'You and Serena seem to be getting on' said Cam. He sounded pleased.
Bernie sighed. She didn't want to disappoint him but she'd just ruined it. Again.
'What happened?'
'I told her about the divorce. What happened between Marcus and I.'
'Oh.'
He didn't really want to think about it.
'She wasn't happy with me.'
'Of course not, you know what Elinor's dad is like.'
'Does Elinor even understand what it did to Serena? She's so critical of her.'
'Look, they've got their history and we can't meddle in it.'
'I know. I don't want to make it even harder for Serena.'
'Did you have to ruin that? Are you guys going to go back to the way it was before?' Cam was frustrated that any semblance of happy families seemed to be doomed between them all.
'She would have known eventually' Bernie argued. 'The longer I left it, the more unforgiving she'd be when she would find out.'
'Just try and make friends with her, ok? It's not like you've got many other options.'
Bernie knew that. It was just her and Cam in the flat and work colleagues were only good for a Friday night drink here and there. She'd always found it difficult to make friends but there was no need to rub it in. She felt worthless, marooned on a lonely island with everyone zipping in and out of her peripheral vision.
'I don't want her to hate me' he heard her say, so softly that he had to stop and think if he'd heard right. He turned around. His mother looked uncertain.
'Mum? Do you like her?'
'We were starting to become friends.'
'You know what I mean.'
Bernie started nervously.
'No. Not like that.'
'Just be honest with yourself. And be honest with me. You can tell me.'
'No. I can't.'
'Well there's my answer.' He slammed his bag down and made her sit. Bernie told him that she wouldn't do anything to jeopardise family again. She didn't dare after the last time.
'I don't know what to say. I can't believe the one woman on your mind has to be her.'
She promised him that nothing would happen.
'Even if I did initiate, she'd slap me down. You know she would.'
He agreed.
'So nothing can happen between us. She's oblivious to what I think.'
Unbeknown to her, Serena was not. She mulled over the dilemma for a long time that night. Unlike before, this time she missed Bernie. Didn't want to be rude to her anymore. It had been a long time since Serena had had a friend her own age. Life was work, events, networking and Jason. And now Elinor had roared back in her life permanently with a boyfriend and baby in tow. She was going to be busier than ever. She didn't have time for lots of friends or romance or…she stopped abruptly. Where did that come from? Romance hadn't featured in her life in years. Well, she thought she'd had that with Robbie but he'd retreated like quicksilver once Jason had moved in. But really, with all the failed stops and starts, the only long-term romance she'd had was with that bloody ex-husband of hers. They'd been infatuated with each other at the time. Just a burst of energy and hormones. The lust was off the charts. How young and how stupid they had been. This feeling she had with Bernie seemed different. It was comfortable and familiar with an underlying warmth to it. She didn't want to lose that.