Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Pain"

(Revised after reading Dark Demon)

It was as if someone had ripped a bandage on Amy's soul, she had been ripped, torn apart by the past, and she laid there, bleeding and hurting from the huge gap.

She stood there, in front of the theater where she had last performed as human, her friends weren't there anymore, but their essence lingered, in the dressing rooms, in the backstage and in the wood panels, she could tell distinctive essences, males, females, perfumes, food, stale sweat, and even semen; the odor was annoyingly familiar, her old boss had slept with her behind those very same curtains. The notion confused her and angered her; he had disrespected her, and then he had fired her. How could she have degraded herself like that? He was vermin, nothing but a predator of innocent little girls. Not that she had ever been innocent.

He didn't deserve her; she had been the prima ballerina, famous, talented, and beautiful but above all things lonely. The lonely star needed company and he had given it to her, and in return he had taken a chunk of her soul and the whole of her dignity.

Loneliness, it was amazing to see how far it went… the need to reach out to others, in the past she had always been looked after, her ballet family had sheltered her, nurtured her, but when she fell down and broke her ankle her future stopped being so promising and they had pushed her aside, she wasn't so interesting to them any more.

Now she was a part of a different world, full of shadows and mysteries. Mandy stared at her hands, they were knobby, too long, too slim, not delicate or female-like in any way; her nails were too short, clipped too close to the finger, no color to them. She hated them, inside those ugly fingers blood ebbed, flowing, tingling.

Compelled by sheer curiosity Amy used a small piece of glass that laid there on the floor next to her, and pierced a single line across the palm of her hand, the pain was great but then the smell hit her, soft, acrid, alluring… she felt disgusted with the new notion, so she pressed her nails against it, closing her fist around it, seeking the pain and bringing-forth the blood, it bled long ruby drops on the floor.

So much blood had been shed on her behalf, what would a few drops do now?

She watched them fall mesmerized, blood drops mixing with rain, a river of dark maroon forming at her feet. Her blood was a curse, her parents had died protecting it; and the sheer power compressed in it was capable of destroying everything she held dear. She knew the difference between humans, vampires and her, she wasn't just Carpathian, there was more to it, the things that green-eyed demon had feared.

She had a stain, a deep crimson stain that bled across her soul, she wondered idly what would become of her now that she had returned to her race, they were like her, that much she knew, but will her blood bring them danger? Will she become a liaison to the evil mages that lurked her? Someone out there wanted her to find the Grimoire, to read it, to try the spells it contained, but what sort of danger it meant? Was this the green eyed vampire? Was it some sort of ghost? Amy didn't know, but feeling it lurking around her was enough to destroy her sanity.

Her blood will awake it… she had sensed that much from the book, but it wasn't just a book, it was the beginning of a series of events, and the outcome of them made Amy tremble with fear, she saw blood, pain, rage, and death. And she knew she'd be the cause of it. She wondered if her death would stop this, if she could do anything to save the Carpathian race but no answer came, this question would remain haunting her until she had a possible solution.

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"I knew you'd be here." Tristan said to Mandy, she was standing under the rain, at the ally behind the theater; he had gone after her as soon as he left the Lamia Ovis and Maria with the prince.

"Oh you're becoming psychic now?" Amanda responded snidely.

"No, I felt your pain as soon as I landed, remember that you and I feel the same, besides, I know where you are all the time." The smell of her blood made Tristan extremely edgy, it called out to him, to feast on it. But her pain was stronger, she had a blanket of pain gathered around her and he desperately wanted to take it away.

"In more ways than one," Amy said meaning they had the same thirst for revenge, and the same pain for the souls lost in the pursue of it. "Where's the girl?"

"I left her with Raven and Mikhail; I thought we needed to discuss a few things privately."

"What do you want to discuss?"

"Well, there's you and me becoming lifemates to begin with." Tristan began as he walked a few feet closer to Amy, he didn't dare touch her, but he needed to be close to her. "And there's also Maria; and your past; and my past and everything else in between those two things."

"Sounds to me like you have a lot to discuss; maybe you ought to buy me some coffee." Amy said circling him so she was closer to the exit and him further away from her. "Oh right, we don't drink coffee anymore, I guess a bloody-Mary would have to do."

"Quit the sarcasm, Amy. I know you are hurt, I know you feel terrible, I'm not here to rub salt on your wounds, I only want to talk to you, help you vent some of this anger off."

"You can undo what you've done, so excuse me, if I feel completely torn, and I refuse to be with you! Now thanks to you I am a freaking vampire… oh right, not vampire, Carpathian, but it's the same fucking thing!"

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid we started everything the wrong way. Why don't we start from a scratch?"

"If you want to cover the sun with a finger, be my guest, nothing will change who I am."

"Who says I want to change anything?" Tristan covered the distance between them, standing right in front of his mate, glaring above her. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. If you are angry or sad or whatever you are that's fine, but beyond all that, you are my mate, and we are together, no matter what. So do me a favor and pretend like we are starting this thing again… give me a chance to prove you that I'm a good guy."

"Fine, hello stranger, my name is Amanda, what's yours?" Amy didn't back-off she wasn't afraid of him, in fact she wanted him close to her, but she feared the response of her body, already she wanted to sink her fangs on his neck but she wouldn't.

"Tristan Mc… Ferdichenko, I'm a creature of the night, a Carpathian, I suck blood for a living. It's a pleasure to meet you, Amanda." He shook her hand, the injured one, the shock of feeling her pain sent darts up his arm, like being electrocuted, if she was having trouble controlling herself imagine how incredibly out of control he felt, his own beast was roaring for control, one more second and he would take her right there under the rain, give her his blood, close the wound and give her the most earth-shattering climax she could imagine. "How about you, what do you do?"

"I'm a professional dancer, mostly ballet, I'm also a psychic, and I suck blood for a living too." She pulled away quickly, leaving Tristan strummed, he had felt her hunger lashing-out at his guts, and he craved the sharing as deeply as she did.

"Oh you do?! Maybe we could go to my place, exchange some bodily fluids, begin a torrid blood affair and maybe fuck each other brains out tonight repeatedly… oh wait I don't do that anymore and then again we already have." He stepped away from her again. "You see, I'm a married man now."

"Are you? I see no wedding ring."

"We haven't picked them yet, we will soon, you should see my wife, she's tall, lean, and gorgeous, she's got legs that go up, as high as the sky, and she has the most beautiful crystal grey eyes, you wouldn't believe how pretty she is."

"And do you loveher?"

"With all my dark little dark, we began things a little roughly, but we're getting along now, at least I hope so, you see she's got a nasty temper, she clawed at our prince and his son in law when they tried to help her; she's a wild thing." She remembered that and she was so ashamed of her behavior that she actually turned paler; she had been utterly out of control.

"I'm sure she was feeling a little anxious, maybe she needed to run for the hills."

"Well in this case, the hills were filled with vampires, and they all wanted to hurt her, she encountered one and she killed it easily, she's a skilled warrior, you know? I envy her powers, summoning thunder is pretty impressive." As if the Mother Nature was in tune with Amy, thunder stroke again, the rain was pouring above them heavily now, drenching them from head to toe.

"But now she's scared of her own strength, she's discovered where she came from, and how many people sacrificed their life so she could be here today, she's discovered her blood is gifted and because of that, it brings danger to those around her. I don't envy her, she's going through some deep shit, but she'll make it through, she's a fearsome warrior, you know? And I love her." Amy remained there motionless, just staring and listening, keeping her own ground, they were making circles around each other, like cats in heat.

"But I've got a problem with her, I'm not sure if she trusts me, I made some mistakes, I was ignorant and I messed-up, she got hurt because of me, so now she thinks I'm a moron. Would you help me convince her that I'm not as stupid as I seem?" Amy chuckled; he wasn't stupid, headstrong and impulsive but not stupid.

"I caused her pain, when all I wanted was to comfort her, I know she's hurt, I'm hurt too, I need her, she doesn't know how much I need her, she's all I got in the world; she's my soulmate, my everything. If I hadn't found her, I would have killed myself. I will kill myself if she refuses me tonight." Amy ran to him and he barely had time to open his arms and collect her.

She was possessed with rage, the pain was too sharp to curb it, she had to let it out, she had started crying long before he had arrived and his words, his threat that he would die if he wasn't with her had awakened that bone deep pain, that pain only he could take away.

"You are not stupid. And I do trust you; you're all I've got, Tristan. You don't understand how terrible I feel, the anger, the pain, the rage, there's all of that and more, so much more, I feel dirty, used, like my body isn't mine anymore, like I'm a stranger to myself."

"I understand, Amy. Of course I understand. I want to help you, but I can't, this is your own struggle, you must accept who you are. I can only give you support and love, I trust you, you are the strongest person I know, you'll get through this, and when you do, you'll be a hell of a lot stronger than you are now, and this difficult times will seem nothing more than a distant memory."

"My parents died twice for me, besides them, there's no one else in the world for me, I'm all alone, everything I though was real was nothing but a lie. I destroyed everything that came my way."

"No, baby; you are not alone, we've got a daughter now, and you've got a family that you know nothing about: sisters, aunts and even uncles. And you've also got me; I might be a stupid redhead. But I love you so much… that I'll do anything for you, anything." Tristan hugged Amy closer to his body; she leaned her body on him feeling his warmth and strength comfort her, she was so lost, so lonely. Only he could fill those huge gaps of her soul, give her meaning, understand her, even love her. "You'll see that even though life seems like hell now, many great things will happen in the future. You were lost before, but now you've been found, you are home now."

"That sounds so great …but is not true."

"It's the utmost truth! We are a family now, the ferdichenko-Dragonseeker, you and me, and every other Carpathian living out there in those mountains, we're all together, we are a family now, and you are part of it."

"They hate me, I tried to claw them."

"Please, Amy? You a tiny little kitten, they deal with death, vampires and crazy humans every day, I'm sure they understand you just got a little out of control. Have some faith in people." Tristan held Amy's head close to his chest, caressing the wet silk of her hair; she was shivering with cold, fear and pain. "Besides, I was kinda hoping you'd like to raise Maria Celeste with me, she's so scared, so traumatized by the society that she doesn't even speak anymore, I'm going to need your psychic abilities to help her recover. Would you help me?"

"I'll try, I know nothing about kids, I'm traumatized myself, I think I need help."

"We'll help each other out, that's what families do. All I want from you, my wet love: is trust, we'll walk this Carpathian path together and in time you'll see it gets easier, change is painful, but is always for the good, we've got each other now. What could go wrong?"

"Plenty! I'll try but I'm awful with kids, so keep that in mind before you sue me for over-traumatizing the girl."

"You'll do great. If you want to get your clothes later I'll get them for you, but right now I need you to do me a favor." They were soaked through and through so they obviously needed to change.

"What is it?"

"Drink from me…" Tristan bared his chest and pressed her face to the hollow spot between his pectorals.

"It'll hurt you, I can't!" Amy tried to turn away but he held her pressed to his body.

"It won't hurt; do it. I need you to. Please…"

"No there, from your neck." His chest was too perfect, almost chiseled in marble, with those perfect abs and the ruddy hairs that stood at the center; she didn't want to think of it sexually, she just needed food, not sex.

"Take it from wherever you wish, but do it."

Amy paused for a second, just as she was poised above his neck, he had lowered it so she could drink from it easily, she pondered the thought and then the constant drum of his heart got to her ears, she saw that vein pulsing with the delicious nectar and she dived for it, closing her eyes to block-out Tristan's intense staring.

Tristan shuddered knowing she'd take him in a second, the hairsbreadth between decision and action lasted ages to him, and then she opened her mouth and sank her fangs softly above his jugular, piercing just deep enough to draw blood, nothing like the animalistic thrust he had give her during their love session, she had a different kind of hunger, a passion that burned lower but lasted longer.

He felt ashamed and at the same time he craved to do it again, to refresh his mark, and taste the heavenly taste of her blood.

Amy drank slowly feeling his ancient, powerful blood replenish her, and then noticing his own crave she bared her neck, he needn't be asked twice, he wrapped her body closer to his chest and pierced her shoulder with driving passion.

The uncontrolled erotica of the moment got to them and soon Tristan walked her backwards, as far as the darkest corner of the alley, where he could give her much more pleasure.

"Not here, please, take me home; I don't want to do it here." Amy pleaded; a dark alley wasn't her idea of romance.

"Would you go down with me? Would you trust me, if I wanted to go underground now?" She wasn't scared of being buried, in fact she wasn't scared of anything Carpathian it was her psychic power that scared her.

"Yes, I'll go anywhere with you." Of her own free will, she had accepted to a great deal more than just going down, she was going to his lair, where he would complete the ritual, where he would enforce her obedience, where he would make love to her endlessly. If Amy had known what it meant she would've probably said no, she wasn't prepared for the emotional situations that would follow.

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Maria Celeste was a tiny redhead with soulful blue eyes, she was a very odd child, silent, shy, drawn inside herself, Raven watched her sit primly, as if she was a porcelain doll rather than a kid, she also didn't speak, not even a word, completely mute.

Mikhail felt and shared Raven's puzzlement; whatever had happened to that child had altered her deeply. He had seen several four years old, they were curious, chatty, little energizer bunnies, but this kid… if they hadn't seen her chest rising and falling they would've thought she was a wax doll.

"Can we get you anything? Would you like some juice, a cookie?" It was as if Raven was speaking to the wall.

They tried entering her mind, but nothing was there, it was like trying to analyze a mirror, the thoughts were there but they couldn't get to them, she was the strangest human they had encountered in their life.

Maria had developed these abilities throughout years of probing, her mind had been analyzed a thousand times, nobody understood it, she wasn't just half Carpathian, she was also autistic.

That rare combination had been too interesting for the society, she possessed the rare blood disorders and the intolerance to sun light and she would give them no trouble at all, so they had taken her with them, and used her for research.

"Do you think she needs blood?" Raven asked Mikhail, she was curious but her motherly instinct told her to feed the child first and then worry about her illness.

"Probably, why don't we call Shea? Maybe she can help us understand her better."

"Maybe, mean while we should fix her a bed and find her pajamas, she should be tucked into bed soon." It was close to midnight, she child ought to be sleeping already.

"I'll do that, you stay here… but don't get too close to her, she might be a child but she's still unknown to us." Mikhail hadn't forgotten last Christmas, when a harmless old lady had tried to kill them. "In fact, let me summon Gregori, he has more experience with shadow treats, someone could be controlling her."

The girl remained there, motionless, only her eyes moved to and fro, scanning the area, Raven noticed the resemblance with Tristan, same hair and similar face, but the eyes were different, sky blue rather than aquamarine, almond shaped, not slanted like Tristan's, she also had a small pout mouth, while Tristan's was large, and she didn't have dimples. She must've looked a lot like her mother, Raven thought.

The child inside her moved, slowly, lazily, she was getting hungry and the baby responded to it, urging her to feed. Maria noticed the change and for the first time since she was taken there she moved, laying her tiny hand on top of Raven's belly. Mikhail and Raven both held her breath, the unborn girl kicked hard against her hand and then Maria smiled; she had the sweetest Angel-like smile ever.

The baby relaxed after Maria took her hand away, and she returned to her chair as if she was a robot.

Are you alright, Love?

We are, she's so strange, Mik. I can't understand a thing about her, but I think she's good, I sense goodness from her, and Kathleen liked her too, that has to mean something.

She's a child; she should feel like that, we'll investigate this further later, now leave her alone and come here to me, you're hungry and I need to feed you.

Raven left the room, but her heart remained in it, the girl commanded pity out of her soul.

Maria Celeste didn't want to be alone, she had been alone for years, seeing people was a delight, and they talked to her, her captors never talked, they always acted as if she wasn't there, as if she couldn't listen, but she did, and she wanted to be listened to, but her mind was locked, the words wouldn't come out of her mouth.

She said: I'm here, I'm listening to you, I'd like to eat, I would love to have ice cream and cookies. Thank you for taking me away, I hated those guys. Do you want to play? I'd love to play with you.

Mikhail felt the same about her and more, having one daughter on the way he wondered how humans could be so mean. He thought the girl needed the loving nurture of a family, hopefully she would get along with Amanda and in time Maria would find a lifemate and become full Carpathian.

It was how it happened with most of those children, and now when Christmas was so near, and many lonely males would come, maybe one of them would be destined to be with her. And if not, she would have a family that year, presents, carols, friends and lots of fun.

The prince and his princess were determined to make each Christmas an adventure, soon Carpathians from all over the world would meet for the holly night, the celebration would take place, children will meet each other and many females would also come to give birth, Tempest and Darius were supposed to arrive that night, so were Falcon and Sara and even Skyler and Dimitri, they weren't expecting but she had heard of her new sister and she was very excited to meet her.

Maria watched them leave and she sighed heavily, she liked them, she liked everything about their house, and then someone came inside, a huge man, he offered his hand to Maria and she took it readily.

"Hello, Little one. How are you? My name is Gregori, I'm going to take you to my place, and then we'll play, you and me and my wife Savannah. Would you like that?" Maria said yes inside her mind, and followed Gregori dutifully with her Barbie doll on one hand and her back pack in the other.

Seeing that she was running to catch up with him, Gregori took her in his arms, she was almost weightless. Her sweet face melted him, to think he would have twin girls in a few months, he had to learn how to deal with girls, and this little angel was perfect for practicing.

"You are so pretty, it's a shame you can't speak, but it doesn't matter, we'll have fun just the same."

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When Gregori came inside the house with the girl in his arms Savannah melted, her eyes filled with tears instantly, she had never seen him holding a baby, he looked so tender, so protective.

"Don't you dare cry because of this! You know I can't stand it! Come here, give me a hand with her things, she's spending the night with us." He could never bear her tears, and now that they had stopped falling on a daily basis; he was thankful if not hard-press to avoid any sort of pain or conflict.

"Why? Not that I complain, but you've never shown any interest in children before."

"Your father is expecting visitors, and he says I need to practice…" Savannah laughed, a deep rich sparkle of laughter, caught by it, both Gregori and Maria smiled as well.

"Oh well, we do. Come here, sweetie," Savannah said as she held the girl in her arms. "She's such a little angel too bad she can't speak."

"It's a blessing in disguise; I'm sure my daughters won't be so quiet, or easy going."

"But they will be yours and you'll love them any way."

"That much you can be certain of."

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Color … the notion of color is underrated, if you couldn't see the color of your wife's eyes, if the red, yellow and green made no difference to you, if you couldn't even match your clothes properly your life would be sad, it's not a wonder that sight is the most important sense of all, you could be mute or deaf and still have a normal life, with a job, with children and everything else regular people have.

But if you were blind you could not drive, you could not work anywhere you wanted, you could not watch over the kids, you could not even cross the street without help. Carpathians are essentially handicapped like this to the joys of life …until they find their mates.

Tristan stood covering her length, shielding his mate from the cold rain, she had blue in her eyes, red in her blood, green in her dress and even purple in her shoes, they were snickers, black, silver and purple, even her jeans had a dark blue hue.

Tristan loved that, the variety of it, now he knew how his daughter looked like; now he knew just how blue his eyes really were, and just how red his hair was. He knew; he finally understood why women envied his hair, deep red, almost crimson, his eyebrows were cinnamon and his bodily hairs were a deep brown that was almost auburn. And he was covered in tiny brown freckles. It wasn't as bad as he had though, but he was none the less a shock to himself.

He turned to gaze deeply into her eyes, his other half, the ying to his yang. She was staring at him with trust, wanting him but too scared to make the first move. Together they stood outside their cabin, too excited to move back too anxious to move forward.

It was Mandy who made the first move; she reached out for his hand, twining her fingers with his, the contact made Tristan's skin bloom in Goosebumps, his loins twisted and his heart slammed in his chest.

"Know that once inside, you'll never get out, you'll be mine forever… but I'll also be totally and completely … yours for the rest of my life." Tristan whispered, twining his other hand with hers, feeling her body slowly start to tremble for a very different reason.

"I understand that, I accept it. But I ask you one small favor…" Tristan leaned closer to her head taking her essence deeply into his lungs.

"Don't you ever leave me in the middle of it, even if a reach out with my mind, even if I need to know how you feel, don't you ever push me away like that, please, you don't know how painful it is." Tristan kissed her temple softly, letting the taste of her skin linger in his mouth, she was delicious, he longed to caress her most intimate spot, taste her honey, feel her muscles contract around his tongue, he longed so much to feel her pleasure that he was almost not listening to what she said.

"I'll do anything for you, Mandy; anything." He didn't say more after that, he just kissed her, robbing her of her breath and sanity, he swept her into his arms and carried her deeply into the earth, down as far as the dark chamber where he slept when he needed rejuvenation.

Mandy felt something new and wild stir in her body, a different kind of hunger; one that traveled up and down, and gathered around her sex, demanding his presence.

Tristan let the conflagration begin, his senses were drunk with her presence, her voice, her moans of pleasure, her rich smell, like earth and rain and her own private essence, her beautiful colors, the dark brown of her nipples, the deep red of her delicate inner-flesh, the feeling of her satiny skin, covering him, it was almost too much, Tristan exploded over and over feeling how she found pleasure in him, how she trembled and contracted around him.

"I claim you as my life mate. I belong to you. I offer my life for you. I give to you my protection, my allegiance, my heart, my soul, and my body. I take into my keeping the same that is yours. Your life, happiness, and welfare will be cherished and placed above my own for all time. You are my life mate, bound to me for all eternity and always in my care." He had learned the words by heart, he meant to use them properly, make his allegiance undeniable.

"You are my lifemate, you're bound to me forever, just like I am under your protection so are you under mine, know that I'll defend you against anyone and everyone, and you alone will hold my heart." Mandy said, she thought she had to say something back, he was making an oath, she had to respond to it, make an oath of her own.

He silenced her mouth with his, pushing deeper inside her, releasing his sperm as far as it would go, feeling her body welcome his thrusts, enjoy them, she moaned deeply and her legs stretched-out to accommodate him better, he didn't need it, the hot heavy friction was heaven.

Now that he had completed the ritual he felt a lot calmer, like his beast had been tamed. Mandy felt his mind relax and she slipped inside, looking for him, the merging was inevitable, he felt her, like a soft wind blowing wisps of air across his memories. He did the same for her, ashamed that he had reacted so badly the first time.

Minutes stretched into hours, they laid there, merging their souls and bodies together, each memory and feeling relived now in company, each painful ghost hunted. They were both traumatized, they had never truly loved before, everything was new and exciting, but also painful.

Tristan realized without much thought that his relationship with Mandy would be different, he would care more for her than for his own life, he would crave her pleasure, and dread her pain, now that he had completely merged with her; he felt everything, from the slight female discomfort of his raw taking to the gut-wrenching agony of her parents death.

And she wasn't too far from that awestruck of realization either, she knew his pain about loosing Celeste, his love for the little girl Maria Celeste, his joy on having found Amy herself, and his crave, deep down the beast was there, mating silently with her own dragon, Amy had demons inside her, she did not hide them from him, they needed him, to balance each other out.

Shouldn't we go get her? She must be scared. Amy suggested thinking of the girl.

She's with Gregori and Savannah right now… and you and I aren't over just yet. He said it huskily, leaning his mouth to lick her dark nipple; it roused and puckered to meet him, turning hard against his tongue.

You are insatiable. But come here, I agree with you, were not over yet. Amy said, pulling his neck closer to her mouth, she sank her fangs hard against his shoulder, drawing big gulps of blood, she was ravenous for it, Tristan complied helplessly, she was breathtaking, and he felt tremendous pleasure knowing she craved his blood.

Take your fill, Kitty-cat. In respond to his comment, she dug her nails deeper into his biceps; he roared deeply, feeling the beast stir and beg to claim her again.

It was endless, he knew there would never be a time when he did not need her, nor want her beneath him. He had found her, his lifemate, the one who would welcome his every attention, the one who would crave his touch, even in its roughest hour…

Tbc…this isn't the end, there's plenty more, so stay tuned!

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Extra: I love this song; I think it fits the chapter, so enjoy it!

Snow patrol

"Open your eyes"

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes x4

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes

'Cause I need you to look into mine
Tell me that you'll open your eyes x8

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you.