AN: better late than never, I guess. But I've had a lot of work to get done and the meds I'm taking are making it really hard for me to focus. Almost feels like I have my creativity switched off and I can only write my chapters in small bits at the time. I hope I learn to work with it somehow. Either way - thanks for your patience and thanks for reading!
Chapter 116
"You didn't have to escort me all the way to New Haven. You know that right?" Rory said to Logan, feeling already like she'd had this discussion at least ten times by now: At Martha's Vineyard after Christmas as they'd walked the chilly beaches, at New Years Eve as they'd gotten ready for a crazy, exhilarating, night out exploring the best parties London had to offer…just to name a few. It was almost as if discussing this fragment of this arrangement was the safer topic than the whole general idea of it.
The company's Escalade, the same one Logan's father usually rode around in while in the East Coast, was just driving through Edgewood, approaching central New Haven. They'd come from the airport, made a quick stop at Luke's for a late breakfast and then at Lorelai's to grab her luggage. They aimed to make it to New Haven before it got dark. Logan had an early meeting in New York to catch in the morning before his flight back. Rory had her first seminar scheduled at 10 AM the next morning already. This was a sharp dive into the new reality, but despite the initial doubts, Rory had been very insistent that it was what she needed to do.
"I know, but I wanted to," Logan assured, having insisted on accompanying her across the ocean to say a proper 'goodbye'.
"I can very well manage my way to find my apartment by following an address. I don't even have that much stuff…," Rory explained, causing Logan to chuckle, as the latter was certainly a first.
"Yeah, let's just hope the bedding and other stuff arrived on time for the maid to set the place up for you," Logan noted practically, glancing at his watch, still not being entirely convinced they shouldn't have just taken a hotel room for the night. Naturally there was someone taking care of the cleaning and laundry, but as everything had happened rather quickly it was a close call whether all the items that they'd ordered to be set up had made it there on time.
"We'll be fine, and you won't die if you spend one night on the couch. With me," Rory replied in a flirty tone.
"Yeah, but my back might," Logan replied, sitting next to her, cozily, his hand resting on her thigh casually.
"Oh hush," Rory teased. "Where is that address card anyways? I want to memorize it," Rory added, holding out her hand, having seen the lease and card being handed to Logan by his assistant before they'd left for the airport.
Logan had arranged for an apartment for her, but she'd been so encompassed with everything else - her class schedule, packing and exams, she'd hardly looked into it, trusting him to choose a place well. He had excellent taste and put her security first, she had no doubt about that. She found the maid service unnecessary and she expected the place to be something fancier than she would've been okay with - but those were Logan's standards.
"Ugh…. I think the driver has it," Logan said, patting over his pockets, pondering whether he should reveal what he knew to her already now.
"Then how am I supposed to know what address to fill in tomorrow when I go to the administration office?" Rory complained, her mouth pretend-pouty, being only half serious.
Logan smiled but held back, and circled her thigh with his fingers, musing to himself. It was tempting for Logan to tell her already, but thankfully he didn't have to keep up the secret for much longer.
"Besides you already know the address," Logan said just as the car came to a stop.
The windows were dimmed, and Rory could barely make sense of her location in the darkness that had set upon them.
"I do? I do...!" Rory exclaimed, a broad smile creeping onto her lips, recognizing the familiar Taft building by its entrance. It had been home once.
"Now, don't get your hopes up…," Logan cautioned her. "It's not our old place…," he added, apologetically. It wasn't for the lack of trying on his part.
"But close enough," Rory reflected, cheerily, finding it surprisingly comforting to be living somewhere half-familiar. The same doorman, Carl, that had worked there last year already awaited them at the door, ready to carry their luggage up. Rory felt a deep sense of familiarity but along with that also it made her feel like Logan was never really going to be very far. Considering how much he'd been traveling last year, it felt almost close enough so she could picture Logan just being on a business trip, not actually living in London. She could picture him walking through that door at any moment.
They climbed out of the vehicle one after the other, and paused for a second as Logan wrapped his arm around the small of her back. To him the arrival was more bittersweet. He wanted to offer her all that he could - a home. Truthfully, he'd already thought that he had, having purchased the apartment in London for them. But in this case, he knew that besides hopefully staying over whenever he would be here, he wouldn't actually be living here again and reliving their early days.
"You know I would've been perfectly fine…," Rory began, but realized there wasn't much point saying it. She knew what he was like.
Logan kissed her over her shoulder, feeling her snuggle into his chest by leaning back right there. Feeling her weight on him, in any form, was one of those things he was going to miss. It was one of those things really think about until it wasn't around anymore, but Logan could pinpoint already several things he was going to painfully miss about Rory.
"But how did you even find this place? I swear I checked all the listings like a gazillion times, there was nothing in a mile radius of Yale besides Paris' place," Rory exclaimed.
"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Huntzberger. Welcome back," Carl, the doorman, greeted them.
Logan could only wish he was back. He wanted to be back. But he got Rory's point too. And the last therapist appointment that Rory had actually shared quite a bit with him, had explained that the problem was her feeling like she was responsible if he drifted from the predestined course and would be blamed by both Logan's family and Logan, even if he wouldn't initially admit to it. She didn't want to be the reason he didn't give the HPG a real try, a try where she wasn't a distraction. The latter especially whilst she still felt like she'd put her own life on hold for him. It all just sounded like an endless row of regrets to her, and it was that which had convinced her that this was the right call.
"Good evening, Carl," Logan replied to him. Rory smiled to Carl, feeling indeed safer with a familiar face around.
"Well?" Rory asked, having not gotten an answer to her earlier question from Logan.
"Olivia just pulled some strings for me, no big deal," Logan replied humbly.
"You didn't…., um…," Rory began to reprimand him, tilting her head, trying to think what the options for someone like Logan could've been. "You didn't get someone kicked out, did you?" Rory whispered, hoping this wasn't the case.
Logan laughed, letting his head fall back as a result, and pushed the elevator button. He loved her train of thinking.
"Nothing so devious, though I've got to remember that for next time. It'd certainly be cheaper…," Logan chuckled humbly, shrugging his shoulders as they stepped into the elevator.
Rory made the logical conclusion that he'd just paid someone off. Maybe he'd for someone to move out in a hurry or for someone to finish renovating this place quickly? Now she just hoped it wouldn't be a place as grand as their last place, having always felt a little guilty for living that kind of a student life. Besides, this time it would mostly be just her, with a lot less entertaining in the plans compared to last time.
Rory had accepted several things concerning the wealth she now shared with him, but on occasion there was still some guilt she felt. Her mother had worked hard for every penny, and she just didn't feel like she deserved it. She certainly knew in her mother's eyes the admiration for her would've been different had she earned her success herself.
The apartment was on the 6th floor, and indeed - compared to the open-floor plan top floor they'd had before, this was a much humbler one-bedroom apartment. There was a small kitchen and a separate living room which all had been neutrally decorated. Everything seemed to have arrived on time, as they found the bed readily made for them and the kitchen stocked with utensils and tableware.
"You like it?" Logan asked, after they'd checked the place out for the first time in person.
"Yes! It's great! Rory chimed and turned to kiss him as the driver and doorman, who'd been helping with their luggage, exited the apartment.
"Good, I like to make you happy," Logan said.
"You like to spoil me, that's what it is," Rory chimed, the natural pearl pendant that Logan had gotten her for Christmas, hanging around her neck being another proof of that.
Logan laughed, being quite intentional in that. He couldn't help that his love language involved gestures and gifts.
After unpacking some things they'd need for the night, ordering their favorite Chinese food that felt like such a guilty pleasure. They simply sank down onto the couch and ate. The food could in no way beat what they'd tasted in London, but it was a familiar, nostalgic taste nonetheless, causing them to chuckle about needing to readjust to simpler tastes.
Feeling full and a little sleepy, Rory returned to the bedroom to put her luggage away with Logan's help. After doing that, she decided to test the softness of the bed, hoping to properly enjoy her husband that evening.
"Ah…," Rory exhaled, landing on top of the duvet.
"Have to say, I've missed these American sized beds," Logan commented and climbed onto the bed on his knees, opting to hover over her, one of his knees between hers.
"Oh please, we've been fine in much smaller beds than the one we have in London," Rory said, choosing the words carefully. She didn't want to forget that the place they had there was still theirs, their home, and this was supposed to be temporary.
"H that particular LDB not included you getting naked I would've definitely opted for something better than that hiking cot," Logan recalled the night in the forest where they'd gotten involved more seriously for the first time. They'd been both sure that it was not a casual thing at that point. There had been a lot of excitement in the air that evening, almost making them forget about the chilliness they'd experiences snuggling up in that tiny cot together.
"Hm…," Rory chimed, liking the mental image. Part of her felt embarrassed of her clumsiness that night, but it was a victorious memory, nonetheless. She'd skipped the line – she'd won.
Logan's lips touched down on her neck, causing her to hum out loud. It went without saying that they both wanted to part with the feeling of the other's touch freshly in mind.
One by one layers of clothing were peeled off their bodies, both knowing already well how this worked. They knew not just each-other's bodies but also each-other's clothing, each zipper and button being already just as familiar as their own. Trails of kisses trailed their bodies, a little give and take, gasps and grunts leaving their lips.
Rory rolled to her stomach, allowing Logan to also trace her shoulders, back and ass with his lips, whilst his fingers were already dipping between her thighs, feeling her wetness build.
He positioned his member between her thighs soon enough, resting his weight on her body evenly, but didn't move, allowing her anticipation to grow. Logan kissed her neck instead, and Rory turned her head to meet his lips for a deeper, thirstier, kiss.
As her upper body rose a little from one side, Logan's hand roughly grasped her breast, wanting to remember every texture of her body for all those lonely nights he would be left on his own devices or with just her words in the form of their sexting.
Rory began to roll her ass against him, ensuring his arousal rubbed her slit, causing him to hiss as she used him. She knew he loved a slow build, but she was also eager for more.
The first thrust was always much anticipated, yet a little surprising due to its intensity. Every nerve ending tingled as Logan filled her, leaving her momentarily breathless. It felt like he belonged there.
But from there on Logan kept to a steady, almost languid pace, this not feeling like the time or the place for a rough quickie. His hand cradled her curves, his lips kissed, nose brushed, and teeth gently nibbled her neck and ear, whispering all kinds of naughty things in her ear - the things he was going to miss about her, the times they'd made love that he was going to play over and over in his head on lonely nights.
Rory came at least twice, the angle being just right. Logan could feel her vibrate around him, the delicious tremble being almost too much to handle for him. He'd hoped to aim for a third and kept thrusting, but an involuntary squeeze of her inner muscles pushed him over the edge, and he fell limp onto her back, pressing his forehead between her shoulder blades and grunted loudly as he let his orgasm pour over him.
They breathed heavily here for a moment. Logan felt heavy on top of her, but she was enjoying it. There were all these odd things about him that she was desperately going to miss. The scent of his hair, the grab of his palm on her skin, his sneaky smile… so many things.
"So, you think I could pop by next weekend? I'm going to miss your scent...," Logan hummed into her neck, caressing her gently with his hand as well.
It almost sounded like act of popping by was just a casual thing - a boyfriend driving over from a nearby city for a booty call while the girlfriend was off in college. But, in fact, it was a husband flying across the ocean to make love to his wife. Time was precious, and at least Logan wanted to show that he was ready to make the time by working through his flights and coming around as much as he humanly could. He wasn't going to let them grow apart if he could help it.
But Rory saw another side of this. To her spontaneous trips across the oceans were still something frivolous.
"You know, this is just why your plan for independence wouldn't work…," Rory said, suddenly, things having been piling up for the weeks. All that spending concerning this apartment, the first-class flight, all those Christmas gifts and so forth.
"What?" Logan said, feeling abruptly woken from their post-coitus bliss.
"This - flying over whenever, buying someone off to get me a 'proper' place. It's not that I'm not grateful, but it just shows how you are so used to having money that you don't even blink an eye spending it. You don't even know what the alternative would be like! And I get that that's not your fault but…," Rory began to explain, raising herself to her elbow. She realized it had sounded harsh, but it was sort of true too.
"I don't even know what to say," Logan said, sitting up, holding back on his initial reaction. He was offended, kind of… and not recognizing this side of Rory. Was this about something the therapist had said? It felt like she was moving backwards.
"We're being driven around by chauffeurs, our floors are magically vacuumed and out clothes ironed, we have people arranging our travels… and you talk about giving it all up like it's nothing. But it's not nothing. You don't know what it's like to eat leftovers for a week or wear hand-me-downs," Rory blurted.
Logan exhaled, shaking his head.
"It must be really hard for you living with me, going to parties with me… taking holidays with me," Logan replied offendedly.
"Logan? Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my choice of words… maybe it was just too convoluted to get," Rory tried to smooth things over.
"No, it wasn't convoluted. You made your feelings perfectly clear. It must be really hard for you to be married to such an over privileged man who fails to grasp how out of touch he seems to those who haven't grown up with an errant domestic employee," Logan replied in a mocking tone. He hadn't expected the evening to take this turn, but he was offended – he couldn't help it.
"You're mad?" Rory reflected, surprisedly.
"Damn straight I'm mad!" Logan hugged.
"We make fun of things like that all the time, I didn't even mean it in a bad way, but isn't it true that you don't know what it'd truly be like? What's so wrong in pointing that out? I thought we could be honest with each-other, not having to watch every word?" Rory discussed, trying to defend herself.
"Yeah, but I'm not the one who's judging me," Logan exclaimed.
"I am not judging you!" Rory replied. "I really didn't think that this would upset you," she added.
"You didn't!?" Logan replied.
"No, I was just thinking out loud. Maybe it's just because my blood hasn't returned to my brain yet, I don't know… I just thought it was an honest observation," she continued, trying to make this sound light and complementary even. Sometimes joking helped.
"Yes, I'm a rich trust-fund kid. But I'm not ashamed of it. It also doesn't mean I cannot imagine what budgeting can be like or how to do things myself," Logan reminded her. He had, in fact, in most of his private schools had chores just like everyone else. He knew how to do his laundry; he just didn't enjoy those things and if he had options, he used them.
"And you shouldn't be. That's not what I meant," Rory replied innocently.
"And you act like you're Joe, bus driver...?" Logan replied, his tone changing to accusatory.
"Well, no…," Rory replied humbly, feeling like this whole thing had been gotten way out of hand.
"Yeah, sure, you had a tough time growing up, I know, but it's not like you're that much different in your adult life," Logan admitted. "Where do you get off acting all morally superior? When was the last time you worried about paying bills?" Logan exclaimed.
"That is not what I intended to sound like at all. I'm sorry...," Rory replied, realizing that maybe she was still struggling more than she'd realized on this whole money topic. Seeing the therapist had just stirred things up and brought them to the surface more, whilst for the better part of the year she'd mostly just suppressed her feelings.
"Whether you like it or not, Rory - you're one of us. You went to prep school; you go to Yale. Your grandparents are building a whole damn astronomy building in your name, not to mention that your last name is Huntzberger!" Logan exclaimed, feeling like he was fuming. The whole astronomy building idea had been just announced after Christmas, causing Rory to want to sink to the ground. But it was happening regardless.
Logan got off the bed and marched into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him with a bang that was louder than he intended.
"Logan?" Rory chimed in a weak tone, not believing how something so little had gotten so out of hand.
There was silence for a while before Rory heard Logan turn on the shower on. She knew his general process of cooling off, and she was pretty sure he'd be out of there soon, having calmed down. But mostly she just felt regretful for having said anything. Why did she keep making these mistakes?
Rory didn't dare to say anything as he emerged, deciding to just make her way to the bathroom herself, wanting to pee and clean up a little. As she returned, Logan had gotten into bed and switched off the lamp on his side of the bed. He wasn't asleep yet, nor was he facing outward, looking all grumpy. There was hope?
Rory climbed to bed and switched off the light on her side as well but had forgotten the bathroom light. The logistics of this place were still new to her. She huffed to herself, and got back up, and switched off the light. On her way back to the bed, she hit her leg on a dresser, causing her to curse. She was in a bad mood as it was, and she really didn't want to leave things like this between them.
Rory climbed into bed quietly and took a few deep breaths. She wasn't sure whether she should say anything more. What if she made things worse?
She could feel his eyes on her, despite the darkness.
"I shouldn't have yelled," Logan confessed. "I'm sorry," he added.
"No, I'm sorry," Rory said. "I don't even know why I said it like that or what I was thinking..," she said, turning towards him. Rory could feel his breath on her skin, meaning that he was also facing her.
"It's just this continuous topic and it just boiled over… I shouldn't have. I know it's a topic you're working on," Logan said.
"Maybe I just wasn't thinking…," Rory admitted.
"It's okay," Logan assured, also not wanting to part on bad terms with his wife either.
"No, it's not okay," Rory said, taking his fingers in her hand, needing to assure herself that despite there being a lot of work to be done, he was still there and that he still loved her.
"You know, if that's what it takes… I can try to cut back on the spending. See what this simpler living is like?" Logan suggested after a small moment. He wasn't entirely serious, but truly – he was eager to prove her wrong.
"That's not what I meant… you don't have to on my account," Rory said, humbly.
"But I kind of want to. I want to see what it'd be like. I want to prove to you that I can do it," Logan explained, always appreciating a challenge.
"Logan…," Rory chimed, not seeing it as a very real thing.
"I've taken you on budget dates before, so why not this…," Logan shrugged.
"Maybe because I'd actually like to see you every once in a while, while I'm here," Rory replied. She'd most certainly moved to New Haven with the knowledge she would be seeing him at least once a month.
"I'll figure something out. I'll hitch-hike or something," Logan teased, jokingly.
"Oh, hush," Rory said, kissing his lips apologetically. They spend the night staying in contact as if that could somehow erase the past hour from their minds.
"Rory..," Rory heard through her sleep in the early hours of the morning. She'd slept deeply, having been exhausted both mentally and physically.
She could then feel Logan's arm on her shoulder. It was on the wrong side, so she opened her eyelids.
The sight in front of her made her awaken abruptly, finding Logan already dressed and ready to go.
"Logan?" Rory asked.
"Don't get up," Logan said.
"You're dressed," Rory pointed out the obvious. "Why are you dressed?" she asked, not realizing what time it was.
"My bags are already in the car," Logan began to explain, raising the panic in Rory once again. What is all of this was just a big mistake? She didn't really want him to leave, did she?
"The car?" Rory reflected, still sleep-hazed.
"It's downstairs," Logan replied, trying to keep things simple. "I just wanted to tell you..," Logan added, having wanted to assure her that they were fine and apologize once again for what he'd said last night.
"I'll be five minutes," Rory said, abruptly beginning to get up. "I just have to find the closet," she said, indeed having forgotten for a second where she was.
"Relax," Logan assured.
"I'll just grab shoes and a coat," Rory began, meaning to take him to the helicopter pad.
"No," Logan argued.
"No shoes, just a coat," Rory continued, not getting the message.
"You don't have to come!" Logan said, causing Rory to worry for a second. They were still alright, weren't they?
"You're leaving!" Rory shot back, not liking this one bit. "I have to go with you, I want to send you off," she added.
"No," Logan replied.
"I have to go to say goodbye," Rory insisted.
"Rory, no," Logan assured. In his mind he wanted to treat this as a business trip. He would be back as soon as he could, and this was just temporary.
"Yes," Rory argued.
"No!" Logan replied firmly.
"I have to wave to you! I have to say that I'm sorry for what I said…," Rory said again.
"Rory…," Logan pleaded.
"I have to go with you," Rory begged.
"No!" Logan replied.
"Yes!" Rory replied stubbornly.
"Rory, if you come with me, I won't get on the copter," Logan replied, having to fight every fiber in him to do this. But there were a lot of things he would do for her to make her happy.
Tears were already pouring down Rory's cheeks, having not expected this parting to be this dramatic. Her emotions were all over the place, in part because of the sudden awakening, in part because of the fight that had left her feeling fragile. She'd slept so deeply; she'd believed they still had time for a breakfast together - just like in the old days.
"I'll call you when I get in, okay?" Logan said, wiping her tears away from her cheeks. It broke him to see her like this.
Logan stretched out his neck and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Rory gently touched his cheeks, wanting to savor it. The 'I love you's' didn't need to be outspoken, there wasn't a doubt about the fact in either of their minds. But it all ended way sooner than one would've hoped, causing Rory to sniffle again.
What had she done? - Rory thought as she let Logan walk out of the apartment, feeling in that moment like she wanted to call the whole thing off.