Caroline fell asleep waiting for Kate to return, and when she woke at 2am, the space beside her was still empty.
Frowning, the blonde reached for the dressing gown she now left in Kate's bedroom and ventured into the house. "Kate?"
"Here." Kate said quietly. She was sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket, the TV on quietly.
"You didn't come back to bed." Caroline went to sit on the arm of the couch, but was relieved to find Kate opening her blanket and reaching out for her. The blonde moved to hold her and be enveloped in the warm blanket.
"…it's silly." Kate offered as she curled into Caroline, placing her head on her shoulder.
"I'm sure it's not. No sillier than all the panics I always have."
Kate dropped a kiss to Caroline's shoulder, the only place she could currently reach. "..Richard used to do that. Put his hand on…but he did it less after the first time. And after the second time he stopped altogether even when I wasn't…. And I couldn't bare you not touching me, Caroline. Because I know you're not always comfortable with words, but you show me what you want and what you mean with touch. And if you stopped…and i thought I was feeling ok, level headed, but then when you…it just hit me."
Caroline wriggled herself free from the embrace so she could face Kate. "That is never, ever going to happen. I know that might be hard to believe, but you'll have to trust me. Kate..being with you terrifies me. This relationship and everything that is going on terrifies me. But you're worth feeling that fear and doing it anyway. And I wouldn't be doing any of this if I thought there wasn't a future for us. A forever. And you're right, sometimes I find it hard to voice things, and I use touch instead, but I…am trying to use both. I am trying to open up more with my words, because I know you need that. A relationship is give and take." Caroline reached up suddenly to toy with the ring Kate wore around her neck, and then she reached out to undo the clasp. "I want you to wear this. Properly."
"But-"
"I don't care. This relationship is me and you. We are the only people who matter. I want you to wear this. I want people to know that I want to marry you. I want you to know that this is it for me. This is forever. Whatever happens. I love you. More than I've loved anyone in my life, apart from the boys, and there's no until. There's no because. It's just a fact. A full stop. I love you."
Kate studied Caroline's eyes and then finally gave a small smile, reaching out to place her hand in Caroline's so she could slide the ring on.
"Bed?" Caroline asked softly.
"Bed." Kate nodded, squeezing her hands.
When Caroline woke up the next morning she alone again, the bed sheets beside her cold.
She sat on the side of the bed for a few minutes running her had through her hair and trying to wake herself up properly before she ventured down the stairs, trying to calm the worry inside herself with deep breathing.
"Morning, mum." William glanced up from what he was doing. What was he doing?
"It's Roxy's birthday, so I'm making a cake. From scratch. Kate is helping me."
Rubbing her eyes, Caroline looked around. No kate.
"Can I make you a coffee?" William asked. He had spent enough mornings with his mother unable to formulate a sentence to know what was needed.
Caroline nodded and sat down, raking her hand through her hair again. "Where…where's.."
"Kate? She's gone to ask her neighbour for some flowers. He grows edible ones and we thought we could decorate the cake with them." William replied as he turned on the kettle.
"Got some! He didn't have any blue, but he did have purple. That will work, won't it?" Kate came back in.
"Yep. Thanks." William took the offered container. "Mum's up." He added needlessly.
"But is she awake?" Kate asked as she took over making Caroline a coffee.
"I'm not 100% sure." William replied.
As Caroline rubbed her face again, she noticed the sparkle coming from Kate's ring finger. Perhaps last night hadn't been a dream after all. "We're getting married."
Kate and William both turned to look at her, then William looked at Kate.
"…surprise!" Kate smiled warily.
She should have known there'd be no outburst from William, who simply hugged her and then his mother. "Last night at home? Not very romantic, mum."
Kate put a coffee in front of Caroline and then kissed her hair. "It wasn't last night. But it was the most romantic moment of my life, so don't tease your mother when she's half asleep!"
"'M not half asleep." Caroline mumbled before taking a sip of coffee.
"You are." Kate rested her bum against the bench in front of her as she neatened Caroline's hair, then she leaned forward to kiss her gently. "I love you. Full stop."
Caroline smiled and left her coffee on the bench to cuddle into Kate's chest. Kate gave William instructions as she stroked Caroline's hair and shoulders, dropping the occasional kiss to blonde locks.
William smiled to himself, happy.
Night time seemed to be the worst time for Kate. Things that didn't worry her during the day came back to haunt her at night with sudden viciousness. If she wasn't anxious when she was awake, she was having nightmares when she slept.
When the first viewer put In an offer for Caroline's home and she immediately accepted, that panic seemed to double. Caroline would have nowhere to get away from her if she became too much. She might seek solace elsewhere with someone else, just as Richard had done.
Though Kate didn't open up about her feelings, trying to reason them away on her own, Caroline unintentionally eased the fear one afternoon by singing happily to herself as she packed up her home office a couple of weeks later, substituting Kate's name for words in several songs.
As she listened to a rendition of "The girl I love" from the next room as she helped pack the cookery books, Kate sat back and finally allowed herself to put a hopeful hand to her middle.
"And I told him to bugger off. I said to him that even if he was the last man on earth-" Caroline stilled briefly mid-rant as Kate took her hand under the table and placed it on her still flat middle, then rested both hands on top of it.
They were in the middle of a dinner to celebrate their engagement with Kate's friends a month after their late night conversation when Kate suddenly felt an overwhelming rush of love for the woman who was terrified but did it anyway. Here she was sitting in a booth with a group of women who she was probably nervous about seeing and talking to, and was talking openly about mistakes she had made in the past.
Kate decided to take a leaf out of her book. Caroline glanced briefly at Kate, the meaning of the moment not lost on her as tears shimmered in her eyes and her voice lost some of its power as it continued. "I wouldn't accept a drink of cheap champagne from him."
"And then you married him." Claire laughed.
"And then I married him." Caroline nodded. "But I did insist on picking the drinks for the wedding."
"Do you have any ideas about what you'll do for this wedding? Anything either of you want to do that you didn't do first time around?" Another friend asked.
Only the couple and Claire knew about the baby as yet, so Caroline bit back her immediate response that came to mind; she wanted to marry Kate before the baby came. She didn't care about anything else except marrying Kate and being on the birth certificate of their child. If she was to be completely honest, she wanted to marry Kate every second of every day since she had allowed herself to think about the possibility.
She glanced towards Kate again, who seemed to understand her thoughts because she gave a smile, her hands holding Caroline's to her more tightly.
Caroline gave a watery smile back.
"I'm definitely not wearing another princess dress." Kate offered her friends, who all laughed, unaware of the silent conversation going on. "You should have seen Caroline's face when I showed her my wedding photos."
"I was just surprised!" Caroline protested. "It didn't seem very..you."
"Well, she was marrying a man, so I suppose the whole thing wasn't very 'Kate'." Another friend offered
"Can we focus on and laugh at someone else now, please!" Kate cried.
When the attention did focus on someone else, Caroline inched closer to Kate and leaned closer still to whisper how much she loved her.
"I adore you." Kate whispered back.
…
That night, the nightmares that usually plagued Kate did not appear.
Caroline had been sleeping lightly so she would wake if Kate got up or began to move around, but tonight she just gazed at her fiancée in the moonlight, trying to commit all her features to memory.
When no frown or whimper or cry came, Caroline finally closed her eyes and rested her head against her pillow.
Her hand remained where it had been all evening, on Kate's middle, held tightly there by two other hands.
The peace didn't last long, with Kate's second scan looming. It was booked on a Wednesday for after school, and Kate's uneasy stomach had been plaguing her more than usual.
"Is she available?" She asked Beverley at lunch time.
"She's in a meeting. Anything I can do?"
Kate paced back and forth wringing her hands and attempting to breathe deeply. Finally, she shook her head, then nodded, then shook her head again. "How long will she be?"
"They've only just started, so it could be an hour. Why don't you have a seat out here and I'll get you a cup of tea?" Beverley offered, standing up.
Again, Kate shook her head, nodded, and then shook her head again, a singular sob escaping her mouth as she opened it to reply.
Taking charge, Beverley walked over and led Kate to the couch, sitting her down and taking the shaking hands on her own.
"Caroline has a photo of you on her desk."
Kate drew in a shaking breath. "Does she?"
"One of you, William and Lawrence sitting on a bench at the rugby field looking absolutely miserable. She laughs every time she looks at it."
Kate let out a huff of a laugh. "Lawrence got tackled and had to sit most of the game out, I got in trouble for calling the referee a plonker, and William was annoyed because he agreed to go to one match per season and then his brother wasn't even playing."
"I bet Caroline was stood there happy as Larry with her big warm coat and her hand warmers."
Kate nodded, but another sob escaped her lips. "I'm going to lose the baby."
Beverley tightened her grip on Kate's hands. "No, you're n-"
"I think I'm bleeding."
There was a pause then and the room filled with quiet for a few seconds before Beverley moved into gear, squeezing her hands again before she stood up to knock firmly on the office door, not waiting for a reply before she pushed open the door.
A/N- sorry for another cliffhanger!