I opened my eyes in the dimly lit round room that had become familiar to me in the past week. A fire burned low in the fireplace, a warm light dancing on the stone walls. The sky outside the window was still deep blue, no evidence of the rising sun yet upon the horizon. I moved my heavy lidded, half asleep eyes to the clock on the bedside table. The white hands stood out from the black background telling me that it was almost 4:30. I closed my eyes, I was still so tired. I turned over onto my other side, opening my eyes again. Severus still lay sleeping. The golden light from the low fire flickered across his pale skin. His bare chest rose and fell with slow sleeping breaths. One arm was draped over the covers on top of his stomach, the other lay arched over his head, resting on his pillow, his fingers curled, relaxed in his palm. His face was smooth, his features found serenity in sleep and his dark lashes laid strikingly against white cheeks. I shifted closer to him, placing my lips softly against the warm skin of his shoulder.
He inhaled deeply at the feel of my kiss, stirring slowly. "Are you leaving already?" he whispered, his voice deep with sleep and eyes still closed.
"Unfortunately." I whispered back.
"I'll miss you." he said, reaching out the hand that had been on his stomach, placing the back of it on the covers at my hip, stroking back and forth over my curves.
I laid with him for a few more minutes, soaking in his warmth and memorising him the way I could only when his eyes were closed. My eyes followed the bend in his hook nose down to the twin waves that were his lips, tracing his chin down to the curve of his Adam's apple. I wished I could stay with him like this. I made the same wish every morning and each time it became more difficult to leave. No one was monitoring halls at this hour and I knew it was for the best that I left before the castle started awakening. I pressed my lips one more time against his shoulder, sending a gentle smile to his lips.
I pried myself grudgingly from his side and put on yesterday's clothes. I picked up my wand from the bedside table before I walked over to the hidden door to his office, as the wall slid open I paused to look at him one last time.
"Don't make any plans for tonight." he said, his voice still heavy with sleep.
"I was just planning to come here when it gets late, like every other night." I said, shrugging.
"Absolutely not." he said, sitting up, the covers sliding down into his lap. "Do you think I don't have anything planned?"
"Oh," I said, worried that I had misinterpreted the standing invitation I had thought I'd had for our nightly visits. "I suppose I thought you'd have told me if you'd made other plans. It's alright, I have some paperwork I could probably do."
"What are you talking about?" his brow creased in confusion.
"You have…what are you talking about?" I asked.
"What day is it, Ruby?" he asked.
I looked at him worried about which of us was losing our minds. "Thursday?" I answered with uncertainty.
"It's your birthday." he stated confidently. Something shifted in his eyes giving him a slight look of panic. "Isn't it? December 18th, I thought that was right, but now you're making me second guess."
"December 18th is my birthday, but it's not…" I paused calculating days in my head. "Oh no, I've forgotten my own birthday!"
Severus' brow smoothed and a smile spread across his mouth. "Shrieking Shack, ten o'clock."
"Should I bring anything?" I asked.
"I know I don't have the most experience with birthday parties, but I don't believe it is customary for the birthday girl to bring things to her own party. I said I have something planned, all you need to do is come." he gave me a smile that made my knees buckle and my heart melt. He pulled up his covers and laid back on his bed as he whispered. "I love you."
"I love you." I said back.
I walked alone across the snowy grounds in the clear December moonlight. My breath escaped in cloudy puffs as I made my way to the secret entrance under the Whomping Willow. It had been weeks since we had met at the shack. We were both in the castle and it was easy enough to meet in his office late at night, besides, the castle was much warmer than the Shrieking Shack. I wondered if he was planning to apparate somewhere more romantic, but he could apparate from the castle so it didn't make sense to make me come all the way out here in the cold if that was his plan. I reached the entrance under the willow, sliding over snow, wetness seeping through my jeans as I entered the tunnel. Everything was frozen, the hard earth crunched under my steps, the uneven ground unforgiving under my feet as I tripped over the peaks and valleys created by roots and mounds of frozen dirt.
A soft light radiated ahead, streams of yellow light cascading down from the trap door. I hurried forward and pulled myself up into the Shrieking Shack. Hesitation halted me as I entered an unfamiliar space. Midnight blue velvet hung over the walls covering the boarded up windows, fairy lights criss-crossed over the ceiling and lined the walls, shimmering against the dark blue fabric like golden stars. Emerald green fabric covered the sofa and chair, hiding the holes and making the room look less dingy. A golden clothed table sat against the wall, trays of food lined the top, in the middle of the spread sat a pink frosted cake, lifted high above in a place of important display. The light sound of music drew my attention to a far corner. Severus stood near a gramophone, lifting his hand from the needle as soft, ancient, orchestral music played. He turned, his eyes falling on me, a smile lighting up his features.
He lifted his hands, gesturing to the room. "Did I do alright?"
My eyes didn't leave his face. "It's gorgeous."
"I meant the decorations." his tone was teasing and the look on his face made me want to kiss him.
"Oh," I said in mock surprise, giving the room a quick glance. "Yes, those are nice too."
"Happy Birthday." he said, walking over to me, holding out his hand to receive mine. "What should we do first?"
"What are you most excited for?" I asked. "We can do that first."
He shook his head. "I've been told that presents are done last."
"You got me a present?" I said, clasping my hands over my heart.
He smiled. "I didn't bring any games because I don't have any, so I suppose that leaves food. Hungry?"
"I can always eat." I said as Severus let me over to the table draped in gold. There were meat pies, ham and cheese sandwiches cut into triangles, Yorkshire puddings, and sausage rolls. I hadn't eaten since lunch because I didn't know what Severus' plans included. I was relieved there was food, I'd have been upset if there wasn't.
"I want it noted, and appreciated, that I did use polyjuice potion to turn into Slughorn to get this food." Severus bragged.
I laughed. "Why?"
"Can you imagine me, with my current image, going into the kitchens and explaining that I needed party food and a vanilla cake with strawberries and pink icing? I'd have been ruined. No, I thought to myself, who would this be the least strange coming from, so I became Horace." He picked up the plate of sausage rolls and held it out to me. "I believe you said these were your favourite."
I took a roll from the tray and smiled at him. We each grabbed plates of food and retired to the fabric covered sofa. We talked about little things, nothing serious, and made up scenarios that made both of us laugh. It made me happy to see him happy. So often lately there had been sadness, exhaustion, and nervousness more often than not. It made my heart warm to see him smiling and laughing and with my nightly visits, where I forced him to sleep, the tired circles under his eyes were much lighter. He looked younger, more vibrant, in this room with me. I was struck by a powerful realisation of how much I loved him.
"Cake?" he asked after both of our plates had been empty for a while.
"Then my present?" I asked, with childlike glee.
He smiled, taking the empty plate from my hand and standing. "Yes, then your presents."
He left and returned with two slices of cake. I ate the entire slice, convinced it may have been one of the best cakes I had had. The house elves really outdid themselves. It was simple enough, white vanilla cake with fresh strawberry slices and whipped cream in the middle. The frosting on the outside was strawberry buttercream that tasted like the most perfect summer strawberry even though it was the middle of December. Severus took a bite of the vanilla cake before pulling the cake layers apart, eating only the strawberries and cream. "Still not a fan of sweets?" I asked.
He shook his head. "But it's your birthday and I know you require cake on such an occasion. The strawberries are good though."
I leaned forward, gently moving his hand holding the plate out of the way as I gently pressed my lips to his. He tasted of sugar and strawberries, somehow sweeter than the cake. I was content remaining pressed up against him, the taste of him on my lips, but he pulled away. For a moment I panicked that something was wrong, but a small smile was on his face.
"Presents." he said as he stood up. He disappeared to a different room, returning quickly carrying two gifts wrapped in green paper with dark blue ribbons tied around them.
"I hope you like them." He said, placing them in front of me.
I lifted the one on top. I had read enough books in my life to know that was what it was, I pulled loose the ribbon and ripped away the paper revealing the title Weird and Wacky Medical Maladies. I let out a laugh at the title. I looked over at Severus who wore an entertained expression before telling me that title had been on his shelf for years. He'd leafed through it and decided I would like it. Most of the things listed were ridiculous and silly.
I picked up another gift, this one was lighter though larger than the last. I tore away the paper exposing a flat box, lifting the lid revealed a green cable knit scarf. The edges featured swirling, overlapping, circular cables. Up the middle of the scarf was a vine of raised stitches, leaves crawling up along them. "It's beautiful." I said, running my fingers over a knitted leaf.
"I made that." Severus said proudly with a smile.
"I didn't know you could knit." I said, impressed. I had tried to learn once but was unable to ever get two stitches to be the same size and gave up rather quickly.
"Don't go around telling people, but I've done quite a bit of knitting while waiting for news of Potter. It distracts me." he said. "That green matches your eyes, practically identical."
"You're amazing." I said, wrapping the scarf around my neck. "Thank you."
He looked at me for a moment, his face contented, his eyes filled with a pleasant warmth. Something shifted in them as he ran a hand over his robes, there was a nervous determination. "I have one more for you." He reached a hand into his pocket, pulling out a small box. "This has been waiting for you for a while now. I wanted to give it to you years ago, many, many years ago." He held out the box to me and I took it gently from his hand. I untied the ribbon and lifted the top.
Inside were red rose petals and nestled among the petals was a silver ring. My heart skipped a beat as I reached for the jewellery. The centre stone was a beautiful blue sandstone, silver flecks shining in the dark blue like stars in the night sky. Two small star shaped salt and pepper diamonds sat at the top and bottom, flanked by two round smokey grey stones. Two crescent moons sat on the sides, facing away from the centerstone, milky white opals glistened in pastel radiance mimicking the shine of the real moon. Two more circular blue sandstones filled the curve of the moons. I lifted my eyes from the glittering ring to Severus' face filled with nervousness. My heart beat rapidly in my chest.
"Like I said," he continued. "I wanted to give this to you years ago, when I thought I could make promises like this. I wanted to move to London with you. I was going to get a job at the Ministry, you were going to start at St. Mungo's, and I had hopes of buying a flat with you, living with you, being with you. I was going to give you that ring and promise you forever. At the time it seemed an easy promise to make. But now…" He paused, his mouth curving down. He took a deep breath, determination overtaking the look of sadness. "Ruby, if I still had a forever to promise, I want you to know that it would be unquestionably yours, that I am unquestionably yours, and that I will love you as long as my heart continues beating."
My hands shook as I held the ring between my index finger and thumb. It felt as though my heart was humming instead of actually beating. I couldn't pull my eyes away from his beautiful face, his words replaying in my mind. He spoke every word as though he didn't have much time, as though his heart wouldn't be beating much longer. I felt the tears welling in my eyes before they started obstructing my vision. I was suddenly very angry with myself for the choice I made years ago. All this time I could have had Severus, I could have kept him, we could have been so happy. Dumbledore could have figured out another way to work his plan, he would have figured out another way. Severus could have had a forever and I would have lived it with him.
"Hey," Severus said gently, raising his hand to my cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb. "Don't cry." He stood, taking me by the hands and pulling me up. I stood in front of him still clutching the ring, tears streaming down my face. He slowly grasped the ring, taking it from my fingers. "May I?" he asked, reaching for my left hand. He straightened the fingers on my shaking hand and slowly slid the ring onto the third finger, lifting my hand to kiss it once it was in place. He lifted my hands, draping them over his shoulders before running his hands up my arms and down my sides before coming to rest on my waist.
He held my body close to his and began swaying to the soft music playing from the gramophone. I laid my head on his chest, feeling a bittersweet happiness as I lifted my hand and admired the beautiful ring. A smile found its way to my face as I placed my hand back on his shoulder, pulling myself closer to him and holding him tightly.
"You know," he began, his voice soft and warm as our bodies moved to the slow music. "Whenever I see stars, I think of you. I don't know if it's because we were looking at the night sky when I realised I was falling in love with you, or if it's because when I look into your eyes I see a celestial infinity, endless possibilities stretching on forever." He was quiet for a moment, his words washing over me, filling me with warmth. "Or perhaps it's because of those hideous gloves you loved so much." He smiled at me and I couldn't stop myself from laughing. "You are my moon and my stars," he continued. "You, my love, are more heavenly than the night sky and I would gaze at you with incredulous wonder for all eternity."
"I'm not that special." I said softly against his chest.
"Oh, but you are." I could hear the loving joy in his tone, as he stopped swaying and lifted my chin to look at him. "So much so that my words don't even come close to expressing how much I really love you. I'm not sure any words are large enough in their meanings to even scratch the surface."
I looked at the ring one more time. You are my moon and my stars, his words repeated in my head filling me with happiness so incandescent it must have been shining through my skin. I was never going to remove this symbol of Severus. Grasping him by the back of the neck, I pulled his lips to mine. He melted into my kiss, his lips pressing with delicious force on mine. I felt his hands tighten around me before he dipped me down, his lips sliding to my throat. The sudden movement startled me and I over compensated my balance. I tipped backwards with a yelp, pulling Severus down with me. We landed on the floor in a heap, laughing.
His body shook with deep laughter, a sound I had never heard come from him. It brought my heart near bursting as he rolled off of me, the chuckles still bouncing from his body. I followed his movement, moving with him, curving into his side with my hand on his stomach. He continued his fit, gasping for air inbetween bouts of laughter. I watched him, knowing in real time that this was going to be a memory of him I would replay for the rest of my life. The happiness was almost too much and threatened to overflow as tears.
"What can possibly be so funny?" I asked, smiling.
He caught enough breath to answer, "The sound you made." His laughter was renewed as he did a very unflattering imitation of the screech I made when we fell.
"Stop it." I pleaded through my own laughs.
His guffaws died down after a moment and we lay together on the floor in the creaking, swaying old house. He lifted his hand to cover mine as it lay on his chest. His finger traced the ring, a soft smile on his face.
"So, what were you thinking?" I asked.
"About what?" His attention turned to me.
"Well, I'd assume elopement considering the circumstances, but maybe we could have a ceremony with friends and family once all of this is over." I said, considering logistics as I spoke.
His eyes went wide with surprise and then his expression changed to pity. "Ruby," he pulled away and sat up, supporting outstretched arms on his knees as he hung his head, refusing to look at me. "I can't actually marry you."
"What do you mean you can't marry me?" I snapped. "You gave me an engagement ring."
"An engagement ring that I bought when I had more than a few months of sub-par attention to give you. Ruby, I would be a terrible husband right now." he argued.
"So, all I get is a meaningless, albeit, very pretty ring?" I watched him as he looked at me with a tired sadness.
"It's better this way, you know." he whispered, pressing the backs of his fingers to his lips, his eyes glazed over in thought.
"Do you remember when we said that we weren't going to make decisions for one another anymore?" I asked calmly.
His gaze snapped to me and he released a heavy sigh. "Yes, I remember that, but, Ruby–"
"I think this falls under that." I said. "You're deciding for me when what we should do is have a reasonable conversation about it. I'll start; I love you and I want to marry you. Your turn."
He took a deep breath shaking his head. "I don't want to leave you a widow."
I slid next to him, threading my fingers with his and placing my ringed hand on top of his. "I would rather be your widow than anyone else's wife."
He looked slowly over to me, a smile pulling at his lips before a laugh burst from him. "What a horrible thing to say."
I smiled. "It sounded better in my head."
He stared at me, his eyes looking deep into my eyes. The butterflies in my stomach began whirling. "Is this really what you want?"
I nodded my head more enthusiastically than I intended. "Absolutely, completely, without a doubt."
He shook his head with a smile. "I suppose I should do this the correct way, then." He pulled the ring gently from my finger, shifting around to kneel in front of me on one knee. I couldn't stop myself from smiling like an idiot as he softly clasped my hand with his. "Ruby Katherine Winston, love of my life, soother of my soul, will you please accept this ring and agree to be my wife?"
I placed my hand on my chest in mock surprise. "How sudden and unexpected! I shall need at least a fortnight to consider this major decision."
"Ruby." he said with slight exasperation.
I flung my arms around his neck and pressed my lips eagerly to his. His hand slid to the small of my back and my heart felt as though it was going to burst with happiness. I pulled my lips from his and moved into a tight hug. "Yes." I whispered. "Nothing in the world could make me happier."