't allowed himself to want anything in a very long time.
"Because I've got such great potential, right?" Sakura snarls, turning back towards him. Her eyes are ablaze beneath the tears, anger clearly rising to protect her from the sadness.
"Yes."
"Because I'm so … what?"
The anger comes to a sudden halt, giving room for confusion.
"I want you to be my apprentice because you've got potential." Kakashi shrugs. It's true. "I know a lot of jutsu, and I think it'd be interesting to teach you."
"My parents were career genin," Sakura reminds him. "I'm basically civilian-born, and I've got small chakra reserves, and …"
She fumbles for words.
"And on paper, you're most likely to end up behind a desk or as a nurse at the hospital," Kakashi finishes for her.
Sakura flinches at the words.
"I don't care about any of that. If that's what you want, then I'll do my best to guide you there."
Sakura is already shaking her head.
"But if not, then you'll be hard pressed to find a jounin with as wide a jutsu-repertoire as me."
The air is cold and Sakura is starting to shiver beneath her towel. He shouldn't be keeping her outside, but he needs her to understand that although he's been a fool she's not an obligation. Not just his third choice.
"Are you serious?"
Sakura's voice is smaller now, more hesitant.
"I'm serious. Whatever you want, I'm here for you. If you'll let me."
He tries to give her a reassuring look, uncertain if he's succeeding or not.
"What if I don't have what it takes to become chunin? What if I'm only meant to be a career genin, like my parents?"
Kakashi hums thoughtfully.
"For starters, I'm convinced you have what it takes to become a chunin, and probably even a jounin."
"That's not what you said before!"
"I was a fool before."
"It's like three months ago!"
"I'm older now. Wiser." Kakashi shrugs carelessly. He can't allow himself to delve into that guilt right now. "Anyway, even if you do want to stay as a genin, then I'll support you in that. You'll be the most well-equipped and knowledgeable genin in Konoha."
And while there is a small chance that she might remain a genin forever, Kakashi can no longer really see that happening.
Sakura huffs, pulling the towel more tightly around herself, but a smile is tugging at her lips.
"You're hopeless, sensei."
"Is that a yes?"
She glances towards the door, suddenly making Kakashi acutely aware that they've got an audience. An audience that is nodding quietly but fervently at Sakura.
"It's not a 'no'?"
Her voice is uncertain again, and he can see the fear of rejection in her eyes. He'll have to work on that. It'll take time to get her to trust him again, but he'll manage somehow.
For now he offers her his best impression of a pleading puppy-look. "Pretty please?"
She loses the fight against the smile and laughs at him.
"Fine. It's a yes."
Kakashi smiles in relief, and Sakura's friends cheer from the door.
"But I want that in writing! Lady Tsunade offered a really nice, formal contract, you know! And I don't want anyone to think anything untowards is going on, alright?"
Underage, unmarried, girl-student, Kakashi thinks with a shudder.
Yeah, they'll definitely draft a formal contract. But first-
"Go get warmed up! I'll see you tomorrow."
"I'll see you tomorrow, Kakashi-sensei."
With a smile she turns to her friends and heads inside.
Kakashi remains standing outside on the training field for a bit longer, staring up at the sky. He's got himself an apprentice. A kid with a penchant for trouble and far too many secrets for Kakashi's liking, but still.
Eventually he'll have to deal with his own guilt and failures and the ever-present fear of everyone around him dying, but for now, Kakashi can't stop grinning beneath the mask.
For once, he's looking forward to tomorrow.