Secrets Kept
Again, apologies for any continuity issues or clunkiness compared to earlier chapters. This was the first new chapter I've started for this story in at least six years and Gary's character is coming to me quite a bit differently from how he did back in the beginning of writing this fic.
Gary's anxious in this one, but that's not going to last too long, promise! Also, Professor Birch doesn't have a canon first name, but he feels like a Jonathan to me so… Yeah. I dunno why but that's the name that stuck.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Tracey closed his sketchbook with a smile and closed his eyes for a moment as the ocean breeze caressed his face. The sea was calm as the daylight faded and it was a beautiful scene, now captured as a sketch - the last sketch of this trip home.
As enjoyable as his time at Sunburst had been, he was happy to be heading back to Pallet. He had surprised himself with how much he had missed Gary in the mere week that they were apart but he assumed it had something to do with how excited he was to be in this relationship. The excitement had crept up on him in a way, with his family's discovery and support of the relationship being a sort of catalyst for that excitement. It made it all so real and it clicked for him at some point in the Halloween festivities that the boy he had liked for so long, the friend whose company he enjoyed so very much, was finally his.
He couldn't help the sheer happiness that welled up in him. Perhaps he was thinking too far ahead too soon, but there was an eagerness for the future and he didn't quite know what to make of it. He couldn't wait for the day when he could bring Gary home with him, hear his laughter in his family home, feel his warmth next to him by the fire pit outside, see the joy that he knew Gary would feel exploring the island. Maybe it was just that he was happy to finally see Gary doing better and starting to be himself again.
Maybe he was jumping into this too fast.
Or maybe he was just more of a romantic than he had ever realized. Either way, he was determined to make this relationship work, even with Gary's anxieties. They just had to be willing to make it work, and he was more than happy to help his boyfriend - one of his best friends - reach the point where he was comfortable enough to come out. Regardless of how long it took, he was determined to be the best and most supportive boyfriend he could possibly be.
All of this didn't mean that he wasn't nervous. He was.
He was scared that he might overstep and make Gary too uncomfortable to keep the relationship going, he was worried that Gary might slip back into that awful depression he had been in for so long, he was afraid that keeping it all a secret would eventually place too much of a strain on the relationship. The age difference made him a bit uneasy - it wasn't huge and Gary's maturity made up for a lot of it, but Tracey was supremely aware of his fast approaching twentieth birthday while Gary was still only seventeen. How would people view it if Gary came out before his eighteenth birthday?
Talking to his family had helped. Despite all of the drama on his first day home, his family had soothed his worries when he voiced them during conversations throughout the trip, giving him bits of advice that he called to mind whenever that anxious little voice in the back of his head became a bit too loud. Amusing as Tara's blunt suggestion of "don't fuck him until he's eighteen if you're so worried" was, it was ironically Josh, the person who had been most adamantly against the secret relationship, whose words had resonated the most. It was simple: he couldn't change what other people thought of their relationship, but if someone thought he was somehow controlling Gary, then they obviously didn't know him very well.
He pushed the thoughts out of mind and began gathering up his belongings as the little harbor south of Pallet came into view. Gary was supposed to be waiting for him and he ardently hoped that it was just Gary and that May hadn't insisted on coming along. As much as he liked May, he was eager for time alone with his boyfriend.
He made his way towards the front of the boat, his smile turning to a grin when he was finally able to make out the docks and the figure leaning back against the railing, an Umbreon wagging at his side. He had to resist the urge to immediately hug Gary as he stepped off the boat - a feat that was made even harder by the smile that Gary gave him when he reached him. Immediately falling into conversation, the boys walked towards the parking lot, Gary leading the way to the far end of it. Umbreon bounded ahead as they passed the few other cars in the lot, her luminescent pattern lighting the way ahead while leaving them somewhat in the dark.
Gary's hand brushed against Tracey's and Tracey took advantage of the darkness surrounding them to twine their fingers together, giving a gentle squeeze that would have to do until they could be alone. He couldn't see Gary's face, but was certain the younger boy was smiling - and likely blushing, as Tracey had seen him do several times since they had started this relationship. It was quickly becoming one of his favorite sights and he wished he could see it right now.
Umbreon clambered into the Jeep as soon as Gary opened the door, hopping into the back to make room for Tracey to climb in behind her. She wasted no time in greeting him with excited licks on the cheek until Gary lightly pushed her away.
"Excuse me, he's my boyfriend, not yours," he told his pokemon sternly, though he was smiling that smile that Tracey was quickly falling in love with. He reached across the center console, resting his hand at the back of Tracey's neck and gently pulling him in for a kiss.
Tracey couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped him as he brought a hand to Gary's cheek and returned the gentle kiss, relishing in the feel of those soft lips against his. His eyes slipped closed as he rested his forehead against Gary's.
"I missed you," he breathed.
Gary grinned. "I could tell."
Tracey rolled his eyes fondly. "How much trouble did you get up to while I was gone?"
It was Gary's turn to roll his eyes, though he was still smiling as he began telling Tracey about everything that had happened in the lab while he was gone. He already knew most of it, with how much they had been texting while he had been home, but there were a few details that Gary had left out - such as the altercation with a rather irate sandslash that had resulted in several stitches in his arm. Still, he eagerly listened to every word, happy beyond belief to hear about the good times Gary had hanging out with his friends in between working in the lab, and how he had gotten drunk with his friends on Halloween but ultimately had fun playing video games with Wyatt and Darren. He had been good, apparently, not even ending up with a hangover.
It was all nice to hear, yet Tracey couldn't help but notice throughout the conversation that something was a bit… off. Gary was happy, genuinely in a good mood, but there was something else under it. He was holding something back, it seemed.
Had he told one of his friends? Tracey doubted it, but it was still a possibility.
"What's with you?" he finally asked after a few minutes of quiet observation. "You're this weird combination of excited and... I don't know? Worried?"
Gary smiled but Tracey couldn't help but notice in the dim light that it seemed almost sad. "You remember how I was talking to Professor Birch about working with him on tagging sharpedoes in Hoenn this winter?"
"You've barely shut up about it, of course I remember," Tracey replied easily. Gary had been talking to Birch ever since he tested out of his classes back in September and hadn't been able to hide his excitement. Tracey honestly doubted he had even tried to hide his excitement, which was saying something.
A brief flash of a grin appeared on Gary's face. "He had to move the dates forward... I'm leaving in a week," he explained. "I'll be gone for a month."
Tracey couldn't help but grin at the news – this was something Gary had been looking forward to and he could hardly begrudge him for that. "That's great! Why aren't you more excited?"
"I am excited, it's just... You just got back and now I'm going to be leaving."
"That month is going to fly by, Gary. You'll be too busy to even think about Pallet."
Gary smiled faintly but didn't seem entirely convinced. "I'll be gone for your birthday."
This news was only slightly disappointing to Tracey, he typically didn't do much for his birthday anyway. "Don't worry about it."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure," Tracey assured him. He smiled and leaned in to press a quick kiss to Gary's cheek. "It'll be fine, Gary."
A reluctant smile appeared on Gary's face. "Okay," he relented quietly. "I'm still going to miss you."
"I'll miss you too," Tracey replied honestly, "But you're going to have such a good time in Hoenn, and you'll be back in no time."
"I guess you're right," Gary sighed.
Tracey smiled. "You know I'm right."
Gary gave a small laugh as he settled back in his seat. "Yeah, you're always right." His eyes settled on the clock on the dashboard and Tracey followed his gaze, feeling a shock of surprise when he realized how much time had already passed.
"I guess we should get going, huh?"
"Before Gramps starts getting worried, yeah," Gary agreed, reaching for the keys and turning them in the ignition.
The engine turned over and Tracey sighed softly, a bit disappointed that their quiet time together was coming to an end. "Is May home?" he asked, reaching for his seat belt automatically.
Gary shook his head as he copied Tracey's movement. "She was going out on a date. Probably won't be home until later, if she even comes home tonight."
Tracey felt a small surge of jealousy fill him at that news. It must be nice, he found himself thinking idly, to be able to go out on dates so freely, with little concern about judgment or, far worse, violence or rejection from loved ones. If Gary's tone was anything to go by, Tracey was sure that he felt similarly. He was taken very briefly by a fantasy of being out in public, hand in hand, as they made their way to a restaurant or a movie theater, or even just along the beach.
He glanced at Gary as he backed out of the parking spot and steered the car towards the road, and was once more taken by the desire to bring him back to Sunburst. His heart swelled at the thought of them walking downtown, holding hands and sharing the occasional kiss as they stopped at the bakery that had the most delicious key lime pie, or the little shack by the beach that had amazing fish tacos. The more he fantasized about it, the more he wanted it - the desire so strong that he could feel his stomach tightening with dread at the realization that they couldn't do that yet.
One day, he assured himself as he gazed out the window at the darkened landscape.
One day they would be able to go out on dates without worrying about being seen, but at least tonight they would be able to have some time alone without the threat of May catching them.
… … …
The boys immediately fell right back into their usual rhythm in the lab, frequently working together and helping each other with their chores and responsibilities. With the cooler autumn weather, Gary found himself with fewer chores, thanks to the ponds and lakes needing far less maintenance than they did in the summer months. They quickly realized this and took advantage of it, splitting the chores around the reserve and lab almost evenly and spending most of their time working side by side. As a result, the chores were completed more efficiently than ever, leaving them with extra moments alone for stolen kisses or just to sit and hang out for a few minutes.
It was working out wonderfully, even though both were internally lamenting the fact that Gary would be gone in only a few days time. Regardless, it was nice to be together most of the day without a quiet sort of tension hanging between them as a result of that mutual attraction. Even better, the professor didn't so much as bat an eye at how much time they spent together - which Gary had been worried about at first.
If anything, the professor praised their work more than usual, seeming to be proud of their team work. It quelled enough of Gary's anxiety for him to relax and enjoy their time together whenever they were further from the lab and his friends weren't around. Tracey was rather surprised by how quickly and easily Gary's worries were soothed, especially considering how nervous he had been in the first few days of dating. Not that he was complaining about this - Gary being more at ease was a good thing, after all.
Then, four days in, Gary asked a question that Tracey had been somewhat nervously anticipating.
"Why do you go home for Halloween every year?" He asked curiously, sitting back against a large maple tree as Tracey jotted down the last few notes after finishing the grass-type physicals. They had just wrapped up the morning chores and still had some time before they had to start on the pokemons' lunch.
Tracey fumbled a bit with the pencil in hand. With how perceptive and curious Gary was, he wasn't surprised by the question, even if he was a little hesitant to answer. It was something he typically kept quiet, though the professor knew about his family and the holidays they celebrated. He wasn't ashamed or embarrassed, it was just a personal topic that he preferred to keep close to his heart.
"It must be special for you to go every year," Gary commented.
"It is," Tracey replied quietly. He finished his notes and tucked the pencil in the slot on the clipboard before leaning back against the tree they were sitting under..
Gary shifted slightly, resting his head against Tracey's shoulder. His eyes slid closed as Tracey reached over to muse his hair and he hummed contentedly, turning his head to gently nuzzle Tracey's shoulder and drawing a soft chuckle from the watcher.
Tracey couldn't help but be a bit nervous about answering the question, even though he would be honestly shocked if Gary's response was anything worse than an easy acceptance. Even when Gary was at his absolute worst, he was very tolerant and accepting of differences, especially with his friends. He and Wyatt had extremely different views on battling but were still close, and Tracey had heard him defend Adrian being a vegetarian any time the others picked on him for it. His father's words about communication being important ran through his head and Tracey smiled, resting his head against Gary's.
"It's not just Halloween for my family," he said, reaching down to twine their fingers together. This little alcove of the reserve was secluded enough that they could take these minutes to be close, plus May was at a class in Viridian, so the chances of being caught were minimal.
"Yeah?" Gary tilted his head just enough to glance up at Tracey.
"Yeah." Tracey shifted, turning so that he was facing Gary. "My parents are pagan, so they celebrate Samhain," he explained. Gary's expression was one of surprise, but also quiet curiosity - Tracey smiled again and moved to explain. "It's a -"
"Sort of a Day of the Dead holiday, right?"
"Yeah, it is…" Tracey fixed him with his own expression of surprise. "How did you know that?"
Gary shrugged, giving him a wry smile. "Growing up, Gramps liked to let us kind of pick the holidays we celebrated -"
"And you picked Halloween, huh?"
"You know me so well," Gary teased. "Anyway, he taught us about the origins of the holidays and all that so, yeah, I know what Samhain is." He gave Tracey's hand a gentle squeeze and smiled. "That's cool, Trace."
"I'm glad you think so," Tracey replied honestly, relief filling him. "What do you think of it?"
"Of Samhain, or of your family?"
"Both, either," Tracey shrugged his shoulders. Family wasn't a common conversation topic for them and he was curious of Gary's thoughts on it.
Gary leaned back against the tree, looking thoughtful for a moment. His hand slipped out of Tracey's and absently fiddled with the fallen leaves they were sitting on. "I think it's awesome that you have these family traditions that mean so much to you. I mean, it's not exactly a small trip and you take it every year." He glanced up at Tracey, meeting his eyes with a grin. "I'm kinda jealous."
"Maybe next year you can come with me," Tracey suggested. He couldn't hold back his laugh when Gary froze like a stantler caught in headlights. "You don't have to," he assured him, pulling him into a quick one-armed hug, "but you'd be welcome. The only reason Tara doesn't bring her boyfriend over is because she does her own ritual stuff."
Gary relaxed against him, once more resting his head against Tracey's shoulder as he continued to play with the fallen leaves. "Do all of you guys do that sorta stuff?"
"Outside of the family stuff? Not really… Tara's Wiccan so she does, but Josh is an atheist and Marie's just into nature."
"What about you?"
Tracey paused, gazing up at the branches above them as he pondered his response. It truthfully wasn't something he thought much about. He didn't really have beliefs, especially not formal ones like his sister or parents, but he had values - the most important being his family and friends. There was a definite kinship that he felt with Josh but the label of atheist didn't feel right. It was Marie's carefree connection to nature that he felt more aligned with.
"I'm not into formal stuff -"
"I couldn't tell," Gary interrupted, tugging at a pocket on Tracey's cargo pants with an impish grin. He laughed when Tracey tossed a handful of leaves in his face.
"Dork," Tracey muttered affectionately and reached up to give Gary's hair a playful tug. He laughed softly and shook his head, rolling his eyes good-naturedly before returning his gaze up to those branches and the reds and oranges of the leaves above them. "I don't need gods or rituals or anything to be happy, I just need to be able to connect with the people that I care about and be outside."
Gary hummed thoughtfully. "I like that," he murmured after a moment. His hand found Tracey's and he laced their fingers together.
"I like this," Tracey replied, bringing up their hands to press a gentle kiss to Gary's knuckles.
"Me too."
Tracey hummed contentedly. "Wanna keep doing this for a few more days?"
Gary snorted, amused. "Maybe just a few."
It was a joke that neither of them could quite remember when it had started, but it had stuck in the few days that Tracey had been back in Pallet. Even if it hadn't been long at all, they were both secure enough in this relationship that the joke was just that.
It felt nice to have it all falling into place so easily.
… … …
The week was over far too fast and Tracey and Gary were back at the harbor before they knew it. It was a Monday morning and the harbor was bustling. Between the people around and the bright morning sun shining down on them, it was impossible to hide any little displays of affection. After all of the moments shared around the reserve over the last several days, it felt odd to have to keep a distance between them.
Still, they made the best of it and took advantage of the opportunity to spend some time together before spending a month apart. They left earlier than necessary - early enough that Gary had a suspicion that Tracey was up to something. Trusting his boyfriend, he went along with it and was pleasantly surprised when Tracey drove them into town and stopped in front of the bakery with a smile.
"You'll be on a boat with nothing but vending machines all day," he'd explained, "you need real food."
Unable to argue with that logic, Gary had only been able to shoot him a grateful smile when Tracey placed his order perfectly, without even needing any input from Gary to get it right. It shouldn't have surprised Gary as much as it did, considering how observative Tracey was, but he was surprised nonetheless. After ordering their breakfasts, Tracey surprised him yet again by selecting a few of Gary's favorite sweets and having them bagged up for later.
He felt a warmth rise within him when Tracey passed him the bag of sweets with hardly a glance, as though he were doing something completely ordinary, like handing him one of the clipboards in the lab. Once outside the bakery, Tracey caught his eye with a sweet smile that Gary was starting to realize he only ever saw directed at him. The fact that Tracey had a smile that was reserved just for him sent another rush of warmth through him. This whole boyfriend thing was turning out to be even better than he had anticipated.
Unsure of what to say in response to all of this, Gary stayed quiet until they were back in the car - his grandfather's car, borrowed by Tracey for this morning's trip.
"Thanks, Trace," he said quietly, earning another little smile.
Tracey peered around the area surrounding the car before leaning in to press a quick kiss to Gary's cheek.
They headed to the harbor and settled at one of the picnic tables near the docks to eat their breakfast. It wasn't a date by any means, but it was a nice way to spend their last little bit of time together before being separated for a month. Tracey seemed to be enjoying himself, if the smile and the fact that his sketchbook had stayed shut were anything to go by.
Despite the sweet not-date that this had been, Gary wasn't quite as happy as his boyfriend. He enjoyed the surprise breakfast and Tracey's company of course, but there was a nagging concern in the back of his mind. It was one that he had been able to push away anytime it came up, but with this sharpedo tagging trip about to be underway, it wasn't possible to ignore anymore.
He was nervous - a feeling he typically didn't have to deal with, save for his anxieties about coming out. However, that wasn't what was on his mind. In fact, it was quite far from mind, even when sitting with his boyfriend in a public place where people from Pallet frequented.
The problem was the trip, something he had been looking forward to for months. It wasn't so much the trip itself, but what he would be doing during it that was concerning him. Most of the trip would be spent on the ocean with both Professor Ivy and Professor Birch, doing very much the same things he had done over summer: tagging sharpedoes, swimming and diving with them, and observing the Hoenn marine ecosystems. In spite of the bullshit thrown his way from the college students involved in the Orange Islands trip, he'd had a good time. There was, however, a certain event that had happened - not very far from where they currently sat - in the months since being at Valencia.
Gary's eyes drifted over towards the beach, his eyes scanning the waves that were breaking this morning and the few wetsuit-clad surfers who were braving the chilly morning. The memory of what had happened the last time he went surfing came to mind unbidden and his gaze dropped back to the table he and Tracey were sitting at. He sighed and pushed away his half-eaten breakfast, his appetite leaving him for what must have been the third time this morning.
"You're nervous." Tracey's quiet observation cut through Gary's thoughts and he nodded, knowing it would be futile to try denying it - especially to someone as observant as Tracey. "I take it you're not still worried about being gone for my birthday, are you?"
Gary shook his head, his gaze once more shifting over to the sandy stretch of beach. If he closed his eyes he could still see the crimson stain spreading swiftly beneath one of his closest friends. "It's not that," he sighed, trying to force the memory away. He didn't need to be thinking about it right now, not when he was in the middle of the closest thing to a first date with Tracey as they were going to get.
Tracey followed his gaze and a look of understanding took over his features. "The shark?" Looking away from the beach once more, Gary met his eyes and nodded. "That's understandable," Tracey said gently. "It's okay to be scared."
"I'm not scared," Gary insisted. "It's just that…"
"One of your best friends almost died and you were right next to him when it happened," Tracey finished for him. He started to reach across the table but hesitated before changing course and picking up his coffee instead. "It's okay to feel nervous," he assured him, "and you know Professor Birch will understand if you have a hard time at first."
"I know…"
Birch was known among the regional professors for his kindness. He had a way of putting students and trainers at ease, and Gary had known him since he was a young child. He genuinely enjoyed working with the professor and trusted him, but Birch was also enthusiastic and excitable - especially when it meant getting in the water with sharpedoes and sharks, something that was making Gary queasy just thinking about it. Equally, if not more, nerve-wracking, was the thought of not being able to get in the water because of this new anxiety.
Gary sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "It's weird being this nervous about the ocean, you know?" he admitted. "I've grown up around it, I've been surfing since I was eight - this just feels wrong."
Tracey gave him a sympathetic smile and once more started to reach out before catching himself. He dropped his hand under the table and Gary felt it brush against his knee a moment later. After a quick glance around to ensure that no one was paying attention to them, Gary dropped his own hand beneath the table, quickly seeking out Tracey's.
"It's okay," Tracey insisted, squeezing his hand.
"But what if it's not? What if I get down there and can't even get in the water without freaking out?"
"It'll be fine, Gary." Tracey squeezed his hand again and met his eyes boldly. "You're not exactly the panicking type. You'll get through this, I promise. You love being in the water and working with dangerous pokemon and that's going to come back to you in no time."
That passion Gary had seen in him only a few times before was back and he found himself once more drawn in by that spark in his eyes and the surety in his voice. It was definitely one of Gary's favorite traits in the watcher, but it only went so far in soothing his nerves. Anxiety always made him feel so uneasy in his own skin. Maybe that was why he'd struggled so much in coming to terms with being gay - but this wasn't the time to dwell on that. That wasn't a pressing concern at the moment - right now he needed to make sure he didn't screw up a research trip and the important information that would come from it, or his reputation and future research career.
Tracey, of course, noticed the lingering anxiety. "Hey," he said gently, offering one of the sweetest and gentlest smiles Gary had seen from him. "You're strong and smart and brave, if there's anyone who can handle this, it's you. It'll be okay. It might not be easy, but you'll be back to diving and surfing soon."
Gary's gaze dropped down to the table top. "I just don't want to fuck anything up."
"You're not going to fuck anything up!" Tracey seemed to remember where they were and quickly lowered his voice. "Gary, it's just Ivy and Birch. They've known you since you were a little kid," he reminded him gently, "and they know about what happened to Wyatt."
Word had spread fast that day and both professors had called the lab that evening when they heard. Gary's eyes widened when Tracey pointed this out. "Really?"
Tracey gave him a sad smile, remembering how listless and upset Gary had been that night. "Yeah… Your grandfather told them what he knew. You weren't exactly in the mood to talk to anyone at the time." But that had changed the next day, when Gary had decided not to dwell on the things he couldn't change. Tracey's smile perked up a bit at the memory. "Remember the next morning?"
A faint smile curved Gary's lips. "I remember you waking me up."
Tracey blushed slightly, drawing a larger smile from Gary. "Anything else?" he pressed.
"Hmmm… I think I said something about realizing that I needed to stop being such a little bitch about everything."
"Your words, not mine," Tracey grinned, squeezing his hand again. "You seemed pretty determined to not let it get you down."
Tracey's thumb brushed across the back of Gary's hand, the soothing touch making it so tempting to reach across the table and pull him in for a kiss. Tempting as it was, Gary resisted the urge and gently pulled his hand out of Tracey's grip, looking away. "Yeah… I remember." He already missed the reassuring warmth of Tracey's hand, but the temptation to close that distance between them was far too strong.
"Hey," Tracey began gently, drawing Gary's gaze back to him. "You've been through worse, remember? It'll be okay, and you can talk to the professors if you're having a hard time with the water."
"Guess you're right," Gary relented with a sigh.
Tracey grinned. "Aren't I always?"
"Yeah, actually."
Tracey's grin softened into a gentle smile. "Do you trust me?" he asked suddenly, drawing a look of confusion from Gary.
"Shouldn't that be obvious by now?"
He shook his head fondly. "Then trust me when I say it's going to be okay."
Gary drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, nodding. Dwelling on it was only going to make him feel worse - it was time to let it go as best as he could and focus on what was ahead of him. He wasn't alone in the slightest. He could do this, and if he couldn't… then it would be okay. If Tracey, smart, pragmatic, and sensitive as he was, couldn't find a reason to be worried, then everything was truly okay.
It would be fine.
His worries finally somewhat soothed, Gary forced himself to relax a bit. These were their last few minutes together for a month - he should enjoy it!
He returned Tracey's smile and changed the subject, turning the conversation towards the pokemon at the ranch. Tracey raised his eyebrows slightly at the change but didn't comment on it. The conversation flowed easily from there, as it always did when they talked about pokemon. Their remaining time at the picnic table passed far more quickly than either would have preferred and they found themselves moving from the table and to the docks nearest the ferry to Hoenn.
Soon enough, it was time for Gary to board the ferry and head off onto his next adventure.
Gary hesitated before boarding, looking back at Tracey. It would be a month before he'd see him again and he wanted so badly to hug him, kiss him, and do all the things they had been doing in private… but of course, there were people around, so that wouldn't be possible. He smiled a bit sadly but Tracey shook his head, his smile a fond one.
"It'll be over before you know it," Tracey reminded him quietly. "Have fun."
"I'll try."
"You will," Tracey assured him. "Just give it some time. You've been looking forward to this, remember?"
Gary forced a smile. "Yeah," he agreed, nodding. "It'll be fine. I just need to stop overthinking it."
Tracey met Gary's eyes with that same little smile from outside of the bakery this morning. "You've got this, Gary. You know that."
Gary nodded again and tried to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks at the sight of that smile. "Thanks, Trace."
… … …
Gary felt a bit more at ease once the ferry was away from Pallet and on the open ocean. His thoughts still drifted to that one afternoon at the beach, but Tracey's assurances had helped, as had taking some time just gazing at the horizon and breathing in the crisp morning air. He left the railing at the front of the boat after quite some time, releasing Umbreon from her ball and wandering around the ferry for a while before finding a quiet place inside to sit after the cold wind became a bit too piercing to stand any longer.
He spent some time reading - or trying to. Focus was hard to come by this morning and he found himself constantly looking at his phone, hoping to see a new text from Tracey. Of course, Tracey was busy at the lab so the messages were infrequent and Gary quickly found himself becoming bored.
Deciding that this particular novel just wasn't going to work right now, he instead pulled out his field notebook and the book on Hoenn's marine ecosystems that he had brought with him. He already knew most of the information, but at least reviewing it and jotting down any notes that would be particularly relevant to this trip would give him something to do.
This, of course, didn't work either and Gary's thoughts continued to wander, sometimes bringing him back to the day on the beach, sometimes bringing him to the anxiety he was feeling over diving in Hoenn. Most frequently, though, they settled on his boyfriend. He wondered what Tracey was up to, which chores he was working on right now, how many sketches he had managed to complete between chores so far today.
Then, as if Tracey had sensed his thoughts, the text alert on Gary's phone went off. There were no words, just a picture of Tracey's sketchbook, open to a sketch of Pele the ponyta and held up in front of her. She was peering over the top of the book with a goofy look of curiosity that had Gary snickering in amusement.
Gary glanced at the notebook sitting in front of him, suddenly struck by an idea. It had been a long time - years, likely - since he had drawn anything more serious than bored doodles in school or a quick map of sorts in a field notebook, but it had once been his most practiced hobby. He couldn't remember exactly when or why he had stopped, though it likely had been around the time he began training and the vast majority of his time became dedicated to his pokemon. He doubted Tracey even knew he could draw and he couldn't help but grin at the thought of surprising Tracey with his own drawing of Pele.
After shooting Tracey a quick reply, he picked up his notebook and turned to the next blank page, staring at the lines across the page as he pondered how to go about this. He only had a pen and the lined pages weren't ideal, but at least it was something to occupy his time. Besides, he had drawn ponyta and rapidash before, how hard could it be?
Harder than he thought, apparently, he realized after only a short while.
His skills were more rusty than he cared to admit but, refusing to be deterred, he turned to a fresh page and tried again. It took a few more tries and a bit of experimenting to figure out how to best work with the pen for something more serious than a bored doodle in school, but after some time Gary found himself starting to relax. It may have been years since he had sat down to intentionally draw something like this, but it came back to him quickly enough. He couldn't draw as fast as Tracey, so progress was slow, but it didn't bother him as much as he would have thought.
A calm crept over him as he worked. His thoughts finally started to settle and he found himself falling into a serene sort of focus that he only ever found doing things that he loved. It felt like no time had passed when he finally set down the pen and sat back in his seat to look over the finished drawing, but the clock on his phone showed it had been over an hour since he had picked up the pen.
The final piece was very different from Tracey's and also unlike the way Gary had drawn as a child. It wasn't as soft and realistic as Tracey's sketches, the ink gave it a sharper and darker feel, and every guideline Gary had added or mistake he had made were left visible. It gave the picture a raw sort of feel and Gary found that he actually kind of liked it.
It was different, but a good different.
Satisfied with his work, Gary snapped a photo and texted it to Tracey before turning to the next page and picking up the pen once more. He had only just drawn the first few lines in what was going to be a small sketch of Umbreon dozing on a nearby bench when his text alert went off. Grinning, he dropped the pen and picked up his phone to see Tracey's response.
'I didn't know you could draw!'
Gary couldn't help but laugh - it wasn't often that he could surprise Tracey. Another message came through before he could reply.
'It looks awesome'
Warmth bloomed in Gary's chest and his grin faded into a soft smile. He sent a quick reply and turned his attention back to the page in front of him, eager to continue the drawing he had just started. Another hour passed and the page was soon full of a number of small practice sketches of Umbreon.
He was about to turn the page and start another practice page when a short series of text messages came through: a few updates on the lab and a check-in from Tracey, along with another sketch, this one of Arcanine dozing in his favorite patch of grass just outside the lab. Gary spent a moment admiring the picture of one of his favorite pokemon before sending another quick reply to Tracey and then going right back to gazing at the sketch. As always, the level of detail was mesmerizing, almost overwhelming with depth and realism, and Gary might have been jealous had it not been the work of someone he was so infatuated with.
With one last smile, he set the phone down and turned to the next page.
They fell into an easy rhythm for the remainder of the trip, with Tracey texting a picture of the sketches he managed to squeeze in between chores and Gary drawing his own version. It was an enjoyable and relaxing way to spend the boat ride, and Gary found himself wondering just how he had managed to stay away from this old hobby for so long while being such close friends with Tracey. It was honestly baffling, but he was glad to have given into the impulse to surprise his boyfriend.
This new little ritual of theirs continued into the next day, and the next, although with a lessened frequency as Gary helped Professor Birch wrap up preparations for the three and a half weeks that would be mostly on the ocean. There was gear to be checked, maintained, and stowed upon the research vessel - a smaller boat than they had used in the Orange Islands with a rather tiny platform at the back to work with the pokemon they would be tagging. It seemed more like a boat for scuba diving than for research, a thought that brought Gary's anxiety back to the front of his mind.
Determined to not let it get the best of him, he opted to spend any spare time out at the dock and the cove near the lab, watching the schools of fish swim between the dock pilings, listening to the steady lapping of the waves against the shore, and wandering along a narrow trail through the mangroves.
The wandering helped ease some of the anxiety, and he soon enough found himself kicking off his shoes and wading into the shallow water. The water was cool, but still warm enough to be comfortable rather than chilling. Umbreon, who was a constant companion, eagerly joined him and made a show of splashing about and chasing fish around the rock formations that were scattered about the shallows. He waited until she was distracted by a school of particularly colorful fish before sneaking up behind her and splashing as big an armful of water at her as he could manage without getting himself drenched. He couldn't help laughing when she jumped high into the air with a loud bark.
All of the pelipper and wingull that had been on the beach or in the water nearby took to the air at the sound of Umbreon's bark, and she immediately forgot about Gary's surprise splash attack in favor of running after the flying-water types. Laughing at her silliness, Gary retreated back to the shore, where his notebook was sitting with his phone and shoes. He plopped down in the sand and picked up his notebook - eager to improve his drawing skills, he had taken to drawing anytime he felt any sort of inspiration.
He felt himself grow calm every time a drawing started to come together. Any anxieties quieted, his mind settling into an easy peace as the pen moved across the paper. Sometimes a wave of frustration wormed its way in as he worked, but he took a deep breath and worked through it each time. He was already getting better and that quiet peace crept over him just a few lines into this drawing.
Umbreon eventually came back from the water and shook off next to Gary, sending water flying everywhere and quickly getting him soaked. Fortunately the notebook and his current drawing were spared from the deluge, except for a few drops here and there which… actually didn't look that bad. It added something to the water scene, so Gary didn't care too much. He was just messing around with this one anyway. He brushed off a few drops of water and started adding the finishing touches.
The next day was the last before setting out on the boat and Gary once again found himself out at the dock late in the afternoon, notebook before him, pen in hand. He had long since finished the tasks Professor Birch had given him for the day and had time to spare. With the spare time came anxiety, and so he turned to what was fast becoming his preferred coping technique. He and Umbreon had spotted the serpentine movement of a gyarados swimming out beyond the waves on today's wander along the shoreline and he had quickly decided that it would be the subject of his next drawing.
Sure enough, the anxiety started to quiet as soon as the first lines took form on the page. Realistically, he knew that talking to Birch and Ivy about this new wariness of the ocean was going to be a necessity, but he had been putting it off. It wasn't a topic he exactly wanted to broach and he wasn't entirely sure how to start that conversation. It would have to happen soon, but for now, he focused on the drawing. Professor Ivy would be arriving soon and he could talk to the professors later, after she had arrived and settled in.
He was reaching the halfway point of the drawing when he heard footsteps approaching the dock. Assuming it was just Birch or one of his assistants, Gary continued his easy focus until he heard a voice call, "Hiya, troublemaker!"
He would have known who it was even if he hadn't heard that serene voice and he immediately grinned. It was an old nickname from when he was a kid always getting into mischief around the lab and ranch. He waved and called back a greeting before adding a few more details to his drawing while the professor approached him.
"Still drawing?" Professor Ivy asked, smiling when she reached him at the end of the dock.
Gary glanced down at the half-finished gyarados that was spiraling across his current page and nodded. She didn't need to know that he had only returned to this hobby a few days earlier.
"It looks good… but I seem to remember your drawings being more colorful," she commented.
Gary shrugged his shoulders. "I only had a pen."
"That would certainly make it less colorful, wouldn't it?" she asked, still smiling. "Why don't you come on in? We're getting ready to get some take-out for dinner."
As much as he liked sitting out by the water drawing, food sounded fantastic. He could always finish the drawing later. He closed the notebook, slipped the pen in his pocket, and stood to follow Ivy back to the lab.
"Interesting for you to be drawing a gyarados," Ivy said as they began the short walk from the dock to the lab.
"Yeah?" Gary asked curiously.
"I was supposed to be here the same day as you, but there was a gyarados tangled in a fishing net off of Valencia," she explained.
Gary winced. Gyarados were difficult to work with - his own was fairly well behaved but even she could be temperamental. He could only imagine how bad a scared and injured one would be. "That must have been fun."
Ivy grimaced faintly. "It was the most eventful rescue I've seen in years. We had quite the team involved. We ended up calling in Tracey's father - he's a pokemon doctor," she explained as an afterthought. "I would have called you, but you were already on your way here."
As cool as it would have been to help out with a rescue, Gary couldn't help but be a bit grateful that he couldn't be involved. It was awesome that Tracey's father was involved in rescues in the Orange Islands, but the thought of meeting his boyfriend's parents this early in their relationship was nerve-wracking to say the least.
He shrugged off that thought before any new anxieties could creep in. "Maybe next time."
"I'll keep that in mind. It's always useful to have someone who's as good with pokemon as you on hand."
"Is that your way of saying you want me to come back to Valencia?"
Ivy laughed kindly. "You know you're always welcome," she assured him.
Gary had already known this fact for years, but it felt a little different now that he was dating Tracey. He always enjoyed going down to the Islands, especially to help out Professor Ivy with a project, but he'd never been able to actually explore the islands on his own and part of him was itching to do just that. But now that Tracey was in the picture…
He could already feel that itch to travel and explore growing stronger. Knowing that the Islands were Tracey's home, that Tracey had grown up there and had spent his childhood exploring those islands… It brought up the urge to just dive in and learn everything he possibly could about the islands and the adventures he could have there with Tracey.
With these thoughts came another realization: traveling and exploring and learning by being out in the world was what truly brought him joy. He had known being stuck in Pallet while being forced to go to school had made him miserable, but somehow he hadn't quite noticed the connection between the lack of travel and that horrible feeling of being completely disconnected from himself. Granted, he had been a little distracted by the panic of realizing that he was gay, but Gary couldn't help but feel that he should have realized the impact of not traveling much sooner.
Deciding to change that, he shot Professor Ivy a grin. "I'll have to take you up on that some time."
… … …
While Professor Ivy loaded her gear on the research boat, Gary tagged along with Birch to pick up food for dinner. It was a short drive downtown and, once their order was placed, Gary was free to explore along the stretch of shops and cafes for a bit. Birch had headed over to a nearby bait shop to pick up a few last minute items and, while Gary would have been fine tagging along, he realized that this was likely the best chance he would have to pick up a birthday present for Tracey. His birthday wasn't for another two weeks, but it was unlikely that he would be downtown again with enough spare time to search for something. Gary wasn't even sure what to get him but had a feeling he would be able to find something.
Fortunately, across the street from the takeout place was a little art shop, tucked away between a bustling coffee shop and a dentist office. Gary smiled at the sight of it, pleased that his task was going to be made that much easier, and made his way over. It was a tiny, almost claustrophobic space with narrow aisles and shelves overflowing with more art supplies in one place than Gary was used to seeing.
Tracey would love this place, he thought as he made his way down the aisle where he saw sketchbooks piled upon the shelves.
He took a moment to search for the nicest one - it was larger than the ones Tracey normally used, with wider pages and a hard cover. It would be perfect for the landscape sketches Tracey enjoyed doing on occasion, or the pieces where he added so many pokemon and details that he simply ran out of space. Still, Gary couldn't help but curse himself a bit for his lack of creativity. He knew Tracey was a simple guy who didn't like having a fuss made over him, so a nice sketchbook would be a good gift for him, but Gary didn't want to just do the usual thing he had done so many times in Pallet. He grabbed himself a cheap sketchbook, nothing fancy and, eager to be a good boyfriend, he set out to find something else to give Tracey.
Wandering past shelves of canvases and displays of paints and jars of paint brushes, he vaguely wondered if Tracey would be interested in any of the other art forms that were out there. He was curious about what Tracey's work would look like in a different medium but decided to focus on what he knew Tracey's preference was. He could always get him a little travelsized set of watercolors - like the one his gaze kept coming back to - if it was something Tracey was interested in.
Wandering further down the aisle, something caught his eye: a thin metal tin holding a set of artists sketch pencils, complete with a nice sharpener and one of those squishy art erasers that Tracey was always happy to get. Tracey had a set already, but it was battered and well-used. Half of the pencils were worn down too small for Tracey to comfortably use and the other half had gotten lost over the years - he was in desperate need of a replacement.
Gary briefly debated whether to get one for himself as well but Tracey's method of sketching had never exactly been his style. He had used colored pencils as a kid and, after getting the hang of using a pen, he found he actually liked that better. In the end, he settled for grabbing an extra pack of pens, the same as the one he had been using the last few days, just in case his ran out of ink - which it soon would, if he kept drawing at the pace he had been.
He spared a glance at the time on his phone and saw that he needed to finish up and catch up with Birch again, so he made his way back to the front of the little store. Waiting in line to purchase his little armful of items, he couldn't help but eye the candy display near the registers. Unable to help himself, he grabbed a few little snacks to toss in his bag - some gummies shaped like the Hoenn starters, some chocolate covered pretzels shaped like pokeballs, a little tub of Nutella with pretzels for dipping, and a few random chocolates. As he was about to move on, he noticed a package of chocolate covered coconut patties shaped like wailmer and sharpedo and spheal. Tracey loved coconut, he knew, and he especially loved chocolate and coconut together. Smiling, Gary grabbed three packages, two for Tracey, one for himself.
Professor Birch was waiting just outside the takeout place, two big bags of food in his arms, another smaller bag hanging off one arm. He grinned at Gary, amused by the bag stuffed full of snacks. "Stocking up?" Gary nodded as he took one of the bags of food from him. "Are you gonna share?"
Gary rolled his eyes at the teasing but smiled nonetheless. "Maybe."
"Ah, you're no fun…" Birch was still grinning as they headed back to his truck. "Why the art store? There's other places to get snacks."
"Tracey's birthday is soon. Figured I would get him something…" His voice trailed off, realizing what he was saying, but Birch just nodded as though getting his friend a birthday present was absolutely perfectly normal - which it entirely was, he remembered after a moment.
Gary forced himself to relax, though a little thought kept creeping into the back of his mind. What if Tracey didn't like his gifts?
He pushed the thought away every time. This was Tracey. He appreciated any little gift, but he was always happy to receive a new sketchbook - Gary knew this well. They may have only been dating for a couple of weeks, but they had been friends for years: Gary knew Tracey. It would be fine.
Eventually he would be less anxious about having a boyfriend.
… … …
It wasn't long into dinner when Gary felt Professor Ivy's studious gaze on him. He and Professor Birch had been discussing some of the goings on back at the Pallet lab when Birch shot her an amused look.
"Now, now, Philena, you can't start a research project on our assistant," he teased in a near-perfect impression of Professor Oak that had Gary snickering.
Professor Ivy shook her head. "No research project needed, I'm just observing." She smiled at Gary. "You're in much better spirits these days. Are you enjoying being out of school?"
Gary paused, surprised by the turn in conversation. He didn't need to think to know the answer to that question. "It's so much better," he admitted easily.
"And now you get to be head assistant on a multi-region study." She gave a small laugh at Gary's emphatic nod. "Enough about your grandfather's lab, what else have you been up to?"
"Designing habitats, apparently," Birch interrupted, shooting Gary a grin. "Your grandfather was showing me at the accreditation conference the week before last. I heard you're getting a nice payment for that?"
"Hmm?" Gary hadn't heard that particular detail yet.
"The new surfboard you've apparently been bugging him about?" Birch prompted.
A flurry of excitement filled Gary."He's actually getting it?" He had been annoying his grandfather about a new board since moving back to Pallet, long before the leash needed replacing. The old one was too small for him these days. It was just a matter of him growing like any normal teenager.
"Maybe that was supposed to be a surprise…" Birch mused. "Are you okay with surfing after what happened to your friend?"
Ivy swatted his arm. "Jonathan! Don't make him think about that!" She turned her attention back to Gary with a gentle smile. "You don't have to answer him. Tell me about this habitat."
Gary paused, thrown off by the unexpected question and Ivy's quick deflection of it, but recovered quickly. "Oh… it's a marsh between two of the ponds." It was easy enough to explain and he was proud of his work, but jumping from that to the surfboard and the shark, and then back again so quickly had been jarring enough that he was having a hard time getting his thoughts back on track.
"Ah! I bet the plant types will love that!"
"Especially with all the plants you planned for - all native Kanto plants, right?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, the bug types are really going to like that. That's great, Gary!"
"Thanks…" He hesitated briefly, realizing that this was the best chance he was going to have to talk to the professors about the worry that kept creeping into his thoughts. He took a breath, forcing himself to push forward even as his gaze dropped to the table top and his voice grew smaller. "Um, actually - could we talk about the whole shark thing for a sec?"
There was a brief pause before a gentle hand settled on his shoulder.
"You can talk to us about anything, Gary," Ivy assured him. "You know that."
"Thanks… I - I actually haven't been in the water since it happened," he admitted quietly.
"Well, it's not like you'll have forgotten to swim or any-"
Professor Ivy shot him an unimpressed look, her hand tightening just a bit on Gary's shoulder. "Jonathan," she sighed.
"I'm kidding." Birch's grin softened as he looked at Gary. "It's okay, Gary. Your grandfather told me he didn't think you had been to the beach since… and he told me what happened to your board." He shook his head at Ivy's questioning look. "I'd have taken the rest of the summer off too - and probably the whole fall and winter too!"
"What he's trying to say is, we'll understand if we get out there and you're not ready to get in the water."
"Obviously we want you to be able to dive and enjoy that," Birch added, "but we've got plenty of time to build up to that, if that's what you need."
"And if you go the whole trip without getting in, that's fine too. Don't you fret."
The relief was instantaneous, and this surprised Gary immensely. Was that tiny bit of reassurance all he needed? He doubted he would be in the water the next day, but just knowing that he wasn't expected to be fearless and at the top of his game was a massive weight off of his mind.
Tracey had been right, he just needed to talk to the professors.
In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder if this flood of relief was what he would feel upon coming out. But this wasn't the time to worry about that, Gary decided. Coming out was a worry for Pallet and he would be away from home for a month, so that concern could stay out of his head just as long.
… … …