Chapter 9
"Waves"
December 24th, 2007
Carpathian Mountains
It's often been said that it's not the action that matters the most but the intention, and in this case, Tristan's intentions talked louder than his actions…
As soon as Amanda awoke, she felt a maelstrom of emotion swamping her, but they weren't hers. They belonged to Tristan. Being as psychic as she was, and his bonded lifemate, Tristan couldn't hide the events happened so recently from her.
Even as Lucas took his lifemate as far as he could, Tristan still shared a bond with Celeste, because he had drank her blood countless times, he had tried to keep Amy sleep, to shelter her from the horrible situation, but she sensed his distress and fought his control, as soon as he knew Celeste was out of range, he let her wake and come to him in all her living rage…
"I really didn't mean to kiss her, she kissed me! It's not what you think." Tristan denied vehemently as he noticed Mandy's angry face, and potentially murderous instinct; already she was summoning a rumbling thunder on the distant skies.
"You are an immortal, faster than sound, deadlier than any poisonous snake…" Amy began with an even tone of voice, but then it escaladed into a crescendo until she was practically yelling. "You're telling me that she forced you!"
"She did! We were just talking, and she suddenly came up to me and…"
"And then she kissed you." Mandy finished for him angrily. "What's going on, Tristan? First you make sure I stay sleep while you are under attack, then you try to hide her return from me, and now you tell me that she forced that kiss on you. How stupid do you think I am?"
Tristan sighed with overwhelming exasperation. "None of that is my fault; I did not ask for her to come back. I don't know why you must chastise me like this, when all I did was tried to convince her she was wrong about our kind. She came to take Maria with her, and kill us all while she was at it! What did you want me to do? Let her be killed, better yet, I should've killed her myself."
Amanda's eyes flashed red daggers, and for a second Tristan thought she was about to strike him. "You still love her, you were shaken to the roots of your being to see her alive again!"
Amy crossed her arms, and turned her eyes to a side, taken aback with pain; she stared at the floor in disbelief for several seconds before she spoke again. "You thought—you whished she had been your lifemate instead of me. And when she kissed you; you felt something, yearning, pain, regrets… you can't lie to me, Tristan. And the fact that you try to deceive me hurts the most."
"It's nothing; it's just a thought, nothing but a memory. I never meant to say what you imply now…" Tristan tried to backpedal the proverbial foot stuck on his mouth. But he couldn't, the truth was patently obvious.
"I tried to hide it because I know it hurts you; that's the last thing I want in the world. Why can't I have regrets? Why can't I grieve a woman I expended 10 years with? A woman who gave me a daughter, a woman who died on my arms short three years ago! If you were in my place you'd understand … why I'm so fucking messed-up about this."
"All I understand is that you don't want to be with me anymore." Amy said painfully.
Tristan's eye became red as embers, he was caught between two indomitable tides, if he hadn't found Amanda he hadn't been able to feel what he felt then, but then again, because he had found Amy he shouldn't have such feelings.
Amanda felt her throat constrict, and a single red tear fell down her cheek. "You don't need to lie, or hide what you feel, and I understand perfectly well the issue here. I'll find a way to undo our binding." Amanda swore as she turned around, and ran back into the house.
"No! Amanda, listen to me, don't. You can't do that!" Tristan said as he followed her into the cabin.
Amanda had gone down to the chamber where they slept the sleep of Carpathians; she started making blue, and red patterns on the air, until the soil rippled, revealing Xavier's grimoire.
"I'm sure there's something here to severe a bond." Amanda said as she flipped through the pages. "Here it is. I knew I've seen it. We'll need to merge our blood in a cup, cut through it with the spell described here, and then drink from the potion once mixed, and then it shall be done."
Tristan threw the book to the side, pulling it away from Amanda's sight by sheer force. He was coming very near to that edge of reason where the beast took over the man.
"Amanda, Listen to me, I beg you to stop this nonsense. You don't know what agony that would be!" Tristan screamed as he shook Amanda by the shoulders.
"Isn't that what you want? To be with her again, after all you have a daughter, and she's so traumatized that she's desperate for help, only you and Celeste can help her overcome her fears, only you can explain Celeste what it truly means to be Carpathian, only you can change her mind, right?" Amanda said cynically. "Because you still love her so much, because you wish you could be with her again…"
"Be quiet, you are trying my patience!" Tristan yelled as he raised his hand, and dared even considered hitting her.
"I'm not a little girl, Tristan. You hit me, and I'll cut your hand off!" Amanda warned him as she stood watching him eye to eye, daring him, not an ounce of fear in her voice.
He released her reluctantly, walking away with desperate steps. "You don't know what you are saying." Tristan admitted as he breathed deeply, trying to calm the beast that roared to silence her, to quell the argument by any means possible.
Amanda circled him as she pondered how she could explain her point of view to him. "You are angry? You want to silence me? You think it can change how you feel; it's a waste of energy, nothing can change what happened, you can't blame yourself for her change of behavior towards our kind, for her sudden and unabashed hatred, you know she was brainwashed!"
He said nothing, but he felt the burden of blame all the same. Amanda continued her monologue. "There's nothing you can do about it, you can't change the way she thinks about Maria, and you are not responsible for what those people did to her… and you certainly can't pretend like you aren't affected by this. You swore to protect them both with your life, and you failed miserably, you are ashamed, angry and defeated…"
Tristan rose to his full height, towering over her; he was possessed with rage. "Who do you think you are to talk to me like that? You are just a child, barely over a quarter of a century old, less than a fledging. What could you know of being responsible, of blame, or pain or anything like that? You've never even look after yourself, much less after another human being. You don't now a thing about loss!"
Amy didn't back-down; she remained next to him. He noticed she was brave and proud, she would not bend her knee, or her will to anybody, no matter how powerful was the other person.
"It is my fault, and I to bear with it." Tristan said crossly. "Maria may never speak again, and Celeste—we'll I'm sure she won't take her position as a lifemate easily. If I had done my job properly, none of this would have happened."
Amanda sighed heavily understanding how devastated he felt about failing to protect them, picking up the book again. "I'm sure there's something here to ease feelings of despair." She said as she skimmed the pages.
Tristan took her face between his hands and made her see into his eyes. "If I hadn't found you, I wouldn't feel anything at all." He said simply as he kissed her and hugged her.
"I know." She said in matter of fact. Those two words encompassed the acceptance of everything he was, the acceptance of her burden as the other half of his very soul.
Amanda knew that breaking the bond meant the acutest misery any Carpathian could imagine, then they would truly live an eternity of desolation. Behind the spell it said, this separation is not reversible, use only to prevent a lifemate from being suck by the partner's death when a child or a vampire is involved.
"I need time, I'm not a man to take defeat easily, I'm sorry if I wronged you, I didn't mean to. You know you are my soul, sielamet. There is only you for me, no other woman, never again."
Tristan lowered his voice before he continued. "The truth is; that I still have feelings for her… regrets, but none of them come nowhere near how I feel for you. If I lost you… well I won't even think about it because it's not possible, I won't let anything happen to you. Can you understand I'm still not over my past?"
Amanda sighed as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I don't think I can bear the other choice. For better or for worse I'm your lifemate, and I have to accept you as you come."
"Hopefully, I won't be such a bastard again." Tristan said as he kissed her temple. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, and even sorrier than I raised my hand, I don't know what came over me. I guess is the thought that you could leave me, that you could even severe the bond between us, and find another man; that it makes me lose control … it outrages me so much that I would forget you are the most important person in the world for me. I'm sorry, Amy."
"Well, that wasn't so hard to say, was it? You are angry, that's ok. I understand it. But that's not an excuse to behave abusively, or lie, or hide things. We are a couple; we deal with things together, ok?" Amy asked as she dropped her hands to the sides and wrapped her fingers through his. "Like this."
Tristan was slightly dumbfounded. "You have an amazing ability to change your mind. Minutes ago you threatened me with cutting my hand if I touched you, and now you think is all peachy perfect. That's called passive-aggressive, you know? I know deep down you're still raging. It won't work if you bottle your feelings inside; pretend like they are not there."
Amy pulled away from him dumfounded. "We are amazing similar, dear. You did the exact same to me minutes ago, and now you complain when I shun my emotions?"
"Well, let's stop doing it, I'm angry, and so are you. How do we get over it?" Tristan said as he though that he would love to make passionate love, and forget he was ever linked with Celeste Mcbride.
Amy laughed cynically. "That's your solution? Sex is not that powerful, you know? It won't make me forget a thing, and I'm sure you'll compare me with her, and even if I come out winning, just the thought of it makes me want to claw you." Amy said as her cat side seemed to take over.
"Be my guess, I'd rather you be outright aggressive, at least I'd knew how to deal with you. Acting like you are letting it slide makes me feel like an idiot, like you are just snubbing me." Tristan said as he cornered her against the ancient walls. "Would you actually fight me? Or are you just playing games?"
Amy lowered her sight and sighed. "I don't want to fight you… but I would if I had to."
Amy looked up to him again. He had the most beautiful sky blue eyes she could think off. "I'm not in full control of my powers yet, I'd hate to harm you."
Tristan laughed; a full guttural chuckle. "You think I'm just a fledging, don't you, that I wouldn't stand your powers?" He lowered his face and whispered next to her cheek, as he nuzzled on her hair. "I'm an ancient, darling. As old as Gregori, or any other hunter in these lands, whatever ability you think you have can't compare to mine. So go ahead, try me, maybe I'll earn your respect that way."
Amy didn't respond; she stayed there motionless as she considered his banter.
"Oh for god's sake, don't insult me so!" Tristan teased. "If you could outwit me, I'd be the laughing stock of every Carpathian male in these mountains."
"Maybe you need some motivation, lass." He said as he spanked her ass soundly. "What are you going to do about that? Are you going to let me disrespect you?"
Amy considered her options, she had no physical strength to dominate him, he was twice her size, 15 times her age, and an ancient in all his right, she could not possibly enthrall him, his mind was like a foxhole, full of tiny spots to avoid her lure, and she hadn't learn to shape-shift yet, if she had really wanted to summon her cat. So she was reduced to one ability, magic.
Tristan followed her line of thought easily.
"What type of spell do you have in mind, sivamet? Maybe something to blind me to other women, maybe a memory spell?" Tristan joked, knowing that was the touchiest issue he could muster.
Amanda raised her hand and started to wave a pattern, it shined in blue hues, and then it turned into green as it made little spirals like DNA chains. She pulled back into her fist and then threw it full strength to Tristan. He didn't turn or back away, he let it go through him.
"What was that?" Tristan asked as he realized the spell was not meant to hurt him. In fact, he felt rather well, like he was incredibly happy all of the sudden.
"It's a healing spell; it should prevent you from negative feelings like sadness and anger." Amanda mentioned as she gathered the book and enveloped it on a white piece of vellum, and took it upstairs to place it on a hidden shelve.
Tristan followed her confused. "I thought you wanted to fight?"
"Violence can never be the answer between lifemates." She said simply. And in honesty she wasn't angry anymore. She was drained and slightly annoyed but not irritated anymore.
"You made your point, I apologize for making assumptions, you are more powerful than I am, I have everything to lose if I engage you in battle, so I chose not to. You win, now stop the belligerent mood. We have more important things to do… like prepare for Christmas." Amanda chastised as she simultaneously yielded and ordered.
Tristan didn't know how to respond. "I suppose you are right." Tristan said softly. He knew he had been woman-handled, he had won the argument, but he still felt like a bastard.
"What would you like to do for tonight?" Tristan asked to fill the uncomfortable silence between them.
Do you mean now, because its night time already and people are gathering on the prince's house as we speak.
Tristan was amazed that she had finally used their private path. It was like a brush of butterfly wings across his soul. She had never used it before because he usually felt uncomfortable to know she could go inside his head so easily.
Sure, yes—I mean yes, we should be going there as well, and Maria is with Skylar and Dimitri I hope that's alright.
I know where she is, and that's not a problem, I'll change my clothes, pack some things and go.
What do you want? Maybe I can help you find it.
The presents, we made some things for the other kids. They are upstairs, under her bed; I also made something for her. It's a toy castle; I hid it in the kitchen, inside the upper cabinet, it's magically contained inside the gift box, so don't try to open it, it will unfold only for her.
That was very nice of you.
You and I may have some issues about her mother, but I love Maria, she's a dear child, and she's taken a piece of my heart. I just wanted to do something for her, something to actually celebrate the season.
Thank you, I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Tristan mentioned as he went to get the presents. As he did so; Mandy changed her clothes the old fashioned way into a flowery dress, silver slippers and a velvet coat.
Tristan was surprised to see she had gifts for every kid, and then some, she also had the leotards, the tutu and the ballet slippers ready as well. They were supposed to dance a small suite of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. All in all, Tristan thought that would be a beautiful Christmas.
ZZZ
Tbc… next chapter is going to be very exciting and full of surprises so stay tuned!
Don't forget to review me!
Extra:
Wicked Game
Chris Isaak song
sung by Three Days Grace
The
world was on fire
No one could save me but you.
Strange what
desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet
somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like
you
No, I don't want to fall in love
This love is only
gonna break your heart
No, I don't want to fall in love
This
love is only gonna break your heart
With you
With you
What
a wicked game you play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked
thing to do
To let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do
To make
me dream of you
v And I don't wanna fall in love
This love
is only gonna break your heart
And I don't want to fall in love
This love is only gonna break your heart
World was on
fire
No one could save me but you
Strange what desire will
make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody
like you
I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you
No
I don't wanna fall in love
This love is only gonna break your
heart
No I don't wanna fall in love
This love is only gonna
break your heart
With you
With you
Nobody loves no one