Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Twilight. And the song credit goes to The Maine.

Props to my semi-retarded friend for finally reading the story and sending me a butt load of reviews! I love you! Thank you for the other reviews that were not submitted by someone that I have black mail on!

"Oh if I only had the heart,
To find out exactly who you are,
You know I'd try now.
But it's just fine,
No you can't save me,
It's no fault but mine,
Please just blame me.
If I could gather up the nerve,
I'd put my feelings into words.
And if I weren't so young, or stupid, or restless,
I might be able to just soon forget this.
Just forget this. (just forget this, just forget this)"

If I Only Had the Heart

I woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon. Someone was feeling ambitious for not being much of a morning person. I wasn't exactly a morning person either, but the smell of bacon had magical powers that roused me out of bed and down the hall to the kitchen.

But it wasn't Derek that stood in front of the stove frying bacon and flipping the flap jacks, no it was some chick dressed in a pair of Derek's sweats and an over sized t-shirt. Whoa. What a way to wake up.

Suddenly she whipped around, spatula in hand, and smiled brilliantly at me. Oh crap she was a morning person.

"You must be Hallie!" She shrieked. "I'm Bridgett!"

"Hi." I mumbled as I took a seat at the table where there was a plate full of pancakes and bacon.

"I'm so glad to meet you finally."

What did Derek see in this chick? She seemed like an airhead. Oh wait she had a hot body; I should have known better. Maybe I was just being a jerk; in my early morning mood I hate everyone. I should at least give her a chance when I'm more awake.

"Good morning ladies." Derek smiled as he walked into the kitchen fully clothed.

Well, didn't he seem to be in a good mood? I guess if I was a guy that got laid and a nice breakfast made for him, I would be too.

"So are you going to go see Paul today?" Derek questioned as he buttered his pancakes.

My fork paused halfway between my plate and my open mouth. Was I ready to go see Paul?

"Let me rephrase that: you're going to see Paul today."

"Excuse me?"

"I'll have Jake drag you over there if I have to."

"Don't be so dramatic, I was going to go after work."

"Great, I'll drop you off on the way home."

***

I spent most of the day wondering what I was going to say when I saw him. I could hardly pay attention to the questions thrown my way by irritable old ladies and that only made them angrier. It didn't help that Derek sent me looks all day; looks that made my insides squirm uncomfortably.

Derek was smiling as he drove me to Paul's house. Meanwhile I was ringing my hands, and trying not to think about the pasta I had had for lunch. The ride seemed way too short, because all too soon he pulled into the driveway and looked over at me with that look on his face.

"Alright, get out of my car and go get him."

"I hate you sometimes."

"Love you too."

I opened the door and stepped out before Derek had the chance to push me out. Once the door was shut he pulled out of the driveway before I could even think about diving back into the car.

Really, how bad could this be?

My question was answered as soon he opened the door. He looked like hell; he looked like someone had run him over, backed up, and ran over him again. His hair was mussed all around his head, he had dark circles under his eyes, and his clothes were rumpled. Had I caused this?

His eyes lit up as he looked me over and he pulled me to his chest, squeezing tight. Oh yes, I was the reason for his disarray; I felt like such a jerk. I squeezed him back just as tightly, hoping he would understand that I felt horrible. But I knew it wasn't enough.

"Paul, we need to talk." I mumbled against his warm chest.

He pulled away and led me into the living room. He sat on the couch and I sat across from him in the easy chair. I took a deep breath, but was interrupted by Paul.

"Hallie, this isn't forced love. I need you to understand that. I was forced to want to be around you, not love you. Loving you happened from being around you."

My hands were a bit shaky but I ignored them, "I did a lot of thinking while I was with my Dad. How could I pass by the chance for someone that would never hurt me? I figured out that with you I won't ever want to kill myself when I'm older because it would hurt you too much and I would probably never feel that way anyway. I'm an idiot; I shouldn't have put you through all of this. But it's not going to be easy, Paul. I can't just fall in love that easily, not anymore."

"Does that mean you're willing to try?" he asked with a hopeful smile.

"Yes, but I'm not going to lie. It's not going to be easy."

"I love challenges." He grinned.

We stared at each other for a minute before I finally took in my surroundings. This place was a mess! Pizza boxes on the floor, empty beer cans, tissues, and various candy wrappers.

"Paul, you really need to take a shower and get some sleep." I sighed as I got up from the chair and started to pick up the trash littered about the room. "I'll clean this up."

"Will you be here when I get out of the shower?"

"Probably, this is disgusting!"

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and walked down the hall to where I assumed the bathroom was. I spent my time while he was in the shower cleaning the kitchen and living room and by the time he was done I was at the kitchen sink washing his dishes. I was swirling the sponge around a pot when I felt a pair of hot hands grip my hips.

"Thank you." He whispered huskily.

Shivers raced up and down my spine not only from his touch, but from his husky voice that washed over me. The pot fell from my hands to the bottom of the sink and I just stood there my hands in the soapy water.

"You should get some sleep, Paul." I managed to say.

I felt his hit breath right by my ear and couldn't contain the shivers that racked my body; he had to feel them. I heard his soft chuckle before he placed a kiss on the side of my neck.

"Only if you stay with me."

"I can't, I have work tomorrow."

He sighed, "At least let me take you home."

That I could do. I nodded my head and washed off my hands before I pulled out of his grasp. I felt strangely cold without his hands on my hips, but I ignored the cold feeling as I followed him out to his truck. The ride back to my place was quiet, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one.

"I want to walk you to the door." He stated. "And don't even give me a comment about being mauled by an owl."

I chuckled and opened my door as he did the same. I waited for him to come around to my side and together we walked up to the front door. There weren't any lights on inside so I figured Derek and Bridgett were either busy doing something, or had gone out for the night. I personally hoped that they were gone.

"Hmm no one's home." Paul mused as we stood before the door facing each other.

I breathed a sigh of relief; surely if they were home doing the horizontal tango he would be able to hear it and alert me. With that worry out of my mind I suddenly realized what position we were in; perfect position for the good night kiss coined by cheesy movies everywhere.

"You think I'm going to kiss you, don't you?" He grinned.

"It certainly appears that way."

His grin deepened and his arms shot out and around my waist. He pulled me roughly against him but he didn't kiss me. Instead he just held me there; our bodies flush against one another. With my breasts pressing against his chest, I wanted nothing more than to reach up and kiss him. That was exactly what he wanted! He wanted me to initiate the kiss.

"You think I'm going to kiss you, don't you?" I repeated his words with my own smirk.

He pulled back far enough to look down into my eyes. Who would make the first move? It appeared that neither of us wanted to be the one to give in, but I wanted his lips on mine.

I don't know what happened, but suddenly we were both moving in. Time seemed to slow down as my eyes fluttered shut and his lips closed over mine, soft but not too demanding. His hands tightened on my hips, lifting me up for better access to my mouth. I wound my arms around his neck and sighed as his tongue ran across my bottom lip. Then, right when I wanted nothing more than for our tongues to meet, he pulled away and set me back on my feet.

I blinked up at him confused, but he only bent and placed a kiss on my forehead before he walked out to his truck. I stood there frozen, on the porch, as he started up his truck and left the driveway.

***

Oh yes, I definitely did not like Bridgett. Honestly, what did Derek see in her besides her large breasts, and shapely thighs? She was an airhead. Derek was a bookworm. She barely graduated high school. Derek went through college with a 3.7 G.P.A.

I would not let him ruin his life with this chick. He needed someone that he could have a meaningful conversation with. Not someone that only wanted to talk about her hair or the newest celebrity gossip. I will admit that she did make some delicious pancakes, but I was sure that the cons outweighed the pros in this case. She may be good in bed, but Derek was an intellectual thinker…he needed more than that.

But where was I going to find a girl that Derek needed? No such a girl worked at the library, except for me, and that was strictly out of the question.

I was working the circulation desk for Maria while she had surgery, when Kim walked in, pushing her stroller, with a girl that looked vaguely like her at her side. I smiled as they approached and peered over the desk down at Kim and Jared's baby boy: Quinn. He was slightly older than Joanna, and just as cute.

"Hey Hallie." Kim smiled. "This is my younger sister, Kate."

"Hi." I smiled. "Can I help you guys with anything today?"

"Actually yes." Kate stated. "I was wondering if you guys were hiring."

I smiled, "I'm not sure. One of our employees is having surgery, and we're not sure if she'll come back. Let me page Derek, my boss."

I exchanged smiles with Kim as I paged Derek and waited for him to come out to meet Kate. Kate was exactly the sort of girl he needed. She was pretty, and from what Kim had told me before she loved books. Once Derek walked out he looked between Kim and Kate before he finally turned his inquisitive eyes on me.

"Kate would like to talk to you about employment opportunities." I stated.

He smiled at Kate, "Great, come back with me to my office and we can chat."

Once they were out of sight I turned a hopeful smile to Kim, who I was happy to see had the same sort of smile on her face.

"Did you see the look he gave her?" She questioned.

"Yes, and thank God; I need to get Bridgett out of my house."

Kim laughed, "So, how are you and Paul?"

"Okay I guess…we're taking things really slow."

"That's understandable. Jared and I were the same way. I couldn't get over the fact that he never noticed me all those years. But then I did and the rest is history." She smiled and gazed down at her son.

My heart turned to goo a bit as I watched the smile that lit her face as Quinn smiled up at her.

"It takes time, but it's worth it." She said her gaze still on Quinn.

***

"Oo don't you look all sexy!" Bridgett exclaimed as I walked out of my room dressed for my date with Paul.

This would be our first date and I was nervous. I'd gone through half my closet before I finally decided on a nice pair of black pants and a red v-neck sweater. I had no idea where we were going, but Paul assured me that it involved what he did for a living; which was good since I had no idea what he did besides be a werewolf.

I sent Derek a look as Bridgett turned on E! and watched with rapt attention as they talked about celebrity scandals or something. In return Derek rolled his eyes and let out a sigh. Bridgett had to go, and I think he realized that too.

"So how do you think Kate is going to work out?" I asked pointedly.

"Well, Maria called to put in her notice. Apparently it's worse than they feared." Derek replied. "So, I think Kate is perfect for the job."

"Who's Kate?" Bridgett asked, her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Kim's sister." I replied.

"Who's Kim?"

The doorbell rang then and I took that as my exit cue. I sent Derek an amused smirk, grabbed my coat and purse, and opened the door. I gasped as I took in the picture that Paul presented. I had only seen him in cut off's and ratty shirts before, but now he was actually dressed appropriately. And damn…he looked good.

His jeans sat low on his hips and his black dress shirt was open at the neck, showing a bit of the muscular chest concealed underneath.

"Did you just lick your lips?" He asked with an amused smile on his smug face.

"Psh, no." I lied, averting my burning face.

"You look pretty tasty yourself." He teased as he grabbed my gloved hand.

He pulled me from the house and out to his truck. He was walking a bit ahead of me, which gave me a perfect view of his butt. Those jeans really made his ass look good.

"I am not a piece of meat, Hallie."

"Don't flatter yourself." I scoffed as I climbed into the truck. I waited until he was in the truck and we were done the road before I asked the next question, to keep him distracted from teasing me. "So, what are you showing me about your work?"

"Well, we're having dinner at this little place I know, and I'll tell you what I do there."

Me, with the over active imagination, started to make up all sorts of scenarios about just what it was that Paul did for a living. Did he act as a vigilante? No, that was ridiculous. Was he an undercover CIA agent? Very doubtful. Maybe he was an exterminator; that seemed a little more believable. Or even a plumber.

I didn't find out until the waitress sat us in one of the booths of the forest themed restaurant and I looked down at the beautifully crafted table. The legs had bears and wolves carved into them and the sides of the table had rows of trees.

"Wow."

"You like it? I made all of these tables." Paul stated with a satisfied smile.

"Really?"

"I did the chairs too."

"You're really good." I smiled. "How did you get into this?"

"Before I was…well you know…I always liked to work with wood, and then afterwards I needed an outlet for my anger. And it just kind of happened."

"So, do you have your own shop?"

"The garage."

"Wow, I wasn't expecting this."

He chuckled as the waitress brought back our drink orders. He waited until after she had left again with our orders before he finally voiced his question.

"What were you expecting?"

"Other things." I replied lamely.

"Like?"

"An exterminator."

He laughed, "Well, I am in a way."

***

I was about to open the door and go inside, thinking that Paul had already left the porch, when I felt hands grab my waist and spin me around up against a rock hard body. I looked up at his face just as he crushed his lips down to mine.

This kiss was nothing like our first one that had ended way too soon. This one was fire and light headedness, and stars above our heads. I wound my arms around his neck and ran my fingers through his silky hair as he ran his tongue across my bottom lip, seeking entrance.

I opened my mouth to him and moaned when his tongue met mine, starting a very pleasurable fight for dominance. I felt his hands slide under my coat and sweater and shivered as his hot hands traced patterns over the cool flesh of my lower back.

"Oo, what's this?!"

I really hated that girl. Paul and I broke away only to see Bridgett exciting the house, her designer bag in hand. She looked happy, so that meant that Derek obviously had not broken it off with her.

"Hi Bridgett." I sighed, noticing the lust filled gaze she was sending Paul.

That did not make me happy at all. First of all, I didn't like that she was sleeping with my best friend. Secondly, she was an airhead. And now she had the nerve to check out Paul right in front of me! After she had just caught us making out!

"Who is this?" She questioned, never taking her gaze off of him.

"No one that cares to know you." Paul remarked before he placed a kiss on my forehead and walked away towards his truck.

"What a jerk."

"Good night Bridgett."

I slammed the door in her face with a smile.