"So, you're really doing this, huh?" JJ asked, even though it was rather a rhetorical question, based on the fact that she was currently helping Alex pack her belongings in boxes.
"Apparently," Alex replied, still not quite able to believe it herself.
This was entirely unlike her, to make such a sudden and drastic decision... But then again, her life had already been turned upside down, so she figured she may as well lean into that which, in this case, looked like packing up her entire life and moving across the Atlantic.
It's not like she had never considered it before. In fact, when she was in high school, she'd planned on studying abroad, had spent the better part of her senior year researching the best schools, the best programs...but then, the day she graduated, James had proposed. And, even though something inside her knew that that meant putting aside her hopes and dreams for the future, she'd said yes.
When she'd finished her undergrad and had started thinking about grad school and maybe a doctorate, she'd started looking again at international schools. Right up to the day James had gotten his acceptance to medical school.
Every time she started to think that maybe now the time was right for her to finally pursue her dreams, the universe had thrown another curveball. Whether it was in the form of getting accepted to the FBI, a positive pregnancy test, or a fatal diagnosis, there was always something that meant she had to put it off once again.
Finally, though, in the form of divorce papers, James had finally set her free. The universe was finally giving her permission...even if it looked quite a bit different than she'd anticipated.
"Are you going to start teaching right away?" JJ asked, interrupting her silent introspection.
She shook her head. "Not until the fall semester. That will give me enough time to revamp my curriculum and, you know, get my life in order again." She laughed, a touch hysterically.
JJ made a sympathetic noise, reached over to squeeze Alex's hand. "You know I think you're very brave, right?"
Alex raised a brow, either from disbelief or confusion. Possibly both.
"It takes incredible strength to have your life turned upside down like this and to, you know, make lemons out of lemonade...forgive my cliche. You've had the rug pulled out from under you and you're refusing to let it break you. I really respect that."
She smiled softly, almost shyly. "I waited almost thirty years to do this," she confessed, "It's almost freeing, in a way, to know that there's nothing holding me back from putting myself first..."
Nodding, JJ agreed, "You've spent a long time putting everyone else first, it's time that you make yourself a priority."
A few moments passed as Alex stared down at the box of books she'd been packing; on the top sat a book on the languages of Middle Earth that Reid had given her as a gift, a reference to a conversation the two of them had once had on the linguistic significance of Tolkien's works.
A flash of sadness crossed her face then. "You guys will come and visit, right?" she asked.
"Of course," JJ assured her. "And you know Garcia will send you emails and Skype you and text you until you're sick of her..." She winked to show she was kidding. Mostly.
Smiling her thanks, Alex let a few moments of companionable silence pass.
"Besides," JJ continued, "You won't be alone over there."
"Hmm?" she hummed a note of question.
"Emily is in London," she explained. "You should let her know you'll be living out there too. You two would be good friends, I think."
She nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "I'll reach out to her," she agreed.
She'd only met Emily the one time in person, but she'd felt an inexplicable kinship with the woman for reasons she couldn't exactly explain. Garcia had given her Emily's email address and had, rather mysteriously, said that they should be friends...
Silence fell between them as they returned to packing. At least, for a few moments...until JJ found a little shoebox. And, before Alex could stop her, she was opening it and flipping through the contents: a series of handwritten letters, postmarked from Rome.
She'd actually forgotten about the box, tucked away as it was for so many years where she wouldn't find it and, more importantly, neither would James...
She could see the moment JJ began to understand what exactly it contained...because her eyebrows leapt up her forehead, her mouth hanging open slightly.
"Who is Eeyore?" she demanded, turning the letter so that Alex could see the place where the aforementioned Eeyore had signed it.
Not that Alex needed to see the note to remember what it said...
Arwen;
"I've never loved the wrong person, but I have loved the right people at
the wrong time. The wrong life. The wrong moment..."
Somewhere, there's a universe where it worked for the two of us. I only
hope that you find the happiness in this one that I surely feel in that one.
Eeyore
Alex let out a shaky breath. "She, umm... She was my first love."
For several long moments, JJ blinked, stunned into silence. "Your... Your first..." she stammered, dumbstruck.
She nodded. And, with a little sigh, she explained, "She was my pen pal, when we were teenagers. We never used our real names, but..." She trailed off, shrugging, before continuing on a different tangent. "I'd already started dating James, but when I would write to her, I felt something I never felt with him."
"I, umm... I didn't know you were..." JJ attempted to speak, still apparently lost for words.
She shrugged again. "I'm not really sure what to call it. I've never even met her, but she's the only person that ever made me feel that way, you know?"
"Maybe this is a sign," JJ said, "Finding these letters again. Maybe you're supposed to open yourself up to finding that feeling again."
Alex didn't seem so sure, though. "I don't know... It was just teenage infatuation. It wasn't real."
JJ wasn't convinced, though. "Alex Miller, you are worthy of being loved. Of feeling that all-consuming, heart stopping, makes you a little crazy kind of love. You'll find it again. You just need to open yourself up again, even if it means being hurt."