A Painful Memory in the form of a song

A Painful Memory in the form of a song

Later Alex came into the bed room. He was worried about Nat because usually band rehearsal was a big deal for him. He walked over to his brother's bed and gently shook him. Nat sat up and said "Alex what is the matter? I told you just forget about Juanita she is nothing but a shallow pain in the neck. If your really that upset though sit with me for a while and talk."

Alex said "Nat this has nothing to do with Juanita. I'm worried about you Nat. You've never walked out of rehearsal before. Dad said that we all have to hold each other up even if the person doesn't want help."

Nat said "I'm sorry if I worried you little buddy but I'm fine. I just overacted about the tape. I miss mom very much but I'll be fine now just go to bed. We have a very big rehearsal tomorrow. Dad is going to play that song for me and then I'll record it again for Rosalina. It's going to be hard but I'll do it because I love her."

Alex said "wait I'm a little upset about Juanita. I just hate admitting it because it makes me seem weaker than you are. Your girlfriend is in Ireland right now far away from you. I wish I could be like you."

Nat said "what do you mean? I was pretty rude to you today little brother I'm sorry. I just miss Rosalina so much and now this whole thing with mom. I got a little over stressed and attacked the one who put the truth in front of me to see."

Alex said "hey why is Mr. Rocky all wet? Nat did you see anybody come up here and reach into my pillow case? How can I hold him close and remember mom if he's all wet?"

Alex started to cry and Nat hugged him. Nat said "come here Alex its ok everything is going to be ok. We all miss mom Alex but in time the pain will get a little less. Now why don't you sleep next to me tonight?"

Alex lied down beside Nat and fell asleep. Early in the morning Nat's father came into the room and woke Nat up. Alex stirred slightly when he heard Nat get out of bed. Nat reached over and set his hand on Alex's back. He kept it there until he was sure that Alex wouldn't wake up.

Mr. Wolf said "why was Alex sleeping with you? I know you two are close but you're not much of a cuddling person. Does this have something to do with Rosalina and your mom? If it does you can tell me Nat. Is Alex upset like you were last night?"

Nat said "not talking about mom is really hurting Alex. He thinks that Mr. Rocky is the only way he can remember her. If you would just show him some pictures or tell a story about her maybe it wouldn't be so hard."

Nat's dad said "Nat Alex was just a baby when she died. I shouldn't bother him like it bothers you. I know I should have shown you the tape but that's no reason to have your little brother dragged into this!"

Nat said "dad I think Alex should hear this to. It might help him realize that it's ok to miss mom. Do you mind if I wake him up so he can listen to?"

Nat's father said "I'm really that bad of a dad that you feel like you can't come to me with your problems? Before your mom died Nat you came to me for everything. Why did you push me out?"

Nat said "dad I didn't push you out. You pushed us out by not talking about mom and hiding things from us that might help us remember her."

Nat and his father were arguing so much that they didn't hear Alex screaming. When Nat did hear it he ran into the bedroom and shook him gently. Alex was having another nightmare the same one he had every night about their mom.

Nat pulled his head on his lap and hummed a soft song. No one knew about Alex's nightmare but Nat. Alex had made Nat swear not to tell their father. Nat kept Alex's secret because he felt like it was his father's fault that Alex kept having these night mares.

Alex woke up shaking and sobbing. Nat set his hand on his back and said "maybe we need to tell dad about this. For awhile it was ok to keep it a secret because you only had it once a week. Now you're having it at least twice a night if that's not a problem then I don't know what is."

Alex said "I don't want dad to blame himself Nat. He already thinks I'm angry at him for upsetting you last night. Please don't tell dad Nat I'll do anything."

Nat said "no Alex I can't do that. Dad won't talk about mom and that's the problem. Wait maybe if you listen to the song to it might get the nightmare to stop."

Alex said "Nat it's your song you wrote it for mom so I need to find my own way to get rid of this. If it doesn't go away then you can tell dad but give me a month."

Nat left the room and went into his father's room. His father put the tape into the player and a sad voice came through the speakers singing "I closed my eyes just to take a picture and remember your face. When I open them you're gone without a trace. No other girl can replace your smile that lights up my heart. I can't get another girl to sing your part. I can't replace all that you are. You held my hand and helped me jump and touch a star. Can I start again? When I struggled with a song you helped me get out what was wrong. If you don't come back this will be my last track because I can't replace you."

Nat listened to his voice fade out and then he asked "dad I really didn't want to sing anymore? I know mom and I were close but I didn't think she was the reason I started the band."

His father looked at him and said "the night she died you were actually practicing for your next concert. She was the manager before Cooper. When I came in and told you after rehearsal you ran to me and said you didn't want to sing anymore. The only reason you kept singing is because I had you record one more song just for her. I was very proud of you Nat because you were very brave when you helped me explain it to Alex."

Nat said "dad if you never wanted me to hear that tape again why did hide it in mine and Alex's closet? You did want me to see it and remember her just not right away didn't you? Dad Alex is having trouble he's been having the same nightmare about mom every night. He was afraid to tell you because he didn't want you to blame yourself. Don't worry I've been helping him through this but I can't do it every time. Sometimes I miss her to dad and those are the nights I can't help him."

Nat's father sighed and said "so that's why you two have had a hard time getting up in the morning. I'll go talk to Alex but you need to go to bed ok Nat. I don't want him sleeping in your bed anymore that's unhealthy. If he's really that upset by these dreams then he needs to talk to me Nat. You are his big brother but it's not your job to completely stop his nightmares."

Nat went upstairs and climbed into bed beside Alex. He felt better now that he'd heard that song but he wondered if Alex would feel better to. He didn't have a lot of time to think though because Alex was crying in his sleep again. Nat turned on the light and woke him up gently. Alex snuggled closer to Nat. Nat said "Alex I need you to sleep in your own bed. I know what you're going through dad told me that if he hadn't had me record that song our band wouldn't exist right now. Now I use music to help me coupe with any of my feelings. Would it help if the next time practice is slow you and I write a song for mom? Before we do that though I need to get some sleep and so do you."

Nat helped Alex get into bed and tucked him in. Then he climbed into his own bed and fell asleep. Nat and Alex woke up to Qaasim and the other band members standing over them. Qaasim grabbed Nat's shoulders and shook him hard screaming at him to wake up. Nat rolled over and said "short stuff we have to practice. Jesse found the music for the song I wrote for Rosalina. We have a lot of work to do if we want it to be ready in six months."

Alex moaned "three more minutes mom please? I just fell asleep an hour ago can't I sleep a little bit longer?"

The rest of the band looked at Nat confused. Nat said "Alex really has been having trouble lately. He had to sleep in my bed last night he really misses mom. I told him that we could record a song just for mom because she used to be our manager."

Cooper said "Nat I thought you wanted to have the song for Rosalina done by the time she comes back? If we wait too much longer it won't be ready for her."

Nat looked at Alex again and said "if mom were here she'd say that Alex has to come first. She always said that family is the only love in this world strong enough to last forever. I think that Rosalina will respect that if she truly loves me."

Jesse said "is Alex ok or is really upset? I'm willing to skip another rehearsal if he needs to rest. I think he's kind of cute when he sleeps."

Nat said "stop the last thing he needs is someone telling him he's cute. Mom used to do that all the time. Sometimes she'd sit in a rocking chair watching us sleep. In the morning she used to say good morning my little stars. That's what I miss the most that and she smelled of roses."

Jesse sighed and said "is that why you like Rosalina because she reminds you of your mom?"

Nat said "leave Rosalina out of this! I'm not dating Rosalina because of mom. Would everybody just clear out so my little brother can get some sleep?"

Qaasim said "Nat chill we understand you had a rough night but don't take it out on us. Let's just go rehearse and forget about this little argument."

Nat shrugged and followed the rest of the band into the guest room. Copper said "Nat you have to choose the song we are going to record. I'm the manger but the ball is still in your court. Do you want to record the song for Alex or for Rosalina? I know that your mom taught you that family means everything but there's a line."

Nat asked "Copper how do I find that line? I don't want to hurt Alex he's my brother. Mom wanted me to take care of him. I feel like if I hurt him I've betrayed her. I refuse to feel like I've broken my word to the most important woman in my life."

Copper said "that's where you have to draw the line. Who is the most important woman in your life? Is it your mom or Rosalina? Nat I'm not trying to upset you just listen. How much does Alex mean to you and how much does the band as a whole and Rosalina mean to you?"

Nat said "I can't choose because either way I would be hurting the people that I love. Family is a group of people who love each other. They way I see it Alex and I have two families. We have us and dad and then we have the band."

Then Jesse asked "Nat you said you might have wanted to use the song you wrote for your mom for Rosalina could the rest of us hear it? If we agree on it can we use it instead of this new one you wrote?"

Nat said "yeah I'll go get the tape out of my dad's tape player. I just want to check on Alex and see if he wants to come to rehearsal."

Nat went to get the tape when he heard Alex crying. Nat shook him gently and said "get up and come to rehearsal. I think it'll make you feel better to be around your family."

Alex sniffed "the person who is actually family is you Nat. I heard what Copper said and he's right recording that song for mom isn't putting the band's best interest first. It's not like mom can hear me anyway. I don't feel much like singing or playing drums anymore."

Nat said "Alex mom wouldn't want you to stop. She was the band's manager mom would want us to stick together. She always said that we were part of two families the band and her each other and dad. Now we have each other dad and the band. As long as the band stays together we will never lose mom's memory. Does that make you feel any better Alex?"

Alex said "thanks Nat I think I can play today but worry about the song for mom. You and I can just put it together outside of rehearsal. That'll probably be better for me anyway this way if I start crying Copper can't yell at me."

Nat said "Alex you know Copper wouldn't laugh. According to dad Mom asked Copper to watch out for us. He's kind of like a second father to us and to the rest of the band. If there's ever something you can't talk to dad or me about talk to Copper. He'll understand and try to help you come up with the best answer to your problem."

Nat went into his father's room and grabbed the tape. Alex gave him a questioning look but said nothing. When they got into the guest room Nat put the tape in the tape player. Before he hit play he took a deep breath and said "I wrote this the night that my mom and our manager passed away. It wasn't easy for me to record this song and it's not any easier for me to play it for you now."

Nat hit play on the player and sat down on the bed. Jessie slid closer to him and put her arm around him. Alex listened to the words of the song and watched in shock as tears fell down Nat's face. Alex got up after the song was over and hugged Nat close.

Qaasim said "Nat how old were you when you wrote this? I think Rosalina would love to hear this song if you are willing to record it again."

Nat wiped the tears off his cheeks and said "I'll record it if Alex doesn't have any problems seeing his older brother cry."

Alex said "Nat I'm not going to get upset. You need to do this I finally got through that nightmare and at the end mom said "don't be upset my little star because I'm with you where ever you are."

Jesse said "Nat it must have been very hard on you to loose your mom at such a young age. I never thought about it before because we were all so young then."

Copper said "Nat we'll record your song tomorrow. I can tell by your voice that you're holding back more tears and are strained. Alright that's enough for today go home and get some rest. Nat relax the band doesn't think any less of you because you cried a little. All the same we shouldn't record this in front of them. I think we should record it at my house tomorrow night after rehearsal. Let me just go talk to your father and make sure he's ok with that."