Note: This has been revised to follow the game better. If you see anything that does not add up, is too skippy, or is repeated, please notify me so that I may fix it. Also, if you see any mistakes, please feel free to point them out. And, if you want, flame away!

I hope this ties you over for a while because I'm lazy and haven't updated in soooooo long.

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Maddie shook, sending a spray of blood all over every thing. She just giggled, and decided it was time to get that shotgun and the next death mask.

"Come on; time to gather weapons and another death mask."

Jill made sure to keep her distance from her. She really was a psychopath! What sort of person would dance in raining blood? Well apparently the ones who make you think you were about to die. If she made it out alive, she was never having kids. She watched as Maddie wrenched an arm off a dead zombie and bludgeons another to death with it and laughs. Nope, never having kids. Never ever!

Maddie took Jill back to the Puking Zombie Hall. Why call it that, you ask? Well, give me a moment.

"Hey, this is that hall we didn't explore!" Jill said, excited.

"Well, you must have some photographic memory to have figured that out." Maddie said, unimpressed.

"That was sarcasm, right?"

As Maddie continued to walk down the hall, she continued to talk. "My god, what is wrong with you? I swear to god, the whole world has gotten five times dumber than the last time I wrote something… Zombie, one o'clock!" Maddie took care of the issue, shooting it in the head, as she usually did, considering it was the most effective way to do things. "Is it just me, or are there only around three sets of zombies in this whole entire place?"

However, while taking care of one nuisance, another stumbled up the stairs. Before either of them could react, the zombie, without missing a beat, put its head down and barfed. Maddie raised an eyebrow.

"Did- did that zombie just barf?" Jill asked.

"Lovely, isn't it?" Maddie replied. She took aim, and shot it in the head. "Repulsive bastered." They walked down the stairs while dodging puddles of regurgitated stomach acid.

At the bottom of the stairs and to the right, was a dead man, laying face to floor.

"Set him on fire." Maddie instructed.

"Why?" Jill asked.

Maddie rolled her eyes, "do you want him to get up?"

"No-"

"Then set him on fire!" Jill finally followed her directions and set the rotting basterd on fire.

"You know, you would think that just charring their backs wouldn't do anything. And why do they go up in flames so easily? Yeah, the kerosene, but after that was burnt away, you think the fire would just go out. Look how wet these things are, they're covered in just about every fluid that the human body can make, and they're more flammable than dried wood!"

"I think I have something in my shoe…"

"You weren't listening to one god damned word I just said, were you?"

"Uh, no."

Maddie shook her head and was about to go through the door by the burned corpse.

"Oh, and Jill?"

"Yes?"

"I would be more surprised if there wasn't anything in your shoe." Maddie then went through the door.

Jill stood there for a moment, thinking. "Oh, I get it! You're talking about the fact that my foot is in my shoe, and you'd be surprised if it wasn't!"

"Stop babbling and get in here!" Maddie shouted from beyond the door.

"Oh, coming!" Jill yelled and proceeded to go through the door.

Maddie was sitting on a little bed pushed into the corner.

"Nothing of much use here. A magic box, a type writer, and I think some ink ribbon."

"What are all these bottles?"

"Most of them you can't read, and we really don't have time to try."

After messing around with items and type writer, they left to go get the broken shotgun. They then went to a small, dark and dusty room, where the reek of decay and ages long forgotten lingered. Maddie found what she was looking for: an old and broken shotgun.

"Hm, this room is oddly dark. Most of the other rooms are lit with candles at least. Almost as if someone was waiting for us, or at least you and your team, to be here."

Jill thought for a moment. She was right. Most of the rooms and halls had candles and blazing fires that were freshly lit as if only moment ago they had been occupied. If it had been just electric lights, maybe that would be okay. But candles burn away rather fast, and the zombies looked to have been dead quite some time. The thought disturbed her.

Her chain of thought was interrupted by Maddie. "Are you quite done standing there. Ten minuets must have passed by now. Come on, fill your thing with kerosene, we're behind schedule."

"You have a schedule?"

"Yes, and I can see it running away. Now hurry up!" Maddie snaped impatiently.

Jill did what she was told, not wanting to invoke the wrath of Maddie. (Wise choice) They exited, backtracked, and ended up in a room with carvings of what looked like Greek or Roman mythology carved on the walls. However, something just did not bode well in that room. Even though it was beautiful, Jill wanted to leave. Maddie, being unaffected as she always was, went through another door into an overly polished looking room. It looked like it had never been used once and some of the rooms in this mansion looked as if there had been wild drunken parties in all of them at least twice.

"Take the shotgun off of the mount and replace it with the broken one. I'm too short to do it myself."

Being the good sheep that she was, Jill did as told, and started to leave the room.

"Why did we have to go through all that?"

"If we didn't leave anything there, the ceiling of the room in front of this one would have come down and killed us."

Once again, they went back to the hall where the broken shotgun was. Maddie went through to the very end of that hall through another door.

Inside was a gigantic plant with lots of vines. Jill, having not learned her lesson about approaching things in a monster-infested mansion went near the plant, and ofcourse, was bitch slapped, hard. "Did- did that plant JUST BITCH SLAP ME?" Jill continued to try to get around the plant, dodging this way and that. Eventually, the inevitable happened and she was tangled up in all the vines, beating on them and biting.

"YOU GOD DAMNED PLANT! LET ME GO! I JUST WANT THE FUCKING DEATH MASK!"

However, alas, plants, much like snakes, lack ears. (A/N seriously, snakes have no ears) Maddie was having laughing fits watching this, but because of her short attention span, dumped the bag of herbicide into a tank in a corner of the room. The water bled from clear to crimson. Quite a lovely color, red like blood, like death. Funny really, that this would kill that thriving monstrosity. And what a pity at the same time the thing had so much potential. Unlike the worthless pawn that it was now engaged in combat with. Jill was so blind. Running head long into combat, never thinking about other, manipulative possibilities. Maddie had always thought that she was an ok fighter, not like that was hard to accomplish, but she had always been good at thinking and sneaking around. False smiles and kindness had so many people wrapped around her fingers now… But she so easily got bored with them, abandoning them and moved on to the next, leaving the person to wonder what had happened to them.

But what Maddie did not know was that she had an infantile outlook on life. If its not there in front of me or interacting with me, it might as well not exist. The world was made for me and only me. These are my servants to cater to my every whim. She was such a selfish child…

Maddie was interrupted from her musings by Jill being gagged by the plant, turning blue in the face. She shook her head like one might at a young child, and pushed the red button, sending the fast acting poison to kill the plant.

It withered and died, dropping Jill to the ground.

"BITCH! THAT'S THE SECOND TIME IN LESS THAN AN HOUR THAT YOU ALMOST LET ME DIE!"

"ALMOST being the key word here, Jill. You did not die, and unfortunately for me that plant did not have as much of a damaging effect on your vocal cords as it should have." She said spitefully. Adding as an afterthought, more to herself than to Jill, "I really need a bitch slapping plant in my room… But there is that second death mask. We need to get out of here, this room is, much like you, trying my patience, and I don't have very much of that."

She left the room after Jill took the mask, and instead of going back through the door, she made a sharp left and low and behold, zombies jumped in through the windows! But because Maddie had magical powers of killing stuff, she killed them all no problem.

"Come on, there's still one more room I want to get to in here." Maddie then took Jill to said room. It had two beds, two closets, and some personal things. Among said personal things, was a journal from one of the guards. Maddie, being the nosey bitch that she is, read it. Hell, the person who wrote it was dead, in a manor of speaking that is. She laughed at the last entry, the only thing it said was, "Itchy tasty."

"This would prove that this disease would be air born as well as from direct contact. This would mean that we are susceptible to it regardless of being bitten. It's odd that we don't catch it."

"As long as we don't catch it, I don't care."

"You really are a very simple minded person, aren't you, Jill?"

"Yep, and that's what gets me through the day!"

They turned around only to have a zombies try to attack them, but Maddie was ready, because it was so DAMNED obvious that that would happen. She killed the zombies, and left the room.

They ended up back in the first hall and led Jill to the last door witch was locked with an armor emblem on the doorknob. Maddie had the key for that, so they just went in.

"The only thing of any interest in here is around the corner and behind the book shelf."

Maddie looked only to see Jill stuffing one of the bottles of alcohol in her pockets. Maddie didn't care; Jill probably did things better drunk anyways. Sort of like Mom when she cooks drunk… Then again, she puts wine in everything, and wine makes anything taste better. But she might just get drunk and kill her self. So Maddie just went with her usual path of indifference and went to get the first sheet of music. "Ok, lets get the hell out of here. I hate this room right now because I have writers block. And now it's time to go check on Forest and get some more weapons."

"Forest made it?"

Maddie snicker. "Sort of."

And off they went.

Maddie led Jill, just like she always does, out of the hall, into and out of the dinning room, up the stairs in the main hall, to the right and to the last door on that side to an outside walk way.

"I hate this place too. So many odd angles it almost makes you think that you're going to fall off at any moment."

"Everything pisses you off."

"Yep." They continued untill they ran into Barry.

"Jill, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know. What about you?"

"I was looking for the bathroom. Oh, look, forest!"

"I can see that Barry, we are in the woods."

"Oh, I forgot."

"It's all right. Oh, look, the person Forest is here." Jill examined his face. "Forest, have you had bad plastic surgery?"

Having had enough of the pointless crap, Maddie interjected, "no, his face looks like was eaten off." (A/N I know it looks more like crows got to him, but it's funnier this way.)

"That's terrible! What could have done this!" at this point, there was the sound of a record being swiftly stopped.

"Have either of you been paying any attention? This place is full of zombies and crows! How could you not know what happened?"

"Maybe he fell and scrapped his face."

"Yeah, I know every time I fall, my eyes fall out and my face just get ripped off."

"Oh, look, I found his grenade launcher! It has all the ammo left! You can have it, Jill."

"Thanks, Barry.'

"What a loser. Full ammo and he was still eaten."

"Maybe it snuck up on him."

"And he didn't try to kill it? He would have had to be attached, run, climb up to this balcony, and sit down and die, then be eaten by crows. And hold on one moment, wasn't he the guy who was attacked by the Cerberuses in the forest? I swear it was him! I suppose he… no, if that was him, there's no way he could be here. We're leaving." Maddie grabbed Jill and pulled her back to the main hall.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" said Maddie.

"Forgot what?"

"Forgot the massive amounts of incendiary rounds! To the magic box!"

In the magic box room (the fist one you come to, as that one is my favorite for some reason), a complicated ritual involving place moving and magic boxness. It went something like this:

1) Put all items in item box
2) Put Grenade Launcher in upper-left item slot
3) Put Incendiary Rounds in upper-right item slot
4) Close box
5) Open inventory
6) Equip Grenade Launcher
7) Open box
8) Select Incendiary Rounds from inventory
9) Press ''A'' twice
10) Move cursor to Incendiary Rounds inside box
11) Press ''A'' twice

This is one reason I am so damn good at this game. Maddie then handed the grenade launcher which now contained massive amounts of incendiary rounds to Jill. "That was amazing! How did you do it?" "A little thing called the internet, Jill."

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"Excuse my friend, he was punted as a baby." -Aaron, on when Mike said something dumb, again.