A/N: Sigh. No one noticed Tyler hit Bella with a van! Hehehe.

Yes, I'm posting again because I am sick (AGAIN) and moody and having trouble writing and need a smile on my face. But after this, the posts should be more regular. Yes.

Evergreen Academy held a Meet the Parents week three weeks into the new semester-just enough time for the teachers to make initial observations about their students. The meetup wasn't so much a progress report as an opportunity to get to know the environment in which the kids were raised. The academy only hired teachers who had at least a minor in psychology, which Edward did. Their goal was to personalize the educational experience of every child.

Ah, private schools.

Edward loved children. From the sweetest to the most difficult, he had everlasting patience for all of their quirks and issues. Parents, on the other hand, were on the list of drawbacks of his profession. They were a unique brand of pain in the ass, most of whom figured they were the only ones who knew how to parent correctly. That was fine, of course; one should believe in the way they were raising their kid. It made it a challenge to be anyone else with any kind of responsibility toward the child, though.

Rosalie Hale was a micromanager. "Henry should be spending some of his playtime doing something more tame. It's good that he's so active, but he could stand to do something that stimulates his mind more, like blocks or reading."

"Mrs. Hale, I can appreciate where you're coming from, but playtime here isn't structured. We offer the children a variety of activities to choose from and let them discover their own likes and dislikes." He looked over to the window where he could see outside. Henry was tumbling in the grass with a few of the other kids, his brown curls bouncing in every direction.

Mrs. Hale grimaced. "Mr. Cullen, I can see what you must think of me and my requests, but Henry is...I went through a lot of trouble to have him. I want his life to be as perfect as possible."

"I assure you I can appreciate that."

After Rosalie were Jane and Alec's parents, who suggested none too gently that perhaps Edward could keep the twins away from the kids were there on a scholarship. Then, they were flabbergasted as to why their kids had trouble making friends.

Not all of the parents were horrible, of course. Katie's father, Jasper Whitlock, was a pleasure to talk to.

"Mr. Whitlock-"

"Call me Jasper, please."

"Jasper. Katie has some problems concentrating, but I don't think that's really a big deal. She just needs to learn there's a time to focus and a time to daydream," Edward said.

Jasper's smile was huge and fond. "My little space cadet. You know what's great about Katie?"

"A lot, as far as I can see, but what specifically?"

"People are usually either science-minded or creative-minded-left or right-brained, right?" He gave Edward a sheepish look. "Ah, I'm probably just suffering from proud papa disease; though let's be honest. My kid is the greatest."

"She's a beautiful girl," Edward said indulgently.

"That she is." Jasper cleared his throat. "In any event, it's probably just her being a kid, but Katie is both remarkably creative and interested in science."

"That explains her latest request."

Jasper laughed. "She told you about that, huh?"

"She wants to run a genetic profile on all her classmates."

Jasper clucked his tongue, his pride unmistakable. "That's my fault. I'm a geneticist. I showed her all the tests I work with. Karyotyping is her favorite-she loves making up what's written on each chromosome-but she likes the straight out DNA test too. If the other students' parents agree, she's especially curious about the twins' profiles."

"Well, it shouldn't be a problem. Parents tend to be enthusiastic when one of the children has a project like this. That's the nice thing about the school. Something like this will go in her permanent record. You never know what will benefit her in the future."

"That's a heavy thing, isn't it? For a kid. This is first grade. Can you imagine the things we did in first grade being part of our life achievements?"

Edward smiled. "I can't personally, but some of the alumni of the academy do accomplish amazing things at obscenely young ages. Or, you know, she'll have a lot of fun with genes. No pressure."

~Two Weeks Later~

Wednesday night after school let out, Edward drove to SeaTac to pick up his sister. She was thirty years old, but that didn't stop her from bouncing in place on the escalator when she spotted him. As soon as as she could, she broke free of the crowd and ran, dropping her bags and taking a flying leap at him.

Luckily, Alice was tiny. He caught her and gave her a twirl. They'd grown up city hopping along with their mother's job. Maybe it was lame, but his older sister would always be Edward's best friend.

"Ugh," Alice said as he set her on her feet again. She reached up and squeezed his cheeks between her hands. "I missed your stupid face."

Edward grinned and mussed her hair. "Love you too, Alice." He hooked his arm through hers as they stepped over to the luggage carousel. "Now tell me what your luggage looks like."

"R2-D2," she said with absolutely no shame.

He laughed.

"Hey. Geek is chic."

~0~

They were back at his little house after dinner.

"So," Alice said, and she took a long sip of her coffee. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Edward snorted. "You know, I'm actually impressed. You got through all of dinner without asking me that question."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Give me a break. We talked about how exciting it is to own your own tiny piece of Seattle real estate. You told me all about those baby geniuses." She pointed at him, shaking her finger. "You know I think it's creepy that some of them might actually graduate high school before they hit double digits. That's just wrong."

"One of the kids? He told his doctor he had an ear infection when he was fourteen months old. He told his doctor he had an ear infection." Edward shook his head. "I thought we were smart, Al. These kids are something else."

"And you've deflected again. So? How's your love life?"

Edward grimaced. "Seriously, it's supposed to be Mom asking me questions like that."

"Edward."

"Nothing exciting. There was a girl. We had a few dates. It didn't go very far."

"Uh huh. Did you end it or did she?"

Edward narrowed his eyes at his sister. "We weren't compatible."

"I knew it." She shook her head, laughing. "Did you at least get laid?"

"A gentleman never kisses and tells."

"Hah. You didn't even get laid."

Laughing, Edward tilted his head against the back of the couch. "What can I say, Alice? My life is uneventful."

Alice squeezed his knee. "You're so cute with your dreams of happily ever after."

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. A very hard knock.

Edward furrowed his eyebrows.

"You have friendly neighbors?" Alice asked.

"Not as far as I know." Edward got up. He went to the door and peered through the peephole, pulling back when the knocker knocked again. Harder. "The hell…"

No sooner had Edward opened the door than he found himself being propelled backward with an arm across his chest. He hit the wall with a gasp, pinned up against the wall. Alice gave a short scream, but Edward couldn't look at her. He was caught in the furious glare of Emmett McCarty.

"Mr. McCarty, what-"

Emmett grabbed Edward by his shirt and pushed him back against the wall. "There's only one thing I want to hear from you, you sick prick."

"Edward, what the hell is going on?" Alice asked, looking back and forth between them. "Do I need to call the police?"

"I am the fucking police," Emmett said.

Edward had his hands up, unsure of what to do. Emmett was a cop, and besides that, he was huge. "Mr. McCarty, I don't know what's going on. Is this about Katie?"

Emmett shook him, his face contorting in fury. "Don't you say her name, and don't play dumb with me."

"Look, I really don't know what you're talking about, but if you'll calm down-"

"Don't you fucking tell me to calm down.. I want to know what the hell you think you're doing. What's your plan here? How long have you been stalking us? Because if you think you're going to take my little girl"-he shoved Edward hard against the wall, prompting another cry from Alice-"I will kill you. I will kill you before I let you near her."

"This is crazy," Alice said, hovering out of Emmett's reach only because Edward held his hand up in a stop motion toward her. "I'm going to call the cops. The non-insane cops."

"Emmett!"

Emmett's husband came charging through Edward's open front door. Jasper Whitlock grabbed Emmett by the shoulders and wrested him back. The man kept his fingers fisted in Edward's shirt, dragging him forward with him. "Let him go, Emmett," Jasper said.

"Like hell. I want to know. I want to know what he planned to do with our daughter."

"Mr. McCarty, I really don't know what you're talking about. Whatever you think I've done, I'd never want to hurt Katie."

Emmett laughed. It was an awful kind of laugh that made Edward's gut twist. "You really going to play that card? Of course you'd never hurt her." His tone was sarcastic as he shook Edward again, hard enough to hurt. "You're her daddy, aren't you?"

"What?" both Edward and Alice said.

What the hell…

"Emmett." Now Jasper had his hand on his husband's shoulder, and he sounded wrecked. "Let him go."

Emmett, still staring at Edward, held his gaze for another five tense seconds before he shoved him backward, finally letting him go. He let Jasper draw him to his side. Their fingers twined together.

Alice came up next to him and squeezed his arm. Edward, breathless with fear and more confused than he'd ever been in his life, stared at the two of them. He swallowed hard. "I don't understand what you're accusing me of."

Another few horribly oppressive seconds went by. Jasper took a shaky breath and raised his head to meet Edward's eyes. His eyes were red-rimmed, but his expression was just as fierce as Emmett's. It was a calm kind of fury, even more dangerous. Edward took an unconscious step backward.

"Katie knows she was adopted. That's one of the reasons she's so obsessed with DNA tests." He huffed. "She thinks it's...fascinating that anyone in the world, anyone she sees and interacts with, could be related to her. We would never know. We talk about odds all the time, and if she knows there's a chance, she thinks anything is possible."

Inexplicably, Edward had started to shake. A cold sweat had broken out all over his skin, and his head swam. "I don't understand what you're saying."

Jasper stared back at him as though he could see the shape of his soul. "You really don't, do you?"

"Bullshit," Emmett said. "Bullshit. He has to know."

Jasper shook his head, not looking away from Edward. "No. If he knew, he wouldn't have let us run the test."

"Is someone going to explain what the hell is going on? This is cryptic," Alice said, squeezing Edward's arm again.

In answer, Jasper shoved a piece of paper into Edward's hands. Edward couldn't bring himself to look away from the two men standing in his entryway.

Alice yanked the paper out of his hands. After a moment, she gasped. "Edward, this is a paternity test."

Edward stopped breathing.

"It says you're the father of...someone."

"Katie," Emmett said, his voice just as rough as Jasper's had been a moment before. "It says you're Katie's biological father."

"That's impossible," Edward whispered. His pulse was so thready he was sure he was seconds away from fainting. "That really isn't possible."

"Cut the shit," Emmett snapped. "What's impossible is you wanting us to believe you didn't know. How could you not know? How could you be here, with Katie, and not know?"

"It's not possible!" Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, willing rational thought to come back to him. Whatever this nightmare was, he wanted out. "I'm not Katie's father. I'm not anyone's father."

Emmett ripped the paper from Alice's hand, shaking it in Edward's face. "Stop trying to pretend you're not some shady asshole when we have indisputable evidence." He shoved the paper back at Edward, hitting him on the chest as he did. "I always wondered what kind of man would fuck a homeless druggie and leave her to overdose on the streets of Seattle."

"Jesus. I didn't…" Edward shook his head as though he could clear the fog of confusion away. Nothing made sense. He reckoned backward quickly. "I didn't even live here. Katie was born before my senior year at Stanford. None of what you're saying is possible."

"The test-"

"I don't give a damn what the test says," Edward snapped. "I don't know what the hell you're trying to pull, but-"

"What we're trying to pull?" Emmett took a step forward, his fist clenched. Jasper had a hand on his shoulder in an instant, and Alice stepped in front of her brother.

"Okay. Okay. This is insane," she said. "We all just need to take a breath. Sit down. Let's all sit down for a minute."

Somehow, she managed to get them all herded into the living room. When they were all sitting-Emmett and Jasper on the couch together, Edward on his lounge chair and Alice standing with her arms crossed-she took a deep breath. "Okay," she said, looking at the couple. "Let's try that again. And start at the beginning."

A/N: I told you not to assume. ;) All will be clear...eventually.

Also last reminder - Finding Purgatory is now available for $2.99 on Amazon. Duplicity and One To Tell The Grandkids are FREE today only. Links in my profile.

Have a good weekend, my beautiful people.