Chapter 8
Colonel Frank Burns continued on his mission to inspect the camp. He went to the supply tent and found Klinger in uniform, much to his surprise and ensuring the inventory was in order. He stood looking at the man, who wore dresses, standing before him in uniform and looking very professional.
"Klinger!" he stated wondering what was going on.
Klinger replied, "Major Burns. I heard you were coming. Good to see you again." He lied for it was a chore for Klinger to endure Frank's insanity.
"Why are you in uniform?" he wondered.
Klinger was more than willing to put on the uniform once Edna suggested he do so to keep Burns at bay. He cocked his head and played dumb. "Why would I not be in uniform, Colonel?"
"Where are you hiding the dresses?" he demanded to know.
"I'm not hiding any dresses." he told him.
Frank huffed, "I don't know what you are up to but I know for a fact you wear dresses and are bucking for a section eight." Frank's plan to write up a report on Klinger was sinking before him as Klinger seemed normal.
Klinger stated, "Colonel! I can't wear dresses. This is the Army." He lied straight faced. "I love the army! It's my life. I'm going re-enlist when the time comes. Heck, I'm staying right here in Korea." He had no idea just how true his stay in Korea would become in the future.
Frank asked bewildered, "You do? You hate it here."
"I used to hate it here." he agreed. He then admitted, "Colonel Winchester made me realize that you can be all that you can be in the army."
"Colonel Winchester." he pondered why Klinger brought up the fighter ace.
Klinger smiled, "Heck of a guy. A real flying ace. Real hit with the ladies." he added trying to cover up for Edna fearing Frank would discover the truth about her.
Frank squinted, "That little twerp is a hit with the nurses here?"
He nodded, "The nurses love him. Especially, Major Houlihan." Klinger didn't realize that his words suggested that Eddy was a love interest of Major Houlihan.
Jealously took hold of Frank once more. "She does!" he barked alarmed. He then stormed out of the supply tent to see if Margaret Houlihan was having an affair with the pilot.
Klinger stood pondering if he gave the wrong impression to Frank. He then shrugged knowing Frank was simply nuts anyways.
Frank Burns stormed over to Margaret's tent and rapped on the wooden frame. The Major opened to door to reveal Frank standing before her once more. "Is my tent part of your inspection, Frank?" she asked annoyed.
He had to lie. He couldn't tell her the truth. "It is! All officer quarters must be in order." he deemed. He stepped inside the tent and soon became alarmed as Eddy was in the tent, by a footlocker holding a chess set. He sneered, "What's he doing here?"
Eddy held up the set and cheered, "The Major has been kind enough to lend the camp her chess set for a tournament."
"What tournament?" he demanded to know.
"In the mess tent." she informed. "Colonel Potter has authorized a chess tournament to boost morale for the camp. "Winner gets a…" she looked to Margaret for help as they never thought of a prize.
"Winner gets a full week's pass to Tokyo." Margaret stated.
Frank wasn't impressed as he was now stationed in Tokyo. "Big deal. I work in Tokyo."
Edna sweetened the deal, "And five hundred dollars." She knew she would have to put up the winning pot with her own money.
Margaret grew wide-eyed. "Five hundred dollars!" she exclaimed a bit surprised.
"The tournament is sponsored by my family." she nodded and confirmed she would put up the winning money.
Five hundred dollars was more money thank Frank made in a month. The man was always greedy and it shined though. "Five hundred dollars is a lot of money. Your family has that kind of money to just throw around?"
"We're millionaires." she flatly informed rather annoyed. She then stated, "Both myself and Charles are financially affluent. Neither one of us had to choose a career. We could easily live off the family fortune. Charles could have taken up playing golf and be making deals. My brother went to medical school and became a surgeon because he cares about people."
Margaret then realized Edna was explaining Charles's motive for becoming a doctor. It wasn't for prestige or status. It was for humanity. Charles was far from the snob he seemed to come across as after all. She smirked at Frank, "Why did you become a doctor again, Frank? For the money."
"Hah!" he huffed annoyed. "I care too." he lied. He looked at Edna, "You have five hundred dollars?"
She placed the chess set down and retrieved her wallet from her pocket. She opened it and removed more bills than Frank has ever seen in his life. She counted out five hundred American dollars in one hundred dollar bills. She then tucked the rest of her money away. She held the cash up, "Right here! Five hundred dollars." She found Frank seemed to be more money driven. She waved the bills under his nose like a carrot for a mule. "There is more where this came from, Colonel. My brother is conservative one. I'm a racing pilot. I'm not in it for the pots of money. I'm in it for the fun of it. So, how about that chess tournament? You want in?"
Frank eagerly licked his lips at the money. "That's a lot of money."
"Tell ya what." Edna proposed. "You beat me at chess and you can have this money and write up a bad review for the MASH 4077th. Anything you want. But if I win, then you still keep the money but I write the report and you submit it under your name."
Frank paused as he thought about the proposal. "So, either way I get the money?" he figured.
"You get the money." she nodded.
Frank went to grab the cash when she pulled it back.
She warned, "But first there is the chess game."
He made a sour face.
Margaret stated, "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, Frank. You still get the money. The game is for the inspection report."
Frank offered, "How about you just give me the money, Colonel and I let you write the report in my name." He knew he would lose the chess match as he wasn't a very good chess player.
"Humor me. Play a round of chess with me." she smirked at him. "I like chess."
"I suck at that game." he whined like a child.
Edna asked, "What game are you good at?"
Frank confessed, "Cards! I play a pretty mean game of Old Maid."
Edna asked, "Ever hear of a game called Uno?"
"No." he shook his head. "Is it cards?"
"The object is to get down to one card." she told him.
"How do you play?" he wondered.
She smirked, "Tell you what. I will teach you after chess."
Much to her surprise Frank turned nearly child like. "Okay."
"Okay." she gave a nod and then looked at Margaret. She wondered about Frank's mental status as he shifted emotions widely.
Later That Day
Eddy had set up the chess set in the mess tent. As usual and not to her surprise, Charles took over the tournament and sat himself down at the table for a round of chess. He wanted to play against his sister once more. He loved playing chess against his younger sister for he found she was one of the few who were an actual challenge for him to play against.
As Charles sat at the set his first challenger was not Edna but rather B.J. Hunnicutt. Charles found B.J. could play chess but was more average of a chess player and not on the level of a Winchester. In short time Charles won the game against B.J. and sat gloating at his tent mate.
"Check mate." he declared rather smugly.
B.J. stated, "When you play against Frank make sure you go easy on him and let him win." he gave a sigh as he found playing against Charles was a challenge. "Gotta admit, you are good." he confessed.
Charles bragged, "I was the reigning champion at Yale." He gloated as he reset the pieces. "Though your abilities as a doctor are impressive your abilities as a chess player are mediocre."
"I'm going to get some coffee." he told him and stood up to go for a cup.
Charles looked about the tent, "Anyone else? Who will be my nest challenger?"
No one stepped forward.
"Surely there has to be someone here other than Hunnicutt who can play chess." he insisted. He looked at the Father who shook his head as he didn't wish to play.
"I'll pass." the Father replied.
Frank Burns entered the tent next. His intention was to gather a cup of coffee. He found his replacement at the table with the chess set. He eyed the situation.
Charles and B.J. traded glances. B.J. mouthed the word "easy" to Charles.
"Would you like to join me in a game of chess, Colonel Burns?" Charles invited his predecessor.
Frank wasn't sure. He asked, "How good are you at playing, Major? I have a match set with your brother." He came closer to the table and sat down across from Charles.
Charles stated, "I just won a game against Hunnicutt." He assumed that would be a challenge for the man. He was wrong.
Frank winced, "You did? I can't beat Hunnicutt." he confessed under his breath.
"I would happy to teach you a few moves." Charles offered.
Frank became giddy, "Okay!"
Charles looked at B.J. who rolled his eyes. He knew he would need to go easy on Frank to keep him occupied and away from the camp until Eddy could take over the task of distracting. He started, "Let's play a friendly game, Colonel."
Frank asked, "What are the little pieces called again?"
"The pawns?" Charles cocked an eyebrow.
"Pawns. And where can I move them?" he asked.
"Forward." Charles stated.
"I knew that." Frank recalled.
Surprised Charles looked to B.J. again. He stood off shaking his head knowing Frank was simply insane.