When Leslie Shay gets upset about something it's easy to tell. Her playful demeanor goes right out the window to be replaced by biting sarcasm and cold distant body language. She gets quieter when she's angry, more reserved and to the point. It's one of those stark changes that's almost unnerving the way it makes her seem like an entirely different person. So when she slams the door to the rig during end of shift inventory it's not really a surprise to you that something's off.
She'd been fine most of shift, your usual back and forth flowing easily from one call to the next. It actually wasn't until you got back from your last call of the day that things started to change. It started with Dawson and Casey, their playful handsiness in the apparatus bay drawing the attention of literally everyone. Shay had smiled at it at first, teasing them and calling them gross, but you saw the way her smile vanished the second she turned around again.
Not five minutes later Det. Lindsey showed up looking for Severide and while nice to her face Shay immediately turned to you and made a gagging sign with her hand the second the detective was through the doors.
The final straw seemed to be hearing Otis on the phone with Katie. He was sweet and attentive and honestly you felt happy for the guy, but the second he uttered the words "no I like you more" Shay was off the bumper, into the rig, and slamming the door behind her.
You looked around cautiously at the other members of 51 who were still around and noted that only a few had picked up on Shay's little outburst. Making up your mind you set your clip board down and pull open the back door of the Ambo.
"You okay in here," you ask.
"Okay? Yeah, I'm okay. Unloveable too, apparently."
The comment catches you off guard. Literally everyone at House 51 loves Shay.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Nope. I'm serious. Everyone here has someone. Dawson's got Casey, Kelly has Erin, Hermann's married, Otis and Katie, Hell even the Chief has a girlfriend and the last girl I dated robbed me blind."
You offer her a sympathetic smile, because you know what it feels like to think the world is against you ever finding love. Because you had it and watched it get ripped away. Everyone else around you'd been happy and moving forward and you'd just been stuck. You're sure that's what Shay must be feeling now.
"It doesn't last you know, what you're feeling."
She looks up at you, unbelieving.
"Look I'm no expert but I've been where you are, only instead of getting robbed blind my fiancé went and died on me."
You don't know why you chuckle at that, it's not funny at all, up until a month ago it was still agonizingly painful but you suppose that's the point you're trying to make.
"You don't have to make me feel better Rafferty, I know I'm unloveable. Hell I can't even get you to like me."
You laugh out loud at that, "You're an idiot, Shay."
She throws a towel at you as you make to leave the rig then follows you out.
"You're a great partner, you know that," she rants. "Seriously, you're supposed to have my back, not encourage me to go adopt 12 cats and become the literal embodiment of the lesbian spinster stereotype."
You laugh again, wondering when you'd last smiled this much or laughed this often.
"I never said anything about adopting cats."
She leans against the rig again, watching you repack a bag.
"You implied it when you called me an idiot. No one wants to date an idiot, even one with a great ass."
You roll your eyes at that and stop what you're doing to eye her pointedly. You want to tell her she's one of the best people you've ever met, that anyone would be lucky to have her, but you know she'll turn it around on you and make it all into a giant gay joke before going back to ragging on herself again. You decide to tell her anyway; what's a little playful ribbing if you can make her believe, even for a moment that she's worthy of love.
"You do have a great ass, even I can admit that. But you're also still an idiot, because you are one of the best people with the biggest hearts that I have ever met. And anyone would be lucky to have you."
It's a serious moment. One of the few you've had in the short time you've known each other. When she stares at you a moment longer, no clever retort on her lips, you hope you've gotten your point across.
"Anyone, huh," Shay questions a beat later, pushing herself off the rig and inching towards you, a mischievous glint in her eye.
You know what's coming and you brace for it, holding your ground as she gets closer and closer.
"Got something you need to tell me, Rafferty?"
She's right in your face now and you move without thinking, leaning up and bringing your lips close enough to hers that if she moved at all they'd be touching.
"Mmhmm," you reply, pulling back just enough to see the look in her eyes. It's both confused and hungry and you're surprisingly unsurprised that it excites you. "You're an idiot."
Without thinking you kiss her right on the mouth, just a quick press of your lips before you're pulling away and ducking past her, heading straight for the locker room. You're laughing to yourself at first, but the further away you get the less funny it all seems until all you can think about is that you kissed Shay. You kissed her and it didn't freak you out. It wasn't weird. It wasn't gross. And yes it was supposed to be a joke, it was supposed to be fun, but it was also weirdly comfortable. Maybe you really were including yourself when you said anyone would be lucky to have her.
You lean back and drop your weight onto your locker taking a deep inhale through your nose and speaking the truth as you breathe out, "I'm an idiot."