Titans: Elemental

by B.E.A.T.N

When there's trouble, you know who to call... A retelling of my favorite superhero cartoon, TEEN TITANS, with my own spin on various moments. This story is set in the same universe as the DCAU, an OC added to the team with more later on, certain characters have different fates, and other changes you'll all have to wait to see...

100. Chapter 100

Titans: Elemental

Chapter 100: Employee of the Month, Part 1

We see the full moon, hanging low and large among drifting clouds in the night sky. We look down to a farmer's field, in which a scarecrow has been erected and fireflies wink here and there. We follow them over to the barn, a pig is sleeping blissfully in its mud with several others. The fireflies make their way over the porkers, and we then look across a pasture filled with contented cows and the luminous insects. We then see a farmhouse porch, where a man and woman are seated in rocking chairs as the fireflies flit among their legs.

This is an elderly couple, and she is hard at work on some knitting. A gust of wind plays across them, drawing their attention, then we look to the barn and up to the moon above it. The source of the wind, a flying saucer, rises into view and swoops down past the porch; the old man and woman flick their eyes incuriously toward it as another gust blows past them.

All the animals save one cow scatter from a pool of white light that shines down from above; this centers itself on the stationary animal, and we see the alien craft hovering above it. A hatch on the underside opens, allowing that light to pour forth unchecked, and the cow is seized in a set of three long pincers and hauled up. The old man gets to his feet and pulls off his entire face, exposing Dick's head beneath it, he has been working undercover.

Dick, "Titans! Now!"

We see the scarecrow, which disintegrates as Raven emerges from the rags and zooms down. The old farmer's wife loses her glasses and knitting, and her entire body shreds itself when Starfire bursts out. Kom' bursts out of the front door, eyes blazing!

Bryan and Rose jump down from the top of the barn.

We see the pigsty; one of the inhabitants wakes up, shakes itself clean, and turns into Changeling for a moment. He immediately assumes the form of a tyrannosaurus rex and sets off toward the flying saucer with thundering footsteps and a bellowing scream. The cow, meanwhile, is still being towed away; suddenly, a hatch opens up on the back and Vic pops out.

Vic, "Moo-yah!"

Jack flies in on a slab of Earth, and can't help but groan at the pun.

Vic shoots out two pincers with his sonic cannon, letting the faux bovine drop, and seizes the third one to swing himself up onto the fuselage. As soon as the cow's remains hit the ground in a shower of sparks, emitters pop out from the craft's underside and begin shooting beams in all directions. While Raven, Kom', Jack and Starfire do a little fancy dodging in midair, Dick, now fully out of his farmer disguise, Bryan and Rose have to rely on footwork to stay ahead of the one slicing into the dirt. Another shot scores a bullseye on Changeling, propelling him into the barn, and the ship starts to buck crazily in a ploy to throw the yelling Vic off its rim.

Vic, "it's getting awaaaaayyyyy!"

One hard spin sends him whirling away. We see the massive green dinosaur amid the debris from the wrecked barn; as the saucer whisks overhead, he resumes human form.

Changeling, "Cyborg!"

In a blink, he has become a pterodactyl and is flapping for all he is worth to get up there. Dick, Bryan and Rose give chase on the ground while the sisters, Raven and Jack back up the aerial pursuit.

We see Vic still hanging on for dear life and yelling his lungs out. The saucer backs up sharply and keeps trying to shake him loose, but he absolutely won't budge.

Vic, "is that all you got?"

The ship does a violent flip and goes into a nosedive, and the rest of the Titans continue their desperate race to catch up.

Rose and Bryan are now on Jack's slab of Earth.

Dick is now hunched over the N-Cycle's handlebars and sporting a different set of gear from past rides. He sports a new form-fitting black helmet with a yellow visor that reaches down low over his nose, much like a bird's beak. Also, he is wearing a cape for this mission, its hem is cut to resemble wing feathers. He leaps from the seat and spreads his arms wide; the wind picks up the cape's edge and allows him to glide along.

Dick, "Cyborg, we're closing in. Hang on!"

Beams explode around all the flyers; as Dick pulls away, we see that his gliding is helped along by jet thrusters built into his boots.

Vic, "that's what I'm trying to do!"

The saucer arcs high above the barn and then dives sharply into it, flying neatly through the open doors at both ends. Everyone else detours around the structure; Changeling quickly finds himself outpaced by Dick and, surprised and sweating a bit, hustles to pull even. As the screaming stowaway Titan hurdles along, the green avian drops out of sight from exhaustion. He quickly comes back up as a falcon, but falls behind again; next, as a hummingbird, he goes down once more. By the time he hits the ground, he has become a buffalo and started to run at full speed, but he is unable to keep up with the others. Ostrich, cheetah, human, none of these forms gives him enough leg power to keep up with the airborne Titans. Finally, he gives up and slumps over, trying to catch his breath.

Changeling, "how come I'm the only one who actually has to run?"

….

We see a block in Jump City. The saucer hurtles down the street, with Dick, Rose, Bryan, Kom', Jack, Raven and Starfire hot on its tail, and opens fire. Raven creates a barrier to block the shots.

Vic, "time to see what you got under the hood!"

He punches a hole in the edge; sparks fly everywhere and the thing stops dead, hurling him forward.

Vic, "whoa!"

He crashes into a building and tumbles toward the street amid a shower of masonry fragments. All the flying Titans race down after him; several onlookers gasp in fright, and Raven pulls in to stop the rubble just short of the sidewalk. Jack quickly does the same. Dick, Kom' and Starfire whisk the people to safety, after which Raven and Jack release their hold and let the junk hit the ground. Vic pokes his head out of the pile, shakes a bit to clear it, and looks around; the others reach him.

Dick, "Cyborg! Where did it go?"

Vic, "I don't know. It just disappeared."

Changeling arrives as a bear. The shape-shifter resumes human form, and Dick pulls off his helmet.

Dick, "this is the third time this week it's gotten away!"

Vic walks to Dick, "well, at least there's some good news."

Changeling, "you've finally decided to let me drive the T-Car?"

There is a long pause that's only broken up by Kom giggling like a hyena for a few seconds until Starfire covers her sister's mouth.

Vic, "no! I found a new place for breakfast!"

As he says this, he backs up to reveal a restaurant behind him; Mega Meaty Meat, a diner-style place with a large cow's head on its sign. It is open; the sun rises to the sound of a rooster crowing.

Dick, "Mega Meaty Meat? I've never heard of this place before."

Rose, "me neither."

Raven, "sounds healthy."

Bryan, "obvious sarcasm is obvious."

Vic, "come on, guys. What better way to end an all-night stakeout than with a nice juicy steak?"

Changeling, "hel-lo? Do the words; 'I'm a vegetarian' mean anything to you? There is no way you could ever get me inside a place like that!"

Kom', "same here. This place just looks kind of…. Gross."

Dick, "besides, we should get back to the Tower and start tracking that ship."

Jack, "Nightwing's right. That thing is still out there, and we've gotta find it."

As everyone else heads off down the street, the carnivorous Titan ducks inside and emerges an instant later, chomping happily at his purchase; a hefty burger that he downs in one giant bite.

Vic, "meat-tastic!"

….

We see the word "HOT" in big red letters and look to show the word "RIDE" to its right. This is the cover of a magazine Changeling is reading on the roof of Titans Tower.

Changeling sighs blissfully, "I think I'm in love."

He turns it sideways, unfurls a centerfold, and moans happily as he ogles it with hearts in his eyes. Behind him, Starfire and Kom' moves wonderingly into view for a look.

Changeling, "isn't she amazing?"

Starfire, "uh, you are aware this 'she' you feel affection for is merely a land vehicle?"

Kom', "yeah. I don't get the appeal."

Changeling gets himself under control, "this is no ordinary land vehicle, girls", he shows a centerfold to them, "you're looking at the Tidwell 3000."

We see the three-page illustration; a white moped marked with the brand name.

Changeling, "the sweetest moped ever built", they look up with some disgust, "you know, if I had one of these babies, hey! Why don't I have one of these babies?"

He studies the ad for another moment. The accompanying grin says that he has just had a brainstorm, warped though it might well be.

….

We later see the living room. On the window/screen is a still shot of the flying saucer, from last night's farm attack. We see Jack and Dick at a computer console; the former has removed his cape.

Dick, "we've got to figure out why these things keep attacking farms."

Changeling leans in.

Changeling, "guys, you know how sometimes in a chase, it's hard for me to keep up?"

Dick, "uh, honestly, I've never really noticed."

The green gearhead steams a bit at this.

Jack, "I actually have. I mean, we all usually have a way of keeping up with each other, but your way of flying or keeping up must be a bit tiring."

Changeling, "thank you! Anyways…."

He leans down in front, smiling again and scaring Dick off the keys.

Changeling, "I've found the solution."

Kom' finds herself walking in, and becomes intrigued by what's going on.

Changeling, "you've seen the T-Car, and the T-Ship, and we all think the N-Cycle and your new glider thingie are way cool. But now it's time to introduce the newest Titan vehicle. Ladies and gentlemen, dudes and dudettes, I give you…. The C-Ped!"

Changeling shows the ad for the moped. Changeling has scribbled over the front with a T.

Dick, "Changeling, you don't need a moped. You can fly."

Changeling drops the notes he has brought along to bolster his case and shuffles off.

Changeling, "yeah, but my arms get tired."

Jack, "Dick, he kind of has a point. I mean, everyone else on the team who can fly doesn't need to flap wings or anything."

Kom', "yeah, he's right."

Dick, "maybe we'll get him something later on…."

….

We see Changeling at a drawing board. Kom' stands nearby, starting to get invested in her teammate's plight.

Changeling has drawn a schematic of the vehicle.

Changeling, "okay, then me and Vic will just have to build one."

….

We see a cow's head and shoulders; the beast is suspended from ceiling hooks, and the glare of welding sparks plays over the motionless face. It's the mechanical livestock Vic hid in the night before, and he is making repairs. With no warning, Changeling pops up and spreads out his blueprint in the big man's face. Kom' is floating nearby.

Changeling, "come on, Victor! I'll even let you design the rocket launcher."

Kom', "yeah. Could be fun for you two."

Vic, "sorry, Changeling, gotta fix up the Cy-Cow", he lowers the welding mask, "we might need to go back undercover."

He bends to his work, prompting the little goofball to fume and stalk away. Kom' floats after him, wanting to see how all of this would play out.

….

We see the living room, where Dick and Jack have cleared out and Raven now floats several feet above the floor, reading.

Changeling paces as Kom' watches him ranting.

Changeling, "I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy! Dick says no, Victor says no, how am I supposed to get a moped if everyone keeps shutting me down?"

Raven, "well, you could always just get a job and buy one."

Changeling, "oh!"

Kom', "good idea, Raven."

Raven, "why are you interested in this stupidity?"

Kom', "color my interest peaked?"

….

We see the exterior of GameStation Labs, a multi-story research facility in Jump City. We then see a large door inside marked "Test Lab", followed by the interior of this room. It is dark here, and Changeling is facing a long mirror set in one wall. There is a speaker set in the glass, suggesting that it is one-way.

Changeling, "so let me get this straight. All I have to do is play video games all day long, and you'll pay me? With money?"

We see the other side of the mirror; several observers are here. Kom' seems to have snuck in to watch.

Observer, "that's correct. We need regular kids like you to beta-test our ultra-experimental GameStation Turbo Extreme."

Kom' whispered, "he's in his twenties at this point…."

Changeling looks excited over this prospect. He cuts his eyes off to one side; there is a blinding flash from that direction and his face is nearly pushed off his skull. The radiance wipes out the entire area and slowly subsides to expose a mammoth tower of a gaming system. Its surfaces are bedecked with glowing red circuitry, and we look down to fully frame the huge steel letters bolted onto the sides: "GSTX." Changeling stands awestruck before the setup and a panel with controls and screen. A waterfall of tears pours from each eye.

Changeling, "it's so shiny!"

Observer, "yes, it is very shiny. But remember, this is our only prototype, so please, be careful."

Changeling, "no problem. I deal with high-tech stuff all the time."

Kom', "and here we go…."

Changeling crosses the room and tweaks a joystick. Beeping, a button press, and….

….

There is a thundering explosion beyond the door, which falls off its hinges in a thick cloud of smoke.

We look along a Jump City sidewalk; Changeling makes his way into view, his body smoking, his brain still reeling from the mishap. Needless to say, he is out of a job.

Kom' floats behind and says, "if it explodes from something like THAT, it isn't gonna be safe for kids to play with…."

Changeling and Kom promptly stop at a sign in a window: "Human Help Wanted."

Changeling, "'Help Wanted.' Sweet!"

He is about to rush in, but Kom' pulls him back as they take a wary look upward. They are standing outside Mega Meaty Meat, the one place they swore they would never enter. The huge cow's-head sign moos.

Changeling groans, "not sweet."

Kom', "let's see if we can get you a different job. I'm way too invested at this point to quit now…."

They trudge off.

….

We see a house in the suburbs, then see the front doorbell. A label marked "Ring This" is set above it, and Changeling reaches into view and follows orders. He has changed into a suit and hat, his hair is back in order, and the mother and daughter who answer the door seem a bit off guard at his presence. He has the salesman act down, including the briefcase he carries. Kom' is floating by the mailbox, wondering what'll happen next.

Changeling tips his hat, "are you tired of vacuums that just don't…. Do the job?"

He strides in, drops his case on the floor; leading to a startled yowl from a cat, and pulls off his hat. Holding it right side up, he lets a shower of dirt pour onto the carpet until it has formed a pile nearly as tall as he is. There is a general horrified reaction as he plunks the fedora back on his head and rummages in the case.

Changeling, "well, look no further, sir or madam", he yanks out a vacuum cleaner, "the Hose-a-tron X-9 and its state-of-the-art cyclotronic action is guaranteed to make the housework a breeze. With one flip of the switch, see how easily it cleans up this bag of dirt I got from your yard."

The thing cranks up.

We see the exterior of the house, which is promptly blown straight up to kingdom come. A bit too much horsepower for the job, obviously.

….

We see Mega Meaty Meat; the "Human Help Wanted" notice is still in the window, and the big sign moos again.

Changeling limps up, freshly unemployed and now in terrible shape, suit shredded, one eye blacked, huge lump over the other one, cast in one arm.

Kom', unharmed, said, "the stupid thing exploded! It's like these manufacturers WANT their products to blow up!"

They both stop at the door and Changeling proceeds to bring up the entire Hose-a-Tron in one mighty retching.

Changeling, "seriously, not sweet."

Another moo.

….

We see a group of kids in the park; they are walking up to a gaily dressed figure who is only slightly in view.

A girl yelled, "I want a monkey!"

We see the figure's face: Changeling, dressed and made up as a clown, and not enjoying this new gig one bit. Kom' is leaning against a tree. There was no-one on Earth who could get her to dress like a clown.

Changeling, "right. Monkey. I can do that."

We see a large box marked "Balloon Animals" next to him. He fishes around for a second and comes up with an uninflated balloon, whose end he shoves in his mouth. Deep breath; pull back as the thing expands to at least twenty times the diameter that any ordinary rubber party balloon should be able to reach. Tying off the neck, he tries his best to shape the vast bulging rubber form into something recognizable, only to have it end up in its original round shape. One mighty squeeze causes the balloon to bulge onto the kids' heads; they recoil from the awful squeak of latex against glove fabric as Changeling tries his best to make a monkey. The balloon explodes with enough force to shake the entire planet.

Back in the park, Changeling's clown outfit swells out of all measure and explodes off his body, revealing his usual outfit beneath and angering the little girl no end.

She yells, "that's not a monkey! You stink!"

All walk away; stunned silence from him.

Changeling, "wait! Monkey! Look!"

He laughs frantically and drops out of sight; he has turned himself into the made-to-order primate. No dice, though, as the customers have deserted him for good. The end of his tail flops over in a lonely gust of wind that whistles through the park.

Kom', "little turds."

….

We once again see the sidewalk outside Mega Meaty Meat. Here comes Changeling and Kom', the former slumped over, down in the mouth, sporting a serious case of five-o'clock shadow, but this time, he turns his steps toward the window and its "Human Help Wanted" sign. As soon as he is inside, he takes it out of the window. Kom' flies in, wondering how THIS will go.

We see them shuffling across the lobby and staring glumly at the sign. After a few steps, they stop short and look up with combined surprise and horror; the reason is revealed when we see the menu board. Every single item on it is a cut of meat, and a look down the wall reveals the outline of a side of beef, with each entrée marked as to where it is cut from. When the two rise into view, their twisted expression and the hands clapped to their cheeks reveal just how truly revolting this display is for a vegetarian like Changeling and someone with taste like Kom'. We see the restaurant's mascot; a guy in a steak costume and bow tie; he speaks in a high voice, the suit's mouth not moving.

The Mascot, "it's meat-tastic!"

On this line, the disheveled Titans lean into view, Changeling's mouth stretched in a silent scream.

Changeling, "okay, bad idea."

Kom', "very bad idea. Let's get the heck outta here!"

As Changeling hunches down, a man is revealed in shadow behind him. We can see the gleam of eyeglasses, a pot belly, a short-sleeved white shirt, necktie, and name tag. This is Bob.

Bob, "hey there, Jimmy and Cindy. I see you found our sign", he leans forward forcefully, "do you like meat?"

The motion brings his chin squarely down on the would-be employee's head and exposes his face fully. Hair in a 1950s style, gray at the temples and back, horn-rimmed glasses.

Changeling, "it's Changeling, actually, and I'm a vegetarian. So I really shouldn't be here."

Kom', "yeah, same here. So we just wanna leave. And my name is Blackfire."

They take one long step away, leaving Bob to crash flat on his face, and head out. However, the man is quickly up again and just as cheerful once he gets his balance back.

Bob, "that's super, Ricky and Jamie. Say, do you like mopeds?"

This stops the green Titan short at the door; we see his suddenly crazed eyes.

Kom' rolled her eyes.

Bob slides over to something covered with a curtain.

Bob, "because we're giving away one of these spiffy land vehicles to our Employee Person of the Month."

He pulls a nearby cord, dropping out of sight, and up goes the curtain to reveal a gleaming Tidwell 3000 on a pedestal. In no time flat, Changeling, his facial stubble gone, zips up and touches the tip of one finger to its seat, as if expecting the thing to explode or disintegrate on contact. When it does neither, he hugs it blissfully and rubs his cheek against the seat.

Kom' groaned, "this is gonna get weird, ain't it?"

Changeling, "when can I start?"

He drools a bit and is promptly yanked away by Bob.

We see the counter; Changeling now wears an apron and a paper cap, and Bob shoves him to a register.

Bob, "welcome to Mega Meaty Meat, Lenny. Are you gonna join up, Kelly?"

Kom', "nope. I'm just here to see how crazy this stuff goes."

Bob simply smiled.

Changeling, "no, it's Jimmy…. I-I-I mean, Changeling. Uh, maybe I could just have a name tag."

Bob points at his own tag, "you can call me Bob."

Changeling, "okay…."

Bob puts a hand on Changeling's shoulder.

Bob, "I like you, Danny…. I'll be in the back."

The new cashier stares, puzzled, as Bob goes to a door marked "Employees Only" and stops to give an index-finger gun. As he enters the back room, the door swings open long enough to expose frozen sides of beef hanging there. Changeling utters a queasy little moan.

Changeling, "there's one place I definitely won't be going. Hey, wait! A-Aren't you supposed to train me or something? Hello? Bob?"

Kom' sits at a stool and said, "this just keeps getting weirder and weirder. I'm all for seeing how the heck this all goes."

We see the bell on the counter. A hand rings it, Changeling looks up in alarm, and we look into the lobby, which has instantly filled up with customers.

Kom', "how the-?!"

One fat guy steps up to the counter. The rookie steps up to the cash register.

Changeling, "can I, um, uh, take your order?"

Fat customer, "gimme the Number One."

Changeling, "right. Number One. Coming up. Any minute now."

We see a slot in the wall, on one side where the counter wraps around. Right on cue, a tray slides out through it from the back room and stops neatly at the register. Only it is a freshly made sandwich on a hamburger bun.

Changeling picks up the tray, "uh…. Does this look like a Number One to you?"

The guy gives a puzzled "I don't know" grunt, takes the food, and walks off. More trays promptly slide out in such quick succession that they start knocking into one another. Confusion sets in for the beleaguered employee and Kom', who look back toward the slot; no more food is coming out for the moment.

….

In the back room, empty trays are carried along on a conveyor belt. A dollop of white goo is dumped onto each and instantly forms into a sandwich. The source is revealed; Bob is here, his arms having become wads of this slop.

Bob, "everything is going according to plan, Supreme Creator."

We see an oscilloscope display. The flatline gives way to a signal that jumps with the sound of the next voice, which is heavily distorted; the Supreme Creator.

The Creator, "and the humans?"

The belt again. Now nothing remains of Bob but his head on a tray.

Bob, "they suspect nothing."

He becomes a sandwich, and an exact duplicate walks up to the belt. This one's glasses shine with an unwholesome inner light, and his mouth is twisted up into a cruel grin. His laughter climbs in pitch….

….

Reviews:

raven 2012: glad you liked it.

Bailey Radcliff: thank you very much. I'm not sure when I'll get Potter Twins 5 done. Glad your story is going well. Happy you're excited for more of this story. I was thinking of doing a Guardians of the Galaxy sorry at some point.

pokemonking0924: Jack will keep the cloak he got in the last episode as his main look. Bryan will keep his armor as well, but on display. And I'm glad you like how I made Sarah the descendant of Sarasim. Hope you'll enjoy this episode.

Canadude2029: glad you enjoyed this chapter and are excited for more.

Ushindi: thanks so much. I'm glad you enjoyed my take on this chapter.

DaV1nc136: thanks for leaving reviews. Glad you're excited for the Trigon Story Arc! I'm glad you liked the various things added into the chapters. Such as the jokes in 94 and 95 and how I treated Control Freak in 92 and 93. Great Megamind reference you made. Glad you're back to review chapters. Hope your life is doing well right now.

….

One of the funniest episodes of the show. I decided to have Kom' helping Changeling during this episode just to add some more fun interactions.

Although I find it VERY funny how THIS is the 100th chapter of the story!

And if you haven't already, please vote on my Omnitrix: UAF poll. Make sure you pick 7 of the choices on it.