Into the Cradle
Chapter Three: Amy
When he was gone, she felt empty. That is how Amy would explain sex with Ricky. It had been personal, and no one else needed to know the private details. She had already been ashamed by her actions that lead to the sex, and she did not want to cause trouble with Ben, but that was exactly how she would describe it.
And now she felt that same emptiness. Her son had lived in her for nine months, and now he was gone. She felt incredible lonely now like she had done the one thing she was destined to do and now she had nothing else left. He would love someone more than her, she just knew it. Especially if she gave him up.
Amy wondered if the birth of her son was supposed to hurt this much. She felt like he was really gone now. When the nurse had let her see him and hold him, she had been awed. He had felt so perfect on her chest. This was her baby! How could she just give him up for adoption now that she knew he had ten perfect toes, ten little fingers, black hair and made the most adorable hiccuping sound?
Dismayed by her tears, Amy started to cry her hardest. Things were supposed to get easier! Not harder! Her sobs started to make her shake, and she realized with detachment the nurse from before was trying to calm her down. How was she supposed to stop loving him? He was her flesh and blood! She could not just abandon him! Pretend he never existed!
She just refused to do it.
Her cries could not be silenced. She would not let him go! She spent the past nine months being his everything and him being her everything...Ben would not mind. For half a desperate moment, she believed she could convince him to be there for her and the baby and they would love each other and everything would be okay.
Except Ben did not want her or her baby.
And then Amy did not care either. He was her baby. She refused to give him up because of some teenage boy! This baby would love her know matter her faults, and she would give him unconditional love too.
She was a mother. A mommy.
Her precious baby boy was finally safe in the world and there was not a place she would rather he be except for in her arms being raised by her. She wanted to be the one to kiss owies and tears away. She wanted to laugh along with him as he showed her something new. She wanted this baby.
Calming down, she asked, "Can I see him again?"
And when a few hours later she had him back, she whispered, "I love you little one" and "I'm your mom, Amy".