She bit her lip to stifle the sound of her tears as she sat in Will's bathtub. She hated herself so much for what she had done at the bar. She hated herself even more for the pain that she was still holding on to from her attack. The pills, the alcohol, nothing numbed her, and she needed to be numb. She was so sick of feeling everything swirling around in her mind. She took a deep breath and let herself go under the water, washing away the remnants of her tears.
Maybe she did need to talk to somebody, a therapist. It did sound like a healthy thing to do, but it wasn't a therapist's business. It was nobody's business, but hers and Will's. She knew that she could trust him, and he would definitely know what to say to help her, and he would be glad to listen. But somehow she just couldn't open up.
She coughed and sputtered when she came back to the surface of the water. The sort of cleansing didn't help. She still felt vulnerable and dirty. Suddenly, as if she wasn't thinking anymore, she pulled the plug, stood from the bathtub, and walked across the room, leaving a trail of water in her wake. She leaned down to where she had left her purse and dug into a back compartment, pulling out a small pouch with a needle inside.
She filled her veins with the drug and hurriedly hid the needle before it overtook her mind. Her eyelids felt heavy, all of a sudden, and she tried her hardest to get into a pair of Will's cotton pajamas before she passed out. She hadn't done hard drugs in so long that her body wasn't prepared for the sudden dose. She took a deep breath as she buttoned the last button on the shirt. She began to walk, but suddenly fell to her weak knees. She licked her lips and tried to stand as the room continued to spin. It was a bad trip. She couldn't control it.
Once she got up enough strength she used the door to stand. She walked into Will's room where he was fast asleep on the bed. She had taken to sleeping on the couch for a while, but she wanted to feel the warmth of his body against hers. She walked closer to the bed, but fell on top of him in her disheveled state. He jumped and found her trying to get off him.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm trying to walk, honey. Help me lie next to you." He did as she said and lifted her to the other side of the bed. She began to breathe easier as he pulled the covers over her body.
"Karen, what's going on?"
"Hold me, honey. Please." He wrapped his arm around her, and she cuddled into his chest. It was when she had finally passed out that Will pulled himself from her tight grip. She hadn't turned the bathroom light off in her rush to get to him, and he stood to perform the task.
He stopped before he turned down the light switch. Water was all over the floor, and he cringed before walking into the room and wiping the floor. He followed the trail of water all the way to her open purse. Will wasn't normally one to snoop or break anyone's privacy, especially Karen's, but something told him to go through the purse. It felt wrong, but he did it anyway.
He ruffled through the bag, finding her checkbook, makeup, condoms, birth control pills, her glasses, her contacts; nothing seemed out of place. Nothing seemed different from any other woman's purse, until he found the back compartment. He unzipped it and scrunched his forehead when he found a small pouch with a needle in it. It was empty so he logically knew why she had passed out only moments before. He was so angry with her that he didn't even know what to do next.
He wanted to rip her out of bed and scream at her for acting so stupid. He wanted her to open up to him. He wanted so many things, justice and help. He wanted to kill the man who had done such a thing to her, ruined her life. She was so happy before the event and it got ruined within a moment.
But how could he be angry with her, really? It wasn't her fault. She was only dealing with her problem the best way that she knew how. He honestly wished that she would just tell him what had happened that night. Nobody knew what had actually happened and it had to be killing her on the inside to have to relive that pain all the time. He put the items back into her purse and sighed, making his way back to bed. He looked at her peaceful face and suddenly understood her a little bit more. He decided that he wasn't going to address the issue of her drug use. He was just going to let it go and carefully watch her, making sure that she didn't hurt herself.
He crawled back into bed and pulled the covers over him. Her breathing was even and regular, and he smiled at the innocence of her face. He wrapped his arm around her, as she had previously requested, and held her close. His lips met her forehead in a gentle kiss before he laid his head down and succumbed to sleep.