A/N: The sections in italics are the flashbacks to the conversation that Elliot and Olivia have regarding their complicated relationship - post Chapter 34 of Beautiful Friendship?. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 5

Captain Benson opened the front door of her apartment and then quickly closed it. The silence was almost deafening. Noah was not there. He'd been dropped off at the McCann's. Carisi had taken him up there. He might not have been a cop anymore, but he was not about to let that stop him. Rollins had a gun safe to keep her weapons away from the kids and she told him to take her backup piece, even though he'd be riding with State Troopers who had multiple weapons in their patrol cars.

Heaving a sigh, Olivia set her bag down in its usual spot near the door on a table. Her keys went into the bowl next to her bag. Her backside found its spot on the couch. A fleeting thought passed through her head that it was probably time to get a new couch. She leaned back and closed her eyes.

They had entered the apartment. Olivia went to the fridge and the bottle of wine that was on the door. She didn't offer any to Elliot, but she did grab a beer and handed it to him after pouring herself a healthy portion of her wine. She didn't know what he was thinking but at the moment she was more worried about how this was about to go.

Elliot had plopped down on the couch. He had made sure to place his beer bottle on a coaster. It was a completely normal move, but Olivia noticed that he was hypervigilant about his moves. His body was in some of the best shape it had ever been, he had not let age make him soft. She suddenly felt hypervigilant about her own figure and the scars beneath her clothes.

The phone rang and she answered it, without looking at it. Fin was on the other end of the line. He needed her to speak to the Feds. They had a serial on their hands and despite the fact that he was a quite capable Sergeant, U.S. Attorneys Anya Avital and Ingram Wise, weren't listening to him. They'd listen to a Captain. Olivia promised to remind the two lawyers that Fin's word was her word and she'd get them off his back.

Her phone call wasn't a long one, but Ingram Wise had agreed to let Fin and Bruno continue their search for the killer of fourteen-year-old Renee Perry. There was an undeniable pattern and if it got out that the NYPD tried to get the Feds to back their play and they let a serial rapist and now possibly a killer slip through the cracks… well it wouldn't just be the deaf community that would be up in arms.

Again, she laid back on the couch, trying to organize her thoughts. There was a lot rolling around in her head and she was glad that Noah was safe and not here. She would not have been able to be a good mom tonight. Noah was a very understanding child; they had been through so much, both together and on their own, and she couldn't imagine her life without him.

"Liv, I know that there is something that is between us and its more than my piss poor decision making after Jenna's death," Elliot's words had interrupted her thoughts.

"El, I…" she stopped herself. Her myriad of emotions were threatening to overflow.

"This isn't about me, though. This is about you and I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back. Call me names. Tell me I'm an idiot. Hell, pop me one, I deserve it. Whatever it is that you need to do, do it. I am here for you now, even if it is too late," he said. She almost melted. He still had that effect on her. The truth was when he left, he had no idea how deep she was in. Their partnership had always been more than just that for her, whether she wanted to admit it or not. Now, she had this opportunity and she couldn't let it slip away.

There was a knock on her door and she wondered if it was one of the officers assigned to protect her needing to use the restroom. She climbed up off the couch and went to the door.

"Detective Stabler is here Captain," it was Officer Khalid Mahmoud. He was guarding her door on the night shift.

"Let him in Officer. I appreciate you making sure it was ok first," she gave him a smile. He nodded and smiled slightly before letting Elliot pass through the doorway.

"Takes his job pretty seriously," Elliot said after she closed the front door.

"Yes, he does. Not intimidated by guys twice his size," Olivia chuckled. Officer Mahmoud probably only weighed about a hundred and fifty pounds and seemed wirier than built, but he didn't let Elliot's rank or muscles intimidate him. She imagined that he had a lot of intimidation that was much worse than that.

"Liv," Elliot said as she retrieved a beer for him. As she turned around, he was crowding her, their bodies were only inches apart, breaths mingling, the fridge was directly behind her. The look in his eyes was one that she'd seen before – that moment in his apartment, the intervention, the "I love you".

"Elliot," she wanted this. So much more now, given what had just happened, but something stopped her as he leaned in to kiss her. Her hands went up and he immediately pulled back.

"I'm not ready," she admitted as she set the beer down on the kitchen counter.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" he turned to head for the door.

"No, don't go. I don't want to be alone," that was hard for her to acknowledge despite everything they had talked about and what had just happened. He gave her a look and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, as they pulled apart, "I almost lost you, again. I can't…" he couldn't finish the sentence.

"I need to get these guys. I need to be sure that Noah is going to be safe," she told him.

"I'll be whatever you need me to be," Elliot told her. She nodded and put a hand on the side of his face. They were a mess, but there was a way forward; there had to be, or they would forever have regrets.

To Be Continued…