Top Ten Holiday Scenarios and Their Respective Soundtracks:
Author's Note: Okay, so getting in the Holiday spirit, this was requested by Fitzroy. Sorry if you guys don't know all the tunes or versions, but then I guess it just means you should expand your Christmas Music Library—I don't think *too* many of these are that 'out there.'
11. On the last mission of the year before Christmas, Major Lorne's team had the misfortune of being attacked by the wraith as they fled to the gate. Skillfully flying their jumper, Evan accidentally hit one of the wraith standing guard at the 'gate. After exiting the wormhole, his copilot quipped, "Wow Major, you just plowed that wraith down!" Cue, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." (Yeah, it's a stretch, but the wraith have white hair, and Grandmothers tend to have white hair…..oh come on, it's number 11!)
10. Left the task of delivering the last shipment of supplies to Atlantis before the holidays—all of the food, presents, and festive whatnot—and picking up anyone returning to Earth, the Daedalus made its way toward the ancient city. Relaxing in his room for a bit, Caldwell put in his iPod ear buds and randomly hit his Christmas playlist in an attempt to get into the season. Cue Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime," oh Steven was having such a wonderful Christmas time acting as a glorified ferry from one galaxy to the next.
9. Because John felt it was his duty to help introduce Ronon into some of the finer points of Earth culture, at Christmas, he decided to teach him a classic song with a new twist. For days afterward, Ronon could be heard singing through the halls,
"We three Kings of Orient are:
Tried to Smoke a Rubber Cigar,
It was loaded, it exploded,
Now we are no more."
Cue any instrumental version of, "We Three Kings."
8. On late nights, a certain head scientist can be found in an out of the way lab. Here he works on cataloging all of the Ancient devices recovered from the city and off world, and tries to determine exactly what they do. Cue the Beach Boys', "He's the Man With All the Toys."
7. As a bit of a gag, Woolsey agreed to Chuck's idea of an hour of Holiday music every day. What's the first track he put on citywide? Cue Andy Williams' "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."
6. On their last mission before the Christmas holidays, the team unfortunately got caught in a freak rain storm, complete with flooding that effectively cut off their exit when the 'gate drowned (again). Camping out in the surrounding hills until the water receded, only Rodney managed to come down with a terrible cold. His full head and bright red nose did little to help his mood. Finally making it back to the city, Rodney managed to earn a new nickname while the medics escorted them to the infirmary. McKay had been rattling off his symptoms to the staff, and John chimed in, "You know, with that bright red nose, we could call you Rodney the Red Nosed Reindeer." Unfortunately for Rodney, the name stuck around for the next month, and his staff randomly started humming the tune whenever McKay came into the vicinity. (He swears Zelenka helped orchestrate the affair though.) Cue the Chipmunk's, "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer."
5. Since everyone does not get off on Christmas, the gang at the Alpha site did their best to cope. The luscious green foliage, warm climate, and sunny weather did not exactly scream the traditional Christmas setting. Cue Bing Crosby's "Mele Kalikimaka."
4. While sneakily setting the thermostats in the city up ten degrees, Rodney played a nasty holiday prank—to get revenge for all of the "Rodney the red-nosed….." comments. Cue music: "You're a Nasty One....Mr. Grinch."
3. At this time of year, emotions run high in favor of a sense of normality. Passing any balcony on the city serves as a constant reminder of the extraordinary circumstances the expedition faces. For anyone wistfully gazing out at the city, cue Bing Crosby's "White Christmas."
2. The week leading up the Christmas, Woolsey decided to follow his predecessors' tradition of suspending most official offworld missions, save for emergencies, and gave everyone staying on the city the week to celebrate. The lights went up, trees emerged, paper snowflakes decorated the control tower, and the cooks went holiday cookie crazy. Cue Mavis Staples' "Christmas Vacation."
1. As per their yearly tradition, John and Evan decided in favor of a little "Secret Santa"-ing for Woolsey's first Christmas as Expedition Leader. So, on the first morning of Christmas, Richard walked into his office to see a picture of a hand-turkey "partridge" and a pear with a trunk sticking out of it artfully decorating a portion of his office's glass walls. Not quite sure what to say to this, Richard simply went about his day keeping his curiosity hidden for the time being.
The following morning, next to the "pear-tree," were two turtles with wings drawn on top of their shells. Curious, Woolsey walked out into the control room and over to Chuck, who was just finishing the night shift. However, Chuck denied all knowledge of seeing anyone sneak into the office and decorate.
On the third morning, Woolsey found three hens drawn next to a very accurate Eiffel Tower.
On the fourth morning, Richard found next to the others, four cartoon-like birds with cell phones.
On the fifth morning, he found five large golden rings with various jewels attached to them. By now, people were stopping periodically throughout the day to admire the lovely artwork adorning the glass walls of the office.
On the sixth morning, the sight of six geese resting on nests greeted Richard. However the eggs floating around the hens, decorated in Easter style, proved the proverbial icing on the cake. He even began to notice the whispers of onlookers proclaiming, "This is far better than last year's.—It hasn't been this good since Dr. Weir disappeared."
On the seventh morning, Woolsey found seven swans, in bathing caps, doing the backstroke. Combined, the artwork was proving to evoke a large mural effect on the office. Almost the entire glass wall overlooking the Gateroom was bedecked with Christmas scenes.
On the eighth morning, Richard was not surprised to see eight very attractive looking maids, milking eight cows. At this, Woolsey deduced that most likely a male was the culprit for all of the holiday graffiti, simply due to how the maids were drawn. (Boys *shakes head*)
On the ninth morning, he found nine more attractive women dancing next to the eight maidens. Musing to himself, Richard wondered if maybe he could convince Zelenka into pulling up the security tapes from the last couple nights.
On the tenth morning, Woolsey found ten lords leaping around the window to greet the day. A little put out; Radek's search had proved in vain, for the tapes of his office did not reveal any suspicious activity the last ten nights. In fact, they showed nobody entering or exiting the space or moving around the nearby halls.
On the eleventh morning, Richard was not at all surprised to see eleven little pipers piping around his window. With only one day left to go, Richard desperately wanted to know who the acting art fairy was. Intensely curious, he asked Dr. McKay to look at the tapes for signs of tampering. Rodney returned a few hours later, furious, to inform him that someone did indeed tamper with the tapes, and much to his chagrin he could not determine the original contents.
On the twelfth morning, Woolsey found twelve drummers drumming on bright red drum sets. He also found a plethora of paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling, a laptop blaring Christmas music, and lights lining his shelves, desk, and the obscenely large Christmas tree that had been set up in the corner. Making his way to his desk, he spied a note that read, "Merry Christmas, from the Mystery Elves. Don't bother trying to figure out who did this, nobody has yet."
(Oh, and if you hadn't guessed it, the music playing throughout the whole background, John Denver and the Muppet's "The Twelve Days of Christmas.")
--A/N 2: Um, yeah. Happy Holidays! Cue your favorite version of your favorite holiday song!