Shifting sands
Chapter 4
"Tezuka, I asked nee-san to make a Tarot reading last night." Fuji leaned nonchalant against the same pillar.
"Hn."
"It was three card spread. Star, Hangman, Death. Nee-san said it's a good reading. But I don't feel reassured…. Ah! Oishi is here."
Tezuka stood a little aside as he watched Oishi's awkward attempts to persuade the team to go mountain climbing. It was Oishi's way after all. He knew mountain climbing was one of Tezuka's hobbies. Oishi was showing some initiative to build morale and cheer Tezuka up as well. However, Oishi did not have the commanding presence to lead properly. "I will stand aside and see what happens. Sorry, Oishi. It might get a little painful for you for a while. You can be friendly and nice, but it is not enough. Without respect and will power, you can't control them. What will you do, Oishi?"
Watching Oishi's crestfallen face, Fuji stepped up and tried to rescue the moment. Soon, Kawamura, Inui and Kikumaru joined in too. "I should not have been surprised. Although Fuji is rarely proactive, he will step forward when someone he cares about is hurt." Tezuka's line of thought was broken when Oishi threw him a questioning look. "Ah, Oishi, this is not Tennis Club. You don't have to look to me for approval." Nevertheless, Tezuka gave Oishi a slight nod in appreciation of his thoughtfulness.
Tezuka could not help brooding in silence during the long train ride. His thoughts circled round and round, looking for something. "What can I do? I must open a way for all of us. Kawamura is still recovering from his injuries. We are short of players this time. Our next match is Jousei Shounen. After that, most probably Rokkaku with that old coach. We might be able to win without going to Singles 1."
Tezuka turned to see Momoshiro wave poker cards enthusiastically. He turned back to staring at the dark night sky. "Rikkai Dai Fuzoku. We will definitely face Rikkai in finals. They will be tougher than Hyotei. No one in Seigaku has played against Yukimura and Sanada, except me. Even playing right handed, I will not be able to stand up to Yanagi, much less those two. Inui would want to play against Yanagi. Should I let him? Between those two, it might get personal. But Yanagi may be the wall that Inui needs to break down. Echizen is not ready for Sanada yet. Perhaps Fuji, if I can get him to play seriously. I wonder if Yukimura will be able to recover by then. Who can play against him? Not one of us. Perhaps, in the time we have left, I can prepare Echizen for Sanada. Perhaps we can take the championship without going to Singles 1. Somehow, I doubt Yukimura will let me get away with it so easily." The view outside was as dark as his thoughts. It was fitting somehow.
"Even if I cannot play, I cannot leave Japan. There is so much to do. It will be a little painful for everyone. I hope I can push all of you a little higher. This will not change our dire situation when we go towards Nationals. Maybe I will be ready to play right-handed by then. Sensei. Oishi. Even if I never play tennis again, I will not let Seigaku end here. I know it will end my dreams in pro tennis if I keep playing like this. But if I cannot overcome this hurdle, I do not think I will ever be ready to take that next step. I just have to find a way. A better way for all of us." Tezuka closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the enormity of the task ahead of him. It felt like the ground dropped under him, mired in quicksand.
The voice of Yamato-buchou echoed in his mind. "Tezuka Kunimitsu. You are Seigaku's hashira[1]. Hashira cannot buckle under pressure or weight. Hashira stands before everyone and blaze a trail for others to follow."
"Yamato-buchou, what if the hashira is planted in shifting sands? How do you make it stand upright?"
Yamato Yudai had laughed and tousled Tezuka's hair. "You ask such serious questions, Tezuka-kun. You will have your own answer when you grow up."
[1] hashira is literally translated as 'Pillar of Support'. However, it always sound a little clunky to me since hashira is used metaphorically to mean something on which others depend for support, and/or foundation. Keystone or cornerstone might have been a better equivalent.
Author's note: There's quite a bit of scenes taken from Episode 73 as I try to weave Tezuka's interactions with his team mates and stay as close to the timeline as possible. The intriguing part about Tezuka is that a lot of things are under the surface.